hate this feeling

I just know that I'm going to fail. Every quarter since I've started school, I have unraveled the last couple of weeks and finished 1 letter grade lower that I went into this time frame with. This quarter it started a week ealier then normal, and that means I cant just skate by on my current grade. I cannot bring myself to study for more than 10-15 min.anymore. I had such a terrible time in lab today paying attention that i was completely and totaly lost. Now I have to study for a test tommoroww but I'm locked into such a foul mood its going to be tough. I dont know why I decided to write this I guess that I couldn't vent it to anyone around me, so I was hopping that this would help. Apparently not.

would a big hug from me and a big nosy kiss from my dog, fayeroe, help any. our friends swear on it!!! xoxo pat

Might work, I dont know. I dont feel this way to often, but when I do I'm pretty much stuck like this. I guess I should just say thank you.

Vent on, I know that stress messes us bipolars big time, it helps to vent.
It causes me lack of concentration, so bad that so often I end up frazzled and not accomplishing anything
Still do know why my pdoc won't address treating my ADD that I also was DXed with besides Bipolar-II(mild), I told him I'm not going to go manic, I only was hypomanic once after I was betrayed by someone close to me. . . I don't think one has to be bipolar to get pissed and heartbroken from that experience I had, anyone would of been angry.
Oh well, I'm just a patient, not a pdoc
I apologize for wondering here with my reply.
Please take care, and drop by here whenever you wish

DE

I can relate to you here. I used to use school as a means to ignore people and other stressors/triggers so I always did pretty well (as long as I could manipulate whatever school saystem I was in to fit my cycles: Which Usually I was pretty good at). But this last semester I had classes unlike my usual. Instead of labs or research I had a full load of communication (interpersonal and speech) and psychology. All of which demanded a deeper exploration of myself and required me to reveal a great deal of myself which I usually keep hidden. All of this, added to about a dozen or more SERIOUS stressors/triggers, had left me in a horribly mixed state over the last semester, and this is where I seriously got into trouble with controlling my behavior and irreparably damaging my life. I don't know how often I said that if I hadn't invested the work I was able to before this episode I don't know where I would be. I had managed to maintain a pretty decent GPA (till now), and I was always a very reliable employee and friend (till now), so a lot of people in my life understand that a lot of my actions are from bp (my shadow self as I sometimes call it). and they are more understanding and willing to accomidate me. You should look into what adjustments you can possibly make to fit around your cycling. BP could possibly be seen as a disability of sorts, requiring special accomidation and attention in order for you to learn as other students do. If you look into what might be available at your school I bet you can find something, also, talking to your teachers, being up front with them can do worlds of good. I was a person never to ask for help. If I felt myself falling into what you are describing and if I thought there was a chance that I wouldn't be able to comeplete a class (or complete it with an A) I would just drop it (then usually change my major and entire life to follw about six times)...but I finally came to see that I was getting too old to keep doing this, I needed to ask for help when I can and take it whereever I can get it, I'd advise you to do the same (cause it has defo helped me). I wish there were more I could do to help. Let me know if there's anything I can do. Much sym pathy ...
-Valerie

Asking for help is also very hard for me, I don't know why. I will sit in class completely lost, and let everyone just work around me. Then when I do get help I feel so childish. Last night I started to get physically sick, until I told myself in the mirrior that I must calm down. This moring I woke up much better, a little of a self pitty hangover and the test was not nearly as bad as I had feared. So like always it was all for nothing.

I am glad it turned out better then you expected. I too always tend to think the worst. I am highly dramatic (it is always the worst thing in the world or the best): guess that comes with the bp. People are always telling me that's how I run: hot or cold, rarely in between.I think that if I hadn't entered into this, the most exreme cycle I have ever been in- except when I was a child- I would still be a person who never asks for help, so I feel you there. That is ok, you can always get help/support here, and no one need know.. but it is still good to know or remember that we don't really get anywhere on our own. I was one of those who always gave help but never took or asked for it. Sometimes your cup just runs empty though and you need to have a full vessel in order to share anything with the world. Is your school amost over, for the summer, so you will get some releif from the stresses of school? It never ceases to amaze me how I can relate to people on this forum. It is so nice to have people who are sharing their experiences and they might as well be reading a day out of your own life. That alone is such a help...

Thankfully I get a 5 week break starting June 9th. It can come fast enough.

I got an A in the class that I was most worried about, I am my own worst enemy.

Hi Weathered,

I am glad your grade turned out much better than you expected. I would leave class after taking tests fully believing I had failed and would be astounded to know I made a good mark.

Do you have a t? Perhaps he or she can suggest ways for you to relax in class and take some of the pressure off yourself.

I wish you the best.

Cheers,

January