To be completely honest, I have not been doing the best lately. I've got that claustrophobia feeling again. It's not really "claustrophobia", but that's the best I can describe it. And I'm not really trapped in a small space, but I'm trapped in something.

In the past week alone, I've had three people openly tell me that I should leave my wife and kids, turn myself in to the authorities, and have them throw me in a padded room with a straight jacket because I'm a danger to innocent people. Then a woman accused me of threatening and manipulating her. I spawned a cult-like following that was described by an intelligent individual as "a bunch of lost souls who cling to your identity so desperately that if threatened, they become violent." And I left a community in turmoil. ... The actions committed by me were not intentional ... Yet, I cause destruction to everyone I encounter if I'm exposed to them for a long enough amount of time. It goes to show my lack of control over all this woe. I rhymed.

Lastly, and most unnervingly... I was recently doing some research on the late and infamous Mr. Bundy, and I couldn't help but notice the correlations between our pasts and mindsets. I'm not about to go ... do what Bundy did ... I bear no resentment toward women. But Bundy had a rage that he couldn't control. I feel like I'm losing control. My rage isn't directed toward anything in particular, but it wreaks havoc all the same. How do I stop it?

How are you doing, Myers?

Quite well, at the moment. But my mood has been exceptionally volatile lately, so I can't honestly say how long the good feeling will last. Thank you for asking.

[lynn P.]

"turn myself in to the authorities" - Have you committed a crime? Maybe you shouldn't listen to the opinion of negative people. Are you able to exercise and release the pent up tension?

Originally Posted by lynn P.

"turn myself in to the authorities" - Have you committed a crime? Maybe you shouldn't listen to the opinion of negative people. Are you able to exercise and release the pent up tension?

No. By that, they mean that I should be locked up because of my nature and my diagnosis; they believe that I will inevitably harm someone if not kept from society. And those opinions are not limited to a few people, negative or otherwise; the general public feels the same. I can release this pent up tension and even channel it into more productive uses ... but not always. Sometimes there isn't an outlet available to me at the time. Sometimes beating the crap out of a punching bag just isn't enough.

[angryscapegoat]

I actually should not share what I did(not against any person) but depression anger LOTS OF VERY BAD NEWS.... I broke ehum things

[phoenix7]

Myers, anger seems to be an ongoing problem for you - do you know the root cause?

Does vigorous exercise use up the energy that anger creates and settle you?

what about a creative outlet?

just wondering how you are doing wiht this...

I had anger outbursts because of my PTSD andi use the grounding techniques in the PTSD forum as well as others ive learned to help me control it - maybe it would be worth a look for you.

be well

P7

Originally Posted by phoenix7

Myers, anger seems to be an ongoing problem for you - do you know the root cause?

Does vigorous exercise use up the energy that anger creates and settle you?

what about a creative outlet?

just wondering how you are doing wiht this...

I had anger outbursts because of my PTSD andi use the grounding techniques in the PTSD forum as well as others ive learned to help me control it - maybe it would be worth a look for you.

be well

P7

That's a good question. I've actually been mulling it over for years, to no avail. I could point some fingers and say my abusive father, sordid past, opportunity for success in criminal endeavors early in my life, society's contempt for me, the piece of **** who left me a cripple, or the untimely and violent passing of my first wife played a role in this anger. However, I never loved my father, nor anyone else for that matter. I can't have a connection with anyone. Who's to say I wouldn't have turned out the way I did had he been a decent man? I engaged in petty criminal endeavors long before I had the opportunity to make a living out of it, and I engaged in this behavior of my own volition. So, did I become a criminal because I was exposed to crime and found opportunity in it, or did I seek out and indulge in crime because it suited my own nature? For everything mentioned in that list, did that really beget the anger, or did it merely give it purpose and direction?

As far as I can tell, this anger is a part of my very own nature. It's too ingrained in my psyche, and it's been with me for too long to be a result of some external factor. If I'm not fighting against or for something, I just feel lost, without purpose. It's as if I only exist to feed that predatory hunger inside me.

However, if the prosecutor asks, I'm not above laying the blame on the poor saps in the aforementioned list of pains in my ***.

Vigorous exercise does help relieve it, momentarily. However, if I see an opportunity to harm or obtain whatever it is I'm focused on at the given moment, I find it very difficult to redirect that anger toward anything else. That's one of the aspects of psychopathy that is often attributed to the psychopath's sheer determination and lack of inhibitions. Psychopaths, myself included, become so hyper-focused on our objective, that we fail to see outlying factors. The notion of redirecting the anger or resisting the urge usually doesn't even register. And, if it does, it falls on deaf ears.

I do play the piano and draw or paint. But, like mentioned previously, it doesn't have much effect when I become fixated on the objective. It does help, however, if I am angry or aggressive and have no way of relieving it.

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by Myers

That's a good question. I've actually been mulling it over for years, to no avail. I could point some fingers and say my abusive father, sordid past, opportunity for success in criminal endeavors early in my life, society's contempt for me, the piece of **** who left me a cripple, or the untimely and violent passing of my first wife played a role in this anger.

that would seem a logical conclusion - or at least help propel the anger along.

However, I never loved my father, nor anyone else for that matter. I can't have a connection with anyone. Who's to say I wouldn't have turned out the way I did had he been a decent man? I engaged in petty criminal endeavors long before I had the opportunity to make a living out of it, and I engaged in this behavior of my own volition. So, did I become a criminal because I was exposed to crime and found opportunity in it, or did I seek out and indulge in crime because it suited my own nature? For everything mentioned in that list, did that really beget the anger, or did it merely give it purpose and direction?

I guess we wil never really know - unless the root cause of the anger (if external) was found.

As far as I can tell, this anger is a part of my very own nature. It's too ingrained in my psyche, and it's been with me for too long to be a result of some external factor. If I'm not fighting against or for something, I just feel lost, without purpose. It's as if I only exist to feed that predatory hunger inside me. P7 highlighted that last part

wonders.....if you found another purpose .. one that did not involve fighting the anger.....would you stil feel lost?

However, if the prosecutor asks, I'm not above laying the blame on the poor saps in the aforementioned list of pains in my ***.

lol

Vigorous exercise does help relieve it, momentarily. However, if I see an opportunity to harm or obtain whatever it is I'm focused on at the given moment, I find it very difficult to redirect that anger toward anything else. That's one of the aspects of psychopathy that is often attributed to the psychopath's sheer determination and lack of inhibitions.

is it determination and lack of inhibition ? or lack of control?

Psychopaths, myself included, become so hyper-focused on our objective, that we fail to see outlying factors. The notion of redirecting the anger or resisting the urge usually doesn't even register. And, if it does, it falls on deaf ears.

My anger - (and not comparing at all ) used to be explosive and unpredictable - it has taken me a long time to be able to recognise and redirect when the warnign signs occur - and a longer time to even be able to see that there were indeed warning signs that i could not at the time see.

wondering again, (yes i wonder a lot lol ) if some form of relaxation technique - would help... if practised daily would that help to slow the anger enough for you to redirect it safely - after all there are only so many things you can break - and it gets expensive.

I do play the piano and draw or paint. But, like mentioned previously, it doesn't have much effect when I become fixated on the objective. It does help, however, if I am angry or aggressive and have no way of relieving it.

so there is a way to redirect the anger then in a non violent way - or it would seem so from the sentence above.

Im glad you have some creative outlets for you energy

take care

P7

[WANM]

Originally Posted by Myers

To be completely honest, I have not been doing the best lately. I've got that claustrophobia feeling again. It's not really "claustrophobia", but that's the best I can describe it. And I'm not really trapped in a small space, but I'm trapped in something.

In the past week alone, I've had three people openly tell me that I should leave my wife and kids, turn myself in to the authorities, and have them throw me in a padded room with a straight jacket because I'm a danger to innocent people. Then a woman accused me of threatening and manipulating her. I spawned a cult-like following that was described by an intelligent individual as "a bunch of lost souls who cling to your identity so desperately that if threatened, they become violent." And I left a community in turmoil. ... The actions committed by me were not intentional ... Yet, I cause destruction to everyone I encounter if I'm exposed to them for a long enough amount of time. It goes to show my lack of control over all this woe. I rhymed.

Lastly, and most unnervingly... I was recently doing some research on the late and infamous Mr. Bundy, and I couldn't help but notice the correlations between our pasts and mindsets. I'm not about to go ... do what Bundy did ... I bear no resentment toward women. But Bundy had a rage that he couldn't control. I feel like I'm losing control. My rage isn't directed toward anything in particular, but it wreaks havoc all the same. How do I stop it?

Good writing. I have severe ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, ODD & when you take those and put it together you get a perfect breeding ground for Borderline Personality Disorder...either that or those 3 mental illnesses came from my Borderline Personality Disorder. Anyways, I find it very interesting that a someone with APD would visit this website. I've always had the perception that they don't see anything is wrong with themselves, and they feel they are superior to everyone.
I've often times read about men and women like Bundy and found myself very afraid. Not of Bundy but afraid of myself. Right now I am perfectly calm, and nothing is bothering me, but good God, when something gets me mad, or when someone is in the way of something I need/want/want to do, I could easily become a Bundy. I have literally, convulsed & felt my whole body shake, because I was so enraged. The anger isn't just an emotion at that point, the anger has literally become ME. It doesn't matter who I hurt or what I have to do, that anger is hungry and it will get what it wants.
I don't want to give off the wrong idea, I don't sit around thinking murderous thoughts, and in fact, I am one of the most sensitive, forgiving, and loving people I know, but once you've gotten in the way of something that I want, or you've crossed my line, well..it's bad. I do worry sometimes that I might turn out to be someone horrible one day, but then I go through the periods of such happiness and peace, that it seems impossible. Fortunately, I do have empathy and love, in general, for others, but not always....

Originally Posted by Myers

That's a good question. I've actually been mulling it over for years, to no avail. I could point some fingers and say my abusive father, sordid past, opportunity for success in criminal endeavors early in my life, society's contempt for me, the piece of **** who left me a cripple, or the untimely and violent passing of my first wife played a role in this anger. However, I never loved my father, nor anyone else for that matter. I can't have a connection with anyone. Who's to say I wouldn't have turned out the way I did had he been a decent man? I engaged in petty criminal endeavors long before I had the opportunity to make a living out of it, and I engaged in this behavior of my own volition. So, did I become a criminal because I was exposed to crime and found opportunity in it, or did I seek out and indulge in crime because it suited my own nature? For everything mentioned in that list, did that really beget the anger, or did it merely give it purpose and direction?

As far as I can tell, this anger is a part of my very own nature. It's too ingrained in my psyche, and it's been with me for too long to be a result of some external factor. If I'm not fighting against or for something, I just feel lost, without purpose. It's as if I only exist to feed that predatory hunger inside me.

However, if the prosecutor asks, I'm not above laying the blame on the poor saps in the aforementioned list of pains in my ***.

Vigorous exercise does help relieve it, momentarily. However, if I see an opportunity to harm or obtain whatever it is I'm focused on at the given moment, I find it very difficult to redirect that anger toward anything else. That's one of the aspects of psychopathy that is often attributed to the psychopath's sheer determination and lack of inhibitions. Psychopaths, myself included, become so hyper-focused on our objective, that we fail to see outlying factors. The notion of redirecting the anger or resisting the urge usually doesn't even register. And, if it does, it falls on deaf ears.

I do play the piano and draw or paint. But, like mentioned previously, it doesn't have much effect when I become fixated on the objective. It does help, however, if I am angry or aggressive and have no way of relieving it.

You're very brave to share this information. I'm not sure most ppl with ASP Disorder would be as forthcoming or as insightful.

wonders.....if you found another purpose .. one that did not involve fighting the anger.....would you stil feel lost? - phoenix7

Yes. Various experts who study psychopaths affectionately describe us as "rebels without cause". It's as if aggression and fighting (not necessarily physical fighting) were hard-wired into my brain. In all honesty, if I'm not fighting for or against something, I'm looking for something to fight for or against. Otherwise I'm just bored, and all that pent up aggression is taken out on those closest to me, which is just a tragedy all its own. I see life as one big game of chess, and my primary goal is winning at any cost. I wish some powerful oppressor would come along just so I'd have an excuse to be completely ruthless and manipulative and still be seen as an anti-hero of sorts.

Oddly enough, Oskar Schindler was a cunning manipulator, callous, and charming, not unlike a psychopath. Yet, he saved hundreds of Jews from the Third Reich for much the same reason I do some of the things I do; he was bored.

is it determination and lack of inhibition ? or lack of control?

The former, in the vast majority of cases. To kill or not to kill, I have much control over, as is the case with many things. Those little outbursts, while they are intense and while I'm not entirely in control of myself during them, are rare occasions.

Manipulation is another matter. A lot of major and planned manipulation I can control. Gaslighting, for instance. But if some poor sap is subject to my cute little antics for an extended period of time, they'll notice their psychological health start to slowly deteriorate. Some times I realize it. Most of the time I don't, and I don't intend for it to happen. I just can't pretend to be a decent human being all the time, and that aggression and manipulation comes out to play after awhile. This is especially true with respect to perceived threats and the like. While most people react to minor threats to their ego by turning the other cheek, maybe speaking up, or with shame... I react with rage or attack, hence the outbursts. It's a defense mechanism...

As for lying... My whole personality is based on lies, and that isn't going to change any time soon. Again, not intentionally. Most of my verbal and non-verbal communication is nothing more than a clever mimic of human interaction instead of being based on true affect. Now, most people will attest that they laugh at jokes that aren't funny. This is the same basic concept, only I do it much more often. With respect to my ability to control this, I'd have to say that I can control how I do it, but I can't control that I do it, if that makes any sense. Most of my facial reactions and the like are automatic and often change to better fit the situation, but I can control them to an extent. But I can't seem to just take this "mask" off at will. There has to be certain circumstances. I have to "feel" safe. If I'm in the presence of another psychopathic friend, for example, I wouldn't care much for societal norms in conversation. The second someone reacts to me with disgust, hatred, fear, or other such negative emotion, that mask slips itself back on automatically and I'm back to acting my role.

My anger - (and not comparing at all ) used to be explosive and unpredictable - it has taken me a long time to be able to recognise and redirect when the warnign signs occur - and a longer time to even be able to see that there were indeed warning signs that i could not at the time see.

wondering again, (yes i wonder a lot lol ) if some form of relaxation technique - would help... if practised daily would that help to slow the anger enough for you to redirect it safely - after all there are only so many things you can break - and it gets expensive.

I've tried meditating. I might try it again. I didn't stick with it long enough to see if it worked properly. But, again, these outbursts are quite rare, so it's hard to see what does work since so much time elapses between each incident. Not to mention I have like zero insight, and my emotions are so fleeting I can barely remember how I "felt" five minutes ago, let alone a month ago.

It is very explosive, and I do know what causes it. The problem is, I become so hyper-focused on the perceived threat that I find it very difficult to redirect my rage toward anything else, as I mentioned before. This applies also to the aggression and those little obsessions I get from time to time. At that particular point in time, everything else takes a back seat, including the things I learned in anger management, which is probably why anger management never did me much good...

I'm trying, though. I haven't had many outbursts lately.

[/quote]

Originally Posted by WANM

I've always had the perception that they don't see anything is wrong with themselves

There isn't.

and they feel they are superior to everyone.

I am.

I've often times read about men and women like Bundy and found myself very afraid. Not of Bundy but afraid of myself. Right now I am perfectly calm, and nothing is bothering me, but good God, when something gets me mad, or when someone is in the way of something I need/want/want to do, I could easily become a Bundy. I have literally, convulsed & felt my whole body shake, because I was so enraged. The anger isn't just an emotion at that point, the anger has literally become ME. It doesn't matter who I hurt or what I have to do, that anger is hungry and it will get what it wants.
I don't want to give off the wrong idea, I don't sit around thinking murderous thoughts, and in fact, I am one of the most sensitive, forgiving, and loving people I know, but once you've gotten in the way of something that I want, or you've crossed my line, well..it's bad. I do worry sometimes that I might turn out to be someone horrible one day, but then I go through the periods of such happiness and peace, that it seems impossible. Fortunately, I do have empathy and love, in general, for others, but not always....

I don't think you're quite like Bundy. I'm not trying to undermine your anger. It can cause problems for you in the future, if it hasn't already, and I encourage you to get some help for them, if you're not already. However, if I'm reading this correctly, you describe your anger as very intense; you have trouble controlling it and react immediately and violently. Bundy was dangerous because he could control that rage to a degree. He hid his rage very well and reacted toward women with cool charm, even to the point of playing on women's sympathies in order to get them to drop their guard. In Bundy's own words, his actions were a "means to an end-- that is, of accomplishing an ultimate possession of the victim, so to speak" (Michaud and Aynesworth, 2000). Again, that's not to say uncontrolled rage isn't dangerous...

Also, the mere fact that you have empathy and you realize your rage is a problem indicates that you can get help should you seek it.

Originally Posted by Baltazar

You're very brave to share this information. I'm not sure most ppl with ASP Disorder would be as forthcoming or as insightful.

Thank you. Most are forthcoming, if you know how to talk to them.

Myers Does this sound like you?

• Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas
• Accuse and blame to divert attention away from them selves
• Refuse to take another's point of view and irrationally defend their point of view
• With hold information so the abused will look bad later on ("you should have known that"). Not sharing information someone is entitled to
• Not acknowledging another's feeling
• Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner. Allows the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive
• Changing the subject to divert attention from them selves
• Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser.
• Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse
• Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self)
• Inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame)
• Controlling others to domineer and limit the freedom or expression
• Forgetting commitments and promises.
• Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser.
• Taking advantage of ones weakness or using shame, guilt or fear against another
• Manipulating another person against their will
• Cutting some one off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression.
• Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response
• Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons
• Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them
• Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations or activities

[Gus1234U]

well, Myers,, having had my very own psychopath for a brother, i must say that you are a good example to all, that there is variety in everything,, and you are one of the better ones... i always wish you well, in finding a safe way to be yourself, safe to you, and to others. do drop in on us again soon~~ look forward to seeing you in the chats,, best wishes Gus

Originally Posted by Baltazar

Myers Does this sound like you?

• Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas Yeah, that, and I do it for ****s and giggles.
  
• Accuse and blame to divert attention away from them selves I can and do given the appropriate circumstances. However, I've found that in certain scenarios, it's actually better to take the blame. The more intelligent and less gullible people are likely to see the deception behind such actions. And "owning up" makes one seem more honorable in the eyes of these more intelligent people. Also, if you play your cards right, you could win over the sympathies of those aforementioned intellects with all your nobility and whatnot.
  
• Refuse to take another's point of view and irrationally defend their point of view Do you mean "attack" their point of view? Yeah, I do that too. I just don't understand people... And a lot of the time, I just like to argue.
  
• With hold information so the abused will look bad later on ("you should have known that"). Not sharing information someone is entitled to I used to do that a lot, but not so much anymore.
  
• Not acknowledging another's feeling All the time. I can't truly understand others feelings, so that makes it hard to appreciate the effects they have on the person in question. I can pretend to, but I don't really mean it.
  
• Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner. Allows the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive Oh yeah, all the time. However, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm intentionally trying to emotionally abuse someone. For example, if someone were to eavesdrop on me, Wade, and Colin, they'd probably hear nothing but derogatory comments about various celebrities and horrific jokes about babies. It's not that we're trying to abuse one another, we just have a rather frightening imaginations. That also doesn't mean that, when I am trying to abuse someone psychologically, I hide it by jokes and humor.
  
• Changing the subject to divert attention from them selves On occasion.
  
• Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser. It was my understanding that the abuser tried to put the victim at a lower level than themselves, not equal... And I can, especially if I don't like someone.
  
• Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse Not sexual, but I can.
  
• Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self) Quite often.
  
• Inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame) On occasion.
  
• Controlling others to domineer and limit the freedom or expression I'd have to say yes...
  
• Forgetting commitments and promises. I don't forget. I just don't do them and say I forgot, or attest there was some issue of grave importance that needed my full and immediate attention lest the entire universe collapse on itself, so I didn't have time to do what I promised, even though that "issue of grave importance" was hardly important or maybe didn't even exist...
  
• Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser. I can, but usually don't. That is, I don't place unreasonable demands or blatantly call someone a loser. Even so, I find it quite difficult to acknowledge the success of another. I can, but I don't like it... My demands aren't unreasonable, but they are high. And am more likely to pick out faults than praise what is good. Okay, maybe I do deny success quite a bit...
  
• Taking advantage of ones weakness or using shame, guilt or fear against another Most definitely.
  
• Manipulating another person against their will Isn't that the whole point of manipulation?
  
• Cutting some one off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression. Yes. However, I don't like it when everyone does everything I say, because, quite frankly, that gets really old really fast. I enjoy challenging people who like to debate. Again, I like to argue. But, yes, I do cut them off, more in an effort to win the argument.
  
• Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response All the time.
  
• Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons I'm running out of ways to say "yes", but... "yes"...
  
• Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them Yup.
  
• Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations or activities *Nods*
  

Originally Posted by Myers

• Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas Yeah, that, and I do it for ****s and giggles.
  
• Accuse and blame to divert attention away from them selves I can and do given the appropriate circumstances. However, I've found that in certain scenarios, it's actually better to take the blame. The more intelligent and less gullible people are likely to see the deception behind such actions. And "owning up" makes one seem more honorable in the eyes of these more intelligent people. Also, if you play your cards right, you could win over the sympathies of those aforementioned intellects with all your nobility and whatnot.
  
• Refuse to take another's point of view and irrationally defend their point of view Do you mean "attack" their point of view? Yeah, I do that too. I just don't understand people... And a lot of the time, I just like to argue.
  
• With hold information so the abused will look bad later on ("you should have known that"). Not sharing information someone is entitled to I used to do that a lot, but not so much anymore.
  
• Not acknowledging another's feeling All the time. I can't truly understand others feelings, so that makes it hard to appreciate the effects they have on the person in question. I can pretend to, but I don't really mean it.
  
• Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner. Allows the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive Oh yeah, all the time. However, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm intentionally trying to emotionally abuse someone. For example, if someone were to eavesdrop on me, Wade, and Colin, they'd probably hear nothing but derogatory comments about various celebrities and horrific jokes about babies. It's not that we're trying to abuse one another, we just have a rather frightening imaginations. That also doesn't mean that, when I am trying to abuse someone psychologically, I hide it by jokes and humor.
  
• Changing the subject to divert attention from them selves On occasion.
  
• Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser. It was my understanding that the abuser tried to put the victim at a lower level than themselves, not equal... And I can, especially if I don't like someone.
  
• Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse Not sexual, but I can.
  
• Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self) Quite often.
  
• Inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame) On occasion.
  
• Controlling others to domineer and limit the freedom or expression I'd have to say yes...
  
• Forgetting commitments and promises. I don't forget. I just don't do them and say I forgot, or attest there was some issue of grave importance that needed my full and immediate attention lest the entire universe collapse on itself, so I didn't have time to do what I promised, even though that "issue of grave importance" was hardly important or maybe didn't even exist...
  
• Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser. I can, but usually don't. That is, I don't place unreasonable demands or blatantly call someone a loser. Even so, I find it quite difficult to acknowledge the success of another. I can, but I don't like it... My demands aren't unreasonable, but they are high. And am more likely to pick out faults than praise what is good. Okay, maybe I do deny success quite a bit...
  
• Taking advantage of ones weakness or using shame, guilt or fear against another Most definitely.
  
• Manipulating another person against their will Isn't that the whole point of manipulation?
  
• Cutting some one off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression. Yes. However, I don't like it when everyone does everything I say, because, quite frankly, that gets really old really fast. I enjoy challenging people who like to debate. Again, I like to argue. But, yes, I do cut them off, more in an effort to win the argument.
  
• Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response All the time.
  
• Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons I'm running out of ways to say "yes", but... "yes"...
  
• Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them Yup.
  
• Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations or activities *Nods*
  

Thank you so much for your honesty. It has helped me understand many things that have confused me for years.

My father is a true sociopath and has done two things to me:

1. Abused me my whole life.
2. Taught me how to be a sociopath.

Everyday I fight my own sociopathic urges and try to live a more honest and truthful existence.

I want to feel love more than anything.

Those rare times when I can feel love for someone else are probably the most happiest moments I've ever experienced. I do think people can learn to love if they do want to - but they have to want it bad.

LOL....Myers....nods,yes,yup,most definantly....

[KathyM]

Originally Posted by Myers

• Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas Yeah, that, and I do it for ****s and giggles.
  
• Accuse and blame to divert attention away from them selves I can and do given the appropriate circumstances. However, I've found that in certain scenarios, it's actually better to take the blame. The more intelligent and less gullible people are likely to see the deception behind such actions. And "owning up" makes one seem more honorable in the eyes of these more intelligent people. Also, if you play your cards right, you could win over the sympathies of those aforementioned intellects with all your nobility and whatnot.

Hi Myers

How do you respond when your lies/half-truths are exposed and you are forced to face the consequences and pay the price? Is the public humiliation and price you pay worth the giggle?

"Owning up" to a mistake is only noble if you can prove it by never allowing it to happen again. Actions speak louder than words.

If you believe you are better than others (as stated in another post), why wouldn't you have the strength to stand behind your own words and deeds? How would this be considered "better" than your average human being?

Originally Posted by KathyM

Hi Myers

How do you respond when your lies/half-truths are exposed and you are forced to face the consequences and pay the price? Is the public humiliation and price you pay worth the giggle?

"Owning up" to a mistake is only noble if you can prove it by never allowing it to happen again. Actions speak louder than words.

If you believe you are better than others (as stated in another post), why wouldn't you have the strength to stand behind your own words and deeds? How would this be considered "better" than your average human being?

How I respond depends on who exposes my lies and what the consequences are. If the police expose my lies and the consequence is prison, I'd be very distraught... Or, if some powerful and influential figure exposes my lies and, as a consequence, my reputation in the community is ruined, I'd be very distraught... until I moved and found a different community. Then it wouldn't matter much anymore... If the person who uncovers my lies has little or no credibility in my social circle and the only consequence would be losing the trust of said person, I wouldn't really care much at all...

As a result of being distraught, I would probably seek vengeance, assuming the slander was so vile that my reputation was irreparable. Although, I can usually alleviate any distrust quite easily...

It is most definitely worth it. Firstly, I have a very low tolerance for boredom. That risk of being caught just makes it more exciting. Secondly, most of my personality is based on lies, which I've mentioned before. Psychopaths don't have a "true self". Strong, complex emotions which help form people's characters in depth are lost to psychopaths. For example... I had an abusive father. For most people, having endured abuse as a child would elicit such strong emotions that it would become a part of their core self. I, on the other hand, don't have those strong emotions, and I don't have the emotional response that is normally seen with trauma victims. However, I see people's emotional reactions to such events, and, while I don't understand those reactions, I do mimic them. So, while I don't have the emotional pain of someone who had been abused, I do play that role, emotionally... mostly because people respond better to someone who has a deep and complex character, and because people expect me to have emotional depth... It's still based on lies.

Actions do speak louder than words, which is why we learn to lie with actions too. Psychopaths are more likely to go out of their way to help someone than non-psychopaths, and I'm no different. However, this act of kindness isn't the result of altruism, it's just... an act, nothing more.

To a psychopath, "owning up" isn't noble at all, and it only seems noble because the psychopath learns to not get caught again... Again, I'm no different. However, this isn't something that I have control over. I can make sure that my misdeed will not have an encore, but that decision isn't based off feeling guilty for doing the misdeed or integrity; i.e., characteristics of a truly honorable person... those are things of which I'm not capable...

As much as I hate to say it, one of the characteristics of psychopathy is narcissistic tendencies, hence the ego...

[KathyM]

Thanks Myers. It's not so much that I consider "coming clean" to be a noble act, but a person who tells lies usually appears weak to me. When I was a little girl, I used to lie to my mother because I was too weak to tell her the truth because I was afraid to face the consequences. Life became more enjoyable when I learned to take responsibility for my actions - it set me free.

I've had friends who would lie to me too. When the truth is exposed, they were no longer my friends. Why would anybody want to waste their time or energy on someone they can't trust?

When I asked in my previous post about getting caught and having to face consequences, I wasn't referring to day-to-day stuff or even complicated stuff. I was referring to an end of the road situation where there's no way out - i.e., solitary confinement in a small empty room for the rest of your life with no hope for escape - just you and your ego from here on out. What would make you giggle? What would give your life meaning? If your past giggles brought you to that place of no escape, you would really be able to reflect on them and say it was worth your while? Would you feel pride in the mark you left on this world? Would your ego be able to survive?

Hope you don't mind my ramblin'

Originally Posted by KathyM

Thanks Myers. It's not so much that I consider "coming clean" to be a noble act, but a person who tells lies usually appears weak to me. When I was a little girl, I used to lie to my mother because I was too weak to tell her the truth because I was afraid to face the consequences. Life became more enjoyable when I learned to take responsibility for my actions - it set me free.

That's one of the differences between psychopaths and non-psychopaths... To psychopaths, lying is often the best course of action. For example, if one wants to weasel ones way out of an unfortunate predicament, such as having ones fidelity questioned, one could easily just lie. It's not that we're too weak to tell the truth or that we're afraid to face the shame and guilt. We will say whatever will benefit us the most, truth or lies. In that respect, psychopaths lie even when we're telling the truth, because even the truth serves the same purpose as the lie: to deceive and manipulate.

I get no satisfaction from being honest... truly honest, not my deceptive version of honest...

When I asked in my previous post about getting caught and having to face consequences, I wasn't referring to day-to-day stuff or even complicated stuff. I was referring to an end of the road situation where there's no way out - i.e., solitary confinement in a small empty room for the rest of your life with no hope for escape - just you and your ego from here on out. What would make you giggle? What would give your life meaning? If your past giggles brought you to that place of no escape, you would really be able to reflect on them and say it was worth your while? Would you feel pride in the mark you left on this world? Would your ego be able to survive?

Hope you don't mind my ramblin'

I don't think any of my cute little antics will ever put me in that position, not in this country, anyway... Not even mass homicide would. If, hypothetically, the consequence of lying would be a life sentence in solitary confinement and the odds of getting caught were very high, then, yes, my disobedience would most definitely have been worthwhile. Fortunately, that is not the case...

But, should some oppressive tyrant come along and command such punishment to any who oppose him or her, I'd gladly stoop to my evil and manipulative ways in an attempt to defeat said oppressor and free my humble people of his or her tyranny, regardless of any punishment which I may receive or how likely it is that I be caught for my disobedience. And, should I be caught for my crimes against the oppressor and be damned to suffer the rest of my miserable existence in a dank cell with naught but my thoughts and mutters to keep me company, I'd look back on my deeds and only regret having been caught, not because of principle or the desire to free my fellow man from the aforementioned tyranny, but because there's no way I could live under so many rules, laws, and oppression that's commanded by someone I hate with every fiber of my being and not be so tempted, absolutely thrilled, by the mere notion of annihilating my oppressors, standing high above their cities, leaders, and mindless puppets as I watch their heinous creation be swallowed by a towering inferno. No... acquiescing to tyranny for fear of persecution is not any decent way to live... In fact, in my humble opinion, that's more a prison than the dank cell...

Ehem... The point is... Yes, it's worthwhile... Even if there is no tyrant to throw me in prison for lying, this manipulative and aggressive behavior is just a part of who I am. I can and do suppress it enough not to hurt anyone, especially those close to me, and I channel it into more productive things. But I can't keep it all under lock and key all the time. I'd be incredibly miserable if I tried, and I'd most definitely fail.

Winning by means of outwitting or duping someone makes me giggle. I don't know what would give my life meaning, not in the profound "meaning of life" sense... Probably nothing...

I think my ego could survive most anything...

[KathyM]

I'm glad to hear your ego will be able to survive. It was a question I had to ask myself when I was diagnosed with an incurable/untreatable/terminal disease that is robbing me of my eyesight, mobility, and eventually my life. I'm a fighter at heart, but how do you fight an invisible enemy no one can defeat? Sooner or later you have to accept your fate and face your own truths. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool yourself. Please be careful with the bridges you burn in life.

Originally Posted by KathyM

I'm glad to hear your ego will be able to survive. It was a question I had to ask myself when I was diagnosed with an incurable/untreatable/terminal disease that is robbing me of my eyesight, mobility, and eventually my life. I'm a fighter at heart, but how do you fight an invisible enemy no one can defeat? Sooner or later you have to accept your fate and face your own truths. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool yourself. Please be careful with the bridges you burn in life.

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. What gets you through the day to keep fighting?

Originally Posted by KathyM

I'm a fighter at heart, but how do you fight an invisible enemy no one can defeat? Sooner or later you have to accept your fate and face your own truths. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool yourself. Please be careful with the bridges you burn in life.

By living and loving every moment you do have. That's true; you can't fool yourself. And I'm glad you've found truth and happiness in it. I'm sorry for your condition, but I hope that you find happiness and peace in the time that you have.