Anxiety Daily Check-In Point #3

I'm fine today, though sinking into depressive tones...but yesterday I got hit with this really weird feeling I eventually identified as "not feeling safe." There was absolutely nothing that could have triggered it, and I eventually smothered it with food, but...it's hard to describe. I've had it a couple times before but this was the first time I've ever really identified it as a feeling...

Last night the wind kept whipping in here like a nonstop freight train at maximum speed.

It's humid and awful in here now. I forgot what I wanted to say.

Today was up and down. I got my hair cut, which feels good.

However, my husband's grandmother passed away yesterday and his uncle ran off with the family fortune.

Exhausted from stressing about the same thing over and over for the last month. I'm thankful to have a job, but at the same time I despise what I'm doing. I've been scrambling every day looking for better opportunities. I don't know how much longer I can hold out at this job. I'm freaking out right now. Angry, irritated at every single thing, my head is full of thoughts I can't decipher because it's all a jumbled mess. It feels like I'm floating in another reality. If it wasn't odd, I'd scream right now in my cubicle.

Yeah, I'm feeling irritable as heck. Year 11.4 as a divorced mother. Every night I relive my adolescence and my marriage in my dreams and both were nightmares, and every day I live my reality which is no cake walk . I do not like, can not stand, how I feel but that's the way it goes.

Annoyed by my own procrastination. Doing everything I can to avoid doing something productive.

Was somewhat productive today. I didn't have the midday anxiety.

High anxiety and panicky today due to a routine appointment this afternoon I suppose. Just feel chest squeezed, holding breath, really scared for no reason.

Anxiety has been pretty bad this last week. My wife is over a week late, which is not normal because she's very regular. She's taken three pregnancy tests from two different brands and all three have been negative. It's the not knowing if she's actually pregnant or if it's something else that's killing me

Managed to get through pdoc appt. without a lot of fidgeting. She lowered my AD to what it was originally and increased the Vistaril to 4 times a day. Hopefully this will keep the midday anxiety down. If not I will have to get a higher dose of Vistaril which makes me drowsy. We'll see.

Anxiety hasn't been too bad, but I'm worried about my longer and longer sleeping.

Still had a bit of anxiety today. Getting involved in something would probably help.

I went from not having a headache in years, to having one everyday this past week. I hope it's just from squinting so much.

First day back from 9-day vacation. I should feel refreshed but I don't. Sharp pains in stomach have me doubling over. Another day of fear that's stemming from someplace I'm unaware of. I'd like to scream but I'm sure that's frowned upon in the workplace.

Just came back from a 9 day vacation too...found out I have to work 80 hours this week plus 4 hours of commuting every day. Can't manage my life like this. I am sick to my stomach.

My husband didn't get much sleep today and had a very rough morning. I ended up panicking before I went to T because I didn't know if he was going to be alert enough to drive, or if I would have to drive myself. (I have had panic attacks while driving.) I was still anxious in T and didn't say much. I took an extra Vistaril to calm down. I do need to start driving again, as much as it makes me extremely anxious.

My anxiety is so high today and I have nothing to take for it and I feel like I'm just going to freak out and start crying. I'm so afraid of saying anything to anyone here at work, because what if I am or was wrong with something? What if I screwed up and I'm going to get in trouble? I wish I had something with me to take, but all my PRNs are at home and almost gone anyway.

Will most definitely have to be fully medicated today. Came in and just stared at my desk wondering how I'll survive today. For lunch I'm going to take a nap just so I can have a few minutes of quiet.

Need to run errands. Just can't bring myself to go. Keep procrastinating.

I just hate the world out there.
I don't wanna be around people.

Going with someone helps but i have no one to go with....

Ugh.

I'm so scared of my thesis advisor. Sometimes after I explained to him my work progress, he would give me a blank face and stay unresponsive. Meetings are supposed to be a time to seek advise but I find that they are making me extremely uneasy. Feeling so tense everyday, losing appetite and weight.

Well for some time my anxiety has been fairly low. Those blips that have come up have been manageable.

But I have a something looming that has that worry rising. I've found myself reluctantly agreeing to help out with a large event. It has me worried that I might be expected to run the registration or cash (I just feel dumbed down by my meds and don't want to embarrass myself). I am a little ticked and worried about getting there. The bus route no longer goes anywhere near the function and it is a long walk - especially if I want to dress up with nice shoes (yes, a first world problem I know). I am also worried about being alone. These are my boyfriend's people and he has just had to back out of going leaving me alone. He will be visiting though as he has this second event he can't get out of. In addition I have a guest from out of town. My place is awful tiny, she will have to stay on the couch. Having a full house leaves me anxious too.

Time to pull out some CBT worksheets and the worry stone.

ok so far....but then my responsibilities are few today

I backed out.

This was unbelievably hard to do. Everyone who knew about my anxiety told me to but backing out of something I've committed to is as bad as the anxiety of doing it in the first place. On the one hand I am frightened of screwing up and the other I am convinced they will then hate or think ill of me. In the end I chose to excuse myself. I have a vailid one thank goodness but it doesn't make me feel any better. I just feel like I couldn't win no matter what I chose to do.

Still been having anxiety at midday. Like walking around trying to find something that will bring the jitters down.

Having major major anxiety attack today .. my body feels like jelly. I can barely stand upright and walk. I'm shivering and feeling sick to the pit of my stomach .. I had hoped I could get these attacks under control, have managed for a year, this is the second one in a year. Took a Valium and two pain killers, hoping for a little relief.