[Conversio]

I've been referring to this forum for a long while, never joined until today. I have Bipolar Disorder, type 1. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and am now 33. I am mostly stable on meds, but it has been a long time coming. After three stints in the psych unit, ECT, countless meds, etc., I feel I am finally doing well. I have a great career, a loving husband, and a nice home. But I still struggle from time to time. So I am happy to be here to listen and learn and finally share.

conversioblog.wordpress.com

[ToxicCupcake]

Hi all, just a short introduction here.....don't want to bore anyone with the crazy details I've been diagnosed as bipolar (II, I think, my psych doc still hasn't clarified that part of the diagnosis for some reason) with a side of B.E.D. Fun times, fun times! Currently, I'm only taking 2 meds, Lamictal and Vyvanse. The doc has also prescribed Seroquel "to help with sleep" since trazodone knocks me out. They both send me off to LaLaLand and I feel horribly hungover in the morning...which sucks because at least if I had a real hangover I know I would have had a great time the night before! I'm here looking for validation, really, that I'm not alone in all of this. I feel alone most of the time, even though I'm married and have two sweet little boys, and I work full time....I'm almost always around someone but in my head, I'm always alone. So I'm glad to find a place where I can let some of these thoughts and feelings get out of my head, maybe get some relief so I can enjoy (gasp!) my life for a change. And maybe also identify exactly what it is that's "wrong" with me so I can find ways to "fix" me enough to to not let my craziness infect my boys. Thanks in advance for helping me help myself, and hopefully I can pay it forward to others in the same or similar predicament.

[cmorales]

Hi, ToxicCupcake!

I hear ya on the Trazodone. That stuff made me so groggy the next day. Instead my pdoc gave me Zoplidem (Ambien) which doesn't give me such a hungover feeling.

I also know exactly what you mean when you say you're surrounded by people but still feel all alone. Back in my early 20s I had a lot of friends, but because none of them really understood what was going on with me (to be fair, I wasn't fully sure either) and sometimes talked crap about my behavior (which is understandable, but still hurt a little) I felt all alone. The only person who could really relate to me was my borderline friend, but the group essentially forced her out (for a while) after her 3rd suicide attempt because they didn't want to deal with her anymore. I wish I knew of PC and similar sites back then to have some people to talk to about it all.

Anyway, welcome! Everyone here is pretty great. You've found yourself a really cool place to chill online where people will totally understand what you're going through.

See you around the boards!

Hi, I'm Sam. I actually have schizoaffective bipolar type, but I know there's a lot of similarities between sza and bp so I will probably spend some time in this subforum as well. My first psychosis happened when I was 16, and had my first manic episode when I was 17, and have had rapid cycling for a few years. I'm now taking meds (clozapine, lamictal, and amoxapine) which have helped me get out of the spin cycle. My last episode was in December and landed me in the hospital and I'm just trying to rebuild my life and return to a functioning state. I am looking forward to supporting and being supported here. Thank you for reading.

[SearchingforMe]

Hi, I am new here. I was diagnosed with bipolar years ago, in a very abrupt way, when looking for help with depression. I have been on meds now for years, but have not really had a good psyD or therapist. I have had some be helpful for a specific time, but not worked out for various reasons.
I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Type I or II, hopefully Type 2, and ADHD, and anxiety disorder. I was married to a verbal abuser for 21 years, so I don't know if that is part of why I have anxiety...
I am now married to a kind man. I feel frustrated about the therapist situation. I left the last therapist because I was trying to set goals and she told me I couldn't do the things I wanted to do. So I felt like that wasn't really her place. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out what I want in life and what I might be capable of, and I have low self-esteem, so I never went back.
I need to fix a lot of things in my life, but I need a therapist I can trust. I thought a support group would also help me to be more healthy.

[lost2bipolar]

I do not have bipolar. I am positive my girlfriend did but sad she wasn't getting help because she killed herself two and a half months ago. I have been trying to figure out what happened when I came to the conclusion she was bipolar. I am looking to talk to people with bipolar and learn about it, all in an effort to figure out what happened to the girl I loved more than anything else.

Originally Posted by lost2bipolar

I do not have bipolar. I am positive my girlfriend did but sad she wasn't getting help because she killed herself two and a half months ago. I have been trying to figure out what happened when I came to the conclusion she was bipolar. I am looking to talk to people with bipolar and learn about it, all in an effort to figure out what happened to the girl I loved more than anything else.

I'm sorry for your loss. Suicide is an awful way to lose a loved one. (((Hugs)))

Originally Posted by lost2bipolar

I do not have bipolar. I am positive my girlfriend did but sad she wasn't getting help because she killed herself two and a half months ago. I have been trying to figure out what happened when I came to the conclusion she was bipolar. I am looking to talk to people with bipolar and learn about it, all in an effort to figure out what happened to the girl I loved more than anything else.

I am very sorry for your loss. *hugs*


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SearchingforMe]

Originally Posted by lost2bipolar

I do not have bipolar. I am positive my girlfriend did but sad she wasn't getting help because she killed herself two and a half months ago. I have been trying to figure out what happened when I came to the conclusion she was bipolar. I am looking to talk to people with bipolar and learn about it, all in an effort to figure out what happened to the girl I loved more than anything else.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can understand wanting to understand what happened. I hope you find what you are looking for and it helps you to heal.

[Millie126]

Hello all,

My name is Jenny. I'm 55 years old, and am diagnosed with Bipolar II - most recently having psychotic episode(s) during a long depressive cycle.

(I'm new to using forums, so hope this is not proceeding incorrectly.) I'm very happy to find this forum, just to communicate with others who understand the bipolar illness, since IRL I can only talk to my doctor and fiance about it.

In yesterday's doctor appointment, discussing the past month, I described thinking I heard a radio playing in the next room. She said it was a hallucination, which was surprising. I responded that the "radio" thing had been going on since age 15, but never thought anything of it. We both previously thought my first-ever auditory hallucination occurred 2 months ago. (I have been in depression since September 2015.)

At another moment during the appointment, she identified two recent [ecstatic] experiences as being full-blown mania. Those experiences led me to recognize a long-dead passion, make a beautiful photo, and blog about how it came about 1 day before the session.

...So y'all, today it's really hitting home: I've been psychotic for 40 years, and didn't know it?! And the two times of profound happiness in the past 6 months were actually deepening illness?! (Not intending to judge or label anyone, just my interpretation of feelings.)

Now, I feel like I can't trust anything about myself. I felt damaged, before, but as a result of this information I feel really broken as a human. (Again, not judging or labeling anyone else, just my interpretation of feelings.)

I've had a couple of self-inflicted identity shakedowns already, the past few months, and now this one. Feeling knocked back to square minus-1. Anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do, or or what emotional "point" (for lack of a better word) did you try to start over again from?

Thank you and much appreciation,
Jenny

[Elinay]

Hi! I'm Hannah. I'm Bipolar1. I hope to find hope here.

[SearchingforMe]

Originally Posted by Millie126

Hello all,

My name is Jenny. I'm 55 years old, and am diagnosed with Bipolar II - most recently having psychotic episode(s) during a long depressive cycle.

(I'm new to using forums, so hope this is not proceeding incorrectly.) I'm very happy to find this forum, just to communicate with others who understand the bipolar illness, since IRL I can only talk to my doctor and fiance about it.

In yesterday's doctor appointment, discussing the past month, I described thinking I heard a radio playing in the next room. She said it was a hallucination, which was surprising. I responded that the "radio" thing had been going on since age 15, but never thought anything of it. We both previously thought my first-ever auditory hallucination occurred 2 months ago. (I have been in depression since September 2015.)

At another moment during the appointment, she identified two recent [ecstatic] experiences as being full-blown mania. Those experiences led me to recognize a long-dead passion, make a beautiful photo, and blog about how it came about 1 day before the session.

...So y'all, today it's really hitting home: I've been psychotic for 40 years, and didn't know it?! And the two times of profound happiness in the past 6 months were actually deepening illness?! (Not intending to judge or label anyone, just my interpretation of feelings.)

Now, I feel like I can't trust anything about myself. I felt damaged, before, but as a result of this information I feel really broken as a human. (Again, not judging or labeling anyone else, just my interpretation of feelings.)

I've had a couple of self-inflicted identity shakedowns already, the past few months, and now this one. Feeling knocked back to square minus-1. Anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do, or or what emotional "point" (for lack of a better word) did you try to start over again from?

Thank you and much appreciation,
Jenny

Dear Jenny,
I have had doctors tell me I am bipolar type 1 and some said type 2 or don't know. I think it is hard to figure out who you are when you have a mental illness. What part of "me" is my personality, and what parts are my mood disorder or my attention deficit? I don't know what else to say that would help except that I know what you mean and I am sure I am not the only ones who can identify with you and what you are feeling. Do you suppose that the rediscovering of your passion could also continue to be a positive thing for you, just not necessarily the great euphoria that you felt in your manic state.
As far as the radio thing, that would be hard to process, but in spite of your illness, and these tricks that your brain has played on you, you sound like an intelligent and interesting person. Don't lose sight of the fact that you are still you-dealing with an illness, yes, but you are not your illness. And it is not because of something YOU did wrong.
Idk if this helps, but please know that you aren't alone.
Take care.

[SearchingforMe]

Originally Posted by Elinay

Hi! I'm Hannah. I'm Bipolar1. I hope to find hope here.

Welcome, Hannah! Me too!

[SearchingforMe]

P.s. I meant I hope to find hope here, not that I am bipolar 1, that I don't know.

[Bijinkies]

I'm not quite sure how this works. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I am a mum of four with bipolar 1 disorder which has caused me to have auditory, visual and tactile hallucinatons in the past. I also have epilepsy. I have a great doctor, but the meds will take a while to kick in and right now i am somewhat manic and irritable at the kids. They are really darlings. I'm not generally like it. I need help. My best friends are all having their own crisis marraige breakups and whatnot. I don't like to dump on people. My other family are not helpful. How do you other parents cope? I ended up in hospital last time.

[btladtf9890]

Hello. I'm Cat. I have bipolar. I am currently on the back-end of a manic period. And as everyone knows, when it goes for so long, it eventually bites you squarely. My entire world is at a crumbling place, and I know support can be helpful. I am seeing a doctor again; and I am on my medications. Yet I went four years without, struggling through the ups and downs, and refusing to admit that anything was wrong. I did not have a problem. For twenty-six years, I have struggled with that stigma of being different; flawed; broken; or just plain crazy. Hence my reluctance to return to a doctor and ask for help. I have the habit of putting the mask on in public; unless it gets too bad, at which times alcohol becomes a great playmate. I don't want this anymore; I want to be better, for those around me, and most of all for myself. I look forward to getting to know new people who can understand the struggles I face.

Welcome to the new folks xo

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by electricrainbow

So I have a friend who is bipolar and on lithium, now we have been very close friends for 3.5 years with a 3 month break at the beginning of last year...since becoming friends again it seems like she has gotten worse. She gets angry easy and about the smallest things, now I know it seems small to me but is big to her I understand that, I am just having a hard time to dealing with it. I know underneath there is a great person but the personal verbal attacks are becoming a lot to handle. For instant I have another best friend and my friend with bi poloar says that she is not my friend because I already have a best friend, so its like I can only have one best friend. It has gotten to the point that I had to unfriend yet another friend from fb because she doenst like her, and this other friend has done nothing to my bp friend..but in my bp friends eyes she thinks my fb friend has an alterior motive....my bp friend has extreme paranoia. I feel bad to unfriend my other friend as I don't know what to do and I am afraid that my fb will eventually move on and not want to be friends with me , mpw my bp friend says I mock her illness, when I don't, I am trying to understand this......

We just finished having a huge fight that lasted probably two weeks and a lot was said in anger. The last two days have been good and now she is triggered again by me adding a certain on fb, she has been up for 28hrs now and says she will sleep for a couple of hours then she will be good as new, she is very educated on her bp illness but when it comes to close people she doesn't know why she can fly off the handle, the way she talks to me she would never talk to anyone else like that, just very very close pple like her husband and myself she says things without thinking but for someone outside of the circle she can control herself...why is that?

I want to learn everything and anything about this illness, as a person being close to someone who suffers with bp it is getting very frustrating as sometimes I want to close the chapter on our friendship, I have now seen her loose it so to speak twice now ...

Her highs or euphoria mania are awesome, but when she comes down she knows she is starting to feel depressed and doesn't know why, then paranoia sets in, accusations start to fly, her temper is quick, she thinks she is always right , she will argue a point to the bitter end, if you try to get away from the argument you are dismissing her feelings and punishing her with silent treatment that is what she thinks, but in reality all you are doing is stepping back because it does not matter what you say you are wrong in what you say.. its like she has to have complete control...

so as you can see I am very frustrated and really need to converse with someone to get a better understanding and how to handle this .....

feeling very frustrated

For me these are usually a sign of non-compliance with meds or the meds not working. I don't know? It might be worth asking?

[Honey1113]

I'm Honey and I am 37 years old. I have known about this problem a long time. I have tried to ignore it but well that don't help. I have isolated myself in a cabin in the woods. I am about to start trying new meds with my Dr.'s help. I am afraid I will give up before I get a handle on this.

Originally Posted by Honey1113

I'm Honey and I am 37 years old. I have known about this problem a long time. I have tried to ignore it but well that don't help. I have isolated myself in a cabin in the woods. I am about to start trying new meds with my Dr.'s help. I am afraid I will give up before I get a handle on this.

Try not to give up. We've all been there, I was afraid I was going to give up just recently. Had to put in emerg plans, what hospital etc,.... I'm just getting out of 2 months of rapid-cycling torture and hell myself, I thought of giving up, glad I didn't now. Truth is though,not sure I could go through it again. I get so tired.

Hello everyone! I actually found this sight in my research on borderline personality disorder, but I am interested in learning about others with bipolar. Ha ha! Perhaps it might be a chance to feel like 'normie.' No matter; I was diagnosed at seventeen by a second doctor after doctor #1 diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I was scared; I ran away and took a greyhound bus nearly a thousand miles. Now, I, as I am sure most people in such situations, have struggled through the years with my diagnosis. The medications slowly became less odious as I grew older, but let's not lie; even I decided at times I knew what was best for me. I have recently been diagnosed with BPD by two doctors; and this has left me nearly devastated. All these years I have worked (granted on/off) to remedy my chemical imbalance, and here I am, back at square one. Anyhow, I look forward to sharing with everyone; and learning from each post.

[FooZe]

We're approaching 1000 replies so I've closed this thread. The new thread is here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...-part-2-a.html