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#1
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im so sick of literally everything.. no matter what kind of cycle i am in i am ALWAYS angry, so angry. i hate always wanting to attack someone, or the having the feeling of murdering the person nearest me. im not safe to be around people, for my sake and their own, bc its driving me nuts, and i have to live with it everyday. its getting harder and harder each day to deal with, and i for one really dont want to hold it in anymore.. maybe i should just lash out when i feel like it, will that bring me some dam peace and quiet in my body and mind? i hate being around people, i hate hearing or seeing them, i hate the daily BS that i have to deal with and people just pile up and up on me, like its my problem and not theirs. send me to a mental hospital, who the hell cares anymore. i would finally get that peace that i need so very much. the peace in my mind that i dont have to be paranoid of the people around me, that they arent staring at me or talking about me, or plotting against me, i dont care what. take me there, put me in a room, im going to murder the next person i see regardless, i have way too much anger than i should, and im not dealing with it anymore... i have had to for far too long.
if you have felt this, or do feel like this, some advice or support would be nice. |
#2
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If you truly feel like you are going to hurt someone, then you do need to be evaluated at the ER and see if you need to go to a hospital.
Otherwise, if you are venting pent up anger, and writing it out helps, then vent away. Vent away regardless... Do you have a T or P-doc? Can you talk to one or both about how you are feeling? I get very angry myself, but I generally take it out on myself. |
#3
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man, I totally hear you because I get exactly the same. To the point where somebodies voice makes me want to punch a wall.... serioulsy, I at times, feel exactly the same way and man do I know how hard it is. I hear you loud and clear brother.
I too get fed up with all the STUPID games and BS that goes on.. I get angry and blame ppl for the way I feel. "If only pple were not such BS game players I would be ok and wouldnt feel so paranoid or hateful" BUT dude..... this is not the case.. IT IS apart of our illness... these feelings... against ppl.... its really a problem within us. Hard to see, I sooooo so so so know but when you are there, in that dark hateful place, its so easy to look at others, hate them, blame them...... but its not them. We cant control ppl..... we can only (try) to control ourselves. Do not get frustrated because you cant change ppl..... we can only change ourselves. I REALLY HEAR YOU. I get that feeling.... all too often and its souls destroying, relationship destroying.... LIFE destroying. DArk dark dark place to be man and I know it oh so well. hang tough my friend, remember, these feelings.... are apart of our illness (well it is for me anyway) How do I cope with it? Hmmmm not too well alot of the time.... BUT what helps.... is realising the ppl I am hating, have fear, self doubt and insecurites just like me. It helps me to emphasies rather than hate. I'm not saying to pity everyonr around you but just not too feel so threatened by them.... well thats what happens to me. I feel threatened by the way (I think) they judge me and seem so perfect but they are not..... they are human just like you and I but have better coping mechanisms than you, I and others with BP and other mental illnesses. Hang in there bruv, you are not alone, we hear and know what you are saying *hugs* |
#4
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i have a T and P-doc, but i dont think they take me very seriously, and i take it out on myself too, but idk bc my knuckles get broken alot.
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#5
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Quote:
![]() Well they should take you seriously... WHAT is wrong with some of these docs? they might not see it as a problem but unless they explain why they dont see it as a problem we are still left reeling in the why's??? |
#6
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Td!! I care about you my friend.! Please take care of yourself your a awesome person angry or not.
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#7
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i take it out on myself as in i punch the hell out of anything.. my dresser, concrete outside, signs, fire hydrants, walls, anything. or my head, which is bad i know, but i cant help it. rather hurt myself than someone else sometimes.
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#8
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#9
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i wouldnt do good in it.. i know it.. bc i cant even talk to my friends about it, barely my therapist.. i would snap on someone in there.. too much drama and crap, it would make me even worse.
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#10
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maybe to begin with but bruv, you need to get to the bottom of this anger issue if its cauing you this much trouble. this anger is coming from somewhere and it needs to be addressed. With mine (as posted abive) I have not actually hit anyone.... have you ever hit anyone because of your anger?
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#11
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yes i have, had a few fights in my day.
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#12
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well dude, that when you need to seek help for it. If the fights have been a result of this hatred you feel (which yes I have felt like hitting ppl but never actually have) then yes you do need to seek help for it in one way or another. Do not let them fob you off. Tell them exactly the fears you have.... man, its S&*% I know..... *hugs* its so hard isnt it? I really know... but we have each other here which is all so comforting... to be with others that understand.
So when you feel angry acome here..... LET IT RIP>..SCREAM SHOUT AS YOUR ARE TYPING BUT REALEASE THAT ANGER IN WAY THAT ISNT GOING TO HURT YOU OR OTHERS. Get a punch bag? Scream into a pillow..... the ppl are you angry with -- imagine them in their under wear.... - this wont work if thet are attractive so imagince them in a clowns outfie doing the irish jig.... anything yu make them seem less threatening. ![]() |
#13
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i have already tried that.. nothing works.. and i have been looking for help for years and i can never find it.. i dont feel threatened at all by any of them.. i just want to rip their tracheas out.. idc if im "insane", i just want peace and quiet.. and if i have to FORCE people around me to shut their mouths.. i will. i dont care. i have lost care in controlling myself, it just makes it worse for me, and they just keep up their drama.. i have already tried to hold it in, and release it in writing, that helps sometimes, but im losing it more and more each day. idk anymore.
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#14
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Not much anyone here at PC can do for you right now with the state your in. Maybe with the help of a benzo you can calm down enough to catch your breath. That may help us all to help you....
__________________
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too...I'll see you on the darkside of the moon......
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#15
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Quote:
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__________________
In a mad world only the mad are sane--Akira Kurosawa The things we fear have already happened...Deepak Choppra |
#16
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If you think you are a danger to yourself or anyone else, you need to talk to your t or Pdoc or go to the hospital
I understand the pent up anger, for a majority of my life I had bad rage issues, would keep my anger bottled up, or take it out on myself I've learned through therapy to channel that anger adn destructive feelings into safe constructive outlits, if I'm mad, I go for a walk, run, jog, work out, I'll rip up paper, punch a pillow, go work in the yard, maybe even get out paint or markers and just paint or color as hard as I can on a piece of paper, or splash the paint around, maybe you could invest in a punching bag, and when you feel like lashing out go to the punching bag and give it a go. T has suggested enrolling in a martial arts class, at the current time I can't do it I don't have time between classes and work, but it may be a great way if accesiable for you to learn to control these urges and have a great way to channel that energy into something constructive and safe. I hope you are able to find safe and constructive ways to deal with your anger hun, sending many peaceful thoughts to you, and feel free to message me anytime Best wishes typo |
#17
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I also wanted to mention in afterthought, another way I learned to channel my anger and rage was through yoga and meditation, it's been a big help in not just with my anger by with my mood swings as well, maybe particpating in a daily meditation excersie will help you feel more in control
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#18
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I'm not sure I've ever felt exactly like that, but I've come close. I can remember walking down the street (I must've been around 22) trying on the idea that I hated everyone I met -- and it always seemed to fit. I didn't want to attack them; I just didn't like them and didn't want to be around them. And I didn't think they were plotting against me; I assumed they just didn't like me (if they already knew me) or wouldn't like me (if they ever got to).
At the time I had no idea what that was about, only that I felt trapped and frustrated, everyone else seemed better off, and nobody could tell me what to do to feel untrapped and unfrustrated. In retrospect, I was studying for a career I didn't really want (no, not psych, for those who may know some of my story -- that came later.) I thought I had to do what I'd set out to do, and if I didn't enjoy it or wasn't doing very well at it, that had to be my own fault. There seemed to be something wrong with me but obviously I couldn't fix it if I couldn't find it -- maybe not even if I could find it -- so what was there to like about me? I don't know if that sounds anything like your situation. I was hoping that even if it didn't, the differences might give you something to go on. I don't know how useful this'll be to you, but -- if they were talking about you or plotting against you, what would you expect that to be about? When I consider plotting against somebody, for instance, one of the first things that occurs to me is that I enjoy not having to worry about them plotting back, and usually I'd rather not give that up if I can help it. |
#19
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I know where you are at! I have been living with these anger issues .....god since I can remember and as far back to my mom telling me as a toddler I was always angry and just frustrating to be with...I have taken anger test w/ the pdoc and he said hes had hardened criminals not score as high as I did...He was scared for me and the people around me, like you I usually take the anger out on myself but things still scare my family. meds help, but your right EVERYTHING is a trigger and I still at almost 30 have a hard time dealing
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__________________
Jenni |
#20
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I also am very snappy, but for me it is usually a build up before it reaches agression. I'll ask once nicely, maybe twice and if you're very lucky a third time. If I do not have a response by then, I tend to get VERY aggressive.
If the perpetuator is my boyfriend, I usually go into the room next door, tense my entire body's muscles and scream internally. Thereafter I collapse on the bed and have a good cry. Taking an anti-anxiety tab or 2 thereafter then allows me to carry on with my life. I try my best to walk away from a situation when possible, but I know it's not easy. I do agree that you need to work on anger managament - take responsibility for your actions and know that you cannot treat other people like that. You need to find out what your triggers are, avoid them, or if you have no choice but to go through a trigger, have an action plan of how to keep calm |
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