It's monday so I dunno what is "monday" and what is me.
I feel a bit lost, not depressed per se and definitely not manic.
Ho hum?
YES! That is it...just ho hum.

[gayleggg]

I woke up feeling angry this morning. A lot about stuff I can't do anything about. Feeling really down on myself I can't snap out of this depressive mood and get back to normal. I'm angry I'm not getting to go to Tennessee, to visit relatives like I do every summer but my daughter can't take me this year and I'm angry I can't drive that far by myself with all my medical problems. I'm just really feeling hopeless about so many things. Glad I have a place to vent. This depression is kicking my but.
Gayle

My husband has been saving up a lot of boxes in the garage and I worry that they are meant for me. I got rid of them when he left for work this morning, gave them to the garbage collector. I wonder if my husband will notice.now I'm really paranoid.

[comicgeek007]

so excited about seeing boyfriend tomorrow! I haven't seen him in six months!

Originally Posted by TippPatt

Whew. I'm starting another day within a rapid cycling mania. Yesterday was so strange. I could tell I was on the high end because I had to go to the grocery store. There I was acting as if I was in a parade, speaking to most everyone I encountered, acting as if we were all in some movie playing our parts with me the cheerleader. I even had a woman running around for me trying to find the Nutella. (which BTW is fantastic on graham crackers!!)

I started a review of an SSI Disability hearing by the Oversight Committee from last month. I learned that I should probably go around my atty and send in my own info regarding my disease and send my thoughts, including my postings here, directly to the judge with a summation. That means that although I'm in a serious manic phase right now, it might just be helpful to me in the long run.

I have to go to the dentist this morning - just an impression for the future, so no biggie - and when I get back, I am going to work on this piece I started last night for my atty along with the beginnings of what I want to send to the judge.

Wish me luck as I spin rapidly.

TP, I'm in a hypomanic phase myself, so I understand the "good ideas" and abundant activity. However, as a Social Security disability atty myself, I'd urge you to please let your attorney do the work. Worst case scenario, she will fire you if she finds out you've been doing stuff on your own.

What you're doing reminds me of my own client who I feel is a runaway train with trying to co-manage the case. Her activities are potentially detrimental to our winning! Just a word to the wise . . . . Best of luck!

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Today I seem to be stabled out! The last two days have been pretty normal (not that I was really doing badly mind you, I've just been up and down a lot lately where I either have a lot of energy or none and am crying randomly)

Glad you're feeling more stable!

Feeling remorseful/ashamed because yesterday morning, in a hypomanic state, I was so sure it was the right thing for my husband and me to go to France ASAP. I don't even know if he can get vacation time, and I am still only on 25 mg lamictal and ultra rapid cycling.

Anyway, I posted on Facebook how we were most likely going, and verified with my friend in France the same (that we would visit). Now, with a more clear head, I'm feeling like a dumb as* for opening my trap. I KNEW at the time that it was hypomania talking, but I couldn't help myself . . .

We still MAY go in September, but I just feel so frustrated that I feel like I can't help myself from doing and saying things lately that a small voice in my head tells me is wrong/inappropriate!

[TippPatt]

Woke up thinking it was Saturday, the coffee pot took a dump and peed all over the kitchen, my hip hurts and I have no upper teeth. All in all, the world is rather an odd place as I start my day. Let's hope it gets better as I ride the big wave.

WOW Thank Heavens I'm in a manic state this morning and see all of this in a very funny way. Could it get any stranger? Yes, yes it can. And, I know that.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[TippPatt]

Originally Posted by newgal2

TP, I'm in a hypomanic phase myself, so I understand the "good ideas" and abundant activity. However, as a Social Security disability atty myself, I'd urge you to please let your attorney do the work. Worst case scenario, she will fire you if she finds out you've been doing stuff on your own.

What you're doing reminds me of my own client who I feel is a runaway train with trying to co-manage the case. Her activities are potentially detrimental to our winning! Just a word to the wise . . . . Best of luck!

YES that did cross my mind. I've come to the realization that I could be working at cross purposes with her. That, I do not want to do. Consequently, I think I'll write up my bit and submit it to her for HER to put in the record - of course I'll be pushing for that in the background.

Thank you for reminding me that I cannot rule the world - Damnit! - and to look at this particular problem not with the manic eye but with something akin to normal.

The noise in my head actually gave way to some short (bout 3 1/2 hours) of superior sleep with very vivd and "normal" dreams.
Normal as in I wasn't being chased, shot at, silently screaming, running from 'them', or anything like that.
I was walking on the beach with the salt air in my lungs and the sand between my toes and someone holding my hand...not one clue who that someone was...been having that dream for over 20 years.

[jadedbutterfly]

I am zippy... but not in a fun way. wish it was coming out creatively ....
even with all my meds (seroquel, lamictal & trazadone) last night.... got about 4 hours of sleep. taking the klonopin isn't touching anything... arghhhhhhhhh

[Moreta]

I hurt today. My boss isn't here at work, so I've mostly been fooling around. I go to the chiropractor this afternoon. Looking forward to that. Then I have to go home and pack, b/c we're going to FL tomorrow to see my husband's grandma. We'll be there until Sunday.

[A Red Panda]

I just got back from my appointment with Mental Health Guy. I feel embarassed because I cried multiple times. I know I SHOULDN'T be embarassed, but I am anyway. I just don't like talking about stuff. It feels really childish. I know that it shouldn't but again, it feels that way anyway. Bah.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I just got back from my appointment with Mental Health Guy. I feel embarassed because I cried multiple times. I know I SHOULDN'T be embarassed, but I am anyway. I just don't like talking about stuff. It feels really childish. I know that it shouldn't but again, it feels that way anyway. Bah.

Red Panda, I know what you mean. Today in couple's counseling I started crying too and felt really embarrassed. I think if a pdoc or therapist is relatively new, I feel more embarrassed than if in front of someone I've known a while.

[anneo59]

know what you all mean about the crying. I actually am working on doing less of it, even with therapist and finding other outlets for those emotions. Not sure if this is good or not, sometimes maybe tho. Certainly w fam and friends, it seems. I have to tell myself that many others feel like or are crying and I'm not alone. Sometimes, just sometimes that helps. I do think that now and then there are times to cry, tho, for various reasons!

Nearly a week. Kind of all over the map. There's stuff feeling reminiscent of almost a year ago that has me on alert, because that got really ugly (month and a half mixed). Do.not.want. Cannot stress that enough. Going to an appt. very soon -- my psych is at hand this year, TG.
Hopefully just a messy patch, with no snowball.

I'm bipolar. So I can say something here. But I can't really- like I can't get anything out. And everything is tangled up in everything else. A circle is round; it has no end. ...kind of like the whole BP/OCD disaster that is my brain. I just feel exceedingly alone in my crazy sometimes. Sorry if I can't make sense right now, maybe it helps that other people might read. I'm sorry I don't make sense I don't know where to go.

[TippPatt]

Newgal2:

Check your messages - ding, ding, ding.

I want to say for all the rapidly cycling people out there, that it is nice to be able to have a reminder that rapidly cycling people can't always make the best decisions available to rapidly cycling people.

It's best to have that reminder from one of our own who understands the program.

Thank you so very much, Newgal2.

[TippPatt]

Woke up after very little sleep (4 hrs max), which has been happening for the past week or so, and find myself coming here to thank Newgal2 for stopping me from a most likely terrible mistake.

I've sent everything I need off to the atty and now I wait. I think I'll be trying to spend the next week or so outside tinkering. I've got to expend this manic energy somehow. Right now I'm full of the jitters simply because I have no idea what to do with myself now that everything's been scanned and sent. I need a project, but a project that doesn't hurt my back.

One way or the other man, head or back. If I only had just one disability, I think I'd be better off. But, the two, that limits my options a great deal and I just don't like that. I really don't.

Hypomanic, rapid cycling. Chronic pain level through the roof! Posted a thread on hypomania suggestions a few minutes ago...need input, please. Take care everyone.

[TippPatt]

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

I'm bipolar. So I can say something here. But I can't really- like I can't get anything out. And everything is tangled up in everything else. A circle is round; it has no end. ...kind of like the whole BP/OCD disaster that is my brain. I just feel exceedingly alone in my crazy sometimes. Sorry if I can't make sense right now, maybe it helps that other people might read. I'm sorry I don't make sense I don't know where to go.

Josie, you have no idea how much we are alike. Sure, on here I sound like I have the world by a string, that's because we can also fit any act without looking like we have any problem. That's my cross to bear. I can communicate with a rock, not that the rock listens, mind you.

My point is that we all have different pieces of this terrible disease. You seem to be unable to 'get it out', I seem as though I don't have a care in the world. Both of us are terribly damaged and in a way that most just don't understand because we carry our scars on the inside.

I encourage you to simply type as though no one is reading, as I'm doing. I set up a place for me to talk to me here and I come and visit the others here in this thread. Please take every advantage of whatever you can find on this site to help you. As odd as I am, it's helping me immeasurably.

Best of luck hun, sincerely, TippPatt

So we get a check in thread? Must have missed this one before.

So I decided to check in! lol. I'm at the point in life lately to where I can honestly accept my diagnosis. Before, I mindlessly took my meds and never believed the diagnosis. I would play out my days thinking it was all bs. trying to prove to myself that it was crap, day in and day out.

but then I started noticing the things that people did around me. Like, the ways that people accommodated me, and it got me thinking of what they were accommodating. I still do the same stuff as before, except it is more controlled so therefore more acceptable.

So anyways... I'm ready to accept my diagnosis. Not to ever use it as an excuse, but admitting that I have this disorder is where I'm at.

[lifelies]

TIRED.
Tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, bored, full.

TL;DR (must be lazy to not read that) Depressed

[anneo59]

oustanding comments and excellent perspective, Roadie, re CNN show! Thanx!

[anneo59]

feeling pretty stable, but got a lot on plate, and it's crucial I get it all done, so feeling anxious and stressed. Using all tools in my kit back to keep the negative feelings at bay. Got some good stuff done I've been putting off, and that felt great, but need to get back up on that horse and ride!