[cashart10]

I'm just trying to gauge your experience with mania. When you refer to times that you are manic, are you fully functional and not bizarre to others? When you define elation, do you mean elevated mood or head in the clouds? When you describe euphoria, do you mean a very good feeling or heaven on earth? When you describe irritability, do you mean you are irritated by the slightest thing or do you mean you find yourself SCREAMING at your spouse for going to the wrong grocery store? When you say you are paranoid, do you mean you worry that others are talking about you, or do you mean you worry that people are watching you and/or trying to kill you? Do you experience all of this to a varying degree? When you experience the lesser of these, do you still consider it mania? Just curious...gauging my own mania against yours.

[Brophy]

Mania comes in many forms. I get hypomanic which just makes me super high energy and very sociable and fun to be around but then I can't get any sleep at night. I get fully manic in which I feel like I can conquer the world and alienate people close to me and hurt them. Before I was on medication my mania would present itself as irritability almost constantly and never euphoria.

[cashart10]

Yes, my mania is almost always very severe. I just wonder if I only recognize it that way and there are still times that I am hypomanic or manic to a lesser degree that I just over look.

[raspberrytorte]

I'm only going to use my last manic experience for a comparison.

I was functional the entire time (as in, going to work, etc.). I don't think I was acting bizarre around others. Only person who could tell I was acting weird was my husband. I work alone and don't talk to very many people. I had like three moments where I felt euphoric, but mostly it was just a terrible, awful, anxiety ridden experience. I had two days of elation, and then just sky rocketed up into a bad, frantic psychosis.

I wasn't irritable during it. I wasn't paranoid. I thought I was dreaming. There were some scary hallucinations that were probably due to some slight paranoia.

My husband told me that I SEEMED euphoric and wouldn't believe me when I insisted that I just felt bad.

In all honesty, I don't remember the entire experience very well. I'd have to be reliving it to fully remember what it was like. It was just bad.

I'm sure your manias have been worse.

[Secretum]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I'm just trying to gauge your experience with mania. When you refer to times that you are manic, are you fully functional and not bizarre to others? When you define elation, do you mean elevated mood or head in the clouds? When you describe euphoria, do you mean a very good feeling or heaven on earth? When you describe irritability, do you mean you are irritated by the slightest thing or do you mean you find yourself SCREAMING at your spouse for going to the wrong grocery store? When you say you are paranoid, do you mean you worry that others are talking about you, or do you mean you worry that people are watching you and/or trying to kill you? Do you experience all of this to a varying degree? When you experience the lesser of these, do you still consider it mania? Just curious...gauging my own mania against yours.

I've been dx'd with bp 1 or schizoaffective by my previous therapist/pdoc (current team isn't sure about my dx), but I've never really been manic. I've had hypomania with psychosis, and according to the DSM, hypomania + psychosis=mania. I personally think that that is BS, but...I'll answer your questions anyway.

When I am hypomanic, I am usually functioning at a much higher level than usual. I do more with more energy and fervor, and I do it better. I've been told that I "smile all the time" and before I went to the hospital in October (for a mixed state) my brother mentioned to my parents that I had been "acting a bit manic" so I guess the high energy high mood state is observable by others, at least some of the time.

Elation is like a drug. I can literally feel my "spirit soar". I feel like I am flying off the ground. Electricity runs through my veins.

Euphoria is heaven on earth. It bathes me gently, like warm water on my skin. My senses are heightened, and all music is orgasmic.

I rarely get irritable. When I was on prozac, I had mild-moderate irritability all the time that occasionally escalated into rage, but that went away when I got off of the drug.

I've never gone on a wild shopping spree, had sex with strangers, or done anything wild and impulsive. I don't have any crazy stories from my manias.

The only real negative consequence they have is that I overcommit myself. I start 10,000 new projects in two weeks, and then it is over and I no longer have the drive or energy to complete them.

I've really been incredibly lucky.

[raspberrytorte]

I have this strange symptom when I'm up where everything seems kind of fuzzy around the edges. It's not bad. I guess inside I just feel all warm and fuzzy or something.

I've also never done anything risky (like spending tons of money, etc.). Just silly out of character things that I normally wouldn't do.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

For me mania is 99.5% dysphoric and always mixed so it's really hard to answer but there are degrees of irritability. When I start being irritable with strangers I'm in a bad place. I tend to make snotty comments and roll my eyes and generally act like people are completely stupid. Or I argue over stupid things. When that starts the paranoia will kick up from "they're talking about me" to "every door must be locked and triple checked and I'm scared to shower because someone could break into my house and kill me or leave me for dead and then my poor mother would find it and and and and and". Until being on here and reading about your fascination with music I NEVER would have said I do that when manic but I do. For years I just couldn't tolerate music and I guess I still think of myself that way but 3 years ago while manic I found a group I could handle (Selah, lovely Christian music if you don't know them) and I listened to them non-stop on youtube and my ipod. I spent a lot of my swagbucks money that summer on itunes. Last year I got hyperfocused on another Christian singer, David Bailey. And now I'm listening to Zach Sobiech and Sammy Brown on constant play. When I was with my nieces today I had a hard time not putting it on. Which would have been ok but my niece would have felt ignored. I listened to the same 7 sons for 2.5 hours yesterday and then more in the evening and I'm on my 3rd or 4th time through tonight. I don't think this is a euphoric thing though; I think it is a way to try to overpower the noise in my head. One line that I only cross sometimes is between rapid thoughts and a lot of static in my head and hearing voices. Since this episode has included voices I think I'm trying to avoid hearing them with these lyrics. I haven't heard any for a while but I'm being cautious maybe? I don't get as caught up in it as you do, I just NEED it. Alternatively I need total silence. And I can't know when I want what.

The more manic I am the harder it is to express emotions. I think I get cut off from the emotional me or I block her off because I hate who I am when manic.

Another thing that happens at different levels is my ability to communicate and remember. When I'm hypomanic I can usually get through sentences. There may be extraneous, completely unrelated information, but I"m understandable. When I'm manic I forget where I was a lot, get very mad at myself, often can't figure it out even with cues, and getting words out verbally is very, very hard. I can write better than I talk because nobody notices if it takes me 10 minutes to make sense and I think the written words give me better reminders than others can give me. I can type and spell very well when I'm not really manic; right now if spellcheck didn't exist I'd never get anything comprehendable written.

I get more morbid the more manic I am. I have a 20 year old cat who has been in renal failure for 7 years allegedly. (I don't really believe this because she's gotten healthier in the last year and last June I was told she only had a few months left and in October was told again that it was probably nearing the end. Instead she's gained a pound and is curled up purring and talking to me now. I think she had a grain allergy and I fixed that and she's a very healthy very old lady (who was diagnosed as a self-mutilator recently which I found funny given she lives with me; she picks up on my episodes sometimes and I think this time she picked up on it and it caused anxiety and she chewed her belly up which she did when I was hospitalized once and again when I was very manic once before). The vet actually said "THAT cat is still alive???" (and I have no idea what I was saying.....ok, so I know Anna is going to die and that beyond 20 is pretty unusual for a cat. I know someday I'm going to either walk in and she'll be gone or it will clearly be time for the last vet trip. And until I am better I will think she is dead every time I enter the house. She's deaf so my entry doesn't wake her and I'll wind up leaning over her to see if she's breathing. My other cat has another condition and could die without warning too and the same goes for him except he's not deaf and usually meets me at the door. Or many other examples; I'll be sure something is the worst possible outcome even when there isn't much likeliehood of that. Mania sees the scary side of everything.

Sometimes the depression is more predominant and that happens even sometimes during these very manic days. Actually most days my mood chart has several 9s and several 2-3s and maybe a 10 but no 1s right now.

Mania is when I tend to get physically sick because I burn my body too hard and eventually some germ will get me. This episode was in the early stages and was depressed when I caught influenza and spent 2 weeks in bed and confined to home because my fever wouldn't break. I came out of it manic and that just got worse and worse.

I guess I see more differences than I knew..

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm only going to use my last manic experience for a comparison.

I was functional the entire time (as in, going to work, etc.). I don't think I was acting bizarre around others. Only person who could tell I was acting weird was my husband. I work alone and don't talk to very many people. I had like three moments where I felt euphoric, but mostly it was just a terrible, awful, anxiety ridden experience. I had two days of elation, and then just sky rocketed up into a bad, frantic psychosis.

I wasn't irritable during it. I wasn't paranoid. I thought I was dreaming. There were some scary hallucinations that were probably due to some slight paranoia.

My husband told me that I SEEMED euphoric and wouldn't believe me when I insisted that I just felt bad.

In all honesty, I don't remember the entire experience very well. I'd have to be reliving it to fully remember what it was like. It was just bad.

I'm sure your manias have been worse.

I doubt my manias have been worse. I am an extremely intense, terribly naive person and those characteristics make for some severe manias. Plus, I think I just discuss it much more vividly than most. This is why it is so important that I have reality checks in place. These days, I can usually begin to tell on my own, mostly by my extreme lack of judgement, when I am becoming manic. I don't, however, always admit to it. Just in the last few weeks, I have left my toddler in a running car while I went inside to wash my hands; when I came back out, she had locked herself in the car. I left my 7 year old home alone (and scared to death) for about 10 minutes because I thought she was in the car. That's not to mention the 2 car wrecks in 2 weeks or me running WAY into the corner house's grass while driving earlier today, swerving all over the place. I am desperately wanting to run away, to drive to Florida, to walk away from my family for a woman. Weighing the repercussions is still a possibility, but it is becoming more difficult. I feel euphoric some of the time, unstoppable, buoyant, engaged, effervescent, whimsical, outlandish, dreamy, grandiose, fanciful and supernatural. Other times I feel dysphoric, distressed, agitated, highly anxious, morose, irritable, bitter, curt, empty, awkward, and inhuman. My mood (Tuesday's) is gone with the wind (Lynyrd Skyryd, no less). I find myself meticulously pacing as though it is my job...and dancing like I'm ignorant as hell. And, once more, I find myself OBSESSED with this damn website (anyone else? ). But most of all I have my obsessive habit of finding the most intense song I can find and placing it on repeat for a very long standing period of time, even at the expense of my children. I am hyper-sexual to the point of disgust. I have spent so much money that we can no longer go on vacation because of the debt I've acquired, Yay me! People notice my bizarre behavior when I get up and walk around and around, or shake back and forth. Or, when I tell my husband I want to go to a nightclub and get drunk and then I want to drive and drive and drive but he insists the answer is no because I am "out of my mind." And I am "making poor decisions." But, I wonder if it is always this bad or if this and when I am psychotic are the only times I notice it. Admittedly, last fall, my judgement was so poor, I left my daughter, then and infant, in the car unattended. I completely forgot she was out there sleeping. Thank God it was the perfect temperature but when comes that day when I make that fatal mistake? My kids already must think I'm nuts. Very frustrating. Anyway, I have ventured far from the topic of this thread, I am just wondering if it is always this bad or if maybe some people don't have it this bad and I don't either I just don't realize it.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I think that at least on your current meds you have a worse situation than a lot of people. I also think when every receptor in your brain is not being stimulated and some of the sedating receptors are soaking up some meds you may find your bipolar is very different. Even someone with a huge amount of caffeine in them forgets things that are important and can't focus. You are on the equivilant of 1000 cups of coffee every day. You really haven't had a chance to see what your bipolar is like without pregnancy/postpartum hormones or crazy med doctor. Some nice sedation may totally change how you experience all this. It took forever to find an AP I could tolerate and so when I started Seroquel we went up 25 mg per week. It was so hard waiting for it to work but it finally started to and suddenly things were different than they'd ever been. It was completely worth the wait. I wish it still worked as well but I have gotten 8 years out of it and it is still keeping me out of the hospital so it's still good. One change like that can be so huge.

[Sinking Feeling]

I have two mania's, good mania and bad mania.

Good mania I'm fun to be around.
Bad mania I am not so fun to be around.

Good mania I am productive!
Bad mania, i go in 10 directions at the same time and never complete any thing.

Good mania I feel elevated and yes get a natural euphoria!
Bad mania just racing thoughts, anxiety to the max, paranoia to the point I am convinced people are trying to kill me.

I can get audio or visual and tactile hallucinations in either.

So yes, I agree with those that say there are different kinds of mania to a wide range from mild to bat **** crazy

I have only had 2 full blown manias and the first was good for a few months and then went bad. The second one was mixed.

[fishin fool]

Two manias for me as well.
I can feel like the world is mine and then I usually wind up
making rash or bad decisions and seem to hurt the ones I love.
Or I become very irritable where the littlest thing will drive me nuts.
I usually end up trying to be diplomatic about my complaints but it
ends up getting heated and again I seem to hurt the ones I love.
Mania on many occasions has also caused me to drive recklessly with a feeling
of invincibility and I have made some very bad decisions when it comes to sex.
I find it is the mania that is much harder for others to understand when it comes
to bipolar. It seems as if people just want to think you are a bad person even when
you have done so much good. They seem to understand the depression part but
seem unwilling to except the mania. For me the mania has done much more damage
to my family and my life.

[ingill]

When I'm manic, I'm mostly functional in the sense that I can take care of myself and go to work, but I don't accomplish much because I can't concentrate or I go off on crazy tangents that have nothing to do with anything. In the worst cases I can't even organize my thoughts and I end up locking myself in my office and just scribbling stream-of-consciousness nonsense in my journal. The elevation is way up there - feeling at one with the world, colors are brighter, I can hear every distinct sound and see every individual leaves on the trees. I also think I can see the molecules in the air but that's actually visual snow, which I have all the time :-) I get really excited about things and won't shut the **** up. The point where I start considering it actual mania (vs hypomania) is when I start to hallucinate or when people start commenting on my behavior frequently. Last time I got a lot of:

* I'll have whatever you're on
* Why are you smiling so much?
* Wow, how much has she had to drink? (one friend to another)
* Are you ok?
* ingill's been doing coke in the bathroom again (jokingly - to be clear, I've never actually done coke, why would I? My brain practically makes it!)

I think I've only ever had one irritable full manic episode, and it was unpleasant to say the least. I was completely sure my husband was spying on me (keyloggers, reading my browser history, gps tracker on my phone or car) and I kept looking for hidden cameras in my house. I 'heard' people having muffled conversations. I went on angry tirades at work. Screaming arguments were had, dishes were thrown. I spent weeks in such an intense rage (just constant, not in response to anything particular) that I'd scream my head off in the car on the way home, or if I happened to be home alone I'd put my head in a pillow and scream. So much that it made my voice hoarse, which I blamed on allergies. But the whole time I was going to work & school, though I wasn't doing a great job at any of it :-)

[jacky8807]

i have hypmanias and manias and one HUGE psychotic episode and other times lesser degrees. I got sent home from work before i was fired for acting manic...people know sometimes functional sometimes not. I am wreckless and also want to run away travel move party creat write paint drum become a scientist and the rush of eupohoria ahhhhh
each time is different for me. Sometimes i spend sometimes im hyper sexual....im off the walls and irritable as well because im superior. I end up in the hospital most of the time now because it becomes out of control or goes MIXED and suddeny im manic and want to die and gets worse from there

[lunaticfringe]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I'm just trying to gauge your experience with mania. When you refer to times that you are manic, are you fully functional and not bizarre to others? When you define elation, do you mean elevated mood or head in the clouds? When you describe euphoria, do you mean a very good feeling or heaven on earth? When you describe irritability, do you mean you are irritated by the slightest thing or do you mean you find yourself SCREAMING at your spouse for going to the wrong grocery store? When you say you are paranoid, do you mean you worry that others are talking about you, or do you mean you worry that people are watching you and/or trying to kill you? Do you experience all of this to a varying degree? When you experience the lesser of these, do you still consider it mania? Just curious...gauging my own mania against yours.

Great topic. I would define my elation at its worst being head in the clouds, lost in a fantasy world. Euphoria = heaven on earth, HIGH on life feeling. Everything just clicks and seems totally perfect/meant to be. I think I have definitely come across as strange to others. OR very charming. With irritability, I have been the most heinous ***** you can imagine. Screaming, smashing dishes, etc. My last manic episode I was paranoid that there were cameras and microphones watching me everywhere. That was all full blown mania stuff. To a lesser degree I would still consider mania, and to a much lesser degree hypomania.

[Toodles333]

Some really interesting insights here.

I've been "euphoric" a few times. I feel invincible. I can feel the blood moving around my forearms. Everything seems right and meant to be. I've had this for 7 days at longest and I didn't eat or sleep. The shortest has been a few hours. It's the most natural, clean, experience.......very, very moorish.

My mania comes out in different ways. I'm pretty grandiose, I don't sleep for days and all rational thinking goes out of the window. I'm very promiscuous, I drink and go out much, much more than I would do normally, my spending is pretty free and easy and I can also be very agitated/aggressive/violent. Work is a breeze and I often take on more than I can physically achieve.

I've only ever been psychotic once, and that involved cameras, higher beings and messages.......all very bizarre really.

The psychotic episode resulted with me in hospital for a few days.

[Pikku Myy]

This would be me as well Sinking Feeling I can not tell myself if I am "getting" into the manic stage. Usually find out later.

Good mania I'm fun to be around.
Bad mania I am not so fun to be around.

Good mania I am productive!
Bad mania, i go in 10 directions at the same time and never complete any thing.

[Capriciousness]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I'm just trying to gauge your experience with mania. When you refer to times that you are manic, are you fully functional and not bizarre to others?Yes most of the time other people would have no idea. At the most they might think there is something obnoxious or weird

When you define elation, do you mean elevated mood or head in the cloudsboth. It can start small and build up to a swirl and then go back downWhen you describe euphoria, do you mean a very good feeling or heaven on earth?when I say euphoria I typically mean the blissed out high as a kite understanding the truth of the universe feeling
When you describe irritability, do you mean you are irritated by the slightest thing or do you mean you find yourself SCREAMING at your spouse for going to the wrong grocery store? both. Poor man. Both. Try the salad place he picked up food from(because I couldn't cook) put too much dressing on my salad (for my tastes) and I screamed at him. Classy me.

When you say you are paranoid, do you mean you worry that others are talking about you, or do you mean you worry that people are watching you and/or trying to kill you? [B]this one I don't really know. I get paranoid but not necessarily like this B]

Do you experience all of this to a varying degree? Oh yes.

When you experience the lesser of these, do you still consider it mania? yeah. I guess it is technically hypomania most of the time I don't know. I hate trying to figure out where the line is. In my life for me I just call it manic. I find it easierJust curious...gauging my own mania against yours.

Good question. It is always helpful to hear other people's experiencea

[Nix]

I've been extremely irritable and extremely paranoid plenty of times, but I haven't really experienced the grandiosity or euphoria. Some hallucinations (rarely) feel like some sort of terrifying euphoria, but I don't think that counts as mania, since my mood is not euphoric, ever.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by phoenix31

I've been extremely irritable and extremely paranoid plenty of times, but I haven't really experienced the grandiosity or euphoria. Some hallucinations (rarely) feel like some sort of terrifying euphoria, but I don't think that counts as mania, since my mood is not euphoric, ever.

It sounds like you have dysphoric mania which is a monster all of its' own. It's mania that feels awful. Not sure how to describe it beyond that...it's all irritation and agitation and anger/rage and no euphoria, nothing that makes you ever want to be manic. It's awful.

I can tell when I am getting manic. My hypomania ramps up. My senses are really acute. Sounds, smells, tastes, sights feelings. I do not hallucinate per se, but things become very heightened like I am on a small dose of mushrooms. It is just short of psychotic.

I feel self-confident, sexual, energetic, smart, and creative. I have every single sign of mania actually. Spending, sexual energy, impulsivity, etc.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

One sign of mania for me that is a good test when my therapist notices signs that I haven't yet is that in his office he has 2 clocks. They both barely make a ticking sound that I don't notice normally and I think most people or no other people notice. But if I'm manic those two clocks tick out of sync and it irritates me greatly, so much that we've had to put on a sound machine before. If I can hear 2 clicks I'm manic. WEird but valid test.

[Crazy Hitch]

This is how I can describe my mania for me cash:

I have little regard for the consequences of the decisions that I make.

Decisions that I make tend to be made in a flash at the drop of the hat.

Regardless of the outcomes.

So it's pretty reckless and sure has landed me in a great heap of trouble.


Mania is no fun for me. It's exhausting.

If anything my lesson learnt now is that I really need to be cautious and actually think things through before I impulsively act.

Which is a double whammy - I'm quite impulsive by nature, so it's not just when I have a mood state.

So I'm exercising self control today and this point forward.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by Sinking Feeling

I have two mania's, good mania and bad mania.

Good mania I'm fun to be around.
Bad mania I am not so fun to be around.

Good mania I am productive!
Bad mania, i go in 10 directions at the same time and never complete any thing.

Good mania I feel elevated and yes get a natural euphoria!
Bad mania just racing thoughts, anxiety to the max, paranoia to the point I am convinced people are trying to kill me.

I can get audio or visual and tactile hallucinations in either.

So yes, I agree with those that say there are different kinds of mania to a wide range from mild to bat **** crazy

THIS.^^

Good mania also means I love EVERYBODY and it's always the BESTEST DAY EVER!!! Bad mania, I hate everything and everyone and I think they're all trying to spoil my 'fun'. It's nasty. I'm nasty. I don't like me when I'm full-blown manic.

[cashart10]

Thank you for all of your replies. They are all very helpful. I may go back and respond to some individually because you guys really stood out to me. Right now though, I am too tired.