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#1
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hey guys, i've been off work for 4 months and the family i live with are expectin me to return to work really soon. I'm already behind on my rent because my sick pay isn't enough to cover my rent and phone bill etc. My other debts have also mounted, credit cards, store cards etc. These debts are adding to my stress and depression. I've been through so much these last 4 months, i broke my ankles and had to have surgery on them both, this sent me into depression for a couple of months and then i went into what appears to be a mixed episode which is my current state. But i can feel the depression slowly creepin upon me again and the thought of going back to work is terrifying me! I feel sick and panicky at the thought. I've been havin a few panic attacks whilst i'm out and its gettin to the stage i don't want to leave the house alone! How do i tell the family i live with that i can't go back to work? I'm sorry the post is so long, thanks for reading!
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#2
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If you can at least tolerate your job, you should go back. What you are feeling in part is probably because you've been gone so long. I had a meltdown and spent three months out of work and in treatment. I also had your feelings at the thought of going back. Had to face it. It got easier after a day or so. Then it was like I never left. If you are full-time now, see if you can do your first week back part-time. Also, try going back in the middle of your work week so you don't have to do the first whole week.
I'm no expert, but you probably just need to face the demon and get the first day back over with and behind you. Believe me, nothing's changed and you'll probably be fine by lunch the first day. Hope that helps!!!! |
![]() Yoda
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#3
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Thanks for the reply. I don't think i can go back even part time, i get very anxious when i'm at and had been strugglin before i went off on the sick. It fills me with dread and terror, and my friend who i live with has been askin whether i've been lookin for a new job or not and that maybe i should jus go back to my old job for now but she and her parents have no idea what i'm going thru. My sister had a similar problem when she lost her son and then her mum a few months after. She was off for 8 months and felt similar to me, she eventualy went back but she doesn't have bipolar like me but does understand how i'm feelin and supports me a lot. I jus can't go back to work especially as my meds are not sorted properly yet as i was only officially diagnosed 4 weeks ago so that has had a big impact on me to! I feel bad cos i know they can't afford the rent without my contribution so i'm stuck!
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#4
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i was off work for 4 months then started going back really gradually, and my employer were really understanding, they put no pressure on me and let me change my role slightly to something i was more able to do. Even if i just did a bit of filing.
I would TRY going back, either it works or it doesnt, and it will be better for you to be able to say you tried and failed to the family rather than not trying at all.
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MZG |
#5
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larakeziah; what does your pdoc say about returning to work? I think it's important to do something each day even when your on medical leave. Even if it's just taking part in a group therapy program, or volunteering etc. I was put on an 8 month medical leave by my pdoc when I was first diagnosed. I had been in-patient for 6 weeks and when I was discharged I went to group therapy each day. I think without having that structure my mental health would have been worse. Perhaps you could speak to your pdoc about possible programs you could take part in.
I know it's scary, but I suggest meeting with the family and let them know what's going on. I'm not sure if you're doing this already, but can you ask if there is something you can do for the family such as running errands, cleaning, making meals etc. to help contribute. I would also suggest going to the bank and ask what options you have and contact your credit card companies and ask if your interest rate can be reduced.
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Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010 Check out my blog The Bipolar Roller Coaster: http://blueoctober.psychcentral.net/ New Post March 23 "New Therapist" |
![]() lonegael
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#6
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You should at least try. If it doesn't work, it's no tragedy you tried.
as other said... one needs structure and something to keep their mind occupied.
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Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
#7
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i understand what you're all sayin, that i should at least try but even writin or thinkin about it sends me in a panic, i feel sick now and am cryin at the thought. I do a lot for the family, cleaning, ironing etc i jus don't feel stable enough to return to work! I hate being off work cos i'm usually such an active person, i'm jus failin right now!
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#8
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Do you have some coping methods to calm yourself down? Please try... if you don't you would probably end up beating yourself over the fact you didn't.
__________________
Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
#9
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Quote:
1) your sick leave isn't enough to cover your bills. 2) your debts are unpaid. 3) Your having panic attacks while out 4) Your nervous about going back to work. So lets try to break it down a bit a see if it more manageable. Sick leave isn't enough to cover your bills, but if you were on disability you would be getting more, so if your adamant about not returning you could do a bit of research about how to apply for disability, what it would pay and how long you can be on it. Your credit cards and department store cards are unpaid. For now i would not use any more credit. If you contact them and let them know your going through financial difficulty,sometimes they can make arrangements to pay a smaller amount or lower interest rates or sometimes even they will put your payments on hold and give you a couple months grace period.Eventually you will of course have to pay them off and maybe that would be more possible if you were on disability. Alternately if you could return to work for a short time maybe you can pay those debts off and then after your caught up you could consider another leave or applying for disability. That way you would be able to get back in there and decide if it's too much or if it's manageable. If your having panic attacks while out there are three courses of action. You can make sure your seeing someone about it, making sure your doctor knows that this is important for you and your number one priority at this time. You can talk to your doctor about getting the help of medications to put at ease so you can do the mental work involved with working past panic attacks.You can also apply some self help strategy's, such as planning your outings and thinking them through in their entiarty. For example if your going to be going into a grocery store and you think you may have a panic attack you can think about it before hand, not dwelling on the panic but more on being prepared. "I'm going to go to this store. I am going to stay calm while picking out my items. If i feel stressed out i will try to calm myself down by doing some quiet breathing. If it gets to be too much i can leave the store and calm myself down outside or in the car. After calming myself down i will go back into the store and finish my shopping. If i need to leave, i will do so and re calm myself, but i will make sure that i finish what i intended to do by going back in after i have calmed myself." Being nervous to return to work is normal. As a matter of fact recently i have had to do this very same thing.It's important to try, because you have to know for certain if working is possible for you at this moment. I would make some plans before your first day back. Like work it out in your head, what am i really afraid of? Ask your doctor to help you plan the day, and develop some strategies to deal with whatever may happen. Make arraignments with your boss. Say i am going to come back but if it gets to be too much for me i may have to leave. That way your giving it an honest effort but your still prepared even if you have to leave. If you need a moment to compose yourself I'm sure your boss will understand. make sure your first shift back is not a long one, try to make arraingments for a shorter shift, so you can back into the swing of things. Sometimes you feel stressed out because you may not have worked out the details your just surrounded with problems and it's stressful because they don't have any solutions. If you take the time to plan ahead it's much more likely that you will be able to accomplish what you want or need to do. With that being said these things are for you to decide, only you know if your ready to work. If you aren't then sitting down with both your doctor and your family are going to be important in the near future. I think if your honest and just sit down with your family they will understand. they may even be able to help you out. Sorry about the rant i hope you found some of this helpful, and please post back if/when you decide what your planning to do. ![]() |
![]() lonegael, wing, Yoda
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#10
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Thank not Ryask for the advice. I have a gp appointment on wed and then an appointment with the long term mental health team in my area on friday so i'll speak to my gp first about my anxiety and panic attacks. Then when i see the doc on friday for my assessment appointment i'll explain every to them too. After i've spoken to them then i'll sit down with the family i live with and tell them what the doctors have said and if they can't accept that i'll not be returnin to work yet then i'll have to tell them that i'll move out. I feel bad about this decision cos i know they need my money but my mental health is more important to me. Plus i'm fed up of not being able to buy my self anythin! And all the conversation ever is between me and my friend is money! I'm sick to death of her going on about it and how much i owe and interfering! Huh sorry bout that. Thanks again
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#11
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Right on, that's a good plan! It's very encouraging to see that your valuing your own health, because in the end that's really whats important. Do let us know how it turns out and good luck!
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#12
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You are in a very hard predicament. The following may seem harsh, but it really is just intended to give you a different perspective.
You are currently living with a friend, and as your sick pay is not covering all the bills, they are having to carry you. This is VERY difficult to expect from anyone, let alone your own family. So I can understand where they are coming from. Do you have family that can help you? Is it possible to get more sick pay (I'm not sure how that works) through letters from your pdoc, if he feels you really cannot return to work? Is it just THIS job that stresses you out so much? Maybe you can look at a different job, in a different field, that you could handle much better? Rather look at a job as a distraction, something you can look forward to and can help you get into a routine, than a job? Once you do get into a job, you will become more financially independent and it will give you confidence and strength
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"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
![]() lonegael
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#13
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One time I went out on medical leave and the sick pay did not cover my bills and debts, I could not consider moving b/c it was too costly- deposits, bigger rent, moving my things and I could not find anything less than what I already had. So it meant staying where I was until either I was back to work or something else gave. Unless there is family or a friend to help, I could not consider moving.
Which is more stressful to you, the interactions themselves with the family or not being able to pay your bills and paying them what you owe them? Moving isn't going to solve that. You'll still owe them. If they are helping you now, they sound concerned, and yes, need the money from you but also sound concerned. When I needed to go back to work, my anxiety level had hit an all time high, frequent panic attacks, and fear so overwhelming it was paralyzing at times. I hated my job that I went out on leave from but the possibility of finding something new for me during that moment was impossible; if I couldn't go back there and prove I could, it wouldn't have mattered where the work was. Fear of going back was the same no matter. The doc and T helped me through this. I love your plan to talk to your physician and the other providers. Work with them to help you to manage your symptoms and the anxiety. The world will look better then and you will have more confidence to deal with the family and possibly going back to work sooner than later, which will also solve the issue with the family. Once back to work is when I found I could go look for another job, as the financial pressure was relieved some and could pay some of my debts, my confidence was back, and there was less strain and desperation in my voice that would have come out in an interview, besides a more than likely panic attack from the strain. If they are holding your job for you, it is to your benefit to back for your confidence, financial reasons to hold you over, references, and to save you from having the pressure of job hunting without an income which is THE route of your strain right now for yourself and dealing with the family. Also, going back to what you know, though not what you want to be doing, can have some comfort in it for when you first go back as twisted as this may sound; you don't have to learn a new position as you get refamiliarized with working again. It is scary, no doubt. But fear in this case is more the issue and the docs and providers can really help with this. You can do it! Really! ![]() |
![]() lonegael
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#14
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This might also help you and the family you live with work out some type of payment plan for the back rent owed, so that you don't have to carry this around like a monkey on your back. I know how that can feel, to owe money to friends can be a very difficult issue, even if they understand. It is best get it taken care of as clearly as possible. Also, "coming out " might well take some of the strain off of your situation, dear. You have been under so much stress. HUGGGS!
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#15
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thank you. They have been really good about me owing them money. And i've been helpin my friends mum a lot with her little cleaning and ironing jobs so she has let me off some of the rent which is really good of her. I am havin financial help from the citizens advice bureau in my area and they are sorting it with the court so i pay a small fixed amount every month. So thats relievin some of the stress. But its not helpin with the fact that i can't go back to work. Its not that i don't want to because i do its jus that i can't, and no one seems to understand that and i feel like a lazy *****! Its makin me so mad!
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![]() lonegael
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