Who's experienced psychosis?

I have wrote on here a few times about what my manic episode (later turned psychotic episode) did to me. I have lost a lot of what I feel is intelligence and ability to speak well in social situations. I experienced psychosis in December and thought I was Joseph the father of Jesus and that somehow meant I was Santa Clause too. Hell it was fun while I was manic, but coming back to reality has caused me to be depressed. Not only that it all wasn't true, but on the fact that my recovery hasn't really happened. I came out of my psychotic state about 3 weeks after it started and haven't seen much improvement since. I would like to know from everyone who has experienced psychosis what their recovery was like and if they had any of the same problems. I've felt alone and sad that I feel I've lost so much... but I'm learning to live with what I have left. I want to be like I was before this all happened, but I'm afraid that part of me is dead. Thank you and inner peace be with all.

The depression is part of recovery. It is your brain's way of recouperating from the massive strain put on it by the mania and psychosis. It took a good while for me to get back to a good place. It also took some major changes in my lifestyle.

Hang in there and stick with your treatment.

Best wishes and good luck

So psychosis is really rough on the brain. You're lucky you recovered in 3 weeks, that gives you a better prognosis than anything beyond 1 month. For me I felt slow for at least six months but I read about neuroplasticity and started to do brain games and puzzles...things like luminosity and brain age for the ds as well as posh logic puzzles that come in book form. I also read as much as possible and picked up the guitar...wasn't good at it but learning a new thing was key....I wanted to keep my brain active. I also bought some of those CDs from the great courses and played a game called set. Basically I was treating myself like I was brain damaged and I had to remake all the connections I had in my brain. I feel totally like myself now so I consider myself recovered.

I once had a cat (unfortunately, I could not keep it as my ex husband kept him). The cat who at that time was a teenager-kitten wandered into my residence on my birthday (so I thought of him as MY birthday present - it is unfair that I could not keep him).

The cat has had various names until it became obvious that nothing sticks to him so his name is THE CAT. That fits him.

Among the names he used to have the two most prominent were:

- Santa Claus
- Moses

Since he was both Santa Claus and Moses, I am not surprised that you felt that you were Joseph (a factual correction - per the Bible, Joseph was not fully the father of Jesus) and Santa Claus at the same time. There is some commonality between key Bible characters and Santa Claus that I can plainly see...

[QUOTE=Sometimes psychotic;3075163]For me I felt slow for at least six months but I read about neuroplasticity and started to do brain games and puzzles...

When you say you felt slow, what do you mean? Not talking much or not doing much. I'm trying to draw comparisons to what I feel I'm going through.

Oh-I can relate all too much. I had a manic episode in 2010that lasted from April to dec. 5th. Not enough time to tell you all the things and people I thought I was!
I have felt like a negative copy of myself since then. It's been horrible and I have to deal with all the terrible stuff I did. I started seroquel in jan. and that's been helpful.
I wish it was like on tv where the crazy person takes meds and is better in 3 days. It is taking awhile to get the right meds-like years.
I'm glad you're "back" even though being Santa sounds like a cool job : )

[QUOTE=Mr. Radio;3082168]I felt slow solving problems ...there is a certain amount of chemistry I need to do for work calculating moles etc that I just couldn't focus on. Also I was in a research program for schizophrenia and they tested me twice when I first joined and at 6 months. I was OK by 6 months but initially some of the problems they gave me I couldn't handle. There is something called working memory that is damaged by psychosis. It's your ability to think about a problem in your head so they would give us a series of seven numbers and we would have to repeat them in the correct order numerically. They were just 1-10 but it was hard while I was sick it was taking a lot of time.

As far as talking and not doing much that falls into negative symptoms which I didn't have. I was actually a little bit manic so I was doing more and talking more.

Anyway glad you're working on the neuroplasticity it should help!

I have to look up the definition of psychosis. Is it a clear break with reality? Do you lose any sense of who you are or self-awareness? Wouldn't the beliefs that you had be delusions? Do you lose sense of time or anything else? I can not tell if I've ever been psychotic but my mind does jump around a hell of a lot and it feels like my personality changes. I had a very sick PDOC who told me my anxiety was so bad it was almost psychotic.

Psychosis is losing contact with what is a real thought and what is made up in your mind. When you experience psychosis every thought that you have can be crazy and you believe it. You will find a reason and explanation in your mind to back up a psychotic thought. I thought time was the devil when I was psychotic, so yea I tried to lose my sense of time. You gain in a sense every thought you have into reality (your reality). Being psychotic was fun, but I would trade anything in the world for that to never happen. Then I would never have lost what I feel is gone forever now.

I had a really long psychotic episode, and absolutely no help at all or treatment during that time. It's a long story. But, basically I believed a secret organization was after me. Their base was an office building in my neighborhood, near the park. I had magical powers and was the protector of the magical energy of my neighborhood (which I inherited from my grandfather.) And the organization were like evil magical people, trying to drain all the energy out of the park for their own evil plots.

Anway, that's it in a nut shell. This episode lasted about 5 years. I can't remember when it started but I was about 18 or 19 years old, and then it ended sometime between when I was 25 and 26. I don't remember when it ended or how it ended. And, I forgot all about it until confronted with the building one day.

Anyway.... I think it ended around the time I had a traumatic event of losing custody of my oldest son and not seeing him for a year. During that year I took abilify for 2 weeks, which I am curious if that helped knock it out. (I had a bad reaction to abilify and had to stop.) I can't remember.

Since I never had treatment during that time, I the doctor only "suspects" I have psychosis. Since I'm not regularly in treatment, but I have a lot of paranoia of a lower level, and random hallucinations both visual and auditory. These always shake me up, and I feel off balance after they happen.

Coming out of paranoia causes me a lot of confusion and self-doubt. My cognitive functioning is in decline, and very noticable over the last few years. I recently was tested for it and I scored very far into the high risk catagory, flagging the possibility that I'm going to fall off farther is imminent, it scared the hell out of me, really. I have no answers, but I suspect that having that long period of psychosis has something to do with it. I'm planning to see a neurophsycologist once I get insurance again.

I think depression is a normal response in illness. After I came out of the hospital in July for physical reasons, I became very depressed. It lasted about a month which is a very long time for me, with my rapid cycling. Don't be hard on yourself right now. Just take care and allow yourself to heal. I firmly believe that psychosis is physical, not mental. There is a lot going on and your brain needs to heal up.

Dark Heart x, I am sorry to hear everything that you've been though. It sounds very painful. I've don't have auditory or hallucinations now (had a few while I was in it). I'm also worried about my cognitive functioning, especially my speaking and thinking ability. I feel like, a lot doesn't come to mind like it use to. I hope you can see a doctor soon to help you out. What happened when you were on abilify? My doctor just changed me to that over saphris. I was in psychosis for a few weeks and I feel like it messed me up pretty bad, I can't get a grip on 5 years. My thoughts are with you. Good luck and remember every day that you wake up is a present from the guy above. Make the best of present even in times of turmoil.

Oh thanks. Really, it's not all that bad. I've just gotten used to it and half the time I figure this is who I am and should just accept it.
I mean, I've basically only had about 3 months in treatment when I was diagnosed, and then, you know, only like 4-5 appointments and then I didn't have the money to continue. So, really this is just who I am.

Sometimes I get freaked out, though, with my cognitive problems. It's like watching sand in a hourglass, slipping away. I hate having things like thought blocking, forgetting, can't read, can't think, confusion. I really see why some people feel like thoughts are being stolen right out of their heads. It happens to me more and more. And, that's when I get scared.
I don't want to fade away, but that's what feels like is happening when it gets bad.

During the 5 years, I had no idea it was happening. It is the aftermath that's really got me. Because, you know, all my friends knew something was wrong but did nothing to help me. I deal more now with my anger at the fact that it happened that way rather than the actual psychosis. I was pretty high functioning at that time, despite everything that was going on with me. And I felt I was a very powerful being. I was afraid of the "people after me," but I also felt extremely powerful. Like... movie magic powerful. It really blew my mind when I realized what had actually happened.

So, abilify does some crazy things to me. It makes my heart feel like it is about to explode, and races about 100 miles an hour. I have to stretch my arms and legs out perfectly straight, and grap onto anything I can and hold on for dear life while this happens. It's like the most intense panic attack, yet very hard to explain... I will never forget it, though. Once I made my brother-in-law bring me a hershey bar because I was convinced chocolate would make it stop. When this wasn't happening I was always tapping. Fidgeting. Tapping my feet, fingers, rocking, snaping my fingers, pacing. It was crazy. I remember my mother-in-law looking at me while watching t.v. and saying "What the hell is wrong with you?" LOL. So, no abilify for me.

You and me both!!! I used to have such a good mind---I read voraciously, had thoughtful discussions with people at all levels of intelligence, and had the memory of an elephant. Now I'd literally forget my head if it weren't attached to my shoulders. I have the attention span of a toddler. I haven't read a book in two years. I even forget sometimes where my hands are supposed to go on the computer keyboard, and then get pissed when I type a bunch of gobbledygook.

I also lose track of days/dates. It scares me when I get in the car and briefly can't remember where I'm going or why. I have NO short-term memory to speak of and there are sticky notes everywhere. Then I forget to look at the sticky notes. ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

My pdoc has assured me that I don't have dementia, but I wonder sometimes. I've worked with the frail elderly throughout most of my nursing career and I KNOW that a lot of what I experience is eerily similar to dementing diseases like Alzheimer's. I'm only 54 but it's not unheard-of even at my age. But between the bipolar itself and the medications I take for it, it's probably enough to screw with my head without it being due to an organic brain disorder. I hope.

im not bipolar...
i have schizophrenia...
so my experience may be not as well compared to yours..dunno...

psychosis i think has affected my cognitive abilities so much. ability to thing clearly. form understandable sentences. even ability to spell words. and to understand what people say. takes me longer to do things. simple. im so extremely distraught. ive given up on bettering that. i have no motivation.

I agree with your pdoc that it isn't dementia or alzheimers. There is a really good link I was given when I took the cognitive function test and it goes over how decline in cognition is actually part of having mental illness such as bipolar or schizophrenia and even depression.

It is exactly why I think that they should not call bipolar and depression "mood disorders." They are functional disorders. The moods are part of the symptoms, in my opinion. It would be like calling the common cold a fever disorder instead of a virus. Sure you get a fever and it effects everything going on and you need to take care of it, but that isn't what's causing the cold....

I'm going to warn you that this is very, very long. It took me a long time to read it. But it was 100% worth it. I fit into this so much and it has made me feel better:
Dealing with Cognitive Dysfunction

If it were up to me, this would be given to everyone upon diagnosis of bipolar, schizophrenia, and depression.

still gives me that sinking feeling thinking about it.

Read the article on dealing with cognitive disfunction. I think some of it applies to me, but I also am starting to change my perspective on life and going to think that recovery is real and it will happen over time. This is the best I've felt in the last 5 months and I'm starting to feel confident again. From starting out thinking I could see the future, to rebuilding ones entire self from the ground up. All your comments have helped me out for the better. Hope everyone has a great day and my inner peace be with you.

I think there is recovery, too. I get my new phone this weekend. Yay! So I can start playing the congitive games again regularly even at work. Then once I get insurance next year I'm going to get in to see a neurophsychologist because I want to focus on the fact that I have these issues and how to repair them. It's scary but I haven't given up hope.

Does seeing things, including predator drones count?

Does time and space distortion count (feeling you are unwillingly travelling through time/space gaps)?

Do weird body sensations count?

Does the feeling that your food is talking to you count? Feeling messages sent to you by cities you are in?

I dont know if to label it psychosis, or what it is... but well, that's some of my experiences.

Everyone: take the time to read the article dark heart posted. It's informative and gave me hope. Thanks, dh.

I was psychotic for the first time in Feb. I am still recovering. I didn't know there was a recovery period until I read this post but I am having the same kind of problems with brain function. I forget how to get places, even what road turns past my apt.! I can only read non intellectual romance type books. I tried to read a non fiction book on King Arthur and gave up after three pages. I forget what day it is. Sometimes I fall asleep in the day and don't know if it's the next day or what. I changed my name because I don't feel like the old me anymore. Sometimes I still have little reminders of the hallucinations. I feel the hallway ripple under my feet. I see waves rolling in the sky. Everything is broken into particles in my vision. I hear a voice that no one else hears. I have not painted a picture sence the hospital nor have I written a poem. I was hospitalized again for a week in May and I dont even remember calling the crises line. But I was nuts again. I am perplexed that my Pdoc didn't tell me I would be recovering for awhile. He's with a free clinic and ya get what ya pay for.

Does this sound like what you guys went through. We're you extremely anxious, panicking, paranoid and shaking and tapping? I never thought I was someone else. But I was freaked out and didn't know why. Almost it seemed a physical thing.

Grateful that I can read, drive the car, somewhat keep up the house...but I still feel like a loser...like not good enough and weird. But I do believe we will all get better with time. I'm just afraid I'm going to relapse bc hubby and I are moving across the country in two weeks driving a rental truck and him with a neck injury and all the bs we went through with family since we moved here last fall....another cross country trip.

Sorry to ramble.

Last month at work - out with the public - I "realized" that my molecular structure was spreading out and I was able to slip through spacetime. It was interesting - my psychotic episodes are only scary in hindsight. I emailed a friend about it while it was happening which helped me to not completely float away and finish out the day at work. I'm lucky enough to have an "internal observer" that helps me keep from escalating the "thought cascades" I get into full blown episodes, but I have had them. God spoke to me through my left eye once. That landed me in the hospital.

*VenusHalley I am not a doctor. As I was reading your symptoms, it sounds like you could very much have psychosis. I have never really had visions that were as real as drones, but I did feel like I was altering space and time. I would have those symptoms checked out, they're not normal. Good luck.

Bluewave7* I have never had experience with symptoms continuing after they've initially went away. I've certainly not felt like the old me in quite some time. They best advice I've received on that problem is to let your old self die. After having psychosis, it's like falling off a ladder. Starting out at ground zero again. It's been 5 months for me since my break and I'm finally starting to feel better and not be so damn depressed. My doctor has been changing my medication up to try and find the right combo, I think she finally got it right when giving me abilify. I have never really had persistent symptoms (just crazy random thoughts that have gotten easier to dismiss in my mind). The only time I was really freaked out was when I smoked cannabis, that made me too close to the edge and haven't done it since. I've been anxious, paranoid, and panicking to the fact that I will never be the same. Only the lord knows how many times that I brought that to my parents attention. Things have been getting better for me in time, even though I've fought it every step on the way. I also had to be hospitalized for a second time due to many negative thoughts. I wish you the best of luck and hope that there is no relapse.

Here is an site that has helped me believe that I will fully recover into a new person. The confidence and self esteem part really hit the areas that I was struggling with. Enjoy.

Helping Yourself