[QUEEN OF WANDS]

im not sure what to do, i have withdrawn again, i missed my appointments (have rescheduled one for friday with a counsellor)..i just cant decide on my next moves,,i feel very lonely and horrible,,i cant talk about anything to anyone...i know i dont want to live my life looking out at the world,i want to live in it,i cant,,,the anxiety is so high about everything...i have been enrolled in a 6 week (1x per week) course on anxiety beginning on oct.28 but i dont even know if i can muster up the nerve to go and keep going...and thursday mornings would be hard for me to find a babysitter,,an easy reason to not go,,but if i try hard enough im sure someone i trust(very few) would be able to watch the baby for an hour or two..everything seems so hard..its like im constantly waiting for the right time..the right time for what,i dont even know...i just withdraw into my own little hole

[sundog]

Hi (((((Queen of Wands)))))) It's great you're posting here again. That's a really good sign that you are ready to reach out again. And well done for enrolling in an Anxiety Group. I know what you mean about being anxious about going to the group, but I think that's totally normal! I've been anxious about going to Anxiety Groups before and lots of people there were anxious too! But it went ok! I really hope you can arrange some babysitting so that you're able to go to this group. It could really help a lot.

Well done also for re-scheduling your session with your counselor. You're doing all the right things!!!! Hang in there!! It will get easier again!!

[xxbrokensoulxx]

Maybe if you use this site and tell ur feelings maybe it will help

[notablackbarbie]

just try taking it one step at a time....Sometimes a lot of appointments and expectations that all these steps "to get better" are overwhelming. I think it is okay to take one step at a time, as long as you are trying to do something...

(but yea, im the same way right now too)

[Gus1234U]

dear Wands, i hope you manage to find help IRL, since it is so much more powerful in so many ways... i am also hoping you can take advantage of some of the hosted chats on PC. right now some of the chat leaders are needing to recharge themselves, but we are still meeting in most groups. i hope the anxiety support group will start up again soon, too. it's really good to have a safe place to practice your skills so they are good when you need them~! hope to see you soon,, Gus

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by QUEEN OF WANDS

im not sure what to do, i have withdrawn again, i missed my appointments (have rescheduled one for friday with a counsellor)..i just cant decide on my next moves,,i feel very lonely and horrible,,i cant talk about anything to anyone...i know i dont want to live my life looking out at the world,i want to live in it,i cant,,,the anxiety is so high about everything...i have been enrolled in a 6 week (1x per week) course on anxiety beginning on oct.28 but i dont even know if i can muster up the nerve to go and keep going...and thursday mornings would be hard for me to find a babysitter,,an easy reason to not go,,but if i try hard enough im sure someone i trust(very few) would be able to watch the baby for an hour or two..everything seems so hard..its like im constantly waiting for the right time..the right time for what,i dont even know...i just withdraw into my own little hole

Hey there I also have severe anxiety that keeps me In the house where I cant control the panic attacks It so severe they put me on benzos twice a day and another anti d meds .Huggs good luck

[sadface]

I am learning here. I have anxiety issues too. I had severe panic attacks almost two years ago and managed to get a handle on it but I still have problems. I am glad to know there is support on here for anxiety issues. What kind of anxiety course are you starting? I can really relate to what you are saying about being anxious about staring a course on anxiety! Just do it, stop thinking and do it. Now is the right time. I really would like to know how it goes for you, what you learned. Hope it all works out for you!

[llbee814]

worse comes to worse, take the baby with you! everyone loves babies...perhaps that will motivate you to follow through. you can do it!

[sunsetsunrise]

((((((Queen of wands))))))), sorry you are having such a hard time. I know what it feels like to retreat or withdraw. It really should have been my middle name. And I do not even have a child to worry about and take care of. So I cant imagine how hard it would be for you with that added responsability.

Maybe one day at a time you can gently make yourself just do the things. Gently. Not looking too far ahead. Just taking care of where you need to be tomorrow. And how you can do it. Dont know if that would help. I know that sometimes the fear can just be so overwhelming. For me its a viscious cycle. Just know I am sending you lots of good thoughts to find a way to get to the apts and the course. And I know that its not an easy thing to do.

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

You will be okay, just try to stay positive, alright?

Have a good one.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

i am trying to stay positive but i missed my appointment friday,,she called and asked to reschedule 3 hours later but i didnt end up going..im not sure what to think of the group therapy starting on thursday,,its about how to better manage anxiety and depression,,i wouldnt take the baby but nice thought ...i will be ok..GUS i try to get to chats but the only times i can usually get on is after 930 at night.i am nervous in them but try,,ty .and sunsetsunrise ,thank you for your words,gently,i like the way that ,,maybe not so harsh on myself,,i find when im overwhelmed and feeling bad about myself is when i withdraw and miss appointments,,likei give up and just feel like i cant function,,but if i try tried be gentle with myself,,that thought made me warm,,..anyway i am trying to get myself together again and make it to the therapy...ty for all the encouragement

[sundog]

((((((((Queen of Wands))))))) It's good to hear from you again. I'm sorry your T had to re-schedule your appointment at the last minute and you ended up not being able to make it. I hate it when I am psyched up for something and then it's canceled! I'm really glad you are trying to be gentle with yourself. And I really want to wish you good luck for Group Therapy on Thursday

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

thank you sundog...she ended up rescheduling 3 times for the same appointment..i understand people get busy and a funeral..it was so hard to keep the nerve to go that the last time she called i just quit,,i have been waiting to see the psychiatrist from august ,but that appointment isnt until november 12th..he said he wanted to see me after i seen the psychologist but i didnt expect to have to wait over 2 months..i seen the psychologist about 1 1/2 months ago(i think approx.).it is sooo easy to give up..but every time i do i feel worse,,my heart aches,,my mind turmoils,,i will not miss the psychriatrist..today i will be asking a friend to watch the baby on thursday mornings,,hope she says yes,,and i should reschedule some appointments ..with one councellor ,she asked me to do one thing..that one thing seemed easy when i agreed to try,but i havent been able to,and actually may be a little worse since that day,, and whats worse is i cant even really look at myself and deal with it! so i havent seen her since, but i know i need to,,SO ,reschedule 2 appointments and find a sitter for thursdays,,thats my agenda for the day,lol,if i can do that,i feel like i would start to accomplish something again..its just keeping them!

[sundog]

GOOD LUCK!!!! (((((((Queen of Wands)))))))) You are doing GREAT!!!!!! It's a real hassle having to juggle things and re-schedule appointments etc. Even if we're feeling fine emotionally, it's still annoying!! So to do it when you're struggling emotionally is a big achievement!!! Well done!!!!

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

oh my..now i am really worried...im so stupid for missing the appointments..i got a babysitter for tomorrow but now she caught the flu!! i dont have anyone else available to watch him...6 - 2 hour sessions once a week and i had to wait until now to find a sitter and the poor girl ends up really sick...now im screwed...no money for transportation /bad weather,cant walk that far with the baby in the rain /no sitter /a so-called boyfriend who threatened to commit suicide again today /my 12 year old wants to move with her dad (i miss my home too,cant blame her,if i could pull my ***** together maybe she wouldnt want to leave,i cant offer her the life we use to have right now,and im sure all the stress here makes her want to go) .. god please give me strength not to lose it...sorry for ranting i just dont know what to do

[sundog]

I'm so sorry to hear this! What incredibly bad luck that your sitter has come down with the flu. Aaargh!!! I'm so sorry! I hope somehow that some other option will become available!! (((((((((Queen of Wands))))))))))))))))

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

ty sundog .. i think i may have a sitter whom i can trust but i will not know for sure until morning .. but this has snapped me back into motion .. i know i cant miss appointments because it leads to missing more then i have to start again .. i have to not quit if i want to get anywhere .. thanks for helping me through a negative time ..

[sundog]

Yay!! That's great you most likely have someone else lined up to babysit!! You sound sooo determined to make this work!! That's AWESOME!! ((((((Queen of Wands))))) I'll be thinking of you on Thursday. Good luck!!!!!

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

i made it to my appointment..YAH..i had an anxiety attack tho within 10 minutes and had to leave the room crying and shaking for a few moments..but it was good and looks like alot of hard self work that need determination..this will give me the tools i need in life im hoping and i will be able to manage it better..i have so much doubt of being able to change but i am going to keep trying..hell,,life cant get much worse right now

[sundog]

Well done!!!!!! I'm so glad you were able to get to the group tonight and that you liked it. And especially well done for hanging in there despite getting panicky at first!!!

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

well i only ever did make that one class..the ex was so upset i went because he knew that if i started to get help then he would have less control..he attacked me that night but i had found the courage to run(thx to pc)..once i get through this trauma and court i am looking into enrolling again

[trixielou]

you are very brave i know its hard to get out but dont look back & u will be so much happier & free to be who u are