[Trippin2.0]

Hissing just before a snake strikes.
The rumbling just before a storm.
The boiling point just before the pot overflows.
The crackling just before a firecracker launches.
The growling just before a dog bites.
Its the way I feel, a kind of emotional warning... Quick to tears since last weekend, outburst at work (threw a stapler at a friend who was being a jerk) it's an impending disaster brewing just below the surface. TOO AFRAID TO FEEL FOR FEAR OF WHAT MAY BE UNLEASHED, ignoring it, changing the subject, hoping to derail it...
Not very good at faking it tho, my daughter already knows 'somethings' up

[ChristySpirals]

I'm sorry. Being in the eye of the storm is so....no one word can describe it...and the only way out is to finish the journey. Isn't it crazy (not good crazy) that our babes pick up on this no matter how hard we try to shelter them? I'm here if you need me.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks Christy. I think (without thinking too hard) that I'm VERY ANGRY and VERY HURT. Wish I knew why. Just want it to be a dud, and avoid the entire explosion coz being APPROPRIATE is MANDATORY atm...

[Trippin2.0]

Alone, always. Sure I could call up someone, 1 person atleast, on the phone we could talk, and she'd be sympathetic, if i could see her, she'd hug me, but we hardly see eachother, so never when I'm tearing, nobody sees me, nobody comes coz I don't call. What would be the point? when I do have the who knows what to reach out 'this service is temporarily unavailable, please try again later'. Always, physically alone, always alone. ALWAYS, its agonizing during these times. Never, not once do I get a hug, personal reassurance, physical comfort. Never. NOT EVEN ONCE has anyone stroked the broken bipolar puppy and offered it some milk or took it to a shelter. NEVER Maybe that's why I can't/won't leave PC, I'd break...

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

APPROPRIATE is MANDATORY atm...

Yes it is. You have a job on the line. It is a new job and you have been good at it. I hope no manager noticed the throwing of the stapler. Is there anything you can do for yourself, e.g. relaxing yoga poses, that would make the energy dissipate? I am concerned given how important this job is for you. I do not want you throwing items at work any more, Trippin.

With that I should acknowledge how poetic your OP is. You have a way with words.

[Trippin2.0]

HB, I don't even have any energy except to curb the tears. I just want a hole to crawl into. My heart is broken, torn to shreds. Why does my heart break at random? I don't want to feel, I don't have the luxury of feeling, let alone feeling a feeling for days on end... Too cold to be anywhere except bed. Wish I could escape my mind and body and go to the moon, sit there, and watch from afar, unscathed, instead of be here and deal.

Btw, thanks for the compliment HB, I love words...

[BlueInanna]

Me hugging you sitting on the moon.
But we both have to be back for work on Monday right?

[~Christina]

Hey Trippin ((( HUGS ))) Lots of hugs !

Im so sorry your feeling this way ... Allow yourself to reach out to someone anyone and keep posting here.. Please ...

I remember not to long ago you seemed to go thru this same hopeless sad angry feeling .. Just remember you pulled yourself out of it... YOU are alot stronger than you know.

Just deep breathe and know your not alone .. You have lots of us here on PC that simple love and adore you .

I don't know if the picture gets to stay...some don't some do...it's a broken puppy getting all fix up.

I just woke up in my part of the world...Ophelia I can't stand it when you are hurting so bad you loving little angel it's not fair!!

...makes me want to put on my imaginary jet pack and fly over to Africa scare that PAIN and HURT away from you bein' nasty but cool about it chase the pain away far away up hills underwater through the jungle upside down across the desert confuse that F'n thing so bad it can't get back to you drag it's very lost ugly butt over sharp rocks wrap it in coloured paper write vulture snack on a little sign and leave it there...just give it an extra kick to make sure it not breathin' too good yep!
you'll be ok, you'll be ok, you'll be ok...yep yep and yes

Awesome description up the top there....really really cool Ophelia.

love, monkey....James

[Trippin2.0]

I see the puppy James and don't worry your fuzzy little monkey head about me ok? Remember, I don't have a choice, I have to be ok at the end of the day, guess that plays a role in my survival.

Thanks for the responses guys. Really, there's nobody to call this time. My sister lives too far away, and my only friend is working hectic shifts... As ****** as it is, I've just got to push thru, thank you for taking the time to be there for me once again.

[BlackPup]

Thinking of you
You CAN do this - you are a survivor

Keep posting, we are here for you
Sending lots of hugs across to you

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I'm VERY ANGRY and VERY HURT. Wish I knew why. Just want it to be a dud...

I've never come across anything quite as simple and wishful hopeful and useful Ophelia
"...just want it to be a dud"

I'm wondering yep I've thought that way myself before but not with those exact words. ....can I borrow them for when I sense a real wobbly comin on?

...it reminds me it's like a large and personal bomb lands in the house after crashing suddenly through the roof but it aint gone off and it's just sittin' there....and ya' just stand there staring at it ...hoping it's a dud!....and after a bit just very gently take it outside and leave it in the pile with all the others.

aaaah! wow it took be about 30 minutes to write this damn phone kept ringing and had to get it. my brains a bit like a bag of wet peanuts at the moment so not much help but I'm glad you are strong and hanging in ....fuzzy monkey head happy with that...

[Trippin2.0]

Yes James! Exactly that. I'm hoping to gently add it to the existing pile. Figured out the anger tho... I'm angry bcoz society doesn't accommodate MY reality... I'm NOT allowed to have random outburst, I'm NOT allowed to cry for days on end, I'm NOT allowed to hide in my room until its over either. Other people aren't denied experiencing their emotions, they're not even aware of their right to. But we can't... We have no right to our feelings coz its too dang large to fit into 1 room and somebody might get squashed by it.

...Damn straight!!, I hear ya!...the dopey insensitive world they want us to be cute neat and tidy nodding little humans all behaved nice and CRAP!! ...is like tryin' to put a cute cat collar complete with teeny tiddly bell around the neck of a freakin' LION!!

...hmmm, umm lion there don't seem to wanna where umm little collar ummm...!! no s.h.i.t.!

I say let it rip, growl, roar show claws rip and shred gouge eyeballs, chuck staplers, find more staplers to chuck can I borrow those staplers over there (why?)...gonna chuck'em give them here call stapler people get them to deliver more staplers and keep chucking staplers...

when tired of that find biggest room in biggest house with biggest doors slammed all big a nd shut cry eyes out for as long as it takes and aaaaah!!

let me let me let me...

(disclaimer: the tongue poke as seen here at the end of the post above is purely for the purposes of the post in the context of the post and is not directed at Ophelia or any other readers of the post )

(the above disclaimer applies to the second tongue poke as seen here above yep)

.....oops

[Trippin2.0]

Lol thanks James, I needed a good giggle. You're dead right about the kitty collar being forced onto a lion, but the kittens don't realize what being a lion entails, even when we are so clearly, unmistakebly lion.

yeah it's weird hey....we get them but they don't get us ...we even get maybe why they don't get us...

we were made like lions...and are surrounded by the kittens and can't not see them they are everywhere!

...the kittens all squeak and meow about their dramas and we might try to meow all quiet but roar pretty good and it scares the crap out of the kittens who promptly piss puddles then they gang up and make us feel bad...and we all just be makin' a noise about the same thing not our fault we be menacing louder give us a break and even when we purr it's full on!

[Tsunamisurfer]

As a teenager, I made a punch bag and hung it from the apricot tree in our back yard. I had a lot of anger I couldn't understand, and that punch bag sure took a pounding. It never gave me a hug again afterwards - never said "I forgive you" but that was ok. I didn't have to apologise to it either. Only one friend of mine knew about the role of that punch bag - the imaginary names on it, and faces of people buried inside it. The best part is the people I got mad at didn't know about my feelings, never got hurt, and I didn't lose face with them either . I had a chance to deal with them in a more controlled manner the next day.

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Hey Trippin ((( HUGS ))) Lots of hugs !

Im so sorry your feeling this way ... Allow yourself to reach out to someone anyone and keep posting here.. Please ...

I remember not to long ago you seemed to go thru this same hopeless sad angry feeling .. Just remember you pulled yourself out of it... YOU are alot stronger than you know.

Just deep breathe and know your not alone .. You have lots of us here on PC that simple love and adore you .

((((Trippin)))) hugs to you from SoCal...we are here and we care a lot. Keep reaching out...please remember how lovely and wonderful you are. You are an important, valued member here on our lil PC
Hugs,
Rose

[Trippin2.0]

I wish I had a punch bag Pete...
I was trying to defuse by sleeping (my no1 tactic) but woke up to the kittens in my house meowing bout how strange and lazy I am, they can't figure me out, I'm not like any other KITTEN, no s.h.i.t sherlock! Wtf? Yesterday they avoided my tear-stained face like the effing plague, today me avoiding them is a problem! I did what they asked, went and bought lunch ingredients in the rain, didn't even complain, YTF can't I sleep? ESPECIALLY since I explained that lion-sleep is a MAJOR indicator of lion explosions! Can't wait to get away, this kitten infestation is getting to me!

[Trippin2.0]

THANK YOU Rose

How are you today? Are the flames smoldering down? I sure hope they are.

Hang in there. Soon it will just be the numb, almost empty aftermath and nothing more. Soon...

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks Dan, the flames are definitly smaller, just have to keep away from people who walk around carrying bottles of petrol just for fun.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Thanks Dan, the flames are definitly smaller, just have to keep away from people who walk around carrying bottles of petrol just for fun.

That is a very good idea! I am here again (lol...thankfully I was able to go back to sleep for a bit ) and I wanted to just check in, Friend.

Hugs, Rose

[Trippin2.0]

Really appreciate it Rose, you're a good friend. Glad you got back to sleep

[~Christina]

Glad your feeling at least a tad better .. Good Job