Alcohol possible triggers

Recently I have been drinking a little more than usual. By this I mean normally I don't drink at all except for a few occassions a year and then it is one drink. I have over the past month had as many drinks as I would in a year. A glass of wine here, a Margherita there and still only one drink at a time.

Lately I feel a craving for a drink during the day. We have several bottles of wine in the kitchen that haven't been touched for years and lately I have wanted to open one and drink it all.
I don't know if I am explaining this well or not, but it is something that never used to happen.

I used to get drunk in college every weekend and I was the life of the party. I had all the ideas, I had the best conversational skills, I fit in with everyone, and they all wanted to be with me (at least that's what I thought when drunk) The first time I drank I ws afraid to have my own cup of beer so I went around asking people for a sip and drank out of cups that people left around. It was the first time I felt drunk and I loved it. The next day I woke up with no hangover and thought I got away with it with no consequences. A month later I had mono, but I didn't make the connection.

Sophomore year I was drinking every weekend, still with what I thought were no consequences, until I got a little too close to a guy. It was all very innocent, but then my friend took me into the bathroom and told me that I needed to back off from him because I was being inappropriate. The next day she told me that I was making out with him. I still, to this day don't remember it. After winter break my group of friends found out that he had committed suicide. It hit me hard. After that I still did the weekend parties, but at one point I felt a little scared because it was all I could think about once Thursday came around. Eventually, I scared myself into thinking that the drinking was getting out of hand and I pretty much stopped, except for occassionally. I never craved it, and I stopped partying. I didn't miss it, didn't need it.

I went through lots of bipolar stuff back then too, but didn't have a diagnosis and had no idea and no self awareness.

What I am wondering about now is why I am craving it 17 years later? I know I am not drinking all that much, but I feel almost compelled to open a bottle almost every day. I don't do it though because I have to drive my kids around and I need to be sober for that.

Can someone give me some insight?

Chances are there's something going on in your life that you want/need to get away from, that's scary or very uncomfortable. It may or may not have anything to do with your bipolar. But your mind would rather smother this something in alcohol than let it come into your consciousness.

Whatever it is, your unconscious thinks it's threatening. It may or may not be threatening in reality. But that desire for alcohol is there for a purpose. It didn't just spring up from the ground by itself. So what you need to do is think a lot about your current situation, at work, at home, with spouse, with kids, about money, about relatives, about your own mind, that may possibly be bothering your unconscious.

When you find it, you need to solve it in some way that makes your unconscious happier. Then the desire for alcohol will go away. If you don't have a T now, you may need to get a T for this. If you do have a T, it's something you have to talk over with him/her. Your desire for alcohol is a sign that something's wrong somewhere. Your job is to find out what and fix it. Take care!

My life is stressful and a little bit out of control right now. My husband is unemployed and our relationship isn't the greatest. I am having a hard time with the transition for my kids from summer to school. There are other things going on that I have a hard time coping with.

Your answer makes a lot of sense.
I do have a T and I have discussed this with him. I know he is concerned, especially because my paternal grandfather was an alocholic and probably had bipolar (he committed suicide when my father was 2 years old).

I was hypomanic a couple of weeks ago and that is when it started. When my hypomania evened out, it stopped, but now I am craving it again even though my mood is normal right now.

I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties. I can relate to them. I too am unemployed and that sure does put stress on my relations with my wife.

It's good that you have a T and that you've been able to talk to him about the alcohol. It's a shame about your grandfather and I can certainly understand your and your T's worrying about any possible genetic alcoholism.

Drinking alcohol (and I admit, I do it myself) is like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer. It's a blunt-edged weapon. It doesn't solve any problems. It doesn't even really do a good job of anesthetizing us. I do realize that when one is hurting badly enough even alcohol seems attractive. But there are so many downsides to it that you have to wonder why people drink it.

It won't help, and will probably hurt, your relation with your husband. It would probably hurt your relations with your children. It isn't going to make your work with T any easier. It will probably make you feel guilty. And because of your grandfather it will probably cause you substantial anxiety.

Maybe comfort food would be better? I don't know what you like but I'd pick baked macaroni and cheese or hamburgers and french fries, myself. There's a downside there too, of course, but that's life. I don't think the food downside is as bad as the alcohol downside. What do you think?

I definitely eat my share of comfort food. 70lbs extra of it, in fact, after starting meds.

I'll keep talking to my T.

I've known I'm alcoholic since 1981 when I when AA, & it was a difficult road until I was dx'd BP 2009 & put on mood stabilizers (was already on anti-depressants). The drive to drink lessened measurably & it's stayed that way. I don't take it for granted or test it--just the facts <grin>.

i was recently diagnosed as bipolar II. from the age of 16 to 32 i drank everyday. i believe i was self medicating or searching for oblivion so i wouldn't have to deal with the wacky feelings. i got help through a 12 step program. it saved my life and allowed me to have the gumption to seek real help for what was really ailing me. i wish you the best on finding answers.

BNLsMOM. That "compelled" feeling is a bit scary, and I'm sorry that's happening to you. I think it shows great insight on your part to recognize it and wonder on it. I think Ygrec23 is spot on in saying it's an indicator something's wrong. You certainly do have a lot on your plate right now. Interesting that it started when you had a spell of hypomania. Here's another thought. Reflex. It may be a touch of reflex seeping over from that time. (Reflex is something I personally need to be very aware of.) Ygrec (again, so right! ) about how it can seem so alluring while it's doing everything the opposite of what we want(!) When meds are right, it certainly does help in lessening inclination. It seems that your meds have been working pretty well for you (thinking back on your posts over time here...), so that brings us back to the indicator that something's wrong, and that it's probably an issue other than meds. I'm glad you're working with your T on this.
Oh, and in regards to weight? One of the things I like to remind myself of is alcohol = empty calories. Don't need those(!) (It isn't free either...)

I drink just about daily. Sometimes just a beer or 2, sometimes a bit more, and sometimes over the top. If could well happen that I crave a drink in the middle of the, especially after completion of a huge project, or in the middle of a very stressful situation

I am sorta the same way. I sometimes do have drink to get going (when writting school project that require some... thought).

It almost feels like I want to induce a different mood state if that makes sense. When I was hypomanic, I wanted to be higher and I thought drinking would do that. As much as I hate cycling, I feel bored when I am not. Is that a sick thing to say?

It's like picking scabs.

Dear BNLsMOM,

That makes a lot of sense. I think everybody who drinks alcohol drinks it to change mood states. I sure do. Though I never go overboard, which for lots of other people is a big problem.

There are other, pretty harmless ways to change your mood. In my experience alone (other people can I'm sure add to this list), focussing on a hobby one really loves (whether crafts or photography or playing an instrument or singing for that matter), doing mindfulness meditation or cooking a great meal your family will love. Just google "changing moods" and see what comes up. Or just search here on PC for the same thing.

There's no reason for anyone to be bored in this online, connected age. The world is at your feet right through the computer in front of you. Being bored is a pretty normal feeling. It's not sick. Everyone feels bored now and then. If you try, you can learn half a dozen ways to beat boredom that will hold you in good stead for the rest of your life.

Well, enough Uncle Ygrec. I'm with you, all these other PC friends are with you, we're all behind you trying to help you make the right choices! Take care.

I got dx'd bi-polar and alcoholic at the same time. I had been drinking a 30-pack of beer and a bottle of whisky a night, every night for almost a month before being hospitalized.
I stay sober for my 4 days at work as long as i dont leave the mine. if i go home or into town i drink. on my 4 days off i live at the bar and come home drunk every night ( if i come home at all). My roomate is ready to kick me out. he said "3 strikes and you're out" he said im on strike 2 (two incidents involving drinking within the past 2 weeks). im goin to see my pdoc on thursday. its gonna be rough

I understand that desire to drink. Like you, my grandfather was an alcoholic and likely bipolar, although he didn't commit suicide, he did smoke and drink himself to death when I was about 7. I know that I have the genetic predisposition to substance abuse because of those desires to drink. I always make the choice not to drink when I am craving it, because I believe that that would be self-medicating. Those craving are a warning signal to me, that I need to solve, either on my own or with help, the feeling, thoughts, actions and/or environments that are causing the craving.

Merlin, your example of your grandfather is interesting to me, seeing as I smoke nearly a pack a day and "rub" about a can of snuff a day. Comes out to a nicotine level of about 4 packs.

I have been thinking back to the times I had in college. I think part of what troubles me is the question, did I become an alcoholic(without realizing it) in college, and somehow got myself sober and now the cravings are back?

It's not like I never drank after college. I remember a couplpe of parties with friends after college, and if I remember correctly, I was in control of my drinking. There have been of course the occassional drinks and now the increasing drinks.

It kind of scares me to feel this way.

There is a good possibility. I knew I had a drinking problem before I went to the hospital, but i thought it was just the college lifestyle and once I graduated the fun would be over and I wouldn't drink like that anymore.

Got a big wake up call when i went to the hospital and they treated me with anti-withdrawal medication to keep me from going into seizure and/or having a liver attack that could kill me. The next day when the doc said I was bp, he also said that the only thing wrong with the blood test was a .07 BAC and he dx'd me with alcoholism.

Now that I've graduated, its still there. I can't be around alcohol without drinking and I can't stop at just one. It sucks, its expensive, and i'm slowly killing myself because i'm drinkin on my meds which work through my liver too.

My advice would be to discuss this with ur doc to try to prevent a possible slide into severe alcoholism.

I wouldn't consider cravings an absolute indicator of alcoholism, but a warning signal. If your alcohol usage is negatively affecting your life, e.g. job, school, and/or relationships, then I would consider it an addiction.

I think part of the craving is because of SAD (seasonal affective disorder). The sun "goes away" faster in September than in any other month, and a lot of places have been having rainy gloomy days, which may be making SAD onset earlier and worse. Last fall I sucked down a bottle of Black Sambuca (don't laugh at me!) over the course of a week or so, and I too usually average one drink a month. My t was getting worried! So I just didn't buy anything else, and generally don't keep alcohol in the house, but now that you mention it, I WAS thinking the other day about a bottle of wine that has been lurking in the fridge since last summer. See, it's not just you.

I used to have a problem with drinking as well, but I had to get it under control because of the meds. It's hard to stay away when you use it to self medicate.

I'd sure like to know more about this SAD. cause that fits me to a T and i've never heard that term before

I am Bi-polar as well, and my life has completely spiraled out of control. I gambled away the entire contents of my husbands bank account, my family has had enough, as this is not my first episode, my husband works offshore and is not around, so I am left in the hands of his very disgusted family. I am alone and loney, I am afraid all the time, and I am also battling gambling and alcohol issues as well as my rapidely declining mental health. I would run away, but no one wants me. I was hoping to discuss some treatment options and possible medication choices.

Hi I was the same drinking lots taking recreational drugs whenever I could,usually every day or two,that was also 17 years ago for me funnily enough now I'm 33 and been t total for around 8 years.
I've been desperate for a drink lately,I've had to literally stop myself from getting it off the shelf I don't know why?
The only thing that stops me is that I know I will behave irrationally and basically embarrass myself and family.
I understand where your coming from with this and will follow the thread with interest
Take care
JK

It's also posted in the Addictions Forum so there are other perspectives there.

I talked to my T today and we are going to be digging deep into where these feelings are coming from. He didn't outright say I had a problem, but encouraged me to not drink and see how it goes, or to limit myself to one now and then and observe what it does (ie. making me want to or to actually lose control).