Anxiety Daily Check-In Point #3

That makes two of us.

Today, for the first time in a week since my nightly panic started, I feel like a human. I took Ativan last night to force sleep after a very tough day yesterday. I got 7 hours of sleep, and even felt like having coffee in the morning (I haven't been drinking it because of my acid reflux). I got the coffee from a local donut shop that is around the corner from me, and I even put sugar in it which I haven't been doing. The combination of being chilled out by real sleep and caffeine made me wide eyed and energetic at work, I felt like myself.. I was enthusiastic, funny, sharp. Now that afternoon has dragged on I am starting to feel tired again, the multiple days of not enough sleep will catch up to me. I teach a late class tonight, but I hope the energy exertion of that will help me sleep again tonight. trying to stick to my rule of only taking Ativan in absolute emergencies. I also got to talk to my best friend on the phone who is a huge support to me, and got a random email about a job opportunity that made me excited. Trying to stay on the upswing. Day 5 of re-starting sertraline, let's hope it kicks in sooner rather than later and I can get re-balanced.

I really don't want to sleep. Last night I had a really vivid dream that was pleasant while it lasted but brought up so much **** after I woke up... I really don't want anything to do with it and wish I could wipe it from my mind. And even though my dreams almost never recur, I'm still scared I'll get more anxiety-spiking dreams.

Finally got my nails done. Agoraphobia is kicking my butt.

I finally fell asleep 5 minutes before my alarm went off. My daughter was up all night too. I don’t know why.

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my anxiety sucks today!. really sucks!.

not just because of the stuff that happened this morning, but everyone is talking!. everyone!

about how they want to murder people and report them and kill themselves (and me)

ugg, ugg, ugg, and did i mention ugg?

my positive today is that i did watch coach trip and that was a short pause in the voices (which surprises me as they love talking during my programmes)

despite having a really bad day so far, i did do something positive.

walked to my door and opened it a little bit so i could hear the church hbells

bit of a positive thing to do knowing my agoraphobia. i didn't go out, but i did open it enough to listen to the bells

Had a small panic during the day but otherwise I'm fine.

Along with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, I have emetophobia. My daughter got a little sick at a party she was at with my H today, and now I'm afraid she has a stomach bug. I don't deal well with those, wanting to just run away when someone near me gets sick. When of course I should be taking care of /comforting her (or my husband, if he's the sick one). I also hope she's OK because she starts kindergarten Monday, and I want her to be able to be there the first day. (Already plenty anxious about that, since she also has special needs.) I'll probably lay awake most of the night, waiting to hear her get sick...

I love the sound of church bells
They are so beautiful.

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i'm honestly thinking of getting myself some wind chimes

(of course, i'd prefer to get some church bells), but i can't have those.. wind chimes are the next best thing

it just facinates me

((((((hugs)))))

hope your daughter is okay

Yeah I have wind chimes all around the house...I love the sound.

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Difference between BP and BPD (I suffer from both) BPD can have triggers cause manic/depression/hypomania. I had that happen today, leading to panic attack, racing thought, uncontrollable emotion. My trigger today was the unexpected event.

My insurance company sent me 3 letters stating they were denying coverage of 3 different rides I received to medical appointments. I am sure this will be cleared up - I contacted my insurance company case coordinator whose area is to handle disabled people with special needs.

My purpose for sharing here is to help others when they have triggers create uncontrollable emotions.

I believe my fight/flight system is messed up. I believe this effects both my bipolar - unexpected moods, and my borderline personality disorder moods that happen due to triggers. For BP, I can wake up depressed or manic or both - and I know that it isn't because I am sad, or godly - it is because my mind is out of whack that day. I did not always know this. Now that I have embraced that probable theory, I try not to attach reasons for extreme emotions. (I try to tell myself I am not in psychic contact with the dhalai lama, or that I am not sad due to a reason).

For BPD I cling to thoughts. I repeat phrases during the extreme moments - today, as I rocked back and forth - an explosion of fireworks of emotions going through my head, I just said repeatedly "CAN handle, CAN handle. - and the words and speed followed the freak out. It was something to cling to instead of going to a conclusion.

I try really hard to follow the knowledge that therapy has taught me. Also, that life has taught me. Perhaps a lot of it is just the slowing down of age.

The book of my life would be called.... "Today, I am....". Because I think that was the biggest question of my life. It seems other 'normies' know who they are because they come from a place that they don't question. Somehow - they feel themselves. For me, I am and was... unwritten. Now, I am very written on, but still without definition.

Sorry, theorizing - racing thoughts is part of the outcome of uncontrollable emotions.

I just wanted everyone to consider that all of our extreme emotions come from the fight or flight area of our brains. It is reactionary. (Also for people who also have BP- I believe it effects us too). That part of the brain function seems to be the key area that grows the seed of over-reaction - or under reaction when it seems shut off (creating depression).

On a different note - Lastly I want to say that I am going to be extra nice to my husband today. It must be so hard never knowing exactly what feeling the house will be in for the family members, or significant others who are in a relationship with a person who has mental illness. They deserve kindness and peace when we can give it. Makes the rocky roads, and title waves easier to ride. We have created separate spaces for ourselves - it is very important to maintain balance and equality - and sometimes he has pretty big emotions too - and I have learned to just relax, and allow them for the most part. And when I freak out about something - he tries to do the same. Thankfully, we both seek peace and that creates the desire to help the other back to calm.

Good luck to each of you!

I keep waking up feeling anxious, sad, and frustrated. I just woke up, so I feel that way now. It's that feeling of being on-edge and not having the energy to resolve problems that need to be taken care of. It's also a feeling that there's a lot of things out of my control, so I feel a tightening in my chest and a general state of worry. I should probably take my as needed anxiety medication in addition to my other meds, although they make me sleepy sometimes.

Still had midday anxiety. Just wonder what that is all about.

I'll have a telephone check-in with T tomorrow since husband is on jury duty and is taking the only car we have.

Just went to see a friend. All was good but I think there may be reprocusions for what I have told her. It was about her her job. She is out on medical leave and they are rehiring her position. ..totally illegal to do...so I told her to get a lawyer. Get some legal advise. I don't trust this company. ..after all they tried to lay me off when I was scheduled to come back to work from maternity leave. I also was told by my boss that they decided to lay off someone beacause they went out on medical leave a couple of times. This also happened to another person that I worked with. It also happened to her before. So I am a bit nervous that this will come back to me...Since I am the one who told her to do this...I am also nervous about writing this post. Maybe those bastards are monitoring blogs and websites like this...

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Good to hear.. Take strange as blessed

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I swear I'm about ready to disconnect from Facebook altogether. Most of my 29 "friends" are no more than old acquaintances whom I haven't heard from in 10+ years. And I'm SO sick and tired of seeing their ridiculous posts about "prayer" and "faith" and other religious BS. They're so hopelessly blind and brainwashed and it makes me want to scream.

Woke up so anxious today. I don't want to be here or do anything. Someone come save me.

Life and my mental state have been quite good these days - I'm ready for some disaster to befall me.

My husband is done with jury duty, so that is a relief. Other than that the day is pretty much the same, though we did go out to lunch and I didn't panic.

low anxiety day today

was pretty bad (well moderate) yesterday because of the bank holiday, but today it seems okay

for now

I was woken by jackhammers outside at 6:30 am. I couldn't think so I made coffee, but I really should have gone back to sleep until 9 or 10. :/

Anxiety is through the roof today, which is making my depression go through the roof as well. So tired of it all. I want some relief.