When you were diagnosed with BP, Did you Accept it

or were you in denial? I know so many of us when diagnosed, go into a denial period.

When I was diagnosed, I was happy to find out what was wrong with me. Then, about 10 years after being diagnosed, I went into 100% denial. I was on 37-1/2 mg of Paxil XR and was always manic. My pdoc used to tell me that I was manic, but I would tell him that I was NOT MANIC....that the paxil was just doing it's job and not making me depressed.

Looking back now, I have to laugh because I was very manic on the Paxil and it WAS making me feel better because I was always in the euphoric mania state.

Were you or are you in denial, or do you accept your diagnosis?

I accepted that they were saying it, but I don't think I ever really believed it. Right after my diagnosis I wouldn't go on mood stabilizers, and you would've NEVER gotten me to take Lithium. I "didn't need that." I took an anti-psychotic and only because my psychiatrist convinced me it was a sleeping med.

It's been a bit over 4 years since that diagnosis and I only just accepted it. I hate that I was in denial for so long, because in that time I could've gotten real help and improved my life in many ways.

I am accepting it now. It's a process. I am slowly telling the people in my life about it. I am on Lithium now, too. Hopefully at this time next year it'll be easier to accept and control.

I was relieved when i got my diagnosis. It provided immediate clarity and validation. But then 2yrs later i had a mini episode,that had me convinced i was FINE just sensitive and high strung! What a laugh! LOL

Hmmmm... denial? I guess if you look at me through DMS lenses, yeah, I am in denial... but....

When I got the label, it made sense, but I suspected it. After all, I studied psychology alone other social sciences to pass entrance exam into Uni.

But with never accepting treatment (classic DSM denial)... and looking into the deeper picture.... what if it is something else? What if it is just some spiritual crisis or extreme manifestation of being human? What if my (hypo)manias are mere projection of some things I tried to supress... a way to teach me to be spontageous, or my mind is gonna be spontangeous for me? What if it something I carry from past existances?

Does it even matter how we call things? For me it matters where I go from here... (eventhough at times I use advice of certain tourguide who said "If you don't know where you are going, you cannot get lost").



anyways... who will admit they are in denial? It is like asking in the UN forum "who here breaks the international law? Raise your hands."

I was dx when I was 17, was put on Prozac. Started hallucinating very badly, I already had psychotic symtoms prior to this. So I stopped taking the meds. I told myself I was fine. Through the years I had very obvious episodes and bouts of psychosis.

When I was in collage a second time I was manic for almost an entire year, had amazing grades tho so no problem right. After I finished school I hit a major depressive phase, a very scary one, went to see the dr finally after my close friend and sister couldn't stand watching any further. I was sent to a pdoc and again dx with bipolar 1. I was 27 then.

So yes, I was in denial for a whole decade. Sometimes I still struggle with acceptance. And I think I always will.

I was dx'd in hospital & put on meds for it which worked dramatically. 50+ yrs of treatment for depression hadn't helped at all. So yes, I accepted it with relief because I felt so much better!

Later I began realizing the implications & wasn't so thrilled ...

No, I accepted my diagnosis of bipolar and generalized anxiety. I had been struggling for so long and felt that something was very wrong with me for a long time. But no one ever believed me. It didn't seem to bother anyone that I was depressed, or having panic, or saying things that were completely illogical, struggling, etc. When that doctor finally took notice that something was seriously wrong, despite I had been on Abilify before (even the hospital pdoc that prescribed it didn't diagnose me, she just said, 'here, take this,') well, it was a huge relief.

My other diagnosis, the schoid one. I'm not so sure about it. They said I'm really mild in that way. It just seems.... weird...

I havnt accepted it quite yet. I know there's something wrong and I take any meds I'm given but I still don't know if its right yet

Over 1 year down the line and I still haven't really accepted my diagnosis yet. I think I have but then it comes and bites me on the bum. I know I have bipolar but telling my head and heart that I have the diagnosis isn't proving a success.

Hoping 2012 will be more about acceptance!!

I know that I have Bipolar .. Do I want to accept ? NO .. I have yet to find any medications that work and I can tolerate . Maybe feeling like a lab rat keeps me second guessing my illness.. but Deep down I KNOW I have this and eventually ill accept it . Im sure it will get easier as time and treatment goes by. ( I hope)

I'm working on it. I suspected it for 15 years before I finally realized that whatever it was, it was getting to be a bigger and bigger problem - and it still took nearly a year to get an "official" dx and appropriate treatment.

I keep thinking that I'm making it up, being a hypochondriac, trying to be "special" as if being myself isn't special enough, or maybe I just need to be off all meds (for the first time since I was 13) and see how I really am... My hubby isn't entirely convinced, though he's stopped saying that he really can't see it.

But every month when I tally up all my mood chart data and re-calculate the various stats that I obsessively maintain, I just can't deny it. The data are pretty darn clear. It usually makes me cry, because I'm too much the scientist to ignore the data, even if I don't want to believe it.

It's been harder to accept in part because my last pdoc seemed determined to talk me out of it for the first few sessions, and kept telling me that my very obviously bipolar symptoms were not typical. I had to do my own reading to discover that most of what I thought was normal behavior is actually pretty clearly symptomatic. But I won't get into the rant about that pdoc. Suffice it to say that it really didn't help with acceptance.

I figure it's going to have to take awhile... It's hard enough to get this dx in the first place. Then you get pills poured down your throat like there's no tomorrow (but maybe I don't need any of this?) Then there's the therapy and pdoc appointments, and rising health care costs (but I don't feel sick...) And figuring out whom to tell/how/when/etc, struggling with side effects, and trying to find people who can relate to the struggle (thank you PCers!!!) Plus lifestyle changes; that's what's getting me down right now. I don't really want to give up my vices in exchange for meds, although today's statistical analysis showed that drinking definitely makes my mood worse the next day...

Sun angel--I so relate I am 37 and have been only on anti-depressants my whole life. I was diagnosed about 4 months ago and went into a psychosis was hospitalized twice. Well since then I am convinced and have tried to convince my pdoc that all i need is a ssri and a mood stabalizer. They won't do it b/c they are afraid that I will go back into mania. My point....I am starting to realize that I was always either severely irritable, euphoric, or in the winter debilitating depression. I am slowwwwwwwlllllly accepting it but it is difficult to say the least.

I had a hard time, because I had been diagnoised with borderline and then they added bipolar after ten years.

So in my head, I had another thing wrong with me. I also have trichotillomania. So, I really just felt like junk. I accepted it though, cause I was very aware of my cycles and mania.

Treat my mania/depression so i can get the therapy I need for borderline, yipee!

I'm with roadrunner though, I don't like the implications of having either disorder...

I was relieved to have a reason for feeling like I had been for so many years. I'd been through a lot. I accepted it since it runs in the family. But, I still have the random urge to stop taking my meds anyway.

No - but not because I would deny having the condition, but because I feel a lot like AniManiac with the 'making it up/hypochondriac' thing. When I was first diagnosed (I was 18) I was dating a guy who had 'manic depression' as it was called in those days. Now, while I'll admit it was somewhat coincidental to receive a similar diagnosis myself, everyone (parents, pdocs etc) wanted me to leave this guy, and either acted like manic depression is contagious or that I was 'copying' him.

So that's what I believed myself, despite further hospitalisations and even ECT - there I thought the doctor's were overreacting, because that's what my parents thought.

But now I am older, in a different country, in a different job, with a new pdoc - and I am again diagnosed with BPII. The pdoc assures me I am not making anything up and never was. But still... How does he know I'm not lying? He said 'we can feel it and we can tell'.

And also - have I really felt bad enough? Or good enough?

I guess it's safe to say no, I haven't accepted it.

I know I have it and accept it.

Paranoia is just one of the symptoms so I become suspicious of my medication every couple months. :\

No, I didn't really go through a huge stage of denial, because I had been in denial about it before my psych team began assessing for it.

I remember during college, swinging around on chairs; singing; walking around the classroom; typing 4,000 word essays in a few hours and other stuff...and one day people began asking me if I was bipolar. I'd repeatedly say no - sometimes getting frustrated with my friends. And then teachers began to get involved, trying to persuade me to mention it to my psychiatrist. It took a long, long time to even admit to myself that I may need to seek help for this.

I think I finally became aware of bipolar as a big possibility for me when I had been up for about 6 days in a row; was jumping around and bashing into objects "for a laugh" and when I finally walked out of class and shouted something obscene at my lecturer and got taken to A&E to be watched for suicidal behaviours.

By the time I got my diagnoses I was already acceptive of it - I mean, I'd been sectioned 3 times before this happened: spending a total time of a year in psychiatric units. It took a while for it to sink it, but yeah. I think I did accept it once I'd been diagnosed.

♥ Sorry for going on a bit there XD ♥

No I didn't...I thought it was more depression than BP because I was so down. Now after noticing my behavioral patterns...I'm starting to rethink it. After hearing that sometimes you can have more depressive symptoms than mania, I think I may actually have BP. I was diagnosed with clinical depression about 2 years after they thought I was BP, by another dr. So I don't know what to think anymore. 8\

For me it was more of: "So ya say I'm f'ed up in the head, do ya? HAHA Well I could have told you that a long time ago. So now what?"

I didn't care for the answers to that final question, but just another obstacle life throws at you. Gotta keep on keepin' on

I accepted it; I had known that I had a problem for years and began to suspect bp a few months before my diagnosis. However, like Roadrunner, I am not so pleased with the full implications of being bipolar. I am in a bit of denial over them.

Now that I've been diagnosed, I often question it. I wonder if I might be more of a borderline personality, or if I'm "just" your garden variety depressive who gets a little hyper sometimes, or even if I have some sort of dissociative disorder (definitely not DID, but sometimes I could see depersonalization disorder explaining some of my symptoms). I always come back to the conclusion that yes, I have bipolar. So now I just need to learn how to stop wasting my energy on doubt-and all the research that goes along with it!

My dx came as a relief. I was dx'd in the hospital based on years of history. I guess I have given the gift of honesty on my intake and told the truth for once. I had all seen psych people throughout college who would suggest bipolar and I would yell and storm out of the office and never return. So finally I accepted the fifth pdoc giving me the dx.

Bipolar is a tough one though. Sometimes I love having it and we get along great. But sometimes I just get defiant, not so much in denial but straight up defiant, refusing my meds, telling myself I'm better off without them etc.
that doesn't work for me yet, hopefully, wishfully one day down the road, but not today!

Nope I didn't believe I was bipolar. I accepted that I had PTSD and ADHD but not bipolar. It took me six years to believe that I really did have bipolar. Now I can look back on my life and think I probably had for many years but was undiagnosed. I recall one week during my second semester of my freshman year in college when I only slept five hours total in four days.

no not really...I just took it as it came..another problem...I got...

I never take much seriously....

try telling a borderline they have borderline....I am so empty I cannot even register the fact

HA, ya right!!! Dx 3 yrs ago and still not accepting it.

Mine came as a huge shock. I was always "moody" in high school but could never really be classified as depressed or manic. Was the same when I started college. Then enlisted in the air force. Huge nasty shock of going through most of basic training, being put on medical hold for chest pains, spending a month in the med hold dorms, dx with asthma and medically discharged.

That messed me up big time. As my pdoc as explained it to me, I was genetically predisposed (some cousins have bp but no immediate relatives do) but an environmental factor triggered it. Big load of crap is what I think.

Anyways, its 3 years later, I have all the symptoms and the meds are working, well they kinda work (a whole other rant) But I still dont want to accept it. Lets just say Im working on it.

I was devestated by the diagnosis but I accepted it. I had dealt with the mood swings, mania and depression for so long and had been so miserable it was a relief to hear someone say, "There IS something wrong with you and we can control this with meds and therapy." It was a relief to know it wasn't a personality or moral flaw but instead an illness that I didn't ask for and did nothing to cause. I will admit, though, that I did let it become who I was for awhile and let it define my self worth. I lost all self esteem. I became terrified my husband would cheat or leave me because of the bipolar. I became a depressed, frightened, insecure person who I didn't recognize and didn't like. I've moved past that and am back to being myself, for which my husband and I are grateful. I still get scared--like now when I know I'll be facing hospitilization if things don't get back under control by the time I see my psych doc in a month. But I no longer let it define who I am. I realize now that bipolar is like diabetes or even the flu like virus I'm dealing with today--it's something I have. It's not who I am.