[OctobersBlackRose]

Hey I'm back, been feeling really depressed lately, at least I think it's depression, no motivation to get out of bed, etc. Been hearing derogatory command and non command voices. They have been telling me I'm worthless, and telling me to kill myself etc. They are quite disturbing and are very distinct voices/personalities. Also I've been seeing stuff like a man wielding a life in my room, or who I call shadow man who wants to hurt me. I've been convinced I'm going to die this year before I turn 25, and no one can convince me otherwise, it has aren't from a fleeting thought to full on believing it and I'm scared to tell anyone with fear I'll be threatens with hospital again. Idk what to do, I believe can hear my thoughts, and are even pu5ting thoughts into my head. Idk what to do I believe this stuff whole heartedly, and frankly Im scared, idk what's happening to me. I had to go off Latuda due to it stopping working on me and am now on 20mg of Abilify. It's calming the agitation I get, and some anxiety, but idk if it's working in the other symptoms yet or if I'm experiencing"breakthrough" symptoms. Sorry for the rambling rant, I can't think straight right now...

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Hey I'm back, been feeling really depressed lately, at least I think it's depression, no motivation to get out of bed, etc. Been hearing derogatory command and non command voices. They have been telling me I'm worthless, and telling me to kill myself etc. They are quite disturbing and are very distinct voices/personalities. Also I've been seeing stuff like a man wielding a life in my room, or who I call shadow man who wants to hurt me. I've been convinced I'm going to die this year before I turn 25, and no one can convince me otherwise, it has aren't from a fleeting thought to full on believing it and I'm scared to tell anyone with fear I'll be threatens with hospital again. Idk what to do, I believe can hear my thoughts, and are even pu5ting thoughts into my head. Idk what to do I believe this stuff whole heartedly, and frankly Im scared, idk what's happening to me. I had to go off Latuda due to it stopping working on me and am now on 20mg of Abilify. It's calming the agitation I get, and some anxiety, but idk if it's working in the other symptoms yet or if I'm experiencing"breakthrough" symptoms. Sorry for the rambling rant, I can't think straight right now...

Just let it be: there's nothing you can do about it so being frightened serves no purpose. Even if you'd die before age 25, that's what'll happen, then accept. Use the time you have left for other things than fearing things or beliefs you can't do anything about (other than taking your antipsychotic and lowering anxiety).

Lowering your fear and anxiety will however also make your symptoms less severe. So that's really all you can do. Accept the "inevitable". If you're afraid of losing your mind, remember that you won't. Beliefs and perception may change temporarily, but it will change back to something more consistent, true. It's just a psychotic reaction to anxiety. It will get better.

Also eat well, try to sleep or rest and drink enough water or some juice or something. No black tea or coffee. If you smoke cigarettes, smoke a cigarette (or more).

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Just let it be: there's nothing you can do about it so being frightened serves no purpose. Even if you'd die before age 25, that's what'll happen, then accept. Use the time you have left for other things than fearing things or beliefs you can't do anything about (other than taking your antipsychotic and lowering anxiety).

Lowering your fear and anxiety will however also make your symptoms less severe. So that's really all you can do. Accept the "inevitable". If you're afraid of losing your mind, remember that you won't. Beliefs and perception may change temporarily, but it will change back to something more consistent, true. It's just a psychotic reaction to anxiety. It will get better.

Also eat well, try to sleep or rest and drink enough water or some juice or something. No black tea or coffee. If you smoke cigarettes, smoke a cigarette (or more).

Thank you for your words they do help a bit, it's just I want to get rid of these feelings, I'm going to mention them to my therapist next time I see her on Monday, so at least it gets.acknowledged.

Zippo motivation. Been going on quite some time now. Quite a few days not even getting out of bed. Need to break out of this. Immobilized.

Days running together, some med confusion (which ones are empty and which aren't doesn't make sense.)

Had to rush my oldest son (19) to the ER last night with severe stomach pains. His appendix was bad and ***** and infected so they did surgery right away. Everything went fine with the surgery and they may release him from the hospital tonight. It was a rough and scary night but all is well now. I don't think my bipolar flaired at all which is helpful. I'm still on the depressed side but also feeling very grateful my son is ok.

[gina_re]

Best. Week. Ever.

This is turning into a crazy night. My son's infection levels went up after surgery. He had a huge meltdown (we're pretty sure he's manic right now) and said he felt fine and insisted, against doctors orders to be released. They let him sign himself out assuming all responsibility for the cost of his appendix removal along with any future ER costs for the issue. They wouldn't give him antibiotics for the infection or pain meds from the surgery. My husband, my sons best friend and I convinced him to go back to the ER and now we are sitting here waiting to see if they will accept him back. He needs Ativan or something to keep his nerves and manic mood down while he's here. He refuses to be medicated for bipolar. This is a nightmare and looks like it will be another late night. Wish me luck. Stress does things to me but right now I'm stable.

[Takeshi]

Wishing you the best of luck. A wait is a wait, please don't forget to take care of yourself too, the basics of eating and catching sleep when you can.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Zippo motivation. Been going on quite some time now. Quite a few days not even getting out of bed. Need to break out of this. Immobilized.

Zippo, I think that's just outta oil or the flint is gone, let's see.

Voila! It's almost ready to be fired up again. Day or night, ignite whenever you're ready, it is your light after all.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I had a busy day yesterday. Met with my peer counselor and we went and ran a couple of errands I needed to do. Then I went and got fabric for my rain stick. Then went to art group and finished my rain stick. It turned out really cool. Then met my son at a Mexican restaurant and had dinner. Busy day for me. Next I'm gonna work on weaving a purse, and making a rain stick for my son.

I love this art group. It's bona fide art. Not all cheesy...

Hey there, since you're into art and stuff, I guess we would all appreciate some pictures every now and then. Just a thought.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Hey I'm back, ..........Sorry for the rambling rant, I can't think straight right now...

Hi welcome back. I just wanted to say please don't hesitate to post your psychosis stuff, it's either Bipolar forum or Schizophrenia and Psychosis forum, these two seems more populated. I believe there are always someone willing to listen to you and give you some advices, please feel free and let us try to help you feel less scared.

[Gabyunbound]

Had a great time going to dinner with friends and then going to an estuary where there are lots and lots of sea otters -hurray!

But the only reason why I was coherent with them was because I downed a can of double espresso just before we went out. This titration of Seroquel isn't working for me. Got me out of the depression I was in at 75 mg but pdoc wants to go much much higher, so I've been following the titration schedule.

Will see pdoc on Monday and tell him that I want off of this, maybe just 25 mg to sleep, but they're going to have to find another AP for me. I do take Abilify, but they want something stronger. I hate how the stronger AP's seem to have the worst side effects and I'm scared about trying out a new med (what might it do to me, how would I feel, how would I act??), but I just can't do the Seroquel thing. I. am. an. utter. idiot on this cr**.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by Takeshi

Hi welcome back. I just wanted to say please don't hesitate to post your psychosis stuff, it's either Bipolar forum or Schizophrenia and Psychosis forum, I believe there are always someone willing to listen to you and give you some advices, please feel free and let us try to help you feel less scared.

Thank you, makes me feel less anxious about posting.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm coping...

today is father's day.

father's day is always hard on me.. i never met my dad, and no one ever told me anything about him (and it kills me not knowing!)

i've asked about it, but each time i've just got the answer.. well, you don't want to know- but their's the thing. i do. i do want to know.

such a meaningless day to me when i think about all the people who do have fathers they can send cards to and stuff.

oh i can't wait until it ends so i can get back to... feeling a little less crap than i do now, or something.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Got out of bed for once, not as paranoid today as I have been for the past week or so, still quite depressed. Called my Dad for Fathers Day, gave my Step Dad a picture I colored. Uncle and his family are coming over today for dinner, for Fathers Day with my Grandpaecen though my Grandpa isn't able to get out of bed. Still having some issues that have to do with my last post though, so idk what's going on with me. Idk going to tell my therapist tomorrow about it, if I don't get too much anxiety to tell her.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

I have been on a downward slide since Tuesday. I think back to last weekend and I was fine. I've just had the perfect storm for depression to set in. I'm proud of myself for not doing anything stupid that could lead to me feeling worse than I do now like getting drunk. I checked in with my T yesterday morning and she sent me a text today. It was nice to hear from her. It didn't really change the way I feel but it was nice to know she thought about me. I'm trying to get myself together. I have all of this anxiety about tomorrow because I really need to feel better to be able to function at work. I took a Welbutrin. Maybe that will jumpstart me. Let's hope so.

Sent from my XT1030 using Tapatalk

I've been having the worst allergies! Sneezing all the time, as well as runny nose and itchy, watery eyes.

I tried taking Claritin earlier, but it doesn't help! I might have to go back to the pharmacy and get some Zyrtec.

I wonder what I'm allergic to this time! Probably ragweed or something? Pollen has never bothered me.

I'm sure a lot of you can relate...

Bluebicycle -- I'm no expert on allergies (my sister got the allergies, I got the mental stuff), but do know plants. You can probably eliminate ragweed pollen from the suspects, as its levels are low in your area at this time. Tree pollen however, is high. (And grass is moderate.) I do react to a couple things (not badly enough to treat though) that I hadn't previously, so it does seem allergies can develop (they're both things I had a LOT of contact with previous to noting symptoms).


I am up and dressed today! Not enthusiastic, but up. Yeah, it's afternoon, but I knocked myself back out after an earlier post to get more sleep.

I WILL get something done today, dammit!!

[pirilin]

I'm fine. Tired from trip and booze. Gonna watch THE game tonight. No bets.

[QUOTE=Takeshi;5133103]Hey there, since you're into art and stuff, I guess we would all appreciate some pictures every now and then. Just a thought. [/QUOT

I will try with my phone. I'm on here with my kindle tho....But I'll try.

[raspberrytorte]

My 2004 ibook crashed awhile back. Had all my writing **** on it. There's a short story on it I particularly need that isn't anywhere else and I never printed it out, so I thought what the hell and dug my ibook out of the closet. It turned on. Everything loaded!!! BUT NOW THE ****ING INTERNET WON'T LOAD AND I CAN'T GET INTO MY GMAIL ACCOUNT TO MAIL STUFF TO MYSELF. ****!!!! Disk drive doesn't work. Everything is trapped on my laptop! I can open everything but have no way to email it to myself! So now I have to write out a copy of this short story! It's five thousand words long. I'm so ****ing pissed.

Current versions of both my novels are on it too.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

My 2004 ibook crashed awhile back. Had all my writing **** on it. There's a short story on it I particularly need that isn't anywhere else and I never printed it out, so I thought what the hell and dug my ibook out of the closet. It turned on. Everything loaded!!! BUT NOW THE ****ING INTERNET WON'T LOAD AND I CAN'T GET INTO MY GMAIL ACCOUNT TO MAIL STUFF TO MYSELF. ****!!!! Disk drive doesn't work. Everything is trapped on my laptop! I can open everything but have no way to email it to myself! So now I have to write out a copy of this short story! It's five thousand words long. I'm so ****ing pissed.

Current versions of both my novels are on it too.

Can you buy a new laptop and have the info transferred over?

Sent from my XT1030 using Tapatalk

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know, but it got the wheel of death and just froze. I'm going to bring it in and see if there's anything they can do.

[Wander]

Drowning.

TRIGGER WARNINGS on all I would have to say so I will remain silent.