[RozG]

PLEASE DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU'RE STRONG TONITE...










so i'm in that place again. figuring why shouldn't i get smashed? who cares? what's the big deal?

you know it's my own fault. 9 of 10 friends only contact me when they need something and don't care otherwise. the few that do truly care?...i won't lay my crap on them.

you know...some days i wish i'd never been born...and what difference does it make to anybody if i'm sober or clean? most only want my head straight so they've got a mug to lean on

no personal offense taken if there's no replies to this outside mods/admin who have to be nice cause it's their job.

no matter if i decide to take the bad road...i'm a grown up...it's my choice, my body, my harm right?

peace, love, hugs to all....you all hang in there and know you matter to me even if i don't matter to you.

[nowheretorun]

((((Roz ))))))))) sitting with you...

[RozG]

((nowheretorun))

Thank You SO much...you're support means a lot.

(( RozG )) Didn't read first post because of trigger symbol but wishing you support and good thoughts none the less.

[nowheretorun]

i do understand (((Roz)))))) i know you're going to make it thru this.... the temptations definately happen

[RozG]

((((Griffe))))

you're support means SO much. i hope you're ok tonite and hanging in there to.

[bluevixen]

((((((((((RozG )))))))))))))))))))))
I am the sheep first
your friend
I post to you because I care
you matter very much
You have added much to pc...
I hope you choose to be ok tonight
all of us will help you threw it
muffy
the sheep

[RozG]

((((bluevixen))))

[RozG]

((((((((muffy)))))))))

i know you care
i see you as muffy first, the sheep second and mod third
i know your care is genuine
i know you are loving and caring just coz you are and not coz you have to be
i hope you forgive me if you think i was meaning you
i think you are too special for anyone to ever hurt

thank you for caring and extra big thank you for just being you

(((((ROZ)))))))))))))))))))))))))
I just want to to know you matter and I care
I can never be anything but me
you could never hurt me or anyone
your a good person
muffy

[chalmette70043]

((((Roz)))) I hope your feeling better by now. Staying sober feels alot better than getting smashed and not even worth it. And you are worth so much more.

love ya,
chalmette

[ziggy1]

Hang in there (((Roz)))....I'll hang with ya..!!!

[RozG]

((((((chalmette))))))

you know your support means the world. i think you're so very special, you've been thru a lot yourself and yet you still have so much love and care for others. i feel humbled when you care enough to give me your support. i will hang in there.

much love & hugs to you,
roz

[RozG]

((((ziggy))))

thank you, that means a lot!

[splitimage]

(((Roz)))

I really hope that you managed to hang on, and that things are getting a little better for you. There's never a situation that drinking can't make worse. And hard as it is sometimes sobriety is the better option.

Take care of yourself.

--splitimage

[DePressMe]

Roz, I wish I would have been here to support you last night...you do matter to me. I hope you made it through the night and today is a better day.

[RozG]

((((splitimage))))

((((DePressMe))))

thank you for your support and care. sorry you've wasted it on someone who doesn't deserve it though.

i've been putting off this post coz i'm not proud...i feel like i've let you all down and you've wasted your efforts supporting me when you could have supported someone worth it!

so i didn't make it thru last nite. there came a point i logged out and had drink.

i just hope nobody who posted support last nite takes it personally that i was too weak and pathetic for it to work.

and it's worse than i've admitted!

i spent last weekend with my baby sis and her family. it's only the 2nd time she's seen me in about 15 years. back then i drunk like a fish and had done from 10 years old. she suddenly sprung it on me we were going for a nite out. she knew i had no money so when i said i'd just have a blackcurrant...she insisted to her hubby i was just being polite and get me a "proper" drink.

now this may sound pathetic but i don't know the man...and as they're having marital problems...i didn't want him thinking i have anything against him. so i figured if i just sipped the drink and made it last all nite i'd be ok. not so. we were drinking all nite. she took the kids back to the hotel and he and i carried on drinking.

and since i've got home? i've been having 3-4 pints of strong drink every day. i keep swearing i wont, i don't need it...but i'm a pathetic loser so there always comes a point i give in.

now she did want me to go back up today for a few days...but i've made my excuses instead coz i'll be proper set off if he drinks like that every day and i join in! i'll be off on a bender and coming home with the shakes if i don't drink. i CAN'T go back there.

at the same time...those 3-4 pints a day? proving hard to resist weird as it may sound. it's just a teensy tiny pain-kill, brain-numb, whatever you want to call it.

anyway, there you have it...my father was right...i'm just a pathetic loser who can't do anything right. 41 years old and still fighting to not do drink, drugs, self-harm and still fighting to get food down my throat daily without an appetizer to make me hungry!

sorry you all wasted your time on a loser but...please DO NOT let it put you off helping others who come along. not everyone is pathetic like me.

Peace, love, hugs and apologies to you all.

[nothemama8]

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER, ya back slid, so what, after a lot of support and strong yucky black coffee, you'll see a clear sky shining again
your no loser, to be a loser ya have to not try and in my view you dearheart have tried sooooo very hard, sweetie your only human, don't ever call yourself a loser again, it only costs .6 cents a minute to call you and ya don't want me to call do ya??
I can be one mean Mama, I care I Love
Angie

[RozG]

((((((((Angie))))))))

i KNOW you care...and you're love and support means SO much!!!

i guess i'm just disappointed with myself....there's SO much i have fought and won, guess it just bugs me when i lose on occasion.

guess i'm too had on myself...tend to beat myself up where i give other folks LOVING support. guess it's just the way i grew up...grow up on the streets you gotta be hard on yourself to survive and it don't ever fully leave ya know?

Thank You SO much for caring...and i'm already on the black coffee...my heads orders ugh!

Love ya lots & lots

[chalmette70043]

Aww heck Roz you aint pathetic. You should know all the times i kept going back to drinking and smoking pot. I kept swearing it off and would go a day or two without it. Then, boom, there i was doing it again. I finally got to where i could go a week, then do it again for a day. Feel like crap the next day. Then go a little longer and start feeling like crap as i was drinking or smoking. It started hitting me more and more. I made it almost three months with nothing and something happened. Anger set in again and brought me back to that drink. But i've since given it up again and almost at two months. I plan on keeping it going and reaching many years of sobriety.

You can do the same thing. Your gonna have setbacks. But just take it one day at a time. You feel an urge, try to work through that urge with doing something or try to think of better thoughts. Then before you know it that urge has passed and you did it.

Someone here once told me, that i if i do get an urge to tell myself that i will wait till tomorrow to drink and you know what, that tomorrow will never come. I thank that person, she knows alot of being sober.

I wish you the best you can do. And never think badly of yourself for making a mistake.

chalmette

[RozG]

((((((Chalmette))))))))

you've totally described where i've been at the past few weeks.

glad to say i haven't touched ANY dope this year...and that was hard!

but i gotta own...that didn't happen overnite...guess i'm being unrealistic expecting it to disappear overnite when i fall back with drink.

you're words have lifted me and inspired me...and your friends words too!

Thank You SO much for taking the time for that!

Peace, love and hugs to you.



p.s. glad ya got grass now...summer picnics and sunbathing? hope it grows well and you really enjoy it, you deserve it. all you folks down there do.

[StarPonysMama]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
RozG said:


you know...some days i wish i'd never been born...and what difference does it make to anybody if i'm sober or clean? most only want my head straight so they've got a mug to lean on


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

The only thing that I see wrong here is.......

YOU SHOULD MATTER TO YOU! Be good to yourself! There is no crime in that. Be selfish! Be sober for YOU!

PLUS, those who try to lean on you with your head straight.........ha! I've found that when my head is on straight.....I am better able to eliminate those negative people. Even though we are cyber friends, RozG, we are your FRIENDS and we are here for YOU. Get your clarity with sobriety and then you will see WHO is worthy of leaning on you. That's the funny thing when we drink - we don't realize the negative forces and we can't eliminate them.

I know just how you feel! Hang in there and do it for you! It's OK to be good to yourself!

[RozG]

((((((StarPonysMama))))))

Thank you for this post!

I haven't drunk a drop for the last 2 nights even though my ptsd's been bad. I had a particularly bad day today and was gonna drink something tonight...til i seen this post!

You're right that i should do it for me. I have no self-esteem as it is, major problems with assertiveness and too many negative and draining people in my life.

That's hard enough to sort out sober and impossible if all you think about is the next nights drink.

And you're right that i have to start being good to myself and respecting myself...or why should others?

Thank You for caring and being a friend.

[splitimage]

Roz,

You're a caring person - you have a lot that you should feel good about, but it's really hard to see that when we're drinking.

When I was drinking, I was so ashamed of what I was doing that I really hated myself, so I'd drink more to drown out the feelings. Repeat stupid viscious circle.

You deserve better than that. You deserve sobriety, even if it's hard sometimes, long term it makes life much better.

I'm stil kinda new at the whole sobriety thing myself, it'll be 6 months next Mon. But I'm amazed at how much my life has changed for the better since I quit drinking. I still have to deal with negative feelings but at least I'm not making them any worse.

Hang in there.

--splitimage