[Takeshi]

Tonight's cold. It's past 2, I couldn't sleep, was feeling pretty hungry, I know there are worse things in the world but this feels pretty low right now. And breathing, you don't wanna forget to breath.

[gayleggg]

Saw my pdoc today. He changed me to rexulti. Hoping that will boost my mood.

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[hopeless2015]

Did a little shopping, day off from work just got up from nap lol

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[scatterbrained04]

Feeling a bit better today. The sun came out to play! That seemed to help some. Took a vacation day from work today. No school for my son, and he woke up not feeling well. We went to the doctor. Strep throat

[Nammu]

Been feeling reclusive, not putting my hearing aids on because I don't want to let the outside world in....gonna have to leave tomorrow or Weds for food if nothing else.

[Unrigged64072835]

Husband took all the boxes out of storage and now they're overflowing in the basement. Another mess to look at. I've put some of them away but now they're all over the place.

T was disappointing. I want to move forward with my life but I don't know which way to go, especially with all the limitations I have. Something to structure my days around since I no longer have a job and being on disability. I've been adrift. My T says what you need is a purpose. No kidding. :roll eyes:

My sleep the past couple of days has been light with vivid dreams. Not fun.

[Cocosurviving]

I stayed in today---- Watched movies--washed clothes yesterday but folded today and iron for my daughter. It's been really hard lately. I've been on edge with my temper. I just have no patience. I get so mad I just scream and yell all the time. I try to relax but I keep getting pushed to that point. I have not talked to my family in four days and they've been calling. I just don't wanna talk right now.

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[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Absolutely horrible today. Extremely lonely. My friends say they are there for me me, but everyone has kids, which do (and should) take priority. I'm single, no kids and live alone. So when I need someone here for me for distraction, if you have a family to take care of....?
Maintaining friendships are annoying me. I want to give up. And so I sit here and cry.

Dear gina_re,

That is your ego disempowering you, this is not the first time you post something like that. Why wouldn't they happy to see you, witnessing the miracle of mother taking care of their kids? You're missing out. Why do you cry? Is it a grief? You need to work on yourself and, get yourself a hobby or something.

[Open_Book]

Not good at all. Really struggling. No interest in any thing. Trying to get out and do things I once enjoyed. Its ok when I'm there just ok but when I get back home I go back into a fog. Just wanting to sleep the day away.
Sorry my post not one that lifting or positive but this is how I feel at this point No good thoughts. Im getting worried about them.

[gina_re]

So far this morning, still depressed. But then I texted a couple of coworkers before I came in this morning letting them know I was not in the best of moods and to leave me alone today. I get the "aww, I hope you feel better" responses and it pisses me off. I don't have a stupid cold! I'm messed up, and now I'm just agitated from that.

[Open_Book]

Gina I totally understand. At this point I am totally messed up also. Thankfully I really don't have to be around anyone much. People just dont understand. Its not something you can just shake or take an asprin to fix. And if they know why you are that way because of a mental illness you are labled. When I am not doing well during the depression phase I not at my best. I get upset when I get upset about things that the average person would. But when its me Im asked did you take your meds today. Its like Im supposed to be cheerful 24/7. I know that its difficult but I hope that you can find something that make your day a little better. For me its visiting differnt forums or chat rooms during the day. I am able to do that at work but most cant. I hope that your day gets better.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Takeshi

Dear gina_re,

That is your ego disempowering you, this is not the first time you post something like that. Why wouldn't they happy to see you, witnessing the miracle of mother taking care of their kids? You're missing out. Why do you cry? Is it a grief? You need to work on yourself and, get yourself a hobby or something.

I'm depressed, this is how I'm going to be thinking. If it were so easy to change my frame of thought, I would have done so by now. I don't enjoy feeling this way. I'm not sad at them having kids, I'm upset that I don't have that bond. I don't have kids. I'm single and I live alone. I have way too much time to think. I cry because I'm depressed. As far as working on myself...I know that and have expressed that in other posts. You may not have intended to, but that post made me really agitated.

I also post a lot when I'm upset to purge the feelings instead of having them stay in my head and ruminate over them. This is somewhat of a stress reliever for me. And the majority of the time I get encouragement and others who empathize with me and I feel better because others understand.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Open_Book

Gina I totally understand. At this point I am totally messed up also. Thankfully I really don't have to be around anyone much. People just dont understand. Its not something you can just shake or take an asprin to fix. And if they know why you are that way because of a mental illness you are labled. When I am not doing well during the depression phase I not at my best. I get upset when I get upset about things that the average person would. But when its me Im asked did you take your meds today. Its like Im supposed to be cheerful 24/7. I know that its difficult but I hope that you can find something that make your day a little better. For me its visiting differnt forums or chat rooms during the day. I am able to do that at work but most cant. I hope that your day gets better.

This post made me feel better. Thank you and I empathize with you.
I'm lucky that my current job is not customer service oriented and I don't have to put on a happy face anymore and I can work without the added agitation and I can calm down on my own terms. Both of the individuals I mentioned are aware of my diagnosis. One was like ok I get it, she knows to stay out of may way (we clashed heads once and so she's learned her lesson lol). The other, she's so sugary sweet to begin with..but I think she's learning now too. Bipolar or not, everybody can't be sunshine all day every day, so I try and not use it as an excuse, but some days I know are worse then others and I know I'm having a bipolar day and you need to stay out of my way! And yes, these forums are also an outlet for me as well. My mom always used to ask that did you take your medicine question. It drove me mad and finally got her to stop!
Hope you are able to enjoy your day as well.

[Wander]

Been in hospital three weeks now and I feel just as bad as when I came in, or maybe worse. I came in due to a marijuana addiction and although I am over the physical withdrawals I am now feeling all the emotions and agitation that I took the pot to cover over. I am overwhelmed and drowning. It is an awful feeling. I have been medicated to the eyeballs and at least the bipolar is under control so it is not all bad. I just want to get back home but I am too fragile, too volatile to be on my own. Feel like a failure.

[hopeless2015]

Okay day, work went by really fast

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[Nammu]

Forced myself to get dressed and leave home today.

[Moreta]

Went to the pdoc. He prescribed me Nuvigil, so I'm happy about that. All other meds the same.

[Takeshi]

Hello everyone. I know exactly what I did here, I'm sorry, gina_re, I apologize for the agitation and the emotional distress that I caused by my reply post to you.

I do not wish for anyone to feel this is an unsafe place to leave their thoughts, comments, do what they do here, I promise this will be the last time that I behave the way I did. And I'm also sorry that it took me a while to respond, I'm gonna have to ask to give me some more time, if anyone wants to hear more of what I have to say. I have been having a lot of thoughts lately, and I still have some personal anguish, helplessness, hopelessness, all those negative stuff that I have to overcome everyday, and I can only say things from my own personal experiences, and I know it to be true that this shouldn't be on expense of everyone else here.

Even as I sit and write right here, I struggle with the responsibility at large and the one that is to myself personally. I emphasize with anyone's situation here, and my intension which I hoped was clear is/was to help. I had to make a personal example of that, which of course I can not be sure was a right thing on my own, I'd like to write about the truth I see and the hope, which I feel that was passed onto me since I joined here, if anyone would find it useful to get out of the place I once was in,,,that's all I'm gonna say for now.

Probably I'll be making one more gigantic post, putting all of myself into it, don't ask me why, please. I've started this from my end, mutual respect and space, which were not taken as I intended, I need my space too, and I'm claiming it for myself. I got some errands to run, be back and post in a day or two.

Thanks for everything. You've been a big help to me personally, more than you can imagine. Have a great day.

[Takeshi]

I've missed an important appointment and it needs to be rescheduled till next week. A little disappointed in myself.

[BPFigment]

Its 3 am still not even remotely sleepy.....I guess its time to take meds to shut down the brain for the night.

[gayleggg]

Not real sure how I'm feeling today. Kind of depressed and restless. I was hoping to start feeling better as I've had med changes recently but so far nothing.

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[Open_Book]

I'm not sure what's going on with me. I'm just continuously going down hill. I think any drama will take me over the edge.

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[hopeless2015]

Okay day, trying to stay out of that black hole of depression and its a battle to get going every day. I'm fine once I'm at work but that hour of anguish and anxiety before I leave the house is getting harder to fight every day

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[Imah]

Went to bed fine but woke up in a psychic battle with multiple people. I eluded most, fell asleep after shielding myself from the last 2. Got up 5 hours after I went to bed. People have no idea how hard just moving from day to day is when your bipolar. Tired but happy.

[gina_re]

I think not taking the Restoril is helping me feel better, but I end up going to sleep later than I would like to. So I guess taking my night cocktail a little earlier may help. But I'll take feeling like myself again over the sleep issues for right now.