[Justugh]

what do u do when the talk doctors pisses u off so much u leave her office

telling me i do not know why u are here ..when she tells me to come back in a week is why i am here .........then u realize the person is just reading off memorized note cards in their head (like tech support for your computer helpline ppl) the person does not have original thought just going down a check list

i made it clear i do not have the gas to come up and waste ....doing this once a week crap

hell yes i am angry if i was not angry i could not do anything i would just shut down and let the world kill me

she asked what i wanted ..........i said to be left alone or doped the hell up or for someone to take ******

then she goes is that a threat to kill yourself ....... at that point i just cracked and said no i said someone not myself and said i am done good day and walked the hell out

i have had them talk about killing self more then any other time i seen a doctor and i never brought it up they are the ones that keep putting it in the head ..........if i wanted to kill myself not a damn thing they could do with the amount of info in my head ...........if i wanted to die i would not be there willing to take the crappy pills

[gayleggg]

I fortunately, have not had that experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Maybe you should look for a new doctor. Doesn't sound like she is listening to you.

[Gray Rider]

Sorry you had a bad trip to the doctor. Maybe you could call back and have them adjust medicine by phone?

I get the feeling also that a lot of docs become a bit disconnected from patients after so many appointments a day. They only have so many tools in the toolbox to use, start new med, raise one up, lower one down. This one doesn't work, this one might work, or maybe that one. ahhhhh!!!!!!

[Justugh]

left alone ......i could go back to my alternative meds

doped the hell up ..........there pills and the crappy effects they have on me

someone to .......if i am kilt by someone else then it is done here see what is on other side (killing self is a no no in to many things so do not want to go to a worst place then here so someone else is only choice)

i asked them for something strong to control the anger in me .........they need to dope me up so i do not let this out in incorrect reaction

i left her office before i started a angey rant on how moronic i think all this crap was .....i do not want to go back i do not want to deal with that person again i have no respect for them or their mind because they just do a checklist ( i done the checklist stuff it does not help i do not fit it and pisses me off trying to force me in it )

[tipper1492]

It's possible you will not have to go back after all. Many psychiatrist refuse to treat people feeling as you do about them.

[Justugh]

i do not plan on it see her again.........her and i do not work i knew this from the first time i sawl her but i gave it a try but today was just the last straw

should i call the center up and have them assign me to a new doctor
or
should i let the mental hospital assign me one (plan in going on 27 or 28th) rapid med stabilization time

[Victoria'smom]

I would wait until you go to the new hospital. I would cancel any and all apointments with this Dr or therapist.

[Justugh]

thank u ma'am

i have to keep going to the center ....they are the closest and we have history so all the insurance carrier will care about and every OKed referral will be to them

i can not blame them the concept is strange to them but hell after seeing me that many times old records to review come on ......death is not a option but truly always is (failing to admit that is crazy) .....if they want babble can think of a million reason to die but as long as can think of one reason to live play the hand see where it goes so there stop asking i am not a kill myself kind of person i am more of find every bad person i can ( u know the ones hit wife beats kids ....and the other stuff i will not list so i do not get more anger ) and take them out ..........that is all in the file i tell them that flat out first time i meet them ....i have years and years and years of pent up anger from life and all the has happen most of it by the doctors (the pills side effects sucked and i thought i was just normal life until i started reading 3 months ago about the pills and interaction studies)

fricken fraging dumb *** locked into one set mind of thinking doctors ...........u know what i am sorry for the rant thanks for letting me get it out .........this is crazy i am killing myself to stay sane when it will just end up drugging me

not bipolar 1 or 2 little of both
depressions that will lock me into sleep for weeks like a hibernation of a bear with rage (flight or fight i will always pick fight will vs will ) anger is the only thing that will get me out of bed a slow burn fight back and win attitude

when i am happy i am happy and want to make everyone happy so i spend the cash i have on me and offer help where ever i can share be kind open friendly smiling goofy playful

or i am numb and logical reading and studying on what ever subjects cross my mind at the time reducing my risk of interact with ppl and taken on projects sometimes 4 to 6 to keep mind going and from getting bored

that is the extent of my personality i simplified everything to keep under control over the years ........i have no major wants or desires other then make some money so not a burden on family for all my life (my rewards are the end of the world and getting to let anger out there or wait until 80 going to vegas hiring 8 of the best hookers i can legally and sex until my heart goes out) i ask a priest it is not killing yourself then he asked me to leave the church

[Curious651]

hope it works it for you. I am going to be very short since I am positive your would not like what I had to say and it does not seem like your are open to any oppositional thinking then your own. Wish you th best.

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Curious651

hope it works it for you. I am going to be very short since I am positive your would not like what I had to say and it does not seem like your are open to any oppositional thinking then your own. Wish you th best.

say what u got ........otherwise it defeat the whole reason coming here

u might have a different veiwpoint to it then i do and i would be a moron not to hear it

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Justugh

she asked what i wanted ..........i said to be left alone or doped the hell up or for someone to take

This part of your post stuck out to me. You've posted before about how you don't like the medication, but that's the only part of what you want that she could ever provide for you. At the same time, you want to be doped right up.

Chances are, they won't be likely to want to change your meds around much when you also use illegal substances - that was you posting about weed and that right?

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

This part of your post stuck out to me. You've posted before about how you don't like the medication, but that's the only part of what you want that she could ever provide for you. At the same time, you want to be doped right up.

Chances are, they won't be likely to want to change your meds around much when you also use illegal substances - that was you posting about weed and that right?

it not illegal they have medical in the state but it is not in practice where i can go to a doctor as for a card and go to a store (they should of had the rules out in sept then again in oct now with winter break lucky if can see a doctor by 2016)

i already went to rehab and they did not think i needed rehab because i did not match the addiction

and i have not had anything like my meds since oct31 ........i taken weaker CBDs from hemp that cost me more and is less effective to maintain legal

i been asking for the meds now for 6 weeks they got me on stuff that is weak my system has no reaction to it other then expel it when i go to the bathroom (reading on it the correct dose for mood stablizing is 900-1400 mgs a day ) i am on 300 mgs because the doctor whats to play it slow and i do not have that time .........i already had to go to the hospital once just to get sleep since he gave me these pills (the trazadone was to put me to sleep but i can take 150 mgs of it the strong dose to sleep and lay in bed for 5 hours or more )

this is me jumping like a trained dog to get a treat so they say good boy ....but i do not have the time to go slow they need to have me on a effective meds if i am not allowed to use the tools i know that work for me

me commiting myself to the ward is just the next step they want to go slow fine skip them get a new doctor new work up and give them time to pump crap in me see it does not work and change it around ..........3 days if lucky 10 days if not and really unlucky several months again

[Victoria'smom]

Maybe you should ask for a new therapist or ask for a double session once every two weeks. What do you want from therapy? (my goals are: keep me out of the hospital and jail)

the person is just reading off memorized note cards in their head then you didn't connect and you need a new therapists

hell after seeing me that many times old records to review come on They still have to ask and make you understand how you sound. The idea that you'll explode versus implode isn't a strange or unique. I'm like that too.

lock me into sleep for weeks like a hiberation of a bear with rage That's how my depression. It's like having the flu with out the flu.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

This part of your post stuck out to me. You've posted before about how you don't like the medication, but that's the only part of what you want that she could ever provide for you. At the same time, you want to be doped right up.

Chances are, they won't be likely to want to change your meds around much when you also use illegal substances - that was you posting about weed and that right?

Oh good lord. I dont smoke weed AT ALL because it makes me paranoid but i know others that swear by it for pain/mood stabilization
And the completley "legal" drugs that are marketed most of the time illegally by pharmaceutical companies are FAR worse for your body over time

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Maybe you should ask for a new therapist or ask for a double session once every two weeks. What do you want from therapy? (my goals are: keep me out of the hospital and jail)

the person is just reading off memorized note cards in their head then you didn't connect and you need a new therapists

hell after seeing me that many times old records to review come on They still have to ask and make you understand how you sound. The idea that you'll explode versus implode isn't a strange or unique. I'm like that too.

lock me into sleep for weeks like a hiberation of a bear with rage That's how my depression. It's like having the flu with out the flu.

your nice thanks

prison is not even on the plate anymore .....the cops did not understand it and by messing with it to get something to lock me up on they used it all up (i am not a drug dealer or a major anything i had a ovape pen with 0.3mls 125mgs of thc cbds and about 30 other lesser know chemicals...a old school rolled joint has more ) it was barely enough to get a positive test they used it all to get it to turn blue to lock me up in the field test (personal use thing/offer to buddy ) ...........please understand that.......that was the universe gift for being a good max i accept it and thankful as hell about it

all this is to avoid trouble since the ending of this will be i am stuck here in the state under something for a year or 2

yes ma'am i am not going to see her again ....having the hospital assign me one to try and a new Pdoc

i know how i am the best i can do it direct at something that has earned that reaction ...other wise i need to surpress it and that requires strong meds .....i am already doing what i can by avoiding contact with ppl (everyone that knows me sees i am different and asked me what is wrong i tell them their reaction is go smoke)

sweet u are the only other person i meet that could so something like that 4 days is the longest with out wake up and getting food

[Victoria'smom]

So the charges were dropped?

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So the charges were dropped?

not yet the DA was sick on the 19th .......that is when i got to see the lawyer pics of everything .......he did not know what it was himself ...once my head was clear from the pills i was on and i woke up i sent a email

i sent him the info about it so he could look it up and pull it up for the DA and show him he/she has nothing ....they are saying the pen itself is oil the DA does not understand that it was all used in the field test .......that is it and explain it ....better then smoking it more controlled dosing
O.Pen Vape (O.Pen Vape) Review | Medical Jane

at this point if i am willing to lie i can get off all the charges since the field test does not look for THC but looks for cannabinoids (it is cheaper but CBD oil is 100% legal ) i can say it was that and the whole thing goes away they can not disprove it by retesting anything

but i am a horrible at lying so i am shutting up and letting the lawyer do it so i am not a lying about anything

[Victoria'smom]

I'm glad it's working out.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

Oh good lord. I dont smoke weed AT ALL because it makes me paranoid but i know others that swear by it for pain/mood stabilization
And the completley "legal" drugs that are marketed most of the time illegally by pharmaceutical companies are FAR worse for your body over time

I never said otherwise. I was just saying that the therapist and psychiatrist might be loathe to change things around if they know that he is using other substances.

I don't think this will go over well with you, justugh, but since you said you would be a moron not to listen to other points of view, I just have to say that you have a pattern of blaming everyone else for your problems. Until you get a handle on this, you'll continue to feel persecuted (by law enforcement, or the therapist, or the addiction clinic, and so on...).

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

I don't think this will go over well with you, justugh, but since you said you would be a moron not to listen to other points of view, I just have to say that you have a pattern of blaming everyone else for your problems. Until you get a handle on this, you'll continue to feel persecuted (by law enforcement, or the therapist, or the addiction clinic, and so on...).

sir i am not blaming anyone ..........i am just tired of other ppl forcing their view point on me (telling me i have to be this way) then using force to make me comply (do what i say or i will hurt u first law of man)

i do not go around yelling at ppl drinking coffee and using it as a drug every day of their life ....to me they are the same thing a plant that grows out of the ground and has a effect on ppls moods and actions .......how many cups of coffee do u drink a day ......... u a half a pot habit or do u do the whole pot ....do u need your coffee first thing in the morning to get your day going (that is addiction)

if i blamed someone i would remove them from my life so i have no contact with them at all ...........and to boot it all i was legal the state decriminalize it anything under 10grams is a ticket

what i had was way under 10grams they just never seen it so they did not know what it was or how it worked

if i could i would leave here but i can not my family and friends are all here if i leave i got nothing .........and to leave i need 6000 for rent 3000 for power and internet and another 5 to 7 k for just living exps for a year

i been learning everything i can about the medical of this and how it works how the shops work how things are made how to make the plant everything for the last 2 years ...congress just blocked me from going to DC and applying for a job with them refusing to honor the will of the ppl and make it 100% legal so other shops can open up and sell to the masses (the medical shops have workers and a line of ppl applying .....new shops need to open )

[Justugh]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I never said otherwise. I was just saying that the therapist and psychiatrist might be loathe to change things around if they know that he is using other substances.

i stop using anything but their weak pills and the CBDs
http://www.amazon.com/Cibdex-100-Hem.../dp/B00NAQJ110

they want to go slow and try this how do u feel ...try this how do u feel ...try this how do u feel

i do not have time for that that is a 6 month to a year process ........i done it i know several times now 23 with this 10 years on their pills 13 years using my stuff

tonight i plan on taken 2 maybe 3 bong hits so tomorrow i am not sad or depressed or angry during my family x-mas ........the other choice is to use the last pills i got from the hospital

and i need something because i need to be on best behavior miss arlean is bring her bf to it and he has been riding to her to much (bedroom games) so my brother hears about it from his wife because her mother tells her and he tells me and i really do not need images of 60 year old ppl doing crap in my head ........i am fighting the instinct to walk up to him and tell him to stop it give the poor lady a break so i do not need know hear about it anymore

i have no filter as u seen here i say what i think when i think it ....i have no shame when it comes to anything ........and if i run away from it and come home it makes Cindy sad (wade's wife and she cooks me grandma food she is my only supply so making her sad means i do not get food i really enjoy )

my mom was sick and bedridden at the age of 14 for me i have not had any mommy meals 21 years i been cooking my own food since i was 14 ........grandma cooking is the best old school made from scratch food

[A Red Panda]

There's a reason for taking things slowly. They can't just give you one pill and have it magically fix you. If anything, giving you too high of a dosage at first is just going to mess with your body in a negative way.

And trying just one new med at a time allows you and the docs to know what effects are caused by what - so that you know what to remove and what to keep. It can be annoying when it seems like nothing works, but there IS a reason for it and a reason for them to be asking about how you're feeling.

So were the 10 years on meds and 13 years smoking weed at the same time? If so, then you don't truly have a good sense of what might work or not as they might interact - even if you're not consistently smoking a lot or whatnot. And if you know exactly what meds to take and what dosages for them, then why didn't you stay on them when they were working?

[Curious651]

i think a doctor or counselor needs to challenge me and if I am happy when I sit in their office I am being fake. I also know that if I agree with everything they say then there is no point of me being there. I am challenged a lot and need that to grow. If I am not, I feel I am screwed royally. When my coach asks me what I want, I tell him straight out. He then either asks me reason and processes it with me or goes over different view then I have in my altered perception. I know I have mood swings and I go through rapid cycles which sometimes screws with my perception. I also know if it was not for him, I would not have learned tapping, mood stabilizing techniques, or being mindful about judgements. I can be judgemental and if not for his view, I still be stuck where I was. All I am saying is that perhaps this is your challenge and it could be beneficial if you work with it. My coach tells me straight. I have the work to do, not him. Hope this helps. I can tell you, I used to be one p off mother f. I gave that up because it was not working. It only caused me harm and those around me.

[Justugh]

12 to 22 meds 22 to 35 my smoke

no over lap at 22 my insurance dropped and the choice of taken the meds was gone and the haze of the last 10 years cleared out pills that were 50/80 bucks now 500/800 and weekly blood test were 125

at that point buddy turned me on to a method of not costing me a dime for smoke other then a investment in the seeds for the strain i wanted 4 plants a year from his land are mine it covers everything i need in those terms for about 110 bucks with shipping

so i would order something high in cbds and a midlvl thc (by no means would it be a get u high strain) cbds counter act thc so medical weed does not have that high effect as the stoners weed