My temper!

I have had a horrible day already and it is barely 8:00! I am so embarrassed, ashamed, and angry at myself I could just spit.

I have a co-worker that just loves to create trouble. I KNOW this! She doesn’t just do it to me, she does it to everyone. I guess that it was just my turn.

I have worked so hard to keep my temper under control. When I learned about a situation that came up yesterday after I left I was just fuming. If she had an issue with me, why not just address me directly or go to our general manager? That is not her way. She makes the rounds *****ing and complaining to co-workers; who all know what she’s like and listen and just let it roll off their back.

I told myself that I would just let our GM deal with it. I just kept getting so angry but by the time she came in this morning and I had to say something. I have not let my temper get the best of me in 20 years. Today it did, and I’m the jerk.

I'm sorry. I hope you don't get bad fallout from this. You have enough on your plate with your son in the service and this person should really show you some respect, not be harassing you. She's got no excuse, what's her freakin problem.

So sorry your day has started out negatively. Some people are raised in nothing but chaos. Who knows, but she really doesn't have an excuse while in the work place.

Hoping your day gets better & your GM handles this. What goes around comes around.

Sorry that she made you feel this way...
Some people are just trouble makers and gossipers...that why she went to all your co-workers, she didn't really want a solution, she wanted to *****!

(((((( AAAAA )))))))

Please don't go beating yourself up for being human, sounds like your co-worker needed a bit of a kick. Like you said, why didn't she come to you to discuss things rather than discussing it with other people. You might find some good comes from this after all.

That is just the way she is. I KNOW that everyone knows that. Truth be told she's got a lot on her plate as well. Which is why I did not bring this crap to the GM sooner. I should have. I should have told her that I was reaching my breaking point and something had to change. I have just had my fill. I create my own problems. I know she's like that, I know it's just my turn. I do not give a hoot what her opinion of me is. I am most angry with myself for letting jr. high bs get to me.

The fallout will be pretty bad. I haven't figured out how I'm going to handle it yet. Any suggestions?

That is EXACTLY what set me over the edge! The actual "incident" is so minute that at first I had no idea what she was talking about. The more I got to thinking the more I realized that she just wanted to create drama. If she really believed I did what she was repeating, then she should have gone to our GM. If she was just "checking the facts" as she claims, then why would the ONLY person that she not discuss this with be ME?

I hope that is true. I do not have much faith in it however. This isn't even the first time this month that this woman has caused a great deal of grief to someone. A couple weeks ago it was another co-worker that she had in tears. GM believes the best in people and wants to pull it out. Right now she's using the woman's personal problems as an excuse for her behavior.

Thank you so much. I don't want her to get her own, I just want her to leave me in peace! The last time she started to pull this crap with me, about 6 months ago, the GM told her that she needed to grow up and knock it off (her version). She told the GM that I did not need the money so why was I even working there. She had no idea what my financial situation is! I certainly do not go to work for the company!

I have finally calmed down a bit, you guys really helped a lot and I thank you for that. It only took 4 ½ hours! Now I’m faced with the dilemma of dealing with the fact I made an @ss of myself. I do not know how I am going to deal with that. Nor the fact that my boss is mad that I left work. She felt I should have stayed there and talked to her. I was unable to focus and just about to cry. I do NOT cry in front of people. I was not going to give my co-worker the knowledge that she had actually hurt my feelings. 20 years of work maintaining control of my temper shot in the foot. I gave her control, that must never happen again.

(((AAAAA))) - I admire your desire to be on top of your emotions but don't be too hard on yourself. The coworker sounds unprofessional and you're only human - we all have a breaking point. Sounds like she'll be in deeper doo doo than you.

Oh I think not, did I fail to mention that I was yelling at her in front of customers? You cannot get angry with a dog for being a dog. I know this.

Yes I see that I did. When I saw her for the first time this morning it was in the front of the store with customers. Even THAT did not stop me.

i have put up with things till i felt i could not handle one more person. i think everyone has a point where it is enough. u have done well i feel. i don't think that one time in years makes u a jerk.

It sucks to have to work with someone like that. People have no respect or understanding how hard it is for us to remain in control when these things happen, you are not alone.
It it was me, I would make some notes on how this co-worker negatively effects everyone's productivity-gossiping and wasting everyone's time, taking their mind off their duties. Give specific examples. Present this to your supervisor and explain how difficult it is to work with this person, and how it negatively it effects the bottom line of the company.
Good luck.

I've read many of your posts over the time I've been here AAAAA. I've come to the conclusion that you're an excellent mother, an upstanding citizen who also deals with her own illness the best you can. I probably would have done the same thing - sometimes unreasonable people need a dose of their own medicine. I agree its best to try to be in control of emotions but as I said before we're not perfect. She sounds like a toxic coworker.

Dear aaaaa, so sorry about your day. I commend you for handling the situation as well as you did. I think we' ve all been there where someone has pushed our buttons. Hugs to you. It sounds like this woman has launchef an attack against you and other people at work making the workplace unsafe and hostile. Your gm realky needs to stop this NOW.

I suggest that when you go to work tomorrow you make the necessary apologies to your boss, then say nothing of the incident to this co-worker. When you HAVE TO talk to her make it matter of fact, as if you're looking right through her... Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you. People like that thrive on that kinda stuff.

Thanks (((Lynn))). I really appreciate that.

Lad007 – Oh how I wish that were true. This woman has been an issue long before I started working there. In the last 30 days alone there have been two other serious issues with other employees. Our GM is fully aware of this issue and how much this negativity shuts down the productivity in the store. In fact she pulled the same crap with another employee DURING our corporate audit a couple of weeks ago. Our GM lost it then. I was not there for that situation, I had already left for the day. But our GM was “going to take care of that problem”. Same employee, same behavior with a third employee, a week later. So it is apparent that her behavior will not change. GM views it as a failure if an employee does not work out. And this woman has worked there longer than the GM. To my knowledge her behavior is not any worse than it’s ever been, she just doesn’t get it. Frankly I have no idea why she’s still there. She is ok at her job, not great but adequate, some jobs she does very well but she does not like them. BUT she gets calls or visits non-stop from her husband and kids. It’s like she’s visiting her neighbor not working.

I now have several issues. I have made a fool of myself. And there is the fact that I work because I need the money. I have to face these people and these customers again. I know my co-workers understand the situation, each one of the has taken a turn in the spot I am in now. AND how do I avoid this happening again? I do not like being angry, I do not enjoy drama. The GM will sit us down and try to make it work it out between ourselves. This has not been successful in the past.

Don’t get me wrong, I can be a bitter pill to swallow. I do not attend any of the store’s parties or outings. A few people there think I am a snob because of it. I have tried to explain that I do not enjoy those types of activities. I’ve even told them I have social anxiety. I like rules. I like structure. I take my job seriously. I see the way I perform my job as being a reflection on me as a person. When I am scheduled to be there at 8, I am there, ready to work at 8, not 8:10. A few of my co-workers find this annoying. This particular employee thinks I do things this way as a personal insult to her. She thinks I am out to steal her job. She has her job, she chooses to work 4 days a week instead of 5.

As I sit here reflecting, I realize that she has taken it to a more personal level with me. Her daughter has a son with my neighbor. Now I’ve mentioned that I’m antisocial, but I have lived in this house for 15 years and could barely pick my neighbors out of a line up. A year ago she says to me “my grandson is living next door to you, you have to be nice to him. He says there is a mean lady living next to dad.” I called over to another co-worker who is married to my neighbor’s brother and lived in that house and said “X, how long did you live next to me?” Seven years. “In those seven years, how many times did I speak to you?” Never. “How many times did you even see me?” Maybe twice, the second time may have been your mother. I worked nights, what can I say?

Then last fall we got a Rottweiler. She’s actually a fan of the breed so we actually had something to talk about. She approached me a couple of months ago and says “my daughter wants me to talk to you about your mean dog. You have a mean dog!” What? Our dogs are house dogs. They go out in a dog run in my back yard do their business and come back inside. What makes you think my dog is mean? So I ask X “has your brother-in-law ever mentioned anything about my dogs being mean? Are they bothering them? How?” and I explain what I was told. X talks to her BIL, who in turn apparently says something to his baby mama. Before X relays how my dogs are bothering my neighbors my co-worker comes back and says “Hey, I did not say your dog was bothering Xs BIL, I said your dog was mean. My daughter is friends with people that live across the road down the street and they say your dog is mean.” I say “well this is getting ridiculous, this is fourth hand information. I don’t even know those people and they’ve never had ANY interaction with her. If they have an issue they can call the police (who are closer to my house than these neighbors). My dog has her shots, and is licensed. She’s never gotten loose, she doesn’t even like going for rides in the car. If those people have even laid eyes on my dog it is when we are walking her.

A couple of months ago she comes all up in my face about my “friend”. I don’t know who you’re talking about. The woman she was talking about has a son that is my eldest son’s best friend. I haven’t even seen this woman since the boys were old enough to drive for themselves some 8 years ago. The extent of our conversations before that was “what time do you want him back?” Anyway this woman apparently heard some gossip about my co-worker and in my co-worker’s mind she got that gossip from me. I said I have explained this to you before, our sons are friends, I do not even know this woman’s first name. She is Mrs. Such and Such. If she heard something about you it did not come from me! I could not even pick this woman out of a line up.

So frustrating. I just have to figure a way to ground myself!

Why is there always at least one person like this in every work enviroment? We have one and once I blew up at here. Since then she hasn't crossed me. It sounds like most people in the office will understand why you were upset. She most likely has gotten under their skin as well. I find that people that constantly do these things are very selfish people and need attention all the time. It doesn't matter if the attention is negative or positive. I've also realized that some of these people have horrible home lives and never seem happy unless they are making someone else miserable.

Next time, just think of her as a 4 year old child looking for her mommy's attention. Our favorite coworker usually shuts her mouth after she is approached by whoever she is harassing that week.

Here is a suggestion. I deal with my annoying coworker by feeling sorry for her. I mean something must be wrong with her mentally in order to enjoy causing this much trouble in the work place. She also will lie about ridculous things. Every time she does, I always call her out about it and ask why she has those beliefs. She usually has prepared excuses that are easily shown as untrue. I once caught her complaining about me to coworkers. I approached her right in front of everyone as to why she had these complaints. She was completely dumbfounded and practically ran away. Just remember that she most likely has an unrecognized mental disorder that she is not receiving help for but you are. Here you are trying to help yourself and participating in these forums. Your honest with yourself about your issues and recognize that your blow up was wrong. She probably has no idea her behavior is wrong. She probably had a horrible childhood with a mother just like her. It also sounds like her home life is one complete mess (if she's getting constant phone calls) So if she's making rumors approach her with proof to prove otherwise, in a calmly and orderly fashion. Or ask your general manager if the three of you can have a meeting where you can discuss her issues. Chances are she will calm up and leave you alone

Well my GM called. She is LIVID, she thought she took care of this problem a couple of weeks ago. She’s going to talk to her again tomorrow. Frankly I do not think it will help. She just doesn’t get it. This is not professional behavior. The GM was so angry when co-worker pulled this a couple weeks ago when auditor was still in the building. We had not gotten our grade yet, a comment like that could have changed everything.

I really try to look at her with compassionate eyes. I know that the need to create all of this drama stems from something unhealthy. To be honest when someone else is her target I ignore her unless it is someone I care about. Her victim a couple of weeks ago was a dear friend. She was a good friend of my daughter’s. I was very upset that this co-worker made her cry. And this wonderful young woman’s response to co-worker’s attack was “I will have to try harder to make her happy” She already bent over backwards! When the co-worker brought it up to me, I cut her off. I said I did not want to hear a word about it, she made that sweet girl cry and she goes out of her way to make her happy! That actually seemed to make an impact. She actually apologized to the sweet girl. But it seems it brought her sights on me.

I have to work on me and my ability not to be triggered by her behavior. We’ve had the all three meeting a year ago. In fact nearly every employee there has had to have a sit down to discuss issues. The only common denominator is her.

I have trouble understanding why so often passive-aggressive types are the ones who end up with the most people in their corners, defending them--citing all their "personal problems"--while these defenders seem quite unaware of the lives the troublemakers leave in turmoil as they go around whispering & telling tales without ever being held responsible for the consequences of their acts.

Maybe this woman's victims need to meet with the GM as a non-aggressive but quietly self-affirming group to get across how widespread her harmful actions have been.

In the meantime I feel for you. Losing your temper after holding it for so long... This feels like a failure, I'm sure, but you are paying such a price for it. You feel so badly & would take it back. Isn't forgiveness possible? It seems like time now to forgive yourself & move on. You do, after all, have the work consequences to deal with.

Hug time?

Thanks I'll take that hug I need it. I did fail myself. What worries me is being able to rebuild. I just feel like a raw nerve right now.

Give that nerve some rest & peace & nurturing & you'll be able to rebuild. You will. I don't know you, but I'd bet money you've rebuilt before. & you know you don't have to go it alone! --well, you do but with caring bystanders...
& another for later

p.s. I'm not a gambler, at least not with my money. And please, later, think about the group of you meeting with the GM. It could lead to help for the woman, if her boss could really understand the problem. See? There I go, getting in the woman's corner... nuts!