[Persey]

Maybe there is no such thing as sleep anxiety, but to me there is , and yes still present tense because i been suffering for 2 years. as in my intro at the new comer page, i work n stay w my parents, my dad will bang my door every morning, if i dont wake up and help my mum at early in the morning.... (ill explain below why i dont want to wake up).

so often i sleep with having myself to be awake, to pick up noise from their rooms, once i heard my dad phone ring (my mum will call him to wake him up) i will immediately JUMP off my sleep and rush to the switch to switch on the light...

it happen everyday, and it really get into me, i get pissy early in the morning, my heart bit so fast, and worse, if i dont have enough sleep i tend to show my anger... lots of anger...

i know is bad, i try to behave but it just get to me, so angry.... ... and worse if im too tired and sleep dead and didnt pick up the noise and didnt manage to wake up b4 my father...

ill faced the consequence.... he bang my door so loud that i immediately wake up from the sleep and have my head spin so fast... and dizzy ... of course my heart bit is faster than the usual day...

i really dont know what i can do to stop this anxiety.... is killing me... sometimes (now very often) i wake up wishing im dead... and cursing why am i still waking up....

why typing, my dad was shouting at our dog, and my heart skip abit and now is beating fast... i think my anxiety r causes by him....

i dont want medicine.. because i cant afford a psychiatry ... and i dont trust them at all.. not in my country.... they will do whatever they can to earn money.... n fears of my info leak out... so never will....

if u asked me to talk to my dad about it.... i will get the worse nightmare ever... he will make my life much more miserable than im having now...

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(i work for my parents, they pay me lower than average wage, although they insisted that it is relatively high for graduates, but i do not have any benefits,
- i dont have employee retirement benefit, like they will pay certain percentage in a gov account until i retire and will get the money,
- i dont have medical benefit , because i am not allow to be sick.... to them sick is a forbidden word,
-i have no holidays, i have no weekends break nor any day break in the weekends,
-i am not allow to go out, because my mum will use mental abuse to make me feel guilty...
-because of 7 days a week, i no longer have friends, i cant make plan with my friends because i often cant make it, i have to ask permission to go out... and im 23 ....) im so lonely... :'(

[Pomegranate]

Persey, I don't know how old you are but it sounds like your father is pretty abusive and angry. Living with someone like that can be very harmful to your health and well being. It sounds like it would be good for you if you could move out of your family home and get your own place, or maybe live with friends or other relatives who are not abusive?

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling the way you are. You should try some medication, Just My Exerpience (Jme) but you sound like you feel very anxious. Feeling anxious all the time leads to irritability, so then you feel angry all the time. Good luck to you.

[Pikku Myy]

I agree with Pomegratene You need to find your own independence... and it may be a struggle. But From what I read... your life can't go on like this forever

[Persey]

thank u for the post,
i have this crazy idea of migrating...
and i know what i should do... but i always have this stupid fear n reason to talk me into not taking action... sigh...

but i know moving out is the best option on my problem

[thunderbear]

Hi Persey. I agree with Pom. Sounds like the root of your problm is your parents. And how they treat you. If you moved out it will be alot better on you. And if it helps I have panic attacks triyng to go to sleep and as soon as I open my eyes in the morning.

[jerrymichele]

I agree with all the other post, that you should leave. You could look on craigs list, or look in the news paper to start looking for a place to live. You can also find a different job threw craigs list. You know I have anxiety also. I really didn't want the meds, but it has really helped me. You can go to a regular MD to get the meds also. I have had to do that a lot. The meds will help you sleep better.

[RubyRedd]

i know where you sit in hell. my seat is som where near the front. i have been made to feel guilty my whole life by my mother. in school a wrong answer was a disgrace. i was meant to become a famous scientist(her goal). at 19 i married a man and moved 60 miles away. i still could not get away. my husband made the most money to support us. i am not able to have children. a failure. and because of my mental illness he wanted me to leave. he divorcd me this year. i have fought my way to be able to have a life. it took me 35 years to break out of my invisible prison. from your use of english i'm guessing that being the son is an 'honor'. and you must follow your father. to get away is for you and your happiness. to stay is for your father's.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by RubyRedd

i know where you sit in hell. my seat is som where near the front. i have been made to feel guilty my whole life by my mother. in school a wrong answer was a disgrace. i was meant to become a famous scientist(her goal). at 19 i married a man and moved 60 miles away. i still could not get away. my husband made the most money to support us. i am not able to have children. a failure. and because of my mental illness he wanted me to leave. he divorcd me this year. i have fought my way to be able to have a life. it took me 35 years to break out of my invisible prison. from your use of english i'm guessing that being the son is an 'honor'. and you must follow your father. to get away is for you and your happiness. to stay is for your father's.

((((((((((((((((((((RubyRedd))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry.

[Persey]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

Persey, I don't know how old you are but it sounds like your father is pretty abusive and angry. Living with someone like that can be very harmful to your health and well being. It sounds like it would be good for you if you could move out of your family home and get your own place, or maybe live with friends or other relatives who are not abusive?

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling the way you are. You should try some medication, Just My Exerpience (Jme) but you sound like you feel very anxious. Feeling anxious all the time leads to irritability, so then you feel angry all the time. Good luck to you.

im seriously new to the forum... and often i replylike zillion years late.. because i do not know how to check who had replied me...

but im 24 soon... is such a pity age... to yet still controlled by parents... often it happened in Asian family..

[Persey]

Originally Posted by karoliinareddish

I agree with Pomegratene You need to find your own independence... and it may be a struggle. But From what I read... your life can't go on like this forever

i want freedom... but idk why there is often a fear beneath me... i know i should not find excuses.. sometimes i think im crazy that beneath me actually enjoyed the abuse...

[Persey]

Originally Posted by thunderbear

Hi Persey. I agree with Pom. Sounds like the root of your problm is your parents. And how they treat you. If you moved out it will be alot better on you. And if it helps I have panic attacks triyng to go to sleep and as soon as I open my eyes in the morning.

i can go to sleep pretty easily if nohting happen... if i got waken up by them... ill ended up with fast heart beat... which im doom to sleep...

waking up with fast heart beat because my dad will shut the door very loud.. n he will bang my door to wake me up.. im afraid of him... so i try to wake up b4 he does... and have my ears always awake to pick up noise from his room... im crazy i dont really sleep i think

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

I agree with all the other post, that you should leave. You could look on craigs list, or look in the news paper to start looking for a place to live. You can also find a different job threw craigs list. You know I have anxiety also. I really didn't want the meds, but it has really helped me. You can go to a regular MD to get the meds also. I have had to do that a lot. The meds will help you sleep better.

i think is time to go on online interview class .. since i fail all my interview... as for MD... maybe the places u lived and the places im from r different... we need to see specialist that cost a bom ... (we often joke that nowaday the doctors here r not honest)

Originally Posted by RubyRedd

i know where you sit in hell. my seat is som where near the front. i have been made to feel guilty my whole life by my mother. in school a wrong answer was a disgrace. i was meant to become a famous scientist(her goal). at 19 i married a man and moved 60 miles away. i still could not get away. my husband made the most money to support us. i am not able to have children. a failure. and because of my mental illness he wanted me to leave. he divorcd me this year. i have fought my way to be able to have a life. it took me 35 years to break out of my invisible prison. from your use of english i'm guessing that being the son is an 'honor'. and you must follow your father. to get away is for you and your happiness. to stay is for your father's.

sometimes i dont understand why parents love to make us feel guilty... if they hate us so much.. better just dont have us in the 1st place.. often this thought came back again and again.. which now i decided i dont want to have kids, i fear ill abuse them in the near future.

yes wrong answer at school is a disgrace here too... i got beaten at school and slap n beaten at home for having v low marks from the examination.

it seems like we been living in our parents' shadow too.. to be what they once wanted to be... sigh

im sorry about your divorce... but by the way im a female too... i just dare not go into relationship because i know the kind of man i like will likely be rejected by my parents.. which i will be the one who suffer in the later day...

i hate following my father.. because he always think he is the mastermind.. he is so smart n such..... living in his shadow is something im not proud of... i just need to get out...

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im so relunctant to send off my resume (ugly resume) to employers too... im just too afraid of everything...

[reader1587]

Originally Posted by Persey

im seriously new to the forum... and often i replylike zillion years late.. because i do not know how to check who had replied me...

but im 24 soon... is such a pity age... to yet still controlled by parents... often it happened in Asian family..

it happens to others too. i am part-asian (my father was from china) but it is more my mother who doesn't let anyone go…i'm too embarrassed to say how old i am (i have lived and worked independently at times but i wind up back at "home")

she's european catholic, so also an unfortunate feature that can result from extremely family-oriented cultures

but sometimes i think people from backgrounds like ours can be less affected by certain extreme behaviors that are common in hyperindividualistic cultures

so you have to accept yourself and your family for what it is, and focus on whatever solutions you can come up with for the specific problems that you have to face--which is what everyone has to do, ultimately

[reader1587]

Originally Posted by Persey

i want freedom... but idk why there is often a fear beneath me... i know i should not find excuses.. sometimes i think im crazy that beneath me actually enjoyed the abuse...

don't get too down on yourself. it sounds like you're just internalizing some of their headgames. people *can* be accustomed to certain kinds of abuse, and *seem* to enjoy them if they are predictable and so on, but this is because you're gotten so conditioned to accepting the fact that it's *feels* inevitable that it can feel like a relief when it actually happens…but of course it's *not* inevitable, if you can find a way to get out and establish your own independent reality.

[Persey]

Originally Posted by reader1587

it happens to others too. i am part-asian (my father was from china) but it is more my mother who doesn't let anyone go…i'm too embarrassed to say how old i am (i have lived and worked independently at times but i wind up back at "home")

she's european catholic, so also an unfortunate feature that can result from extremely family-oriented cultures

but sometimes i think people from backgrounds like ours can be less affected by certain extreme behaviors that are common in hyperindividualistic cultures

so you have to accept yourself and your family for what it is, and focus on whatever solutions you can come up with for the specific problems that you have to face--which is what everyone has to do, ultimately

this kind of family background is good at least it hold me together as an individual who know how to be polite during a certain time and rude in other LOL...

i have 2 faces or more... ppl never able to read my real feeling... except my parents who i cracked my mask 2 years ago, showing me who i really am.. because i had enough w them... if im not happy i show them im not hapy... which ifeel better later... but... again dad start yelling his lungs all time ...

[reader1587]

Originally Posted by Persey

this kind of family background is good at least it hold me together as an individual who know how to be polite during a certain time and rude in other LOL...

i have 2 faces or more... ppl never able to read my real feeling... except my parents who i cracked my mask 2 years ago, showing me who i really am.. because i had enough w them... if im not happy i show them im not hapy... which ifeel better later... but... again dad start yelling his lungs all time ...

that reading of your family background may be more fictional than real

in reality the negativity of the family environment may be what makes you feel like you would fall apart if you didn't "have" *them* to keep you together

it's like the mafia--you pay them protection money to keep vandals away from your store, the vandals being the mafia themselves

[Yoda]

Moving out would probably be best but how about getting an alarm clock until then?

[Persey]

Originally Posted by reader1587

that reading of your family background may be more fictional than real

in reality the negativity of the family environment may be what makes you feel like you would fall apart if you didn't "have" *them* to keep you together

it's like the mafia--you pay them protection money to keep vandals away from your store, the vandals being the mafia themselves

well it might sound fiction but is real, my friend suffered too, but her condition is better...

my parents seems to enjoy whatver things they did to me....
so im so tired of them... so so so tired of them.... something so shocking that i get to know yesterday that hurt me way too much.... .n now i vow not to call them mum and dad anymore.. because they simply dont think im their child... sigh