Accepting of Diagnosis?

Hi all,

Was wondering how long it took you to accept your diagnosis? Maybe you haven't at all? Or maybe your loved one hasn't accepted the impact their illness has on you? Or maybe you jumped on board with it straight away and sought out the best treatment options for you?

Does anyone want to provide any insight?

Thanks in advance

Hi there, I can really relate to this. I am beginning to accept my diagnosis, a lot more than before. But even now, I'm never sure. It's so hard with mental illnesses, because they aren't always tangible. It's not like a broken leg, where you can actually SEE that something physical is broken. I suppose it also depends on the severity of your illness. I was diagnosed Bipolar 2, and sometimes the symptoms seem a bit vague. I've always put it down to hyperactivity, and then just needing to be alone. But as I got older it got worse and worse, and the 'needing to be alone' turned into actual depression. And the hyperactivity, got a bit more, well, mental. The Doctor told me she has never seen a clearer case of Bipolar 2, and I still only partially believe her! All I can say is, that when I take the treatment, my life dramatically improves. I'm stable. I realize all of a sudden what it's like for people who don't have dramatic mood-swings and don't have an internal battle waging in their mind all the time. But then when I feel 'normal', I stop taking the meds, because I think I'm completely fine. A couple of months later, my head is a bit of a mess again. Anyway, after 2 years of doing this, I'm contemplating listening to the Doctor I've never been one to take advice, or follow orders, and I think it stems from this. I like to test things for myself. I'm not saying this is the correct thing to do! It's just the way it is. I hope this helps. Maybe you feel similarly. In conclusion, I have the feeling that the Doctor is right and I should probably accept the diagnosis and just find the best way to manage it into the future.

Total acceptance. I was relieved. Finally I can get some much needed help.

My story is very similar. I've shared on here before. When I was first dx at 18 I was dealing with trauma issues so I figured all my turmoil was from that and I was partially right. I also didn't believe in hypomania blah blah hate doctors blah blah big pharma blah blah I won't bore everyone.

When the symptoms intensified last year I figured I was just making it all up for attention somehow as I used to do when I was younger. I figured that I could control myself I just wasn't doing it. I tried to control the anger on my own but the last straw for my husband came when I got drunk and self harmed for the first time in six years. He demanded I go get help. I got a BP 2 dx. I still thought I could control it, and that I didn't not have a severe case. I messed around with my medication, went full blown manic/psychotic, earned myself a BP 1 dx, and found a stabilizing combo of meds.

Yeah but still, the farther away from that episode I got, the more I believed it was purely medication induced and that I may not actually have bipolar. I mean I'm not sure how much more eveidence I needed but once again in December I decided to go off meds. I went off Seroquel because it made me too drowsy, but I went off trileptal to prove once and for all whether I had BP or not and whether I could manage on my own or not.

Answer: not. Over the winter I went on and off meds trying to prove different things to myself, I don't know why. I was in total denial of the severity of my condition. And then in April reality, or lack thereof, came up to slap me hard right across the face. I was taking my medication again as prescribed to avoid a depressed episode but it didn't work and paranoia creeped in. I thought my husband was trying to control me with my medication. I thought someone or something was trying to get me to kill myself. As it progressed I thought strangers could read my thoughts and finally I ended up in the ER accusing the dr of opening a social services case against me and the cops who brought me of trying to kill me.

Yeah so at this point I feel like I have no choice but to accept the fact that bipolar is real for me and that I have a serious case that needs to be taken seriously. I'm going to start an injectable med so it will be harder for me to stop taking it on a whim.

In summation I have accepted my condition today but if the injectable works I expect I will be wondering why I bother taking meds. I hope I'll have the foresight to look back on my posts here so I can go oh yeah, THAT's why.

Yes I can definitely relate to this story! My symptoms sound a little less severe, however perhaps if I don't accept the diagnosis then things may unfold for me like this too. In a way, it's helpful to hear, because I genuinely WANT to be well and stable, and consequently need to accept things. That said, same as you, next time I feel 'normal' or 'well', I'm still likely to question what is going on, and wonder whether I'm just, ah, creatively minded, or just simply hard to deal with sometimes, or just a bit emotional. It's terrible that we wait for something REALLY bad to happen before we accept things!

It's a similar situation with my husband now too. He never really said a lot about my diagnosis, or the medication. He supported me, but never commented or gave his opinion really. Only recently, I told him that maybe I should be on the medication, maybe the Doctor is right (after a slew of pretty apalling behaviour on my part). At that point, he said he completely agrees and fully endorses me taking medication, that I'm apparently more stable and calm and happy. Good to finally have his opinion or endorsement in one way, but then I also found a way to somehow 'blame' him for my illness. Not even sure how I did that now, but I had a theory at the time and I did my best to communicate it clearly.

I'm pretty lucky to be with someone so nice and supportive. I'm not sure many people would put up with it for very long. I guess the conclusion is, that for the sake of my relationships and mental stability, I listen to the Doctor!!!

It's weird how similar our stories are. Mine's a lot like it.

But when they first approached the dx, I was very against it. I've mentioned this on here before, but I always heard awful stories about those with bipolar disorder (a lot are exaggerated, and even more are just people mislabeling other people). I took mood stabilizers until I thought I was okay and took myself off them. Wrong choice. I went swiftly downhill and my denial about my illness turned into outright anger and fear. Then, in the early hours of a January morning, I tried to take my life. I passed out, woke up, didn't tell anyone. But for some reason it was a defining moment for me. I told myself "Okay, I think I might have this disorder" and accepted my doctor's advice. It still took a while because of insurance, but it's been a year and a few months and I'm on meds again.

Accepting it really hinders on one's resources. If you have people who support and understand you, good doctors, and meds that work for you, it's much easier to deal with. Sometimes I have long crying sessions because this illness can often feel like a death sentence for me, but I always climb back up and try to see it differently. It's hard, but I'm trying.

I think educating yourself and people who know is a big part of acceptance.

For me, my thinking is finally a reason, not an excuse, but a reason why.

Do you think your acceptance (or non acceptance) has impacted your treatment at all, if so how?

I still go off and on accepting it mainly the severity and med requirement. I am not friendly without meds. The only thing that has kept me as med compliant as possible is a wonderful therapist and psychiatrist.

Sad but also happy to hear how similar the story is so I'm not a lone freak! I also am a medicine manipulator. Certain of my meds I DON'T play with, some of the others",mmmm I'll take this because I feel this, I don't need that anymore", so on and so forth. Due to my issues I have a hard time staying @ a job, which means having no insurance, and NO scripts which also turns super bad relatively quickly.

Im 46 was "officially " diagnosed at 43 .. We ( T and I ) traced back my Bipolar to when I was about 6 years old ..

The thing is most everyone has been bipolar a hell of a long time before they get " diagnosed" I could care less about a label.. Its just something for me that is used to bill my insurance company for treatment.

So yeah I have no problem with a label ..

I was just diagnosed earlier this year, I went back and forth about it a lot in the past few months. But I've basically accepted it now(though I still have a bit of denial about how bad it is at times). Looking back on things, it's so blatantly obvious...

Instant acceptance in 2010 at age 25... Always knew I was some kind of crazy, knowing what kind took a load off.

How has it impacted treatment?
Well I guess postively, as I want help because I accept that I need help.

Help these days doesn't mean meds though, but even though I don't want meds, it doesn't mean I'm turning a blind eye to my bipolar or rejecting my dx.

Diagnosed at 19, denied it. Blamed it on drug use.

Diagnosed again at age 32, this time with textbook full blown mania.
Accepted it, then denied it, claiming I was "healed by god".

Then I finally gave up all my religious delusions, became an atheist, FINALLY accepted my DX, and got a good Pdoc, joined this forum and I feel better than ever.

I am very GLAD that I finally accept my disease, it's much easier to mange that way!

Oh yes.
Interesting timing. I was just now going through some old psych papers, and realized it's been a bit over 5 years now since officially dx'd. It seems like sooooo much longer! But that's probably because I've been living it for such a very long time, that the dx was more a turning point of knowledge. It was certainly no shock, once I found out what BP was (believe it or not, I really didn't know(!)) When first reading, I was totally overwhelmed and couldn't stop crying. Not from sadness, but because it was an emotional tsunami to be reading (decades of) my life in black and white.

"Blatantly obvious" is a good way to put it. So obvious. So classic. Such a clear-cut case. For a long time I couldn't figure out how I managed to not get diagnosed a whole lot earlier (yanno, like about 25 years earlier!), but eventually I figured out all the dodges.

Still…. every so often, I start to think maybe there's really nothing wrong with me. Or, you know, not so much.

Yeah, right.
It doesn't last long. All I have to do is look back. It's all right there.

I don't think I've totally accepted it, even though logically I know it's true. So I take meds because I'm listening to logic, but the emotional part of me wants to reject the label and the meds. I waiver between seeing all the ways bipolar has affected every area of my life, and thinking that the diagnosis is a big over reaction and misunderstanding. I like to blame stress for all my major episodes - and they usually are triggered by stress, which leads to no sleeping, which leads to me going off the rails. But I question myself that maybe I am just labeling a bit of a strong reaction to stress, and maybe the hypomania is an excuse for some bad behavior. My pdoc tells me she is sure I am bipolar, because normally people don't react to stress by doing really crazy things. I don't know, all the evidence says bipolar, so I have to believe it. But my therapist doesn't think I'm bipolar. He thinks my reactions and experiences are due to trauma, and my behaviors have been my choice. I don't know which explanation is scarier. If it's all my choices, then why have I burnt my life to the ground so many times - I build it up, and burn it down, over and over. Right now I am building it up, but I'm afraid of the next time I loose control, if there is a next time.

Kind of rambling... My point is I still need to work on acceptance.

Is there anybody out there that is watching a family go through this struggle with acceptance of your illness or their own? How does that impact?

It's funny because I can talk to my family about being bipolar without really believing it myself, or at least not wanting to admit it. It started off as mood swings as a teenager which everyone thought was normal, but the anger, and the depression lasted, and with the depression it was getting too extreme and I couldn't cope with the suicidal thoughts, occasional racing thoughts etc. I went to the doctor, she thought it was mild depression, then I went hypomanic, got a referral to a psychiatrist. Around late last year I started to get bizarre delusions and paranoia. The mania subsided at the start of this year, but the delusions contined for awhile longer. Then I just crashed into the worst depression I've had so far.

Now I'm just very anxious/depressed but not as bad as before. I've been prescribed meds but I'm too scared to take them because of the side effects, and I've been functioning so long like this I don't know how not to if that makes sense. I don't want to think I'm ill, I don't want to have to take meds, I feel like saying to people 'just give me enough time to be able to pull it together and I will' although that's getting harder particularly with the depression. I think I had a pdoc appointment but I missed it and didn't tell anyone because I shouldn't be seeing a psychiatrist, I really just need to get on with things. I feel bad about it, but no one's contacted me and I think they think I've started meds so they might all leave me alone now .

Sorry for how long this is.

I kinda accept it but not in the classic way of thinking (you will not see me calling myself ill).

As for treatment... I am my own treatment provider and I go by my gut instict. Diagnosis or not