[wildflowerchild25]

Only been in DBT for two weeks and I'm already back to giving up. This is so hard. I hate this illness. It's obvious to me that medication is not going to help the depressive side. It will only put me in hell mixed states. I know I've only tried two but none helped last time either. I'm about to drop both and just go it alone. I already self harmed and now I have for figure out how to tell my husband before he sees himself. And my baby now points out mommy's boo boos. It's heartbreaking. I can't do this the rest of my life. It's terrible. In DBT they had me find a life worth living goal but who cares when my life is not worth living with this disease?

DBT only works if you work it and I'm having a hard time finding motivation to work it.

So down. But I have to go to seeking safety group so I'll end here.

[A Red Panda]

You've only tried two meds? Same here! Neither of us have even scratched the surface of what meds are there - so please don't give up hope on them yet!

I'm sorry that you're feeling so defeated wildflower

You said that you don't think life is worth living with this? And that you're supposed to find a life worth living goal? Can't that goal, right now, be to live for your baby? Your baby definitely needs you, and I'm sure that your baby is worth fighting the illness for!

I wish that I could give you the hope that I have for you... but as I can't, I will just sit here and hope and hope that things start to improve for you sooner, rather than later.

[acceptmydxandme]

This is really hard. And you deserve a lot of credit for trying. Not everything works or is going to work, but when you find what works for you there is a good chance that you will feel much better and not just for one day but for many many days in a row.

I don't know you, but I know you have some great qualities and it is worth giving yourself a chance to be the person you remember being, the person you are and the person you can be.

Good luck! You have my support and I am sure the support of everyone here.

[Trippin2.0]

There are no short cuts in life, so it goes without saying that there's no short cut for dealing with bp either.

Yes we are inconsistant and we throw ourselves quite a few pity parties as the episodes and mood cycles go by, but... If we can learn to accept the dx AND commit to wellness, then its wayyy more attainable.

Meds take a ton of patience and perseverance, plus you have to set clear boundaries on the type of side effects you're willing to put up with. Be clear on the type of trade offs you're willing to make and become your own advocate where pdocs are concerned...

If you want to be med free, you're gonna need dedication and self-awareness. To learn all you need in order to aquire the skills best suited to you and your cycles / episodes.

And no, we obviously don't have the energy or inclination to be good at either of those all the time, but THATS where commitment comes into play.

Yes you feel like shyt and dbt sucks a.s.s right now, but whyyy? Is it dbt or your mood. Following through despite not wanting to will mean a huge sense of accomplishment on your part. Accomplishment leads to better self-esteem, and we could all do with an extra bit of that...

Prioritizing is a major help in deciding what is worth trudging through, and what we can slack on when the need arises to do so.

I'm sorry you feel like crap, but look on the bright side, atleast its not permanent.

This too shall pass

Ps. you are not diseased. The sooner you change your perception of bipolar the better for you... IMO, how you view bp, and being dxd is what is holding you back / keeping you down more than bp itself.
But thats just what I get from your posts, I could be wrong as there's not clear tone in text.

[wildflowerchild25]

I don't think how I view my dx is as much of a problem as the depression that comes along with it. Now this week I feel the depression is situational rather than episodic.

I was definitely self pitying in the afternoon though. I know nothing is easy. I'm not going to quit DBT. It's just recommitting to wellness that is hard for me. Nothing will work if I don't try but I'm so tired of trying and getting nowhere.

Maybe I just need a day for self pity and then I can start fresh tomorrow.

[Trippin2.0]

You said bipolar is a disease. Thinking of yourself as diseased has obviously not benefitted you. Thats the reason I pointed out perception.

Nothing wrong with a woe is me day, we need them from time to time

[Confusedinomicon]

I find that being physical helps. I woke up with a headache (still have one) and pissed at the world. I tried to keep sleeping but my so woke me up and wouldn't let me go back to bed. (I did sleep for 10 1/2 hrs)

What ended up helping was walking to the department store to get bf new pants. It took about an hour.

Now I have a headache but Im not mad anymore. Staying active and away from my bedroom make a worlds difference.

For others doing art stuff helps. Keeping hands moving helps. Diffusing thoughts~~~

[middlepath]

I am 4 weeks into DBT also. The lead therapist is not the brightest star, but at least I am learning. So, since you are DBT'ing also, I will offer this suggestion: if you can't fix the problem, survive it. Survive it by distraction or self-soothing or opposite action.

Tomorrow is a new day and I hope it brings some relief from your frustration and sadness.

[wildflowerchild25]

Yeah I used opposite action a lot today. Cooked dinner even when I didn't want to, cleaned up, etcetera. It helped a little. Now I'm trying to do radical acceptance and turning the mind. And activities but my son isn't letting me lol

[ultramar]

I agree with Trippin about the downside of thinking of ourselves as diseased. I think that it can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling hopeless and helpless in the face of it.

I know it may not feel like it right now, but in some ways, I think, there can be more hope in dealing with situational depression, as you say you are in the midst of now, than episodes. Episodes are mostly -in theory- resolved with medication (not that therapy can't help as well), but medications can be unreliable, plus the side effects of increasing doses and/or adding new ones. With therapy, things like DBT, and perhaps lifestyle changes, there's hope out there in combatting this. Plus, when something is situational, it tends to get better when that situation has blown over and/*or* if one manages to think about it in a different way, cope in different ways.

So I know it may not seem like it now, but there is hope. A lot of people have had success with DBT and other types of therapy -it's, of course, not easy though. Just keep in mind that the bipolar aspect of things does not prevent one from getting and feeling better when life hits us in nasty ways.