Who will love me if he leaves me?

Last March I was dx'd with cyclothymia a form of bipolar. My husband told me we would get thru this together He'd help me thru it all. He'd be by my side. This summer I went full bloewn bp2. And he went and lost it on me.He threw things at me. Cause I hadnt got it together yet. And since then there have been threats and tantrums I've had to put up from him and ultimatums. Today he told me that he is giving me till the end of the year to get it together and then he is filing for divorce. This means I have to have a job, and he doesnt have to remind me about things ( such as bills) and the house has to be immaculate. And laundry done everyday. And he doesnt think that I should have the bad days that I do as a bipolar. And I am sitting here thinking that these expectations are just overwhelming me and how can I do this. How can I make him happy. and be happy myself. And still be married . And not throw away 16years I dont want it to be all for nothing! I am so scared . And I dont know if I can survive on my own. I've never lived on my own. I dont want to be by myself. And thats why I ask who will love me if he leaves me? Will anyone want me? I just feel so lost and alone already.

Do you love him or just NEED him??

IMO if you say yes to the above and have tried and all then you two ought to see a T together to get some fairness in this marriage....I don't know his side of it but maybe there is a half way point

I can only imagine how scared you must feel. Would he entertain going to your pdoc with you to better understand what you are going through?

both Sleeps . And we do go to a marraige therapist. In fact we go this Wednesday afternoon. He doesnt care about anything but his side of it anymore. And at this point. I feel like just giving up on it all. Let him have his way. Just so he is happy. I dont have anymore gumtion to fight with anyways. Thanks for trying though. It was stupid for me to have said anything.

Hugz~
Bethy

Bipolar Bear~
I sorta doubt it since we're already seeing a t. And Davey Jones found a NAMI supported group in my area for me to go to and I called today and they are trying to get a group together for February for spouses and loved ones only of mentally ill people. So they can understand better. But they are welcome to come to group also. But I am going to try to get there myself also. I am going to put the bug in his ear but I doubt that he will go.we'll see. Thanks for your suggestion though too.

Hugz~
Bethy

i just want to say that i think his expectations of you are way over the top.........but even though you may not feel like it now......i think you probably have more strength than you give yourself credit for.....

Julia~
Thank you for saying that! Means alot to me that someone believes in me thst way. I know others have experssed it in ohter ways here and I appreciate it too. Its just all so overwhelming to me now. But I really appreciate your thoughts!

Hugz~
Bethy

Perhaps you also need to get out of the house more do some volunteering at the hospital, nurseing homes, or something so when he gets home from work you both have interesting things to talk about, show him you want more "DON'T LET HIM think you can't do for yourself

Whats the use? I'm never gonna do anything right in his eyes anyways? Heck maybe I dont want more ... maybe I just want to give up now. I'm good for nothing anyways. Thats what I've always beem told anyways. I think I should have just believed the people that said that about me and gone on from there. Ate least then I would know thats where I truly belonged . And I wouldnt feel in limbo now!!!!!!!!!!

And then there is the obvious YOU can love and care for You IF he leaves..sorry the therapy with you two is not working maybe a new T would help.

Sleeps , its hard to do , when you feel so unloveable. I understamd what you are saying though. And I wish I could get to that point .. believe me.To even feel like I deserve to feel loved would be nice.


I dont think the problem lies within the T we have. I think he is good. I think its us...just implementing the tools. The more tools my husband is given the more empowered he feels and the more controlling he gets. And he is just taking over.

Bethy, I'm sorry that you're hurting. If you want my perspective on this, please ask, but keep in mind that I'm in your husband's shoes so that's the perspective I'm able to best give.

Thanks Leann~

And I understand where you are coming from there. I want to say I want your view on things right now.. I really do , but I dont think right now I am strong enough to handle it. Give me some time here ok? And I will pm you when I am ready if your still wiling to give it to me. Thank you for being kind enough to offer and to suggest it this way. I really appreciate it. It shows how kind and considerate you are!

Hugz~
Bethy

Yeah, but I was afraid to write it that way because it sounded a lot like... a former member who offered "support from his perspective"...

I completely understand Bethy so please know that I care about you and am here for you (until tomorrow, when I leave for Hawaii!)

Its ok Leann! I know your nothing like that other member! lol Ohhhh Puhleasze!!!!!!!! Good grief dont even go there! lol.

And I know you care.. and I know your here for me too. Thank you so much!... But uhmmmm if you care ... where is my ticket to Hawaii? JK! Have fun dear!

Hugz~
Bethy

Hang in there!! I had a serious boyfriend when I was diagnosed with bipolar and the diagnosis scared him enough to leave. I wondered at the time, who would ever love me. It's been 1 1/2 years since then and I now realized that a lot of people don't care about my diagnosis and many people love me. Maybe you should worry less about if your husband is going to love you and focus on loving yourself. Set some goals (I find this helps me pull out of my slump) and make these goals something you feel excited about. I think if you have to worry about his expectations rather than taking it a step at a time, everything becomes overwhelming. Don't believe anyone that says you are good for nothing...you're going through a tough time. Eventually everyone does, bipolar or not, so just focus on bringing yourself up!

You have to love yourself also