[Chupacabra]

I'm sorry to everyone having a hard time right now, my heart hurts for you. The recent med changes effects are becoming apparent... Latuda does seem to be helping, but not enough. It's weird, like I'm still cycling but it's muted if that makes sense. Have an ongoing uneasiness right under the surface. So we're upping the latuda. The lower dose of seroquel is bringing positive & negatives- I'm more alert, less twitchy in the mornings. But OCD behaviors are rising & so is anxiety. Damn this brain.

[lil_better_everyday]

I'm getting really frustrated with this job hunt. Its not like I'm shooting for the moon either, I just want a job where 40 hrs a week gets me over the poverty line. I'm certain I have the qualifications. But I try and stay thankful, while living with my folks is not ideal, I'm lucky to have them and their support which makes the job hunt less stressful.

Other than that, things are good. Staying stable. Meds having me sleeping well. My glass projects are turning out nicely, and hopefully soon they will be another form of income. Keeping myself in that 4-6 range.

[anneo59]

struggling somewhat. A bit of own paranoia, but some actual real stuff triggering. Trying to maintain and be happy. The best to all!

[A Red Panda]

I was having an okish day today....

And decided to start up a blog on here.
Red Panda Through the Rabbit Hole

And have now had a meltdown because I CAN'T GET THE FONT COLOUR TO CHANGE. I've tried looking through EVERYTHING and I've googled and everything that I find tells me to do things that I can't find or have access too!!! I even found a plugin that I'd like to install... but I can't get it installed or uploaded!! So I can't use it to help change the colour either.

Who on earth sets the default to be a colour that YOU CAN'T READ?!

[Confusedinomicon]

F this weather. Sinus sucks and bus is taking forever ughhhhhhhhh

Im hungry again, too

[A Red Panda]

Oh thank goodness - a friend solved it for me. I can't really hover over things to read what they are, and there was a weird picture that I guess opens up a second level of the post editor. And that allows me to change the colour as it's down there. This has seriously been like two hours of my life.

A pretty good day. Had a slight hypo moment this morning...i can't figure why I get so excited to talk to someone and then can't keep my mouth from spewing information that I am not supposed to be sharing...drat!!

[roads]

Saw pdoc yesterday & we agreed bipolar meds are working great--they can't do a thing for the pain, though. At least I'm balanced re: moods ... not even depressed over the situation, just frustrated. Big difference there!
Getting the Therapy dog and Therapy cat is one of the best choices I've ever made. Living alone--being alone, really--I don't think I could handle life without them always there to care for me. To make life worth the struggle.

[A Red Panda]

My cat is definitely a huge bonus to my life too Roadie! He makes me laugh and as HE has many more attachment and abandonment issues than I do, I get a lot of love and attention from him. Unless there's a bug in the room. In which case I don't exist, except as someone to complain at when he can't catch it.

I got quite a bit of stuff finished today, and I wasn't irritated as all h*** at anyone for no reason, so score! I also didn't cry randomly at nothing. Although I did find some pictures of my old cat, which I had fortunately saved onto a cd before my old computer went kaput. So I was looking at those and started bawling. I miss that cat. She was my only support as a kid!

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I understand Innerzone. The odd time that someone actually treats me like that, like I'm somewhat worth the effort? I don't even know what to do and tend to end up a crying mess because I feel SO BAD that I must have been so miserable that they actually felt like they had to do something about it and just want them to go away because I don't want to be ruining their day - I have utterly no idea how to actually handle someone treating me nice...

(I see you chose a new name! Red Pandas are SO cute!!!)
So hear you on this! I turn into a choked up mess too. It's very awkward -- like a foreign language I don't know how to speak. I'm totally guilty of keeping people at arms' length (which is easy). From there they think I am funny. Weird, but funny. The rest of me can be a whole lot harder to take.

Can't believe it's been a week. Monday was rough. Big flip out first thing in the morning. So agitated that if I'd had a gun, I wouldn't be writing this.. Could not deal with going to work. And didn't. Very shaken up. Over the weekend, I hadn't taken my meds, being wiggy about it (the pharmacy generic switch, but I didn't take any of the other meds either), not the least reason of which was no real safety net. Buuuut, this was very likely to have caused Monday meltdown. It was really hard to shake off, and left me one seriously mortified penitent. It was just me flipping out on stuff and myself, not people, still, it wasn't pretty, there was plenty of fallout, clean up, and apologies to BF, who had the great misfortune to witness it. Wake up to it even. Oy.)

Since then, things have all in all returned to normal (including taking my meds!). Did get triggered this evening, throwing me into a situational funk. But am currently pushing past it. Determined to have a nice night relaxing at home.

Stupid depression.

[TippPatt]

I just woke up and immediately I knew that my disability claim will be denied and that the only answer after that will be suicide. I have no idea if this is true or not, but the thoughts of suicide that come along with being BiPolar, for me, are always overwhelming. I'm somewhere between knowing I'll spend my last days Baker Acted and deciding if I should wait until my dad is gone before the deed is done.

DAMNIT. What a way to start the day!

[comicgeek007]

RAGE. RAGE RAGE. RAGE.

And all justified, too.

The CNN article someone posted really set me off because it basically said no bipolar person can lead a normal life because we're all to fcked up in the head.

if you are interested in a slightly longer rant, go here

I think when the pendulum was swinging from hypo to depression it hit me in the head.

[roads]

Originally Posted by comicgeek007

RAGE. RAGE RAGE. RAGE.

And all justified, too.

The CNN article someone posted really set me off because it basically said no bipolar person can lead a normal life because we're all to fcked up in the head.

if you are interested in a slightly longer rant, go here

CNN seriously needs to get over themselves.

So who the heck can lead a "normal life" in today's world which is 75% virtual? I've never known anyone who wasn't messed up by something ... even if it's the simple (but highly debatable) proposition that they're "normal." I mean, what proof can anyone seriously offer of normalcy?? In today's world, where nothing is--that isn't at the same time highly debatable??!

Please, comicgeek, take a deep breath. CNN is a two-dimensional opinion. You & us--we're reality, and we live--struggle--cope--support each other. CNN hires, fires, and sells ads. Now, which is really real?
I want you on my support team ... NOT CNN!!!
Roadie

Tired of waking up feeling I have lead in my *** due to meds.

Tired of crashing mid-aft since going on lamictal.

Tired of being bipolar and dealing with this ****!

Tired of being bored and restless.

[Obviously, I'm in a bad mood. By 8:30 or so, I'll be getting some energy, if today's like the last few days. Then I can actually DO something or GO somewhere!]

[comicgeek007]

Less rage now. Talked to boyfriend last night after showing him the article and he said he wouldn't leave me like the woman in the article, he's gonna stick by me.

Traveling with family - back home Tuesday next week. Good trip overall so far....but having anxiety over eating. Also craving solitude. But boyfriend is with me...he is awesome. Daughter is with us...she is having a good time. I want to create good memories for her. Lots of physical back and neck pain with plane ride, hotel bed and pillows, etc. ah well.

Originally Posted by TippPatt

I just woke up and immediately I knew that my disability claim will be denied and that the only answer after that will be suicide. I have no idea if this is true or not, but the thoughts of suicide that come along with being BiPolar, for me, are always overwhelming. I'm somewhere between knowing I'll spend my last days Baker Acted and deciding if I should wait until my dad is gone before the deed is done.

DAMNIT. What a way to start the day!

Hang in there, sweetie! I totally understand the suicidal ideations. If you need to go to the hospital - do so. If you are denied disability - if you are referring to SSDI - a recent hospitalization certainly won't hurt your claim during the appeal process.

Was in a mixed state and really paranoid. Upped my AP, risperdal and now I'm feeling hypo. Hopefully I will stabilize soon.

[A Red Panda]

Today I seem to be stabled out! The last two days have been pretty normal (not that I was really doing badly mind you, I've just been up and down a lot lately where I either have a lot of energy or none and am crying randomly)

Pretty good except for the racing mind and endless tapes that keep playing in my head.
I have become accustomed to sleeping thru it in spite of it.

[TippPatt]

Whew. I'm starting another day within a rapid cycling mania. Yesterday was so strange. I could tell I was on the high end because I had to go to the grocery store. There I was acting as if I was in a parade, speaking to most everyone I encountered, acting as if we were all in some movie playing our parts with me the cheerleader. I even had a woman running around for me trying to find the Nutella. (which BTW is fantastic on graham crackers!!)

I started a review of an SSI Disability hearing by the Oversight Committee from last month. I learned that I should probably go around my atty and send in my own info regarding my disease and send my thoughts, including my postings here, directly to the judge with a summation. That means that although I'm in a serious manic phase right now, it might just be helpful to me in the long run.

I have to go to the dentist this morning - just an impression for the future, so no biggie - and when I get back, I am going to work on this piece I started last night for my atty along with the beginnings of what I want to send to the judge.

Wish me luck as I spin rapidly.

Originally Posted by TippPatt

Wish me luck as I spin rapidly.

Good luck! Sounds like you might need it. Try not to spin too fast!

GOOD LUCK (((TippPatt)))