[Trippin2.0]

Something my mom said AND the "how do mothers do it" thread sparked this question:

Did the fact that I never played with dolls cause me to be (severely) lacking regarding my nurturing instinct?

I mean I love my daughter, you guys know this, but I find it much easier to be the mommy that goes to work and brings home the bacon than being the mommy who can nurture and care fulltime.

Remember when I was unemployed? 3 months in and was over being proud of wearing the mommy costume, it drove me nuts I find that although I love and care deeply, I have to make a conscious decision / effort to be nurturing. It has definitly gotten easier, and I've gotten better at it, I mean I've had 9 yrs to practice, but mahn do I remember being traumatized that I had to care for someone else fulltime

If any of you suffer the same "defect" did you also not play with dolls?
I was much more interested in cars, trucks, water pistols, lego and puzzles as a child myself...

My current tantrum you ask?
I'm tired of being a grown up! Childish I know...
I wanna quit my job and just do nothing be responsible for nothing and just be... I dont want to worry about bills and school fees and work and sickness and finding a place of my own... I just want to be.

I am so tempted to just not go to work tomorrow, not call in at all. Would be so easy to get fired, idk if its mostly the "I dont want to" tantrum or the reality that on some level I know I can't deal with any of this shyt right now

I only know I'm overloaded when I start unravelling at the seams, so I don't even know if I'm really taking strain right now or not
All I know is I'm tired and so over it all, but not particularly depressed or anything...

btw as a side note, bf and I are patching things up, so he's not stressing me out (atm) that is...

End rant I guess?

You're still recovering from flu; don't forget that, please.

Glad you and bf are patching things up and that isn't stressing you out.

You'll never be able to hide from your daughter that you feel you're a non-nurturing
parent. She'll pick it up by behavior, but it really isn't going to hurt her so long as
she knows that you love her and support her efforts. I suspect that her interests
are much like yours--intellectual ones, since she seems so bright.

I would say," nothing to worry about there for the time-being." She may become more
independent as she reaches the teen-age years, but that's normal and something
to look forward to!

My daughter was reared with a Welsh pony,a little Arabian filly, dogs,
cats, and fishing tackle. She loves her daughter immensely and the
child often has her nails painted, wears a lot of pink, and loves people.

It's all in the quality of home life and love between birth and their current age that make them secure with their sex and lifestyles, I think. You're giving that to your youngster, in my view.

Take care.

[Trippin2.0]

Gen... she knows, has known from a young age, that I'm not cookie cutter mother material She did pick up on it pretty young and as soon as she was able to verbalise properly (as we talk at great lengths about our relationship dynamics) she expressed to me that she doesn't mind that I'm not like her friend's mothers and also doesn't mind that I'm a bit nuts She says she knows I do my best and that I love her...

In that talk I did however tell her to point out if she thought I was lacking in certain areas, which she has. So really she is the actual reason I have gotten better at it.

Guess my beef is just that she deserves better you know? I had a somewhat emotionally distant mother, but she kicks a.s.s at caring for and nurturing, and yet I didn't develop any of that or learn from her behavior.

So I guess that amounts to guilt? I know better, was taught better, but am not measuring up, so am infact robbing my daughter...

[Anika.]

I think we probably all go through that at some points. The wanting to not be the 24/7 caretaker. Cause wouldn't it be nice to be taken care of once in a while..specially when you are sick, the seas are rough and you are utterly exhausted?

I think I fall a little on the nuturer side however it's like a balance act always. And when you are a single mom Trippin, it usually is because there are too many hats to put on and not enough time to change them. Harriot's magic hats..a show I watched when I was a kid. YouTube Wish it were that easy.

I did play with dolls and trucks, was a bit rough and tumble. Not sure how much that makes a diff..interesting. But your being the best mom you can be. Not all mothers are alike. I'm probably not a typical mom either but thats ok. You love your daughter and Jordan knows that. You are there for her and always will be..she knows that too right? You take care of her needs and wants, try to pass on good life lessons and guide her. You protect her ..your being a mom. There is nothing to meassure up too. Which yard stick shall we use?

I think as parents we all worry..feel guilt.. feel like we are not doing it right or enough or this or that. Parents are just people. Vast and varried. They don't need cookie cutter moms, they need real people that have both strengths and weakness and can admit and accept both and seek and strive for the best they can.

No, I don't think you're robbing her of anything. You must give up the guilt, Trippin.
You know that we all do the best we know how at the time we do it, so there's really no room for guilt in your mind. What's the expression? "Don't ever measure yourself by someone else's standards because there will always be lesser and greater ones than ourselves". It took me a while to learn that it's okay to compete; it's also
perfectly all right not to compete.

Enjoy your life and your child while you can. She loves you and that's what life is
really all about in the ultimate meaning of it, Trippin.

You're really a very fine person battling some ghosts and some real problems financially, and I hope they're going to clear up.

Be careful about whom you fall in love with, though; never let it be out of a need, but, rather, out of a partnership of two independent people.

Take care.

[Eliza Jane]

There are many different ways a good mother. And there are many different ways to love and support your child.

It also strikes me that this post is about motherhood and not fatherhood. I think there would be much less societal judgement and self judgement if you were a man saying, "I'd rather care for my family by supporting them financially. I never played with dolls." Maybe thinking of that would help you let yourself off the hook a little.

Best,
EJ

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks guys its appreciated.
I told my mom I think I'm exhausted on all fronts and that may be why I want to run away from being an adult. She told me to check how much leave I have due and take a few days break...

I just feel so impulsive and kinda "who cares" now regarding my job. And that is BAD... gotta put on my game face for Jordan, she's counting on me...

Guess I really struggle with feeling inadaquate because I see my mom, my sisters, niece, peers and all I see is how motherhood fits. Its not a costume they have to put on and a role they need to assume... Another thing I should be working on no.

Thanks again for the input and giving me some perspective

[Trippin2.0]

BTW. My sudden aversion to work is completely separate from my motherhood issues. I just don't want to / can't deal with work. That's the tantrum part of my post. I want to throw my job out of the cot, and I don't even know why My decision making skills are not very good when I'm in such a stubborn beliggerent mood

I MUST decide / choose to go to work tomorrow. I know I must, but I still have not set my alarm... See? I'm rebelling for no reason or waiting for the light to fricken go on or something to click! IDK

[faerie_moon_x]

I know someone who is the same type of mom as you. She wants to be the working mom and hates when she has to be home. She had fits over needing to stay home for maternity leave. I was shocked she didn't just show up and sit at her desk....

So, I think you're a class of woman and not alone a tall. That was the whole point of equality for women, right? That not all moms can be Donna Reed.

I don't want to be grown up either. It hit me really hard when I was 25. I like had a mid-life crisis of some kind.... or... quarter life crisis maybe? I have been thinking abou tthat time. I ffeel like I lost the years between 19-25, although I remember things from them. And I have been thinking that's when I was having that major delusional episode during those years. I think somehow they are tied together. It was like one morning I woke up from being 18 and was 25. I had a series of panic attacks about it that lasted about 6 months, I remember.

I never really got in the hang of this "grown up" thing. I still feel stuck in some ways. I know I'm grown up, but I don't like it. I don't like working, I hate bills, I don't want to be the one that everyone relies on because I know I'm on the edge all the time. Yet here I am, lugging the load.... but I think that's normal. I remember my dad complaining about that,too. I guess maybe I got it from him....

[~Christina]

Trippin

[Trippin2.0]

I'm supposed to be getting done for work... Instead I'm staring at the time.
Not good.

Thanks DH and Christina

[Trippin2.0]

Made up some lame excuse. Not going to work...

[~Christina]

That's an okay thing

[Trippin2.0]

Honestly it doesn't seem like it from this angle, but I went with it anyway...

Errr I don't want to return to work. Ever.

[Confusedinomicon]

Awww. What happened?

[Trippin2.0]

Quite simply? Nothing.
Its as if I'm just rebelling for no reason. Very confusing. I did it in the past too before Jordan was school-going age... Just decided "no", or that my job was BS, or that I had enough. And just left.

For the last 5 yrs, I've been good about staying at work, until now that is.

Its like some switch flipped and I'm just refusing, even though I KNOW its a bad irresponsible idea... I'm not fighting it. Not hard anyway.

Maybe I just need a swift kick in the butt?

[~Christina]

*** Kick ***
Nah ... Your just riding a wave .. up and down there go.

I once had 4 new jobs in 1 week .. seriously .. Ha now that was a cool week.
Cut yourself a break today.. You will do what needs to be done.

Trippin

[dubblemonkey]

...theres no room for other feet to kick your butt Lia...
cos your feet are already there kickin' away like all kung fu!

HAAaaa yaaaH!




...you just need some time to re-goup is all...and you're sincerely welcome all the Gods and the angels agree too......

no need to hide your little head in a bag sweet buddy

okidoki

you done duthin' wrong

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks guys
Really appreciate you all

[Victoria'smom]

How are you doing now?

[Trippin2.0]

Lounging about. Maybe I just need a mini break from my reality MM?.... Idk....
Will have to get my act together before the end of the day because I still feel like quitting my job.

[Trippin2.0]

Haha bf is psychic!

He showed up and gave me a few hours break from reality, took a nice drive right around the mountain. Weather is horrid so I had to look out for rock fall and tree fall, but was just what I needed!
Had lunch trying to watch the waves through the fog, bliss

Now... I think work might be easier to face, or maybe I should be a good girl and listen to mom when she says take a few days vacation time...

Will decide later, is only 3pm-ish

[Victoria'smom]

Can you afford a two day mini vacation? Hotel and all. Steal Jordan or just have me time mid week is best relax pool side, go to a museum, aquarium, pottery place, whatever sounds intresting, do dinner and a movie and just relax on your 3 day/2 night vacation.

[Trippin2.0]

Wish I could *dreamy face* but alas it would only be to rest. I don't have the funds. Maybe I could go get a massage though

[Trippin2.0]

Good news! (for a damn change)

Its 5am Thursday and I'm all but ready to go, and my brain didn't put up a fight!
Even woke up before my alarm... I been stressing over nothing You guys were right as usual!