Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

I'm anxious cause my sister is going to my mom's tomorrow. I should go to but I don't feel like I have the energy for it. I'm scared to leave the house.

I’m pretty anxious right now. I’m not sure what to do. I’m in no mood to eat anything. Although it would probably help to eat something legit. I just had a plain English muffin for dinner.

I'm anxious tonight cause I stayed indoors all day. I wasn't doing well and I couldn't get any help. My mom made fun of me. No one understood. I was all alone all day.

Is anybody else ever surprised at just how horrible and terrifying it is when it comes to what anxiety can do to you?

I'm anxious all the time because I'm now a hermit. The only time I leave my apartment is once or twice a week to get mail and dump trash, or once in a great while to attend one of my medical appointments. I do everything else inside - my T appointments twice per week are all inside. I'm not even comfortable opening my front door. it's been like this since March 2020, when the pandemic started.

Prior to March 2020, I used to have general anxiety about being attacked on the street or in an Uber. It was hard for me to go out frequently between 2018 and 2020. I had a bad experience with an Uber driver that never stopped, and with a Lyft driver that kept their "meter" running, so it kept charging me more and more money, even after I was dropped off. I had to complain about both. Although I got refunds for both, it was enough for me to know back in 2018 that I wasn't safe. I wasn't assaulted, but I could so see how easily I could have been.

I have past traumas, too. Those make it harder for me to feel safe outside. If it's too quiet, then it's too easy for people to harm me and get away with it in broad daylight, when everyone is gone at work in suburban or rural areas. If it's too busy and crime-infested, then it's too easy for me to be a target of crime at night or when it's still dark outside in the morning. I literally don't feel safe anywhere outside anymore, especially after the pandemic hit.

It's hard for me to leave my apartment, too.

I made a dumb mistake and I have no idea what to do or how to fix it in a safe way. My anxiety is starting to become existential right now. If it were yesterday at this time I’d just take my meds right now. But it’s not…

Edit: I think it’s ok right at this time both DSL and if it weren’t DSL to take my usual meds now. Then hopefully I can get back on track. Fixing my alarm clock could also help me majorly in feeling better.

My anxiety is manageable at the moment.
I've decided to fix some food to help the nerves.

I had something awful happen today when I took out my trash. It freaked me out. I need to talk to someone about it. I also need to relax and get rest.

I have came to the conclusion today that my paranoid obsessive thoughts stem from my anxiety disorder.
Now I just need to learn how to live with this. I don’t want to feel like this!

I'm agoraphobic anxious, I think. Or pandemic stressed. Whatever the lingo is these days.

I love the outdoors though, so it's not really agoraphobia. I am just scared of humans and their pathogens now.

It's like I now see human lips and noses as being "naked parts" that can attack at any moment, like other human body parts that can attack at any moment.

So that's my anxiety now.

I don't know why I never post in here, because I have a lot of anxiety. I experience it daily whether mild or intense.

Today was ok. The other day, I drove to the next county over, and I had a lot of anxiety doing so, but I did it. Honestly as I've gotten older, I'm not a big fan of traveling.

I've been listening to solfeggio frequencies and it had calmed me. I was able to take a shower this morning. I was calm when I did it. I'm very relaxed now. I'm listening to one that replaces negative thoughts with positive ones.

I’m coping today. That’s the best that I can do.

I'm trying to downplay my anxiety. Some moments I seem to be doing fine, & then it gets really difficult.

I'm mildly anxious about my physiological conditions (prediabetes, obesity, thyroid issues, occasional eye floaters and rainbow squiggles, periodontal disease, crooked teeth making gums worse, three or more physical disorders I'd rather not mention, some physical abnormalities on my body, occasional ear acne and otherwise, now occasional vertigo/dizziness, CFS/ME, IBS, continued sleep-wake disorders, sleep apnea (untreated because my PTSD won't allow me to do a CPAP), and occasional headaches).

I'm super anxious about my safety.

I'm moderately anxious about my relationships, my aging, my social status, my financial stability, and my legacy.

My anxiety isn't that high today and I'm grateful for that. Earlier this week my anxiety was through the roof and I'm glad it's calmed down some.

I feel good today. I went for a short walk. It's a pretty day, and then I went for a nice drive. So I am relaxed even though I have an appointment this week.

My anxiety really sucks right now. I’m an anxious over medicated food restricting mess right now. I’ve taken all 3 of my Valium today And I’ve taken most of what I’m prescribed. I really don’t want to take a 4th Valium or my other prescribed meds early. I don’t know what to do at this point. My Pdoc thinks my issues are just from wanting to lose weight so that’s why he put me on the topamax. but right now it’s just plain no reason anxiety that has nothing to do with my weight. I’ve been told before by a therapist that sometimes we’re just anxious for no reason.

Yes, lots of anxiety, & tremendous feelings of apprehension/fear. Very difficult, but I have quite a number of advantages that I am very grateful for, especially being allowed to be here.

Today I’ve managed extremely well - considering what an absolute mess I’ve been this past weekend.

I got my stuff taken care of (for the most part), and now I can at least try to relax.

I read a technique for those of us who have obsessive compulsive symptoms that sometimes the best thing to do about intrusive thoughts… is nothing. Apparently this reprograms your response to the anxiety. We will see.

My anxiety is always heightened on the start of my menses. Everything else in life seems stressful. I know I can handle this, because I've handled this before. It just sucks that I ran out of Tylenol and am waiting for the new batch to arrive soon. I took a few chewable aspirin to help with some of the pains and discomfort. At least I'm not vertigo dizzy, and at least I'm still here and relatively okay (albeit disabled, but okay and still breathing).

It doesn't help when I read stories about how many people are still suffering from (a) long-haul Covid, (b) pandemic anxiety/stress/fatigue, (c) pandemic agoraphobia, (d) homelessness due to this pandemic, (e) evictions due to this pandemic, (f) underemployment or unemployment, (g) worsened mental health due to this pandemic, (h) worsened physical health due to this pandemic, (i) grief and loss issues increasing and lingering on, (j) medical trauma and/or anxiety, (k) financial troubles, (l) being a newfound orphan, (m) being estranged from family due to political divisions and/or this pandemic, (n) dealing with suicidal ideation for whatever reasons due to this pandemic, (o) losing relationships due to political divisions, (p) feeling betrayal trauma during this pandemic, (q) feeling hopeless - as if this pandemic and all the arguments involved will never end, (r) ongoing loneliness epidemic, (s) dealing with bad habits and/or addictions, (t) dealing with weight issues and/or eating disorders - which worsened during this pandemic, (u) experiencing racial trauma, (v) experiencing burnout at work or fears of being attacked at work if an essential or frontline worker, (w) feeling loss of trust in authority figures during this pandemic (e.g., the CDC, the FDA, the local government, the federal government, law enforcement, medical doctors, dentists, etc.), (x) feeling generally frustrated and/or angry about so many things we can't control during this pandemic, (y) dealing with escapism during this pandemic, and (z) dealing with sleep issues during this pandemic.

I've experienced multiple items from the A-Z list I created above (not in any particular order).

All of those items increase my anxiety.

Still, I read the news and empathize with the hurting - on all sides.

And then I try to limit the news, because there's only so much I can take.

I'm just a little stressed this morning. I didn't get enough sleep last night. I will try to take a nap a little later on. I want to finish my morning routine first.

This evening I had bad anxiety. I got into a tub of warm water to try to calm down. I have no medication for anxiety right now.

I'm scared. Usually I deal with depression. Anxiety is infrrquent with me, but miserable when it occurs.

I have an eye appointment today, so I'm a little stressed.

I’ve taken about 5 Valium today. I called the bottle into the pharmacy hoping I can get it early. I just chugged a bottle of water thinking water would help. My Dr. appointment went well. Although I’m glad I’m not working right now because they’d be pissed and probably fire me if they knew I needed 2 more weeks off in addition to the original 6 weeks.

But my anxiety is a mess and nothing seems to be helping it. It’s strange. Yesterday I was just like yeah you need a cheat day and you need a grilled cheese and fries from Five Guys. You need to just legit eat something for once. But I could barely eat it and it didn’t help at all. Then I fell asleep without eating dinner which just screwed with my sleep.