[roads]

Originally Posted by H0P3L3SS_1

Called in sick cuz I couldnt handle the day... Thinking its time to go back to counselling. Really struggling. Falling down and cant stop. Wondering how long it will take to hit bottom this time. FML

I'm glad you realized you needed to state hope--now please follow through with your excellent instincts and get that counseling! you don't need to let this go to the point of hitting bottom. Take best possible care of you.
Roadie

I am doing well...its all good and I hope it stays this way...its nice.

[anneo59]

trying to manage better, to reach out to others, to move along, to not give in!

[Confusedinomicon]

I used a semi to dye my hair pinkish-red last night. ;D

I made a huge mess, but managed to get the color to stay in better this time around. I just had to put saran wrap around the dyed hair to apply heat and leave it in longer. Excitedd.

[TippPatt]

Woke up cloudy. I did dress and go out and water the plants and had a nice chat with my new neighbor. Even offered up some trash cans for him to use. He's re-designing the outside of his home and is busy as a bee. I liked being able to help the guy.

Hungry now, but not one bit of energy available to do anything about it. ::

[TippPatt]

Originally Posted by purple1967

Better day job interview went great but not hired yet wish me luck

Good luck. I do hope it works out for you!!

[gayleggg]

I'm feeling really guilty about something I did this morning. It has kept me anxious all day. I'm going to try an fix it after work but it might be too late. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with it if I can't fix it. I figure it will just feed my depression which is already bad. Also, made a bad decision yesterday about something that can't be fixed that has me beating myself up. I'm a mess today. Hopefully I can recitify at least one of the two and I will feel better. Thanks for giving me a place to put my thoughts.
Gayle

[H0P3L3SS_1]

Feeling secluded. For a while I could talk to my best friend about my bipolar or depression. whatever this is. But she thinks I am better. She thinks it has gone away. Like it ever will, but I cant bring myself to talk to her about it anymore. She seemed so happy when I got out of the last slump. The issues just sorta faded from conversation. How do I bring it up again. I feel so alone. Moreso then before. I know that this "down" will pass like all the others. But really hurting inside. Wish more then anything I had someone I could just talk things through with. Wish I could talk to her and have her forget the conversation afterwards.

[johnthorne1539]

Crushing, crippling sense of loneliness, all day long. Worried about financial matters; not much I can do about them right now, but I still can't get them off my mind. One of those "I'm worthless" kinda days.

[A Red Panda]

Wrote this in a PM earlier:

"I don't really know how I am today. I'm sad and frustrated and tired and preoccupied with the last few day's dramas. I feel sort of abandoned by everyone - students are now not mine anymore (always sad as I get attached), few of my friends here have not responded much lately to things, the whole ******** with L and A, my friends in England I never get to talk to unless I initiate it, some of my Ontario friends are the same... I feel like I only get to talk to people if I put the extra effort in, because they never message me if I don't, I can't even remember the last time I talked to my sister-in-law or nieces, I actually really liked my one-night stand and would like to at least be friends with him, but my phone was dead and I don't ahve his number and he hasn't sent me a text or anything, the mental health worker guy was supposed to call me on MONDAY and still hasn't... and the tattoo artist hasn't confirmed that he recieved my email."

Well. I suppose that sort of explains the loneliness and feeling rather overwhelmed and abandoned.

And yes. I DO in fact have good friends who ARE here for me in many ways... but that looks like a good chunk that is just bringing me down. I try really hard to not worry about it too much and to not let it get me down... but it does sometimes anyway.

[Moreta]

I've actually been doing things today. I'm trying to get all the laundry done. My husband is in FL for his grandfather's funeral. I dislike being alone. I'm going to my mom's tonight to spend the night. I'm going to bring the wii, and see if I can find wii sports somewhere in this house so we can play bowling. Then we can watch netflix. I'm thinking we should watch an episode of Sherlock. It's a great show.

I can't wait till tomorrow, cause I get to see my friend. She's the only friend I have and we don't even talk/see each other that much. We've been friends since the 5th grade. We're going to go to the mall.

[roads]

Moreta, I hope you have a great day with your friend.

CheshireCatGrin, johnthorne, hop3l3ss ... I'm sorry you folks are struggling with the black bipolar--I'm fortunate that my pdoc has me on a cocktail that does a good job of keeping me balanced. When it doesn't, he finds out why ASAP & fixes it. I wish you could each get a pdoc who worked that hard & successfully for you.

In the meantime, are you on a good schedule? Doing the basics re: sleep, diet, no drugs/alcohol?

I'm wishing the best for all my fellow bipolars. Even at its best, it's the pits.
Roadie

[H0P3L3SS_1]

Sleeping too much. No appetite. Avoiding alcohol, cuz that never ends well in a down. Dunno, no motivation to get outa bed right now. Just gotta ride it out and avoid letting the down get the best of me.

[roads]

H0P3L3SS, I think the down IS getting the best of you if you can't get out of bed. "Riding it out" is "giving in." Start by doing some simple exercises while you're in bed, to help wake up. Do some yoga, do get the energy moving. Then work on getting out of bed.
You don't have to leave home, or even get dressed--but please get up ... then you'll know you are in control of your mental illness!!
Roadie

[redbandit]

I am feeling pretty awful today. Just depressed and angry and feeling like a failure. I wish I could stop comparing my life to others

[A Red Panda]

Today I found my tarot deck.

Which I've been looking for, for over two months. It was in the second place I keep looking - but somehow I didn't look deep enough into the box? I don't get it because it's a SMALL SMALL BOX.

I also messaged someone on fb whom I think might be the nephew of a friend I've been trying to refind for three years.

I also bopped around on fb and added lots of people from this city whom I know - why? Because I finally found the one night stand guy and decided to add him too but didn't want to JUST add him.

And had other guy who's been interested in me.. he keeps making sexual comments and I've SAID that I'm not going down the road with him... and he keeps bringing it up as jokes and apologizes when I call him on it. He's been sounding a lot more confident in himself than he has previously. I don't really know what I think about it.

I have been bombarded with racing thoughts and unrelenting despair.
I want so desparately to be free of this hell, but at the same time at least I am feeling something, and I cant decide if not feeling is better or worse than the racing thoughts and despair.

[TippPatt]

Signing on today. Started with a tad bit of a headache - sort of lethargic. Pain level at about a 7 - toothache added to back makes back a 5, toothache a 2. Yeah, that's right.

I do hope I handled what could have been a sticky situation in the right way. I so don't want to hurt anyone but I seem to more often than not. Sometimes I feel so out of sorts when people don't want to understand what I want them to know. Do I communicate as if I'm speaking a foreign language? Sometimes I believe so.

Two days of little sleep and seriously bad dreams.

Sadness......

[Nessa213]

Today, 15 years after a depressive episode that led to oversleeping in my contacts and my eye doctor telling me I'd never be able to wear them again... I'm sitting in a Lenscrafters... wearing contacts.

Smug.

[TippPatt]

Originally Posted by Nessa213

Today, 15 years after a depressive episode that led to oversleeping in my contacts and my eye doctor telling me I'd never be able to wear them again... I'm sitting in a Lenscrafters... wearing contacts.

Smug.

Very cool - congrats

[A Red Panda]

Nessa: that's great about the contacts! I would love to try out contacts someday... but I just don't have the time/money to get some fitted for my eyes.

As to myself - went to the beach today and bought a Magic bullet. Also slept for 8 hours the second night in a row! I think this is a good start to my summer hols and am trying to keep a positive outlook.... Which is easy enough if I ignore all the people that have been upsetting!

(On the negative side, those two nights have 8 hours sleep have been plagued with some rather HORRID nightmares... which I can't remmeber anymore except for the one that involved my ex... I woke up furious with him and almost sent him a text because I clued in that it had been a nightmare, haha)

Had a very nice time last night, then woke this morning back to the reality of the time-wasting that is my existence. It's not fair of me to string anyone along, but that's exactly what it is.
Nevermind. Deleted what I'd written up. No point in blathering on.
Sorry.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had a very nice time last night, then woke this morning back to the reality of the time-wasting that is my pointless existence. It's not fair of me to string anyone along, but that's exactly what it is.
Nevermind. Deleted what I'd written up. No point in blathering on.
Sorry.

Innerzone: I at least don't think your existence is pointless. Please, "blather" on all you want - although I am sure it isn't blathering (I am an expert blatherer so I will judge it for you if you wish!). It's almost always more helpful to get things off your chest and out into the void.

[Moreta]

I had a good day today. Me and my friend had fun at the mall. I got some hand soap and some nail polish. I don't have much money, so I can't spend a lot. I know I need $30 for t on wed, so I have to save up. I saw some Hello Kitty shoes that I really wanted, but I couldn't afford them.

I told my friend about the game I play, Hello Kitty Kawaii Town, and told her I needed a friend on it, so she said she'd get it, so that's cool. I think she likes Hello Kitty more than me, which is kinda crazy. :P

just as bipolar is, I was down in the depths of despair less than 24 hours ago and now I am "all better". I am back up to my normal level of self, and hopefully wont go hypo or God forbid, manic. I don't get sleep when I am the least bit hypo.