[BlueInanna]

He's at it again. The violence. He's mass drinking and smoking mass pot and hash oil. I have no control over him. He just thrashed my room and punched 20 holes in his bathroom door last night. I want him out, I'm done. He'll be 18 in November. I can't stand him, my irritability if off the charts. We're feeding off each other and I feel evil coming on.

We / he has court in 1 week. He hasn't followed the rules he was supposed to, hasn't quit the pot, hasn't called his probation officer, he yells at me to do the dishes when I've worked all day and bought all the food.

He has court... I don't think I'll even go in this time. I don't feel like sticking up for him and making excuses for him. I want them to place him somewhere out of the home. I've tried, I'm done, I give up. I hate his father, hate that he left me with this, hate that he has no ethics, never paid child support.

My son threatens to report me neglecting 11 yr old little brother. I have to leave him home alone during the day in the summer so I can work. He has a different dead beat dad. I sure can pick em...

You know what , let them take them , let them take me , lock me in padded room , I'm done , fine. Past few days I'm fighting for my life , stopping myself from hurting myself.

I need a break from them. I have no one to ever relieve me of mom duties. No family around.

My daughter 19 is moving back in, bf's mom / my old therapist kicking her out of their place.

Son has history of physically abusing my daughter, she is scared to come home. She has nowhere else to go.

I feel all the evil starting over. All the progress I'd thought we made, all for nothing. I want him out of my house. I want out of my own life.

My best friend doctor wants to die too, we fantasize about ways to do it. I'm ****n twisted in the head. Should we do it dramatic or peaceful, etc... twisted. Then I feel so guilty even having those thoughts.

I really did try my best with the kids, but I was too soft, and often depressed. I doubt the older 2 will ever even hold a job. I've always worked. They do both have bp dx, guess they can apply for disability.

I'm so scared he'll get violent and hurt us again. He hasn't been hospitalized in 8 months. I feel it coming on and I'm scared. At least one of us is going to be hospitalized, 5150'd. Maybe it's my turn, I've never been. Maybe my mom across the country could take my 11 yr old. Older 2 can fend for themselves since they don't want to follow my rules. But I'd likely lose my job... then what.

Now he just walked in sorry for thrashing my room, trying to clean it up. I love him, but I can't live like this. I hate this life. At least now maybe he's calm enough that I can go out to kitchen and finally eat something. I've lost 20 lbs last 6 weeks on this hypo, I barely eat. The lovely hypo that's now turned evil hypo on me.

[Secretum]

Hang in there. That sounds like a very difficult situation. I can never imagine treating my parents like your son has treated you...I hope that in time, he will come to appreciate all that you have done for him.

I'm sorry that things have been so rough for you lately...

[kaliope]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this in your life. Please do not cover for him in court. Be honest about what he is doing. Ask that they place him elsewhere for your safety and that of your daughter. You do not need nor deserve this craziness in your life. Please find a way to take care of you.

[Victoria'smom]

C,
You are such a good mom, really you are. You need to get him hospitalized before this gets worse. Please, call the police now. When he's inpatient talk to them about placing him outside of the home and having him apply for disability.

Your 11 yr old is not being neglected! When your daughter moves in she can check on him when you work or can he stay with your mom in the summer? Please, please don't beat yourself up. You, your younger son and daughter deserve a safe place to be.

You tend to let others take advantage of you including your ex's when your depressed. As for your safety can you take a long weekend from work to get stable?

You are a really good mom and you try so hard. get 17 yr old 5150 then check yourself in unless you can get an emergency appointment with your old pdoc. Your way to sweet to suffer enough to let your mind twist horrifyingly against you.


MM

[~Christina]

C

You have done everything and more trying to help your son get on track and allow him to work on his life! You have done enough. He needs to be removed out of your home , now.

You are a wonderful caring compassionate human. I want YOU to believe that because it is true.

It's time your eldest pays the price for his inability of take responsibility for his life. No one can force him through love or brute strenght to get it together.

You take care of your youngest son. Your daughter coming back home may be a huge blessing.

But now You need to take care of you, something you haven't been able to do in such a long time. You are not a failure ... you are not!

Please take to the actions you need to do so that you are safe from violence, Your eldest needs to be removed from your home now.

Please take care of you

[A Red Panda]

Blue,

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this It isn't fair to anyone that he is being abusive. It doesn't make you a bad mom.

Go to court, and when they ask you anything.. tell them the truth. That he's still smoking pot and that he's been abusive at home. Tell them everything.

Keep staying strong for your youngest son, and for your daughter! I know it's hard to keep going for someone else's sake sometimes.. but it's worth it in the long run.

[winter4me]

...I don't know the history...just coming in the middle, I agree you must be honest...
also, I would not hesitate to dial 911/your emergency number when he gets violent. He needs to be out of the house for you to have a chance with your younger one, be available for your daughter, and to keep everyone safe. Someday, he may turn himself around but you aren't going to be able to do any more for him besides let him take the consequences of his own behavior and hope that it sinks in one day. Hope you plan to make some positive plans with the other two----you could all help each other out it sounds...& please stop beating on yourself.

[moremi]

Im so sorry to hear things are falling out with him again. I agree he needs to be removed and put somewhere that he can no longer hurt you or your other children. You are a wonderful mother, I have been reading your post for a very long time now and I can tell from all your posts that you are a great mom. Dont underestimate yourself. You can requrest the court to put him in the hospital. I would do that if it were me. I hope things get better for your family very soon. Hugs

[Speed3]

Blue, my heart is breaking for you. Jason was my only child and the drugs took him down in less than a year, but during that year I felt the anguish I think you are going through.

So many times I blamed myself, like you for being too soft or was my depression the cause of his trouble. My husband and I were always going back and forth do we kick him out on the street or continue to let him stay here with strict rules. Today I still ask myself did we love him to death ? Jason was not the violent type, the opiates just mellowed him out more. If he had been I am sure we would have kicked him out , remember he was 27, we had no responsibility to let him stay.

I do remember a few people who had been through similar situations telling us going to jail might not be a bad thing for Jason. I don't know it never got that far. But you surely can't continue to live like this. It must be hell.

Please if you feel so suicidal that you have a plan, go into the hospital. I don't know your work situation, so maybe this is easier said then done. Can you get disability ?

Suicide is permanent, I know no matter how awful things are now they can get better. I like the long weekend idea. Could you go into the hospital for a long weekend. Where you could rest, distance yourself from the turmoil, take some much needed time for yourself. It could be a time to reflect and gain the support of others.

I am going to pray to Jason to look down and help your son. Somehow I feel that is his job now.

Please, Please take care of yourself. You are a very special person. Keep us updated on how things are going.

[Trippin2.0]

C, sis, you have done everything humanly possible to help him.
You fought, you coddled, you encouraged, you inspired, you scolded, you talked, you protected, you consulted, you laughed, you cried, and so much more.

Time to let Jnr go sis, I know that it's not something you ever wanted, but as time passes, he gets bigger and bigger, angrier and angrier, and he isn't interested in staying on the straight and narrow long term.

It's not safe for the rest of you guys, and remember, safety first.

I love you hon, I admire the amount of strength and dedication you have put into making a happy healthy home for your family. You are an amazing woman, sister, friend AND mother! Don't you dare go doubting that for 1 damn minute!

All I know is that a mom can love her kids from a distance. Giving a child, even an adult child what they really need can be the hardest thing to do.

When the children get old enough.. unfortunately, it's time for real life to kick in. Meaning... the rules of life apply. Get violent, get lost. that's the real world. the instinct to protect them is in every cell of our body, but we must remember, even if they get lost... go out into the world and learn their lessons... they will be ok. Physically, they will be ok. they can cut themselves, smoke and do drugs, learn their life lessons and maybe even end up in jail... or worse. But physically, chances are that they will be ok.

that's really all the comfort us parents get sometimes. Knowing that our kids will be ok. Even if it's just physically ok out there in the world. But if we don't set them free to live life on life's terms they will never learn. Some of our kids need to learn the hard way. meaning going out in life and having no way out. digging themselves into a mess that seems impossible to dig out of. But they will. and it's inevitable sometimes.

I'm just rambling... sorry

hope you can find some strength in the words that I say. I know thinking this way has really helped me sometimes... maybe it can help you too.

[middlepath]

I hope that you are not blaming yourself for what is going on...you have done so much and tried so hard. He sounds like he needs medical intervention ASAP. I am so sorry his dad is not helping you out, its really crappy that you are having to deal with this on your own.

Please know that you have my concern and support. ((hugs))

[BlueInanna]

He got a DUI last night. Driving some friends car who was drunker. I asked them to leave him in Juvie until court Friday. They said no. He's home now, calm regretful.. Depressed. I pretty much have him on Sui watch and have to care for him like a child sick with flu. I made it clear I was pissed off furious he made that choice. I'm grateful no one was hurt and no accident or damage. He's my baby I have to help him get better.

Was helpful re-reading my initial post and to see the extreme thinking catastrophic thinking I go to. I'm calmer now and see things differently. Everything is still majorly a f-ed up mess, but there will be help, there will be solutions. For now, I'm telling myself that. I feel like telling myself that will help me find the solutions.

Thanks guys