[Melmo]

I like to be alone. But I don't want to be alone forever.
I hate that I can't be in a normal relationship. Why can't I just open up to someone and fall in love?? It's never gonna happen for me, I'm gonna be single forever.

[manioso]

My fiancee left for Australia a way back and we kinda a had a crisis of sorts, how to cope with each other being like 5000 miles apart, thats a nice task.

Two weeks after I broke up with her, she married a local fellow, on whom she had her eyes stuck before.

Haven't had a close relationship with anyone since that. And not planning to.

So yeah, feel where you're coming through. I feel such an unimaginable hatred for womanhood, that I really doubt, I'll get any children nor would I hang myself in on a relationship. I've dealt with it on my head and I'm on par with it. It kinda gives you a soothing feeling, since there's no more trying nor mind games.

There are points for being a hermit, I guarantee it; esp. since pets are allowed.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by manioso

My fiancee left for Australia a way back and we kinda a had a crisis of sorts, how to cope with each other being like 5000 miles apart, thats a nice task.

Two weeks after I broke up with her, she married a local fellow, on whom she had her eyes stuck before.

Haven't had a close relationship with anyone since that. And not planning to.

So yeah, feel where you're coming through. I feel such an unimaginable hatred for womanhood, that I really doubt, I'll get any children nor would I hang myself in on a relationship. I've dealt with it on my head and I'm on par with it. It kinda gives you a soothing feeling, since there's no more trying nor mind games.

There are points for being a hermit, I guarantee it; esp. since pets are allowed.

Well there are definite pros to being single. I can do what I want and not have to check with anyone before doing something or going somewhere. I just feel like in my spare time, I want to relax and have "me time"
I feel like it's kind of exhausting being around someone and trying to act normal. For example:
I was seeing a guy for a couple months and we only got to see each other on the weekends because of our work schedules. I found that every weekend I felt obligated to spend friday and saturday nights with him and I started to resent it because I wanted to just relax and be alone.
It seems everyone else wants to be with someone else, they are "needy" Why can't I be normal?? I guess it does have it's pros, I don't feel depressed on V Day because I am glad to be single, but I feel like I will be like this forever. I want to have more kids someday, but its never gonna happen by the looks of it!

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by JustWantToBeNormal

Well there are definite pros to being single. I can do what I want and not have to check with anyone before doing something or going somewhere. I just feel like in my spare time, I want to relax and have "me time"
I feel like it's kind of exhausting being around someone and trying to act normal. For example:
I was seeing a guy for a couple months and we only got to see each other on the weekends because of our work schedules. I found that every weekend I felt obligated to spend friday and saturday nights with him and I started to resent it because I wanted to just relax and be alone.
It seems everyone else wants to be with someone else, they are "needy" Why can't I be normal?? I guess it does have it's pros, I don't feel depressed on V Day because I am glad to be single, but I feel like I will be like this forever. I want to have more kids someday, but its never gonna happen by the looks of it!

I know how you feel.

Freedom to do what I want, whenever I want, without having to check with someone or ask permission like a lot of people do is great. Sometimes, when I think about friends who have spouses and kids, I wonder how in the world they get any "me time" evenings and weekends when they're busy tending to their family members.

But, after having no dates or relationships or sex since 1997, it sometimes feels like some "us time" would be great rather than the non-stop "me time."

[Clinte89]

I feel this way I had one serious girlfriend and we broke up due to my bp non dxed self went absolutely batshit crazy on her. And do I feel if I have to live with bp I don't want I have another person to deal with it to. You know save someone the trouble.

[bos314489]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

I feel this way I had one serious girlfriend and we broke up due to my bp non dxed self went absolutely batshit crazy on her. And do I feel if I have to live with bp I don't want I have another person to deal with it to. You know save someone the trouble.

I agree why drag another person down into our out of control unstable world? I got a dog. I have a few friends, I am okay with that.

[Clinte89]

Yeah I want a dog I used to have one and they love you no matter what. People aren't that loyal. And yeah dragging someone into my world would be bad for them I mean I'm stabler than I was back then but still feel I wouldn't drag someone down with me.

[AeonDM]

Who know what will happen tomorrow? It is better to choose to live day by day, moment by moment. It is better to choose to be kind to oneself, to love oneself, by being kind to myself, to learn to love myself.

Who knows what will I be then? Que Sara, Sara...

[Southmyrtle89]

I have the opposite problem, I guess. I don't really like being alone. I'm a writer (most of the time) and I work in a coffee shop to be around other people. But I'm beginning to think I'm just really bad at reading people since I've asked out a couple of guys in recent time and ... negatives. I think my big question, though, is when do you TELL that other person about your mental illness? I've been hospitalized twice and that tends to scare people off for the most part. I'm pretty stable now, but that's no guarantee I've learned. So what do you think? When do I tell?

[AeonDM]

When you are confident. When you are confidence in yourself. When you know yesterday you were you. When you know today you are living. When you know tomorrow you are living your today, may be even better.

What you do today can be who you can be tomorrow.

You know yourself and the meaning to your life.

[Southmyrtle89]

Originally Posted by AeonDM

When you are confident. When you are confidence in yourself. When you know yesterday you were you. When you know today you are living. When you know tomorrow you are living your today, may be even better.

What you do today can be who you can be tomorrow.

You know yourself and the meaning to your life.

It's a little difficult for me to read that post since the whole nature of my disorder at least (bipolar disorder with extreme anxiety) is that I am hardly ever the person I was the day or week or month before. I find it's best for me, when I'm doing well, to hold back on extreme confidence because I am so prone to going south when things are going good. So I feel like if I went by what you're saying I'd always be alone.

My post was sort of that I've accepted that about my disorder and myself - that it changes and that it's ALWAYS there treated or untreated. I don't think I can wait for perfection, nor do I believe I should. So then the question is how do I introduce someone else into my world? I'm not saying I would date when at the point of hospitalization or extreme mania, etc, but I think I'd be lying to myself if I said I would only date when I know yesterday, today, and tomorrow will be stable.

Yes, I feel like I will be alone forever too. I've had many relationships in my life especially when I was manic, and in my 20s and early 30s. I'm 38 now. But when I was younger I had many really intense relationships. The men put up with me being out of control at times b/c, well, the sex was good. I do miss those days.

Now, it's like I've slowed down but I'm also being medicated. I'm so afraid to get involved with somebody. I'm older now and with the bipolar it would be a hassle. I have my boy so I'm focusing on him.

I wish I had a dog, I love animals. I do have 2 cats though they keep me company.

[aquaman]

There's that old saying: The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

I got married young and now have a son (who I love more than anything). But I'm going to be blunt - I'm miserable. I can't remember the last time I've had any physical affection. My wife doesn't seem to understand my bipolar. I feel alone. I feel like I'm always being talked down to & treated like a kid. I get yelled at for small things most people wouldn't even care about. I could go on but I don't want to make anyone even more depressed.

I also take care of my son full time b/c my wife works. This is more than challenging at times when you have bp.

Even if I wanted to be single again, I don't know how I'd support myself. I've always had problems holding jobs. The last one I had before my son was born was at a bookstore, then it closed.

Right now I'd love to be alone.

[pogar246]

Hi! JustWantToBeNormal This might not be a relevant question but, are you male or female? I think everyone deserves to be in love. To find that amazing connection that only two people can share. However I do believe men and women have completely different views on what love feels like. Maybe I am wrong.

[AeonDM]

Originally Posted by Southmyrtle89

It's a little difficult for me to read that post since the whole nature of my disorder at least (bipolar disorder with extreme anxiety) is that I am hardly ever the person I was the day or week or month before. I find it's best for me, when I'm doing well, to hold back on extreme confidence because I am so prone to going south when things are going good. So I feel like if I went by what you're saying I'd always be alone.

My post was sort of that I've accepted that about my disorder and myself - that it changes and that it's ALWAYS there treated or untreated. I don't think I can wait for perfection, nor do I believe I should. So then the question is how do I introduce someone else into my world? I'm not saying I would date when at the point of hospitalization or extreme mania, etc, but I think I'd be lying to myself if I said I would only date when I know yesterday, today, and tomorrow will be stable.

It is just my way of looking at a situation, by being positive. It helps with my recovery. My main concern is when things don't work out and you are broken hearted? Don't worry about my concern. If you can handle it, good. If not, will that be too hard to handle? I would make sure I have a shoulder to cry on if it happens if I think I can't handle it.

I believe that I can recover to live my life. I believe my life can become meaningful to me. That's just my belief only. Don't it it bother you by what I believe in.

[EagleNebula]

Hi there JustWantToBeNormal,

I understand how you feel. I visit another forum and there is a thread called the "Forever Alone Club"

You raise alot of good questions and we all have our own ways to work out the answers

I don't even know how to have romantic "relationships". They scares me but I keep trying. I've been mentally f***ed up by my fu***ed up family, and then there is my bi-polar.

Actually I've just come to the point in my life where I feel I can be in a healthy relationship (gulp). All my "relationships" were all based on sex. Either because I didn't think I had anything else to give or else just couldn't give myself to anyone because I didn't know myself.

When I'm with someone I want to be alone, when I'm alone I want to be with someone.

I wouldn't tell someone on the first date if I was Bipolar but wait to see if you like them.

The one thing I do know about mental illness is that you can tell someone that you suffer from depression or bipolar and they're like, okay, no problem. But when it flairs up and you are actually having an episode, or like you said, you're never the same for a few days in a row, they wonder what's wrong with you and then have issues with it. Well, that's been my experience anyway.

I don't want to be alone. What I do want is someone to go out with (2 times a week), have dinner, watch movies, have good talks and good sex and then for the other 5 days I have to myself. But of course, I have to be the one who picks the days. LOL.

I know that wasn't alot of help.

EagleNebula.

[Debi54]

I felt that way when I was younger, always in a relationship. Was married 3 times. None of them worked out because I was undiagnosed and they couldn't deal with my craziness. Can't blame them. Have been in a long-term relationship with a man that I used to live with, but living with someone doesn't work for me, either. I like being alone. I am comfortable with myself. As what everyone else said, can come and go as I please, don't have to answer to anyone, the only one I have to tell anything to is my son. Sometimes I even resent my relationship because he shows up unannounced and takes up my time that I planned to do something else with. Plus, I'm a miserable judge of character. Better off alone.

[moremi]

Hi I just wanted to add my story to this. Love is a very complicated, confusing, alluring, amazing, hurtful thing in a class of its own. Everyone deserves to feel this part of life. Without it your missing a piece of who you are. Yes our disease or illness what have you is detrimental it will never go away, but the good thing about love is that it conquers all. Go to a book store find some literature for her to read. Its not a dead end road. My story is I met my husband when I was 16 when my illness had just started kicking in. We didnt know I was sick back then. He and I grew up together. I wasnt diagnosed bipolar until I was 31 I am now 34 but after researching and reading all we could I was definately bipolar from 16 on up just got worse in the thirties. You partner may be like mine, as soon as he found our I ordered some books for family member living with bipolars. He read the first book in one day. He was open minded and ready to learn more about me and my mind. Love is meant for everyone. Just because you have a mental illness does not take you off the market none of you.

[Permanent Pajamas]

I do hope everyone here finds someone for them if that's what they want. I want people to be happy, especially those who suffer like I do.

I believe I'm destined to be completely alone. I'm not really fit for human consumption, so to speak. I'm a recluse and that's best. It does get lonely but I get over it faster and faster as I get older.

[Voltin]

I've found that for me the search for love took me back to learning to love myself. I felt if I could do that , someday I could recognize someone who could love me for the woman who is self assured. This all became a goal of mine after the marriage I'm in changed for the worse year after year. Stayed for many reasons , kids included. Now they are grown and own their own , still married but out of convenience. I love being alone with my life of doing what I love finally, I got over the feeling of searching for a soul mate. Lonely at times but I'm not fitting in with people on a regular basis, people have baggage as do I. I can only deal with my own. There is nothing wrong with not having a love of your life , just love life. That includes not having children or close friends. Healthy life is feeling at peace with your choices, normal is a society image.
Treat yourself as you want someone else to treat you. Alone and accepting it. I consider myself single. I wish the best for all who travel the pitted road of love. Maybe some day love will come for me like Georgia Okeife, the artist who in her late years of life fell in love with a younger man. But I'm not settling for second best. I'm not 17 anymore .

I have two rescued dogs and two rescued cats that need me as much as I need them. Love unconditional.