Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

I feel a little anxious. I have to clean a litter box and I'm not sure how I will do today. Yesterday, I was light-headed and dizzy. I hope today is better. But I'm not looking forward to it at all.

I'm feeling apprehensive but I'm managing ok right now.

I had a soda today. Every time something new comes out I have to try it. It doesn’t even taste good because my new med makes soda taste flat and I can’t taste the carbonation. But it’s making my anxiety more there then it was yesterday. I’m thinking of taking a cocktail of my usual 160mil geodon, 40mil of melatonin, and a 4th Valium and getting under my weighted blanket. I know it’s a lot but I am super anxious and I just want to be able to relax.

I'm more fatigued today, so my anxiety is lowered. It's still in there in terms of intrusive thoughts and trauma memories, but I'm too tired to feel the panic.

I tried to talk to my mom about my nephew going trick or treating. So that was nice. But then she started complaining about my brother-in-law. I became very anxious after that. I tried to end the conversation and get off the phone. I had to tap and meditate to cope with the bad feelings I had.

I am feeling the anxiety so I'm trying to be calm.

I can’t remember if I’ve had 2 or 3 Valium today. My body is saying I’ve only had 2. My mind is saying I want another no matter if I had 2 or 3. So I don’t know. Maybe I’ll try my usual melatonin to see how that goes. I’ve been behind on my meds today. I took half my meds more then an hour later then I normally would and the next batch was about half an hour later. The melatonin is still on time and can be taken now or in a bit.

I was nervous today but also ok.

I have a big problem remembering "did I" or "didn't I" take a given med. I highly recommend using those 7 day pill minder boxes. Every Sat. I set one up for the following week. I'ld be all confused without it. They're cheap at Walmart. Then, if I take additional doses, I try to log that in on my kitchen calendar.

Anxiety is gone for now. I have Phenergan available to me. (25 mg tabs) If I take 3 tabs (75 mg,) it does help me get to sleep. Took some last night. Slept pretty good.

Yeah I know I should use mine. I only use it for vacations. I’m usually pretty good at remembering though.

Its also been suggested to me by a therapist to use one of those time locked ones to help my med issues. I looked one time and they are like $70.

That reminds me, I need my melatonin gummy.

I DONATED PLATELETS IN SEPTEMBER. I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM THE RED CROSS ABT MY WBC (WHITE BLOOD CELLS).

WHITE BLOOD CELLS ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM, HELPING YOUR BODY TO FIGHT OFF DISEASES AND INFECTIONS. IF YOU HAVE TOO FEW WHITE BLOOD CELLS, YOU HAVE A CONDITION KNOWN AS LEUKOPENIA.

I’LL BE GOING TO A HEMATOLOGIST SPECIALIST TO TEST FOR “AUTOIMMUNE LEUKOPENIA.”

I SPOKE TO THE NURSELINE THROUGH MY HEALTH INSURANCE AND IT DID HELP.

A FEW MONTHS AGO, I WAS HAPPY ABT NOT HAVING ENDOMETRIOSIS.

STAYING BUSY HELPS ME NOT WORRY. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO VOLUNTEERING WITH A LOCAL UNHOUSED OUTREACH PROGRAM THIS MONTH.

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I can’t really feel my anxiety today. I don’t know if it’s there or not. Or if it should be. Ive been peeing out blood so maybe I should be a bit more worried then I currently am. I’ve had coffee and tea today but basically all I feel today is physical stuff.

I am feeling the anxiety but also feeling somewhat optimistic.

I'm feeling anxious, and I need to avoid politics. To me, politics = control, abuse, mind control, mind rape, judgement, discrimination, hate, divisions, punishments, and more. And when I say politics, I mean all parties (not just one). If I can be anti-political, I would. I'd join that "party," only, it would then become the antithesis of that which I'd be fighting against or standing for - in a non-combative, non-fighting way.

I'm anxious because I'm triggered. I'm sick of the education I received because all that knowledge (like those described in the Bible's book, Ecclesiastes) becomes burdensome, dreadful, intrusive, and whatever the opposite of peace is (perhaps chaotic). I don't need all that floating in my brain if I'm just going to be disabled and stew at home while others control what I'm defined as, what I should or shouldn't be doing in society, how long I deserve to live, how well I deserve to live, and more. I am anxious because I want to be free to be open to change and growth, but I feel knocked down.

So my check-in runs deep.

I wish I could turn back time and dissociate again. The problem with "healing" from dissociation - or even managing it - is feeling and being aware. I'm not ready for this. My anxiety and PTSD symptoms have only increased since I've managed my dissociation.

I'm now an anxious person all the time.

Wow - that's plenty of reason to have a high degree of anxiety. You sound like a person who keeps up with taking care of yourself and seeing your doctor regularly. Yet, unless you donated that blood, you wouldn't know about having too few WBCs. Good thing the Red Cross checks for stuff and lets donors know what they find. I hope the specialists you see can come up with an effective treatment plan.

I feel better these past few days even though I grieved all of last week. I guess if we don’t feel pain/discomfort then we aren’t growing. Right?

I'm anxious tonight. I just canceled my eye exam. I'm calling my GP in the morning and canceling my other appointment. I just feel overwhelmed. I don't want any appointments. I don't want to leave my house. I want to spend Thanksgiving alone cause I can't leave my house.

My anxiety is causing me to tip toe around everything & I'm trying to operate with my left brain for the uncomfortable things.

I made my eye appointment again. My mom will take me to my appointment. That way I can go. I feel better about it. I still don't want my GP appointment, but I will try.

I’m not sure why my anxiety sucks so much today. It was bad even before the coffee. Don’t ask why i drank the coffee then if my anxiety was already sky high. Because I don’t know myself why I did it. I tried eating straight up peanut butter since that often helps and it didn’t. I’m not anxious about anything in particular although I suppose I’m getting a bit nervous about Thanksgiving getting closer. But I honestly don’t know because everything was in check for days and now all of a sudden it’s not and I don’t get it.

I’m worried I have Covid but I mean, it’s not out of the question I am and have been showing quite a lot of the symptoms all week. But I think my headache right now is from mainly drinking Gatorade and no coffee. Coffee makes me anxious. Not having coffee gives me headaches. I can’t drink soda. Tea isn’t enough. Sometimes I can’t win with my anxiety.

- anything with caffeine in it makes me anxious, but it also gives me energy when I'm struggling with chronic fatigue and malaise. But it's still not good for energy, because then there's the crash later. Still, I love caffeine at times.

I've been anxious for many reasons - some that aren't even known to me.

(((safe thoughts and HEALING wishes, Mountaindewed - the good news is that if you have had Covid-19 for about a week with the symptoms you describe - which is "mild" in comparison to what the doctors consider "moderate" or "severe," believe it or not, you should be able to recover without the need for a hospital, though you should still get tested and at least be given one of the treatments for mild to severe, so that you can get better quicker and hopefully avoid long-covid)))

BTW, Mountain Dew was one of my favorite caffeine drinks - especially in high school. I always think about the good times - before I had fatigue problems - whenever I think about Mountain Dew. I'm reminded of that by your name, Mountaindewed. Sorry if that came out the wrong way.

No other way to say this - I feel terrible.

We just shared one of our major traumas in an email to our T. We're scare of how our T will react. We're scared of different parts finding out and feeling hurt.

We are also upset that the Fire inspectors need to come into our apartments in early December. We don't like anyone in our home, and we don't know if they will be wearing masks properly. There are too many antivaxxers and antimaskers out here, so when you require mask wearing, they will purposely wear it under their nose or so loose that it defeats the purpose.

We just ordered another air purifier, which will replace one that isn't working at its best. We figured that all the air purifiers will help when the 60-minute-or-less inspections are being conducted with the dirty inspectors' feet being all over my apartment as well as my storage unit down the hall. At least we'll have most things packed (as if we were moving, but we're not), and at least we will have double masks on (KN95 over an N95; I can walk a few miles and breathe in these double masks just fine for a period of 4 hours, if not longer, but it does get bothersome after 4 hours). There's no time frame, so it's anywhere between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. There's no true way to air out the apartment, since there's only one window in the living room, but no windows anywhere else. It's almost like renting out a storage room loft instead of a true apartment. And it's way overpriced for us to have to deal with these inspections. I've never had to deal with these inspections at any of my previous apartments. It's so stupid out here. At least last year they put it off because of the pandemic. This year, they're acting as if the pandemic doesn't exist - and the entire state is still in a "crisis standards of care" status, meaning that most ICUs and hospital ER's are filled, so they will ask most emergency cases to be treated at home or in the parking lot or in some facility that isn't geared for emergency patients, thus spreading further staff infections, other communicable diseases, and more in otherwise sterile environments. It's sucks here!