[usehername]

I had an appt with my pdoc for the end of the month, but went manic a couple weeks ago. I called (a couple weeks ago) and asked for the soonest available appt. They gave me the 19th. I think I'm Ok to wait that long but I can never really tell. My family usually keeps me in line... My mother's been feeding me once a day because otherwise I forget to eat... How do I tell when I've gone over the edge and should go to the er or something? How can I manage myself while waiting for my appt? I haven't even been showering because I can't be still that long... I'm blogging a lot... I think I'll be taking my posts in to see him because I don't feel he takes me very seriously. I just came out of a deep depression and I'm not sure how far up I'm headed... My family has taken such good care of me (or perhaps they've enabled me) that I've only been hospitalized for 1 manic episode, and treated for acute mania one other time... The rest of the time, they've kept me in line somehow (my grandmother was bipolar and self-medicated, my mother grew up taking care of her, so she's well equipped). The only way I've been able to get any sleep is to take halcion that I was prescribed as a temporary solution not by my pdoc but another doctor... I'm not technically supposed to be on it, but I know not sleeping will make things worse. I have some seroquel I can take for sleep, but I'm not supposed to be taking that either... But I can't sleep without it... I even tried alcohol. Nothing. I think I got an hour last night, but I can't be sure. The good news is that I got all my weeding and planting done for the season, pulled all the grass out of my perennials, wrote a 2000 word essay (my english final), etc. But how long will I be productive before I go over the edge? And how can I avoid going off the rails??

Hello Usehername: I don't have the kind of bi-polar swings you describe. So I don't know that I can be of much help. I just have occasional small episodes that keep me up until 2 or 3 AM, from time-to-time, building castles in the air. But, if you're basically not remembering to eat, not bathing, not sleeping, & you're self-medicating, it sounds to me as though you're pretty much off the rails already & should be going to the ER. The self-medicating thing is particularly concerning. Mixing med's without your doctor's knowledge or approval can be dangerous. I'd recommend at least another call to your doctor's office to tell them what's happening, or a trip to the ER. Best wishes...

[Victoria'smom]

If you can't keep yourself out of physical danger, feed or clean yourself on your own and your not sleeping then its when its time to ask for more help. As much as your family loves you they shouldn't have to care for you this way. No one can say how long it'll be productive, or if you just think it's productive. Compile your posts from your blog and here or bring an 'outsider' in for a sec .

[usehername]

Unfortunately, my doctor won't see me any sooner no matter what's going on. I stopped messing with the meds but then I just slept 4 hrs a night on the best night, 1 on the worst. I don't have anyone that will come with me next week, so it'll have to be my blog that talks for me. The only trick is I don't write much like this because I get too busy. With the help of a substance I won't mention (legal in my state) I was finally able to get a good nights sleep after a little hallucination. I agree that it's not fair to my mother, especially since she's already taking care of my sister the same way, but I have been able to take care of my child except in the home schooling department. We've gotten behind there. We're doing Better today since last nights activities have slowed me down some. I can't really go to the er because if they decide to lock me up there's no one to take care of my daughter, which is why my mother would stop me if I tried. So far I haven't done anything TOO stupid so I think I'm Ok for now.

Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[~Christina]

If your in this much of a struggle and your Pdoc wont help sooner .... then you need a NEW Pdoc .

Stay safe

[Dix888]

It is really common for people like us to self-medicate. My pdoc was not shocked when I drank a pint of gin at one sitting. It made me sick as hell but I was "treating" insomnia that way.
Certain substances are legal in my state & that helps me sleep, too. Lack of sleep is my main indicator that I'm going super manic.
I am 61 & have never been hospitalized. I have an extreme fear of being hospitalized. I've been so manic that I've heard the moon talking to me, gone outside & climbed to the tops of trees at 3 a.m. & not been hospitalized. Before I got diag., spring & summer were when I was super manic & I survived somehow.
After diag. at age 46, it took around 5 years to get me on the rights meds. My pdoc, after treating me for a little over a year, told me to raise dosages myself to help me sleep since insomnia for long periods of time can cause hallucinations
Only you know when things are getting too bad. I'd say not showering for longer than 3 days, forgetting to eat for longer than 4 meals & not sleeping for more than 4 hours/night for longer than a week---together, all those say it's time for serious help

Originally Posted by usehername

Unfortunately, my doctor won't see me any sooner no matter what's going on. I stopped messing with the meds but then I just slept 4 hrs a night on the best night, 1 on the worst. I don't have anyone that will come with me next week, so it'll have to be my blog that talks for me. The only trick is I don't write much like this because I get too busy. With the help of a substance I won't mention (legal in my state) I was finally able to get a good nights sleep after a little hallucination. I agree that it's not fair to my mother, especially since she's already taking care of my sister the same way, but I have been able to take care of my child except in the home schooling department. We've gotten behind there. We're doing Better today since last nights activities have slowed me down some. I can't really go to the er because if they decide to lock me up there's no one to take care of my daughter, which is why my mother would stop me if I tried. So far I haven't done anything TOO stupid so I think I'm Ok for now.

Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[usehername]

Somehow, I've narrowly escaped hospitalization (and jail) too, but I'm not sure how because there were many times when I was very dangerous... I'm just gonna try to make it through the next week... Thankfully I'm medicated but...I think my longest mania lasted about 6 months, which is scary... I got in a lot of trouble during that one... Ended a five year relationship with the father of my child to move in with an abusive asshole, got in three car accidents, put my child at risk being around him, got into fights, failed classes, spent thousands I didn't have on stupid ****... Had paranoid delusions, hallucinations, lived with my foot in my mouth, was handcuffed and nearly arrested for a crime I didn't commit (cop figured out I was lying and let Mr go), shoplifted... Many things I'm not proud of happened - and this was all while on meds! Except the leaving my fiancee part... I was in the new relationship within two days... I still regret doing that to him. Anyway... This has probably gotten very long and I'm sure I'm over sharing, and possibly derailing my own thread... I'm done now lol


Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[~Christina]

More reason you need a pdoc that can work you in when things like start.

Stay safe .

[Victoria'smom]

Somehow, I've narrowly escaped hospitalization (and jail) too, but I'm not sure how because there were many times when I was very dangerous... .. Had paranoid delusions, hallucinations... Many things I'm not proud of happened

and this was all while on meds!
I can completely get this

Put a ticker at the bottom of your page saying you have seven more days until pdoc.
How often do you have pdoc appointments normally? Can you get your child into daycare through your state so you can do a partial hospitalization program?

[wing]

hey usher, you got it bad. Wouldn't your mom take care of your child whilst you go to the ER? they won't lock you up if you're careful about what you say (the psych wards are probably full anyway). But they'll get a shrink in who will probably give you some meds to get you thru.

[usehername]

I feel like I can't manage the time for real help. My mother wouldn't watch her for me to be seen in an er because she'd be afraid they'd keep me, and she can't watch my daughter during the day because she works full time. We've had this conversation a few times. I'm officially not allowed to visit the er for mental reasons unless my daughter's at her father's house (and that's not a good environment for her). I managed to get about 7 hours of sleep in the last 24 (with no sleep medications or other non non prescribed sleep aids) and have slowed down physically quite a bit. I still feel unstable, like I'm on shaky ground, but I think I'm doing better for now. I was VERY irritable earlier, but I didn't let myself get out of control with anyone (it was difficult, too!). Idk, I'm scared that if I'm not completely honest, I won't get any help, but I'm also afraid honesty could get me a few nights in psych (occasional mild hallucinations, but I know they aren't there). I do feel less crazy today though. But, I was having fun so maybe I'm not thinking clearly... I don't know. Trying to distract myself from my thoughts at this point. Maybe I'll go write.

Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

Daycare takes children up to 12 as long as its 6 am to 6pm, mostly in home daycares, call around. Say you home school your daughter but frequently go on short notice business trips and you wonder if they'd be able to accommodate you. If so how much would it be a day? Then you don't have to worry about her getting proper care and they'd help her with her school work like its homework. The best bet is to find a homeschooling family that also runs a daycare.

No matter how you do it you have to be painfully honest. I can only achieve this through writing. If you want I can pm you the forms I use to help my therapist and psychiatrist know what's going on.

Originally Posted by Dix888

It is really common for people like us to self-medicate. My pdoc was not shocked when I drank a pint of gin at one sitting. It made me sick as hell but I was "treating" insomnia that way.
Certain substances are legal in my state & that helps me sleep, too. Lack of sleep is my main indicator that I'm going super manic.
I am 61 & have never been hospitalized. I have an extreme fear of being hospitalized. I've been so manic that I've heard the moon talking to me, gone outside & climbed to the tops of trees at 3 a.m. & not been hospitalized. Before I got diag., spring & summer were when I was super manic & I survived somehow.
After diag. at age 46, it took around 5 years to get me on the rights meds. My pdoc, after treating me for a little over a year, told me to raise dosages myself to help me sleep since insomnia for long periods of time can cause hallucinations
Only you know when things are getting too bad. I'd say not showering for longer than 3 days, forgetting to eat for longer than 4 meals & not sleeping for more than 4 hours/night for longer than a week---together, all those say it's time for serious help

Little did I know through the years. I have been through some mania that lasted for months probably years combined with depression mixed in. I have done some self med at times, and it seemed to work a hell of a lot better than any big pharma that I've been on. In fact, I got really angry on Prozac. I had an anger spree this week. I've been debating stopping Depacote because of side effects. I know the clinic will get mad. Well when things are getting bad, I don't have time for the hassle of dealing with them.

In short, how can I get a job if I am too manic to focus, but too zoombied to do anything. I am trying to figure out a way to start my treatment somewhere else. I don't have many options. I have tried mental health clinic twice and it has not worked. What can I possibly do?

[usehername]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Daycare takes children up to 12 as long as its 6 am to 6pm, mostly in home daycares, call around. Say you home school your daughter but frequently go on short notice business trips and you wonder if they'd be able to accommodate you. If so how much would it be a day? Then you don't have to worry about her getting proper care and they'd help her with her school work like its homework. The best bet is to find a homeschooling family that also runs a daycare.

No matter how you do it you have to be painfully honest. I can only achieve this through writing. If you want I can pm you the forms I use to help my therapist and psychiatrist know what's going on.

What forms do you use? I'm really hesitant about ever reaching out for any hospital type help because I know I'll have no support from anybody... I'm pretty sure if I was climbing the tree in the yard howling at the moon at 3am, my mother would just pump me full of risperidone... She's been through it all before with my grandmother. I do need to learn how to better advocate for myself though. I'm new to being medicated (by a shrink lol) and don't really know how to talk to this guy... At our appointments, he does most of the talking...

Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[usehername]

Originally Posted by Lmciyah

Little did I know through the years. I have been through some mania that lasted for months probably years combined with depression mixed in. I have done some self med at times, and it seemed to work a hell of a lot better than any big pharma that I've been on. In fact, I got really angry on Prozac. I had an anger spree this week. I've been debating stopping Depacote because of side effects. I know the clinic will get mad. Well when things are getting bad, I don't have time for the hassle of dealing with them.

In short, how can I get a job if I am too manic to focus, but too zoombied to do anything. I am trying to figure out a way to start my treatment somewhere else. I don't have many options. I have tried mental health clinic twice and it has not worked. What can I possibly do?

I got violent on Prozac and ended up selling it. ADs tend to be rough on bp. I wouldn't stop meds without supervision. I'm in the same boat as you, unable to get help and on meds with side effects I can't stand - AND they're not working well... I wish I could help you.

Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[usehername]

Update: saw pdoc today. He has chosen to double my risperidone and see me in a month. If that doesn't work, we'll be on to Depakote. We'll see how it goes I guess.

Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[usehername]

Thank you all for all of your help

Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

Any time that's why we're here