Anxiety Daily Check-In Point #3

Not really anxious today.

They say anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. I know I'm often depressed, but I seem to be more prone to anxiety and worry over the last few months. It's not pathological, though, the worry has a cause. I read things and worry about how they apply to me, or how I measure up, or what something implies about me (usually that I'm a terrible person). I ruminate all day until I either think my way out of the problem and rationalize my behavior or plan a change and convince myself it's okay, or into to sleep and forget about it by the time I wake up. In the meantime the most I can do is distract myself.

I hate living like this. I can't believe I'm saying this, but knowledge and thought is a curse, a torture. I always thought I'm not gifted enough o say something like that, but even in my normality it's true. I stress myself out constantly and it feels like I can't stop.

My anxiety hasn't been too bad today. Miracles do happen.

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Great news! I finally have my referral to an anxiety workshop! And next week I start CBT

Feeling anxious, I think...started out feeling off-sleeping a lot, fretfyl, heart racing, stomach ache, worrying...ugh

My head is going to explode.

I'm in a SLE flare and tend to get more anxious during that time. I would say that so far today my anxiety is around my baseline so it's been manageable.

My anxiety is high this morning. I don't have anything planned so I don't know what is triggering it. Unless it's from having too much time on my hands.

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Very anxious this morning as today is my last session with my T who I really like. She is leaving due to medical reasons and I see my new T in 4 weeks. This throws everything out of whack because it took over a year before I really started to open up and deal with the root causes of my PTSD. Now what? Hopefully it won't take a year with this next one but it will take some time.

Lupus flare keeping me anxious and up ,so tired of this flare since 2days...anxiety is on tops.

Lack of sleeping keeping me awake .

I am completely spinning right now. One of the bankers I support just told me I was being combative. I know that I was not. She is a prima donna and was mad that she couldn't rent a full sized car but the policy is an intermediate car. Since I kept telling her the company wont pay reimburse for it, it is out of policy, that makes me combative. So now my brain is spinning like a top and I cant calm down.

My friend asked me to go with her to make some deliveries with her tomorrow. I said yes but now I'm really anxious about it and don't want to go. So I hate to let her down but I don't think that I can go.

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My anxiety was high yesterday and this morning. Now I am just depressed.

New med is making me jittery so that's not helping. Otherwise I'm on a pretty even keel.

Anxiety isn't too bad right now, of course I'm home and feel safe.

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I did really really well today. I was given some birthday money and went shopping for myself for the first time in years. It felt really good to get out it felt really good to treat myself. BUT, I went super early when the store opened so as there to be as few people as possible. I admit I was really self conscious - especially when the clerk gave me attention and asked my size. I was REALLY anxious. I just wanted her to go away. But I got through it and in the end realized I'd done well both figuratively and my purchases. It was a very big day for me today

Anxiety has gone up since earlier.

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Anxiety has gotten worse today. I'm supposed to get a nuclear stress test and I don't think I can do it. I'm very scared about canceling it. And all my teeth are hurting. I'm very afraid of what's to come.

I was doing really good yesterday and this morning but it's 845am and the anxiety is starting to creep up. I have to go to the grocery store and my social anxiety makes that difficult. My counsellor is coming to my home for coffee before lunch. I've done well these last few days and am actually concerned about what she will think of this - will she suddenly decide I don't need her anymore and cancel further visits? I've come to think of her and the other one as crutches to my coping with my illness. I guess to some extent too I have come to think of their visits as being social.

I've been pretty even keeled today but symptoms of my anxiety are getting worse as the hours pass and I'm *this* much closer to what I call a make or break conversation between my sister and I. I thank her for agreeing to talk with me and I pray that the talk turns out to be a positive change in our lives. I love my sister and I don't want to lose her longer than I already have. My heart is in my throat as I write this.

Anxiety is worse because I have a scheduled medical test on Monday and I'm afraid and don't want to go. It involves being at the hospital where my worst nightmare came true and I can't have caffeine or soda for 24 hours before I go there. I need caffeine to function. I want to cancel the test but that would be a slap in the face to my doctor who worked hard to get my insurance to allow the test. I don't know what to do. Yes, I should go and get it over with, but I don't want to go. I'm very afraid.

Oh, and there's an internet outage today (and lots of yesterday) which is making me doubly nervous.

I feel good.