Me again!!

Why does my mania come so late at night/early morning.

I have been doing good(ish) and not had major only slight mania today and now I am hyper.

I hurt myself again tonight......... why do I do this.

I hate when this happens.

I want to talk but where do I start and what do I say and who will listen and why wont I just talk?????????????????????????????????????????

I HATE THIS STAGE............ WHY DON'T YOU COME DURING THE DAY WHEN I NEED THE MOTIVATION??

talk...I'll listen

Thank u PT52!

I am still awake. 3.39am. I am in bed unable to sleep. I am wide awake, this is via my mobile. I am struggling at the moment to keep normal. I have bluffed to everyone I am fine. Im not. Wen did I start becoming a brilliant liar. I hate people saying that to me. But thats wat I am. I am a liar. I have 4 days until I see a counsellor. I havent seen a counsellor since July. I cant cry anymore its physically hard and I am always unsuccessful. I keep thinking of people and talking to them. I see them in my head and I talk to them. I am not functionin. Everyday is a struggle. I am just maskin it all. I dont want people to ask questions BUT I actually do want this. I have been reading more info on Bipolar. I also looked up suicide too. Why do I do this to myself. I dont feel suicidal at all. Nitemare

I lied for years, too. That doesn't make us terrible people. Can you make it 4 days? I'm sorry it's a struggle, and I know how hard it is to share your feelings with anyone. Maybe the people you are talking to in your head are the ones you should be talking to in person. It's scary and there are going to be people who don't understand, but there are also people who will still love you. It's not easy and it's not fair, but it is what we have to deal with. Sending peaceful vibes your way...if you can't sleep, try to rest. Don't look at any more negative websites. just rest, okay?

Hey PT52,

I have been made to feel guilty and bad for lying. Friends and ex friends have said I am a brilliant liar and that I have gotten better at it since I became ill. 1 of my close friends said through text she hates the fact I lie to her and the fact I am lying to myself... she said the latter is worse than anything else

I will go to my app on 5th just dubious about them helping me as I am now weirder than I have been.

The people I speak to are really nice people from my past... some I don't know well and who have just popped in for a brief moment. I just always have someone with me in that respect. Even though I am sitting in my bedroom at the mo there is someone with me. Not looking at me etc just sitting with me. I hate feeling stupid like this. Why do I have people with me and why do I have to talk to them.

I want to look at the negative websites though... its like an impulse that I feel... But I know its gonna upset me. Mr Google has a lot to answer for haha!!

Will this horrible patch go away anytime soon?

I cant even take a tablet as I only have 3 left and I need them for during next week. I am weaning off them and only have 3 left. I see my GP in 2 weeks so I need these tablets to help me next week and get me through a really hard week I have ahead of me

I dont want to go to work... I am gonna have to leave soon and really can't be bothered

I understand how tough this can be..I'm down to just a couple of friends, and I don't talk about it to them at all - just my family. But it really did turn out for the best...When someone says you're lying to yourself, they're not helping much. Maybe you are, or maybe what's in your mind at the time is real, even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

I don't believe anyone can "make you" feel guilty. Things they say can trigger emotions like guilt, but you have control over how long you let it worry you. Maybe your friends should learn more about mental illness...I'm guessing that being a brilliant liar is going to factor in one way or another.

I guess if you deliberately lie and your intent is to hurt someone, then the best thing to do is admit it, apologize, fix what you can, then put it in your "lessons learned" file along with the guilt.

Or something like that ...

I expect this "horrible patch" will likely go away, but who knows when..the analogy is great, tho..it's a patch in our lives, so as we move forward, eventually we move off the patch and on towards then next one, which could be a good one...

I know, I am not lying to hurt them. I am lying to save them from getting hurt. I cant do anything right. I mess everything up.

Ha! Friends wats that again. My 2 closest friends ditched me. So I have made new friends. I dont want to ruin my friendships with them and I dont want to hurt them and get hurt myself. My ex friends really hurt me.

I hope I can get over this. At the moment I am not living a good life. I am floundering. Just need that magic wand which is non existent.

Most of my friends have done research on my illness(s) but its hard to talk to them. Dont want to depress them either.

I learned something from someone here...when you have destructive thoughts, say STOP! In your head or out loud, whichever works.

If you feel like you're really reaching for that "magic wand",(which is isn't by the way), tell whoever is with you, call your doctor, go to the hospital, whatever works.

I really hope you find a way to see the good in yourself..I know you can do some things right, and I bet if you think about it, there are plenty of times when you didn't mess things up. None of us is perfect, right?

I hope you get back to a place where things are a little brighter. Remember, we may not know how big the patch is, but we do know we'll eventually move past it.

Hey PT52,

I know ur right. I just cant see anything going my way. I have just had such a hard year, I no I can pull back from this. But I am unsure how. Seems all I feel and think now is how I am so stupid. I want to just go away somewhere. No idea where.

I feel tired today and my head is thumpin real badly. Just want my bed

Hang in there..one day at a time. Get some rest, hope that headache gets better, no negative websites before you go to sleep!..try playing some classical music quietly while you go to sleep. When I do, it calms me and puts my mind into a more pleasant place.

I am gonna listen to some good music... not long home from work

wind down time then bed

I am sorry for complaining today, really unsure what I feel at the moment

Hi Laura,
You can complain on PC all you want. We are all here to help each other. I am sending good vibes your way. Have a good rest. Joanie

It's not complaining, it's a way to sort things out. Get a good night's sleep and feel better tomorrow.

Sleep. Wats that again. Nearly 2 hours in my bed. This is not good. I dont even seem tired. No yawnin nothin. Think a dvd or some crap tv is in order

find an educational channel - that'll put you to sleep in no time

Sleep wats that again? I have been in bed for just over 2 hours. Cant sleep. Wat is goin on? Thinkin dvd or tv is in order

Haha! Wil surf see wat there is. Sorry my post sent twice. This is via my phone. Signal is rubbish

Have you tried reading in bed? It knocks me out quickly.

Dont have the concentration at the mo. Need to buy happy books instead of sad books too. Stil awake obviously. Stinker of a sore head now and feeling sick. Not good

Hey, Miss Laura! That night pattern stinks! I get it wth my mixed episodes; I's nearly hit normal during the days and hell would bust at night. It's OK. I hear it's often how it works with depressions that come with bipolar and manias Have you managed to crash yet? I've just gotten out of the hospital (non psych) so my sleep is all messed up.

Hey Lonegael,

Shattered comes to mind. Not much sleep last nite. Was awake til 4am. So tired. Not managed a crash yet. Hope it wil come soon as much as I dont want it to. Need to have control again. Not got any control over this at the moment

Why do I set myself up for disappointment all the time. I just told my ex best friend who has ditched me I am Bipolar. We r in work together. She didnt even look up from her paperwork and didnt say anything. So much for her caring bout me. Why do I do this to myself. I wil never learn

Quit beating yourself up over it! She's the one who has a problem!!

Sorry PT52,

I really can't help it. I just feel so angry and that it's my fault. If only I didnt get ill and became too much of a burden

Another sleepless nite. Just in bed now wide awake. Its 415am. This is my life at the moment isnt it? Yip I am manic. Slightly manic. Wen wil this stop I wonder.