[Eleny]

I worry that I am in the early stages of addiction but I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it, or what to do. I drink wine almost every night and I look forward to it so much. It makes me feel so many warm positive emotions and it makes things a lot less dull.

This weekend my boyfriend suggested I don't drink at all. It was tough because I kept suggesting it and I really wanted some but I didn't. It doesn't feel like an achievement though because all I can think about now is buying a bottle of wine tomorrow and drinking alone in my room, I really can't wait.

I'm scared that eventually I'll get so used to drinking that "normal" life will to be too boring for me. My dad was an alcoholic as is my uncle, which is a further worry.

On the other hand - another part of me keeps thinking I'm overthinking things and I'm fine. I'm just not sure.

Can anyone identify with these feelings or offer advice of any kind?

[SirMoos]

Honestly I can say I can relate to all of this during different parts of my life. I too have a family history of alcoholism and I have ended up in some very dark places. I have been sober nine days now and I don't plan on going back. Can you find something else worthwhile to fill the gap and make a new routine?

I wanted to add that the fact of you worrying about it means it's something you need to address no matter what you decide in the end.

[Eleny]

Originally Posted by SirMoos

Honestly I can say I can relate to all of this during different parts of my life. I too have a family history of alcoholism and I have ended up in some very dark places. I have been sober nine days now and I don't plan on going back. Can you find something else worthwhile to fill the gap and make a new routine?

I wanted to add that the fact of you worrying about it means it's something you need to address no matter what you decide in the end.

Thank you for your reply and well done on being sober.

One thing I've noticed is that my drinking has begun to increase. It started out as 1 glass of wine to relax after work, now its 2-3 glasses and the aim is to get drunk, and if I run out of wine and I don't feel drunk enough I'll go to the fridge and see what else is there.

The hard part is that even though I'm worried and I know I should find a new routine, I really don't want to stop

[SirMoos]

Not wanting to stop is the hard part. I've gone through this cycle where the drinking progresses enough to cause a major life event because I ignored the warning signs. As a teenager I had alcohol poisoning and was hospitalised twice. My family says I actually died but since I never talked to a Dr before discharge idk. I've always sworn it off and then later picked up again because "it's different this time blah blah".

To be fully honest I also have bipolar and I'm not sure how much the two things are tied together.

[FNMM]

Prevention is the #1 way to not go down this road!! I think a glass of wine per night is fine but once you start thinking "I need to be drunk" is when things start getting shaky. I can relate, I used to always drink for the sole reason of being drunk and getting that "high" but I think what you need to do is think of the negative effects (hangover, getting really tired after it, etc) and also try to find some other stuff to keep you busy and happy. I found that for me, I would drink specifically to become happy but once I found some other stuff that made me excited I didn't really care for the alcohol anymore!

[Sober4life]

I can relate, this is the beginning of an addiction.
If you feel like you must drink your wine, this is a warning sign. It is no different then masturbating, anyone who is addicted looks forward to it, and will probably perform it on a regular basis. A good way to test yourself is too see if you can go on without drinking wine for 2-3 days. See if you can handle it

Let's not sugar coat it.

The beginning of addiction is taking the first drink. You are now in addiction....looking forward to the next drink- psychological addiction happens waaay before physical addiction. I call it "romancing the drink", seeing the positive qualities for your life- love for its effects.

Drinking alone is a very bad sign.

Non alcoholics can take a drink and leave it, not giving it a second thought.

Looking at my past to the first drink, I was instantly hooked. I said the same thing...I saw that it did more for me and I felt at ease, warm fuzzy, positive emotions, in control...that was 30 years ago after a 25 year drinking career. 2 weeks sober again.

It's good that you are very self aware. Do yourself a favor, quit while you are ahead. The rest of your life will be centered around alcohol and or drugs. It takes all your money, and your sanity.

Go to AA meetings to hear the horror stories and a better way to live. I've met a many young people who were there to nip it in the bud. They were smart. You are too because you are posting here. Good luck.

[madisgram]

If you question if you're an alcoholic, you probably are. Normal drinkers don't even question their drinking habits. Some of the things you mention are typical ways we think/act. Like the wine experiment. You are being honest about it. That is a huge step for recovery. Seek help, like AA, go to a meeting. You'll feel right at home. I wish you well. You can avoid the heartache that longer term addiction can cause. I almost lost my life. Hope you'll go. It's the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

[Quarter life]

I agree with madisgram 100%....Simply the fact that you are asking this question means that you are self aware that there may be a problem. The fact that you say you don't have a desire to stop should be a great big alarm bell....start modifying your behaviour now whilst you still have the will to.

Alcohol addiction in its worst state is extremely distructive to ourselves and all those around us....be kind to yourself Eleny and seek some help.

[jwmann2]

One glass of wine per night is actually encouraged, there have been plenty of studies on it's benefits for the body in moderation. But it sounds like you have an issue because so much of your thought process revolves around drinking. Anything else going on in your life? Are you depressed? Do you have anger issues? Typically there are co-occurring disorders present when an addiction is present, as a previous poster said, she is also bipolar.

[Sabrina]

I can identify with you. I am a couple of days short of being 4 months sober. I was drinking every night, not much at first (15 or so years ago), but it is progressive and I just started drinking more and more. Often I didn't feel "drunk enough". I was terrified I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I stumbled into bed. My drinking was killing my marriage though and it took a long long time of awareness before I did something about it and quit cold turkey in July. My body had already started violently rejecting alcohol, no doubt from years of abuse. My mind was just a little harder to tackle. I had to admit to myself that I was addicted. I did this years ago and kept saying "I'll stop tomorrow" until I knew I'd lose my husband if I didn't quit. It was easier for me than I thought. I certainly didn't struggle physically and managed to get a grip on my emotions after a couple of months. My mother is a severe alcoholic (if one's alcoholism can be more severe than another) and she is drinking herself to death. Literally. I didn't want to turn into her even though I love her dearly.

So I would say to you that it would be good for you to watch your drinking habits closely and really try cut back and see how you cope. I knew that I had to quit completely. I'm an all or nothing kind of person.

It isn't easy, so I wish you strength and I think you should be commended for reaching out here and asking questions.

I am loving sober life. There is so much less pressure on me not to "have to" drink every night and not to "have to" get a buzz on. Socially was a little hard at first but it is lovely leaving a party or having people over at home and not getting drunk. And then trying so hard to cover it up. I ended up looking like a fool most times.

You are most welcome to ask me anything or PM me should you so wish. I'll be nothing but honest.

Strength!

PS. I was spending a fortune on alcohol (used to be wine then turned to whiskey). It was easy enough to hide from my husband but not worth the guilt. I have bought a couple of books and spoiled my family with lots of baking with the money I used to squirrel away for alcohol.