[Eaglescout787]

I'm young and only getting older by the day. I see a bunch of people here have kids and suffer from bp and wonder how do you manage children and such a earth shattering disorder. I always told myself I wanted kids but really looking at life I begin to think do I deserve to even bring life into this world if I can barely control myself day to day. I have a gf whom I love dearly who idk why stands by me as I can barely pay attention for long and my mood richochet off the walls. If I have a kid what would stop me from being so withdraw from life I won't notice them.

Idk I think I overthink way to much.

[Moose72]

You won't know what its like having kids until you have them. That's the best advice I can give.

The thought of children terrifies me. No way am I stable enough to have a child, it would be irresponsible of me to have one at this stage of my life. I have seen the devastating effects when a bi polar mother has an episode. Not worth taking the risk for me.

I thought the same thing after I was diagnosed. That with bipolar, it just wouldn't be fair to the child(ren) and that I had a hard enough time taking care of myself.

Plus the potential genetic component. Im hoping they come up with some better treatments in the next few years. I still have a while before the body clock starts ticking.

[nachocheese]

My children keep me on track with my treatment program. Honestly, I probably wouldn't take meds because I love the energy I get from my highs and I miss the deep feelings I used to get before being treated. But I am a better person because they make me want to be and i have a better life beacuse I try to be the best mom to them. But I know there is no way now that I have hit 40 that I could manage without my loving and so supportive husband. Because with age I have become too tired to fight as hard as I used to

[Trippin2.0]

My daughter keeps me sane and motivated. She's the reason I do my best to kick bipolar's a.s.s, a guardian angel sent to me during a very dark time... Parenting is hard for everyone, children don't come with manuals, but with the right tools being a good parent is far from improbable.

Imagine if there was an international law, banning anyone with MI to procreate... the world would be a tiny tiny place.

You don't automatically screw up a child because you're sick, that's just plain retarded.


I know I'm strange but what are you?
Sent using Tapatalk 2

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

You don't automatically screw up a child because you're sick, that's just plain retarded.

Im more worried about something more serious happening. I was in hospital with a lady who had bi polar, she didnt seem "dangerous" to me... less than a year later she killed her twin babies during an episode. For me personally, I am not prepared to take the risk until I am more stable. I work with disabled children, I have seen multiple parents have breakdowns because of their childrens disabilities, that has the potential to end my life. I think thats going to screw up any kid.

Im glad to hear your children keep you motivated Sounds incredibly difficult but rewarding.

[Melaphant]

The only thing that I have done of any value in my life is become a mother to my four children. I didn't know about my bipolar diagnosis or the family history on both sides of the family for undiagnosed bipolar.
My children give me meaning and purpose and a reason to get it together and be stable. Of the four two have been diagnosed with mood disorders. Of all of the things we humans can have wrong with us this isn't the worst. Knowing from a young age it's something to be on the lookout for and getting them help early means they will have it all under control long before I did. They will know when depression hits what it is and why and what to do to get help. They will know the same about hypomania or mania. They will never not have someone to talk to about everything they are feeling because I can definitely relate.
We live a little more intensely and get life on a deeper level, I believe. It's just who we are.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Im more worried about something more serious happening. I was in hospital with a lady who had bi polar, she didnt seem "dangerous" to me... less than a year later she killed her twin babies during an episode. For me personally, I am not prepared to take the risk until I am more stable. I work with disabled children, I have seen multiple parents have breakdowns because of their childrens disabilities, that has the potential to end my life. I think thats going to screw up any kid.

Im glad to hear your children keep you motivated Sounds incredibly difficult but rewarding.

This makes me think about post-partum psychosis. Anybody can have that, but I'd think it would be more likely in someone with bipolar. My OB/GYN followed me closely while pregnant and post-partum even though I wasn't diagnosed bipolar yet. I had intrusive thoughts after two of my three births- vivid visions of crushing skulls, etc. My pdoc at the time never thought to diagnose me as bipolar. She just kept me on zoloft.

[BlueInanna]

It's beautiful to be positive. It's nature to want to bring new life. What an experience to stare death in the face, the raw pain of natural birth, I somehow accomplished 3 times. Torn to shreds, crying in pain during breast feeding. It's not pretty yet a miracle at the same time. The bonding is not always instant. I was too young. My husband covered his head in the night while I tried to stop her crying. I envy women who had support in those early nights. Then one morning at 2 months old, I woke up to her looking at me, smiling, she loved me. That moment possibly worth a lifetime of pain.

Realistically... There is no time for depression or irresponsible hypo/mania if you want to give them the best chance. Better chances with 2 parents. Even with 2 parents, I grew up in a home of secrecy, not knowing when it was ok to be happy, not knowing why dad didn't leave his room for weeks except to work, not knowing why it was suddenly fun happy family time. He didn't mean to neglect me, as I've never meant to neglect mine. I've kept a job, as a single parent, volunteered at school when i can, provided food & shelter. But it's important to remember they need so much more to become a healthy person.

I love them more than anything, words cannot describe. It was a beautiful dream with the best intentions. Everyone of course has that right to pursue their dream. It can happen so quickly and naturally, but is a hugely serious endeavor. Huge. And yours and your gf's decision alone. I like to think anything of love & beauty possible.

i've always said i don't want kids- i would never put them through what i have to go through (so you arn't alone in not having any!)

their's a lot that in my life that's no where near right to have kids

[cashart10]

I have 3 beautiful children and I love them with my life. However, for the last 2 years, I have been especially unstable(minus a few stints of stability). My children have seen me live out delusions and behave wrecklessly (thankfully they are young) and also not move from the couch except to feed them. Lately, I have been dangerously manic (although now, less so), just a short time after the birth of my 3rd child. Because of this, and because of the risk of postpartum psychosis, I spent a week being babysat. My family wouldn't allow me to be alone with the kids at all and wouldn't let me drive. Now, it's like I'm on probabtion. They are constantly checking on me and stopping by and guessing my mood (apparantly, I seem good today ). Frankly, I can't blame them, I'm not a mom, I am ENTIRELY wrapped up in myself right now...I won't be bothered (which is HORRIBLE but true). I also feel very detached from all 3 of them right now. But, I'm not doing dangerous things or planning to do dangerous things. So, right now, I'm just an unstable and altogether bad mother. I love my kids, but that is the case.

Anyway, do I regret having kids? Absolutely not. But, I have a tremendous amount of guilt because my babies have a sick mom. I worry all the time that they will look back and all they will say is they had a mentally ill mom who loved them. It makes me sad.

[bumble2u]

When I had my children I didn't know I was bipolar, bpd or anything. I thought everybody just struggled the hell out of everyday. In my lowest points I say that I should never have had children. But to be objective , it is hard ,unbelievably so when a parent has mental health issues but what they know compared to other children is: how to have compassion, that all kinds of people have many different facets, you can't judge them on what everybody else says. A recognition of their own sensitivities, that we will talk about everything and anything. I see my kids are open, whether it is about race, gender, mental health. And I see them integrated within their school and community. I see them as fair and very accepting and discerning. That doesn't mean they don't have their problems. Big challenges all the time but I think that occurs with any "normal " parenting for example you could say mine were fairly "normal" but they helped screw me up in wonderful ways.
My own inner disgust tells me often that I should never have had children and that I don't deserve them. Putting restrictions on a certain set of people not having children screams Nazi to me.

[Zabine]

I never want to be a parent. I can't imagine being my child.................

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Zabine

I never want to be a parent. I can't imagine being my child.................

You can't imagine it until you are there. Its a one-day-at-a-time type of deal.

[SillyKitty]

I was extremely young with my first two. Married and a mother at 15, then a mother again at twenty. I was completely unprepared, in an abusive relationship, all around terrible at life. My mother has my older children, and even though I do everything I can for them, I am racked with guilt every day. I can completely understand how it would be a bad idea to have children when life is out of control.

I also have a four year old. I am medicated and generally do very well. I could not handle being a stay at home, so I work full time and take care of my little angel every night. I have times when I'm not so great at mothering, but I try. Having her helps keep me leveled out because I seek help at the first signs that I'm losing control. I can't imagine what my life would be like without her. Because my husband and I carefully monitor my well being, I don't feel like it will be terribly detrimental to her well being. I hope she will be more understanding about mi because of it.

[Zabine]

SillyKitty why did you start the Lithium? I you want to talk about it, I take Lamictal too and I am having issues....

[Victoria'smom]

****Some may feel this is bad parenting or regret but I don't feel it is*****

If I have a kid what would stop me from being so withdraw from life I won't notice them.

kids persistently demand your attention. You learn to work around BP just like everything else. All parents have short comings we just know what ours are. My husband and I decided to have my son when I was 18 at the time our income was 75% higher then our bills. We fell for the "You wont feel that way when it's your kid." but I did. I had severe undiagnosed PPD possibly PPP.

So after moping for a while, I became the best babysitter in the world and I was damn good at it! Reminding myself at the most frustrated to calm down that his parents will be there in a little while. I tailored everything to him, disciplined and played with him like the babysitting course taught me to as a kid. Read books to him, watched movies with him when I was depressed. We cooked, clean, did crafts, and generally made messes when manic. I grew to care and love him at times or wishing his parents would come but always wanting the best.

As he's got older he's more like a house mate, except he likes hugs every 5 min. I got over the resentment of the weight gain (stupid ED), he triggers my ocd less. We have a very large support group of family, friends, and a team of dr's that are all inter-connected. This doesn't mean we don't have horrible times but he has had as much stability as he can. I think he's going to probably grow up to a healthier adult then 'normal' parent's kids.

I don't Feel any one deserve kids. If you really do want kids why not sign up for a short daycare course to see if you want to put that into practice with your kid(s)?

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

****Some may feel this is bad parenting or regret but I don't feel it is*****

kids persistently demand your attention. You learn to work around BP just like everything else.

I don't think anything you said is bad parenting. I haven't learned to work around my BP though, even when my kids demand my attention. I have, especially in the past, had hallucinations, or worse for me, delsusions that I would live out. Even now when my awesome doctor worked quickly to get me to a safer point, I am still wrapped up in myself. I just get so wrapped up in things, that nothing else matters. I don't mean to be. Anyway, I know that wasn't the point of your post; it just struck me because I want to work around my bp, or better, remail well, but I don't know how.

Before I ask this question I would just like to clarify that I am not trying to upset anyone, these a questions I am genuinely interested in knowing the answer to. I do not judge here, the choice to have children is your own and in no way am I implying that anyone is bad parent. As someone mentioned there are worse things to live with than mental illness.

How do you cope with children when you are on medications? Some side effects hinder people worse than alcohol does, are you suitable to be a caretaker at these times?
What about those with anxiety? Are you (unintentionally) teaching your children anxious behaviours? Is there a cycle of mental illness in families caused by environmental factors?

[~Christina]

I had my daughter in 91 ... I had no idea I had any "problem" ..I thought everyone had a racing mind and whatnot... Yeah being a parent is tough sometimes.. but it is whether there is MI involved or not.. You do what you can when you can .. and I believe having her actually helped me stay focused on the here and now and her needs ... Having her in my life has been the biggest blessing I could ever have.

My daughter is 22 and was diagnosed with BP I at age 19 .. Do I beat myself up over it? Nope not anymore . I could have passed along many worse things than Bipolar to her genetically.

I don't think just because you have a MI that you cant be a great parent and raise a wonderful person.

[Victoria'smom]

How do you cope with children when you are on medications? I refuse to take medicine that gives me unintentional side effects. I tell my son when I'm taking sadating medication Just so he doesn't worry. The only time I'm acting drunk is when manic. He's to to the nearest adult and tell them if he feels unsafe.

Are you (unintentionally) teaching your children anxious behaviours? We've asked each of our team members and they all say that it is not a learned behavior.

Is there a cycle of mental illness in families caused by environmental factors?*** his issues are his own whether we had part in them or not it's how he deals with them that is the issue. Since he sees us ask for help and find resources he'll be more equipt to ask for help when needed.

[Eaglescout787]

If its one thing this forum will never come up short on is positivity.

[SillyKitty]

Originally Posted by Supanova

How do you cope with children when you are on medications? Some side effects hinder people worse than alcohol does, are you suitable to be a caretaker at these times?
What about those with anxiety? Are you (unintentionally) teaching your children anxious behaviours? Is there a cycle of mental illness in families caused by environmental factors?

Whenever I am prescribed a new medicine or have a dosage upped, I wait until my husband's off work to take them. That gives me a test run to see if it's something I'm willing to continue taking. I also have Netflix, apps on my phone, and books that are read aloud on my nook as a backup for when "Mommy is really tired and needs to rest" (curl up I'm a ball and zone out in front of the tv). It doesn't happen too often, but it's good to be prepared.

I worry about the anxiety because I know it's a learned behavior of all the females on my mom's side. I try not to let her see me worry. I like that each generation seems to be more aware.