Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

I didn't sleep last night. I crashed after my online appointments today (I had three - pretty good appointments). I then woke from a nightmare after only sleeping a few hours. I'm anxious and miserable. This happens nearly every November around this time.

The horrible, anxious restlessness of wednesday night to thursday morning is gone. I picked up my pain pills yesterday. An hour after I took one, the nausea and restlessness stopped. I guess I had been in withdrawal.

I feel a little anxious. I'm being sucked into some drama and it has me upset.

My awful anxiety of wed night dissipated Thurs morning when I picked up my refill of Vicodin.

I am habituated to taking Vicodin 10 mg twice a day every day. If I run out of it, after 2 days I go into withdrawal. That means I become restless, anxious and nauseated, and can't sleep. It was horrible.

Throughout the day it's been really bad, so I feel tons of gratitude during letups.

I woke up from a nightmare this morning and felt anxiety about it even though I know it was only a dream. I feel calmer now.

I'm very anxious about things. I'm trying to journal and let go. It's just not worth getting upset over. So I'm trying to move on. It's really difficult. I wonder if I'm struggling cause I lost my nicotine patch. I just came off and I didn't want to put another one on. It's such a hassle. But I figure I need the nicotine right now to keep me sane.

My overall anxiety hasn’t been bad since cancelling my trip yesterday. I had some brief anxiety this evening but I seem to have moved past it.

Feeling nervous. Earlier today I did pretty well. I'm expecting to move back up to that better place in a while. It might be that the mindfulness philosophy has been influencing me, like in afterthoughts throughout the day..

I made sure to put a patch on today. I have been calm. I've been listening to meditative music and journaling.

I thought peppermint mocha was bad until I had sugar cookie almond milk today. Although I don’t think it’s just the coffee today. I didn’t leave my house except to go to Starbucks because I knew it would be too much emotionally and physically. So I stayed in bed except to use the bathroom and get herbal iced tea from the fridge.

I feel like I should check in more here. I am feeling anxious after going down on Klonopin by 0.25 mg (I had been taking 1.5 mg, now I'm on 1.25 mg).


I just feel so much better (less brain fog) without the higher dose of Klonopin. I keep fearing that I'll have a panic attack or make a fool of myself on the lower dose of Klonopin though.

At this moment feeling too much anxiety, so I'm having trouble doing what I planned to do.

I was triggered and anxious all day, but I dissociated automatically. I also spent most of the day in bed sleeping, I think. I got plenty of rest, but I'm still tired. I ordered pizza and cinnamon rolls and diet pop for the littles inside. It'll be our last junk meal for a very, very long time. We've been doing good all week tapering down, but we're still on a transition phase to healthier living.

Hopefully, we'll find good fruits and veggies that the littles like. And hopefully our rec rehab T will help us with our bi-weekly or monthly walks. We're slowly getting used to going outside with a trusted (masked) professional. Hopefully, we'll be able to walk on our own more frequently, or at least with a trusted friend.

The chicken has potassium in it, which helps when I'm low on potassium. I can tell by the way I feel sometimes that I'm low on that. I once went to the ER years ago and they found that I was low on potassium. So I know now how to help that. I wasn't able to get bananas yet, so I made sure to get chicken. Chicken, the doc once told me, also has potassium.

So, my anxiety isn't as bad. I still have lingering triggers and mild intrusive thoughts in the background, however.

I find that my anxiety is at its highest when I get up in the morning. I try to "ignore" it, but that's basically impossible. Lol. So I end up taking 3mg of Klonopin. It helps a little, but since I've been on it for so many years (8-12mg daily), it doesn't do a whole heck of a lot to help anymore.

Today I don't have any plans. I don't go outside unless I'm with someone, and even then it is uncomfortable. The grocery stores are extremely stressful.

Hoping today will go by fast. I don't even have a tv to pass the time with.

I have to leave for a doctor's appointment, so I feel anxious right now. I'll be fine once I'm out the door.

I've been using distraction, music, games, reading & posting here to keep my anxiety at an ok level.

Very early this morning my anxiety was pretty bad. Then around 6-7 maybe I took a Valium visteril topamax combo which helped my anxiety a lot. So I was able to weed out what was and wasn’t anxiety. Visteril is useless when taken on its own and 50mil isn’t good either. But 25mil once a day in addition to a benzo can often work like magic. But you gotta have that benzo or your anxiety will continue to be crappy. Visteril also isn’t the greatest for your metabolism. It doesn’t cause hunger or weight gain but losing weight on it can be tough. But I’m hoping the topamax my doctor added in last month will counter that effect.

I'm anxious about some pain I'm having and not being able to stop it. I didn't want to drive to the pharmacy for my pain meds so they're being shipped to me. It could be Friday or Saturday before I have relief. I'm so upset that I'm hiding in my house all day today. My therapist says it will be a pretty day. I don't care. I want to hide forever.

I went to bed around midnight, but had to get up at around 3am. My body is just vibrating too much. There is nothing I can do other than tolerate it. I hate these sensations!

My stomach was in knots earlier, and my headache still lingers.

I was anxious for the past week, but the anxiety seems to be subsiding a little.

I'm learning not to put too much pressure on myself. I can take it slowly to get things done, and I can pause in between chores so that I can ascertain my level of orthostatic intolerance.

My anxiety remains, but I'm able to better manage it nowadays. It wasn't always this way, and it took many years of practice with finding safety and breathing and moving and doing relaxation techniques.

Sometimes when I'm stuck in therapy session and feel paralyzed, panicked, and really afraid of what traumas are being discussed, my T helps me (and my internal parts) to relax and ground again by moving. She would tell me to move my arms or stand, just so that my breathing returns to normal, and so that I can feel myself again. I hate feeling frozen and trapped inside, but she helps me return to life by moving. I think she could tell when I'm that way just by looking at the computer screen and seeing me dissociate into the abyss. My alters remain there, but they are more calm, too.

I try to do that every now and then when I'm at home alone. It works. I get up, I do a chore or use the restroom or get a drink of water. I pace a little in my apartment. I look for my favorite colors or something safe in the room, like a blankie or Grumpy Care Bear.

It takes a while, but I find safety objects and remind myself that I'm in a safe apartment. I tell myself that whatever it is I thought I wanted to accomplish for the day or night can actually wait until I'm feeling better. It's not worth me stressing over self-imposed deadlines when I'd be more product later on, once I'm relaxed and calm. It's true. I get more work done around the apartment once I'm relaxed. So it's better for me to get some rest now.

If my tummy aches, I self-care with TUMS. If I feel anxious, I either drink chamomile tea, CALM drink (magnesium), or some water with the melatonin I forgot to take the past two days. I recall things that I forgot to take to help keep me calm.

I do everything I can to calm myself and my inner parts until I'm ready to relax again. Sometimes this takes only an hour, and sometimes it takes a few hours.

I can handle depression. I cannot handle anxiety.

I love what you write. You seem to know how to read your body, and then have techniques to help with your conditions. I have never had a T to talk things over with. My mental health nurse just basically looks at me and waits for me to continue when there are long pauses. No real help whatsoever.

I like how you sat that when you have chores planned that you know to just rest and put the chores off until another time. The chores will still be there, and you can be more productive when you are in a better frame of mind. A friend of mine wants me to keep to a schedule, thinking it will stabilize me, but he doesn't understand that I have no idea what each day will bring in terms of how I am doing.

I am still suffering from the vibrations in my body that started last night in bed. It is very distressing and exhausting. I finally took 8mg of Klonopin to try and give myself some much needed relief from the sensations. It won't take them away, but MAYBE I won't suffer through them as much.

You are doing very well with knowing your limitations and responses. I hope you continue to improve. I don't know of any of the techniques you mentioned....coming into the present, breathing, etc. I know how to put off chores, though. Lol.

@SandyWeb - thank you so much! You have such the sweetest reply to my post. Sometimes I ramble though. I'm glad you are able to put off chores when you need to. Part of self-care is knowing your limitations - or at least figuring them out, regardless of what other people think or say.

Regarding your nurse, can you request a different one? Are you in the U.S.? If so, you are entitled to request a different practitioner or a more seasoned talk therapist if what you're receiving isn't working for you, or if the relationship doesn't seem to be helpful to your condition(s).

A good talk therapist will help you figure out what coping skills will work best, what treatments to do, and how to do all of that.

Hang in there. The first step is acknowledging what you feel, and that is what it seems like you're able to do now - in terms of what is working or not working with the treatments you're currently getting.

And, I totally understand dealing with people who just don't get that a routine isn't always feasible for people whose daily lives could change in an instant, including those with pain management problems, fatigue issues, and certain mental health conditions. All of these invisible disabilities are challenging for us to deal with, and for others to sympathize with since they can't see it visibly.

(((safe hugs and warm wishes)))

I have some anxiety this morning, but it's not too bad. So that is good. I'll be calmer once I start playing my games. I am busy at the moment.