Riding the high wave. feeling good semi secure....then BAM ...back to "reality" ?? I dont know. One trigger and I am back to ruminating about anything and everything. Tearful wanted to just rage...didnt..thank whatever spirit there is around me.
Well I am here..posting..healthy distraction.

[Sillywabbit]

Originally Posted by StayinAlive

Sad. I feel stuck in my live-in relationship and don't have the energy to do anything about it. I'm petrified of being alone. Yes, TDoc appointment this week. Am I the only one here with this fear?

I am also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and have extreme fears of abandonment and being alone. I have lived like this my whole life and now my Therapist is treating me to find activities, small ones to do by myself. She says we are born alone, we live alone and we die alone. She says we are alone and we have to learn to be comfortable in our own bubble. I do believe that comes with self respect, self esteem and confidence. I am working every week to be ok with "me" and find who "Me" is really is. Not sure if that helped at all, but that's just a little bit of what I am going through.

[SillyKitty]

Because I am bipolar type: You know what? I've decided today (and don't blame it on the wine) that I'm f*****g thrilled to be schizoaffective. Who else has demons giving them messages in leaves (that I'd like to add leaves that weren't even there)? Who can tell the future? Smell cancer? Smell people's bad demons as soon as theyre in smelling distance? Us. That's who. We are like more believable x-men cause we are superior beings. I hope you all feel amazing about yourselves too. PM me and I can show you the way of light. I have four demons in me right now and the Meds haves shutted them up. Think of what I could do with that much power!!!

[SillyKitty]

Quote:
Originally Posted by StayinAlive View Post
Sad. I feel stuck in my live-in relationship and don't have the energy to do anything about it. I'm petrified of being alone. Yes, TDoc appointment this week. Am I the only one here with this fear?

Not at all.

[Sillywabbit]

Today was productive. I am feeling positive and cleaned my entire house to keep occupied.

[ouroborosgirl]

Today I've been chatty and "weird" as my daughter says. Something she said made me start on a word association. I think this is something I do a lot but maybe not because she didn't know what I was doing. Then again there are a lot of things that I think I do and find out later that I haven't done them and vice versa. It makes me feel a little crazy sometimes We went to the mall and I actually had to think about suppressing my chattiness, oh and my weirdness. I think shopping could be fun if I could say all the stuff coming to my mind but it seems that this kind of behavior is not very acceptable
It just felt good today to want to have fun after my bad day yesterday.

[prettypolish]

I bake pies when manic.

Lots and lots of pies. One for my mother, a few for neighbors, and another for a work office potluck.

My supervisor took home the leftovers, and promised she'd bring back my pie plate. My new pyrex glass pie plate. She forgot; twice.

I could just about strangle her...

[tigersassy]

Back to work tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to this. Could be a good thing, but there are going to be some major changes. I'm good mood wise. Sleep it's going to be a little short because I'm not tired, but it's cool. I'm dealing. I'm pretty level. Should be able to start exercising more, after my ankle injury. It's cold, but I like it. I'm hoping that my hormones don't reek havoc on me thank you mother nature. Now it's time to try sleep. And get ready for work.

[Standup2me]

Today I did not feel like taking my meds, so I did not.
A small, silly, rebellion.
I will take them tomorrow though

Originally Posted by SillyKitty

Quote:
Originally Posted by StayinAlive View Post
Sad. I feel stuck in my live-in relationship and don't have the energy to do anything about it. I'm petrified of being alone. Yes, TDoc appointment this week. Am I the only one here with this fear?

Not at all.

I stayed in a bad partnership because i was absolutely convinced i could not make it on my own. After it ended i discovered i LIKE being on my own -- better than any other situation! It was a happy surprise.

Today, not so good keeping the negative thoughts at bay. Started off PO'd for being put in a situation. Downhill from there. I *did* manage to get out for car gas and into a crowded warehouse store (ugh) for a couple of things. Sensory overload and very uncomfortable, but so depressed that I didn't give enough of a **** to do anything about it. It made me semi-detached and the whole scene surreal and fogged. Came home and ate a little meal. The place is a mess. Haven't done anything. Don't care.

Debating now whether to just end this day and go to bed (ridiculously early) or stay up and zone out watching dvds on the computer. After scheduling an appointment. Guess it's time to admit I'm really not doing ok.

[Roblovescats]

Sooooo tired.

[Tucson]

Started off feeling OK. I ended up having mood swings and dizziness. I have not been taking care of myself and eating properly. I still am functional. Now that it is the evening, I feel OK once more.

[PDXBPCUB]

Woke up today feeling depressed and hopeless. I'm trying to find a way to alter what I'm feeling as the day goes on.

[Hopeful Camel]

I'm doing ok, today, all things considered. Woke up at 1am and couldn't sleep. Took a clonopin, fell asleep, then overslept this morning. Can't win for losing!

First day without the steady job, first day on my own as a lawyer. No phone calls, but trying to stay positive. I tend to panic first, and give things time, later. Trying to change that.

I feel a bit more 'even' and wonder if that is the lithium kicking in. I hope so. Relief would be nice. I'm feeling optimistic about tomorrow. I'm lucky my wife is so supportive. She is a gem.

[tigersassy]

Thinking hormonal depression has hit. Fml. Want to crash. Full body shakes. Eugh.... crap.

[Sillywabbit]

Today started off as a lovely day. I was enjoying the sun, the beauty, and then some events happened that flipped me right around. I witnessed a horrible motorcycle accident. It happened right in front of my face. I stopped and helped the police, gave details and comforted the lady who was hit by the motorcycle while the paramedics took care of the motorcyclist. Then I had some family problems which just spun my emotions out of control. I tried so hard to control that burst of emotion inside me by counting trees on the ride home and tried to regulate things but just couldn't. I got so overwhelmed with emotion I slammed my phone into my head and broke down. I am so tired if feeling this way. I am so tired of losing control and not being able to handle situations life throws at you. I am exhausted and over it.

[Tucson]

I was very depressed today. I felt I could not get out of bed. I am beginning to feel better now.

Sillywabbit, if it's any consolation, I threw my phone today. That last alarm went off and it "somehow" flew across the room. (I wasn't mad, -- just wanted time to go away.)

Way down last night, but despite getting a decent amount of sleep, woke up even worse. I did brush my teeth and throw some water on my face. My hair was surely a diabolical scene, but a mirror was out of the question. The only reason I can get to work on such days is the dread of otherwise having to answer for it. (TG appearance does not matter at all there.) It was like moving through sludge. There was no hiding it.

Really hope I can will myself into the shower tonight…

(p.s. Did set up a psych appt. for tomorrow last night.)

[Sinking Feeling]

I'm once again in my periods of doubting I'm bipolar. I remember I have gone threw this more times then I can count over the past 20 years and every time I am proven wrong, yet here I go again. I'm think, I'm not bipolar, I just get depressed some times and in a good mood some times and I suffer with anxiety. It's not bipolar, I'm just a little weird. Honestly I hate this cuz I know better then wonder "or do I?" any one else go thru this crap?

[JigssawFeeling]

Just wish to be left alone by everyone, unfortunately that's difficult with 2 friend-flatmates(?)

[JigssawFeeling]

Originally Posted by Sinking Feeling

I'm once again in my periods of doubting I'm bipolar. I remember I have gone threw this more times then I can count over the past 20 years and every time I am proven wrong, yet here I go again. I'm think, I'm not bipolar, I just get depressed some times and in a good mood some times and I suffer with anxiety. It's not bipolar, I'm just a little weird. Honestly I hate this cuz I know better then wonder "or do I?" any one else go thru this crap?

That's actually pretty much how I feel a lot of the time. I think I've just got a bad character.

[happywoman]

Not feeling great today.. emotional ,irritable and unfortunately my thoughts words and actions reflected this. I know this will past and hopefully I can make amends when the dust settles.

[Standup2me]

Just don't care about much
Don't care at all
Don't even care that I don't care

[Curious651]

Mixed today with lots of anxiety, confusion, worry, at same time content, relaxed, kinda screwed up. Sorry can't explain! Don't think you can get it since I don't get it.