[r010159]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I'm stressed bc my mom is extra stressed. I hate seeing my mom cry. I wish I could help her bc she's helped me so much. I'm stressed bc my bf is all over the map. I really need him to get on his meds. I'm try really hard to be with him. I start wondering if two ppl with BP can really be together. I take meds and he does not.

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I often ask this question to myself.

Hang in there!

[Hbomb0903]

Off to inpatient today. Wish me luck.

Goodluck, I hope you get what you want out of it!

Last night in here. Overmedicated and under exercised. Im not going to pack til morning, I wake at the crack of dawn anyway. I really hope reception is open tomorrow, I will be ****ing pissed if they dont open til 11am and I need to be out of the room by 10. I tried to settle my bill twice already but they wont do it til day of discharge. Wankers. They are sending me home with a boatload of meds, real smart on their part since I am far from well on their charts. Have so much to do tomorrow to organise so I can be comfy at home, food, other meds, rent etc. Ugh cannot wait to see my horse and forget this ever happened.

Bad depression persists. Just want to crawl into a hole. Wait a minute, I already am in a hole!

[swheaton]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Goodluck, I hope you get what you want out of it!

Last night in here. Overmedicated and under exercised. Im not going to pack til morning, I wake at the crack of dawn anyway. I really hope reception is open tomorrow, I will be ****ing pissed if they dont open til 11am and I need to be out of the room by 10. I tried to settle my bill twice already but they wont do it til day of discharge. Wankers. They are sending me home with a boatload of meds, real smart on their part since I am far from well on their charts. Have so much to do tomorrow to organise so I can be comfy at home, food, other meds, rent etc. Ugh cannot wait to see my horse and forget this ever happened.

I'm happy for you. I'm certain your horse will be very happy to have you back! Just take it easy, okay?

[charo224488]

Originally Posted by newgal2

I chickened out of ECT for the third time for my long-lasting depression. I guess it just isn't in the cards for me and I'll have to hope that somehow, some day, this depression will resolve. Meantime, I continue on the merry-go-round of meds and hoping I can work the temp job that may be open for me on Monday.

I was thinking about you a lot yesterday, wondering what the ECT would be like. Funny, even though I don't know you I was worried. I guess it's because I can see myself in your shoes so easily and have thought about the treatment. Don't beat yourself up for not doing it- I wouldn't either. I'm actually glad you didn't, and I hope with some med modification you can beat this depression. I know what it feels like and I'm so sorry to you and anyone who is experiencing this living death right now. I'm playing with my meds, trying to swing to the brighter side of the spectrum and slowly losing, so I may be joining you in the pit soon. Best of luck to you.

[charo224488]

I just want to tell you all, before the depression that I have been fighting so hard takes over and makes me too negative, that I admire you all so much. Reading posts about mental illness on other sites, comments from people who have never experienced what we do, makes me realize how insightful and intelligent you all are. There are so many ignorant people in the world, people who can't think for themselves and lack empathy, and the people on this thread do not fit into that category. So the next time you feel so low, just think of how our illness gives you the insight to understand, accept, and love others. It gives us the creativity to think and possibly even do amazing things. I feel lucky to know all of you, even if it's just through a daily post. Thank you.

[Phoenix_1]

I'm doing OK. I'm sleeping all night again. Is this what stable feels like? I'm really not sure what stable is for me. How I feel now isn't that great. I still have issues. I'm still unable to work. I'll probably be on disability the rest of my life. That upsets me, but I don't feel depressed any more. ??

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[Hbomb0903]

So they wouldn't accept me inpatient because I'm not suicidal. Lovely. So now I have a number to call for intensive outpatient and am going to pursue other avenues with my fancy new insurance. I still am awed that they would turn me away, but it is what it is.

Maybe this med will start working after all... it's only been 11 days.

[GlenMartin]

I awoke in a nightmare regarding my older brother, who exploded in anger at me before I was even aware of this illness. Struggled thru my morning. Fixing to take the dog for a walk following ingestion of unprescribed drug. Feeling much better. Probably gonna make it thru this long, lonely day. Dreading 2mro, tho.

[Phoenix_1]

My panic is back. I have to go to Safeway and I'm having a panic attack. The last bus leaves in 2 minutes and I need to change clothes. I won't be going today. I hate this. Why can't I simply go to the store?

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[Notnrml85]

Somehow I injured from my groin all the way to my knee. It's so painful I can't stop crying. I also have a low grade fever. On my way to the urgent care.

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[updown]

Can't sleep until 6 am lately, making it really hard to look for work. Need money to see a pdoc to get the right meds. Feel stuck in a loop. Tired of being broke and feeling hopeless.

[x_BabyG_x]

The first time in a week that I've managed to struggle getting my head down! Maybe I have stuff on my mind. Was severely agitated earlier, took some Tramadol. Self medicating is my weakness. Still very down but managing, hopefully this won't last too long. Someone remind me to book a drs app!

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[charo224488]

Trying to get off xanax myself and I feel like I'm dying. Horrible nausea, migraine, dizzy, shaking like a leaf. And this is day one. I can't do it- I have to take it. I feel like a weak, stupid addict. How will I ever know if I'm really ill if I can't stop the drugs? And this is just the xanax, taken prn. What about the antidep.? If I can't even cut back on xanax how can I ever stop the other one? I'm so weak and ashamed of myself. I'm such a baby- scared of the panic, the sickness, scared I'll have a seizure. So sick of being afraid all the time.

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by charo224488

Trying to get off xanax myself and I feel like I'm dying. Horrible nausea, migraine, dizzy, shaking like a leaf. And this is day one. I can't do it- I have to take it. I feel like a weak, stupid addict. How will I ever know if I'm really ill if I can't stop the drugs? And this is just the xanax, taken prn. What about the antidep.? If I can't even cut back on xanax how can I ever stop the other one? I'm so weak and ashamed of myself. I'm such a baby- scared of the panic, the sickness, scared I'll have a seizure. So sick of being afraid all the time.

Why are you getting off them?

Home and unsettled. Not communicating as efficiently as I should be with my support network. I think hospital broke me I have to relearn all my skills again. Not being particularly smart today... I dont think leaving me alone was the wisest decision by them while I am so fragile and loopy. Might be time for a wafer. I hate being on this many medications so often! They make it sound like its all good to take when you need it with no ramifications. Its all well and good to be in a controlled environment on these meds but I worry at how doped up I will be on my PRN med that I'll do something stupid, or eat all the food (which is in short supply). No one knows how to help me, because no one can. Its up to me to deal with this on my own.

[r010159]

Good to see that you returned home, Supanova! I have been having cycles of depression. One time I had to lay down. This concerns me. I do not want this stuff to return again! I have been doing really well compared to my past! I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Originally Posted by charo224488

I just want to tell you all, before the depression that I have been fighting so hard takes over and makes me too negative, that I admire you all so much. Reading posts about mental illness on other sites, comments from people who have never experienced what we do, makes me realize how insightful and intelligent you all are. There are so many ignorant people in the world, people who can't think for themselves and lack empathy, and the people on this thread do not fit into that category. So the next time you feel so low, just think of how our illness gives you the insight to understand, accept, and love others. It gives us the creativity to think and possibly even do amazing things. I feel lucky to know all of you, even if it's just through a daily post. Thank you.

Yes, charo! (And sincerely hoping that depression NOT take over, but turn around.) I've often thought that too! Compared to ANY sites, mental health or not, I've always been damn impressed with how civil and caring people here are. It certainly speaks VOLUMES against stigma and ignorance, when the collective "we" of PC do a better job of it than anywhere else I've seen. And we're doing this amazing thing even with all the challenges we face!!! It's something of a miracle, really. Hoorah for PCers! It is a beautiful thing. I'd like to add to your thought of something for folks here to remember when feeling low --- despite the "online" thing, people here are very real to me and would probably be very surprised to know just how much and often I think about you all. Even when not being able or up to writing, rest assured of being in my heart and mind. Though I can only speak for myself, I'm confident there are many many many others who do this too.

(Ahhh, newgal, don't feel bad about "chickening out" on the ECT. And don't feel bad if you decide you want to do it at a later point either. Neither is a bad thing. It's good, and shows wisdom even, to be able to change one's mind and not lock into black and white thinking. Having been on PC for quite awhile, I can tell you of reading of numerous people whom it helped a lot, so open mind it good. I think you've shown that open-minded ability. I sure do hope you are feeling better soon…)

Here, pretty good. Decided that it's been that last refill's generic switch causing destabilization, but they will let me have my old generic soon, so riding it out till then. Didn't get anything done today though. Very unfocused and even more time unaware than usual (which is really saying something! )

BF has an MRI tomorrow, geared toward his brain. I've decided to approach it with a positive attitude, that all should turn out to be ok, or at least fixable, but it's still unsettling when a loved one has to face such things. It sucks to be as poor as we are, but VERY thankful to have state coverage now, or we'd never be able to have the medical access to figure it (the problems he's having that led to the referral) out, and frankly, it'd reach a point he couldn't take it anymore. For all the flack such programs take, I think a lot of people don't realize what a godsend they truly are. I choke up, overwhelmed with gratitude over every bit of it.

[FaithlessCat]

Woke up thinking ... Omg I'm such a twat when I'm hypo. Thankfully i haven't embarrassed my boys too much but i just want to bury my head and cry.

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[Notnrml85]

Originally Posted by Notnrml85

Somehow I injured from my groin all the way to my knee. It's so painful I can't stop crying. I also have a low grade fever. On my way to the urgent care.

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Well, urgent care sent me to the ER and then the ER admitted me to the hospital cause I have some infection somewhere in my body. I just wanna sleep with my husband in our own bed tonight. But that's not gonna happen I had a panic attack after doing a MRI. Today sucks.

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[tigersassy]

Am ia horrible person for not going thru the forum and reading and responding? I'm so focused on' myself that when I tried it was why are you bothering with this it doesn't have anything to do with you. I'm worried about being a b!tch, but I really don't care. I want what I want now. I'm up no thanks to the seroquel. Now I've got stuff to do. Yay!

Tig

[swheaton]

Tigersassy, do not worry. You are not obligated to respond. Sometimes, I just benefit from reading posts. You do what you need to take care of you.

[Roblovescats]

I really have nothing on my mind. Oh except coffee! Where did I set it? Anyone else here lose their coffee like three times before they finish it? Just keep swimming just keep swimming.

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[swheaton]

I lose my coffee and my glasses!

I'm feeling good today. I actually slept last night and have been pretty solid emotionally.