[ComfortablyNumb5]

I wanted to post this and I stopped myself plenty of times because im afraid it will come off wrong and evil and I don't want any negative replies towards me. But I'm just being honest like I always am to you guys!

Now this may or may not be coming from my current state of hypo. But for those of you who don't know, I got booted from yet another job two wks ago because of my panic attacks and BP. And ever since then I've been obsessing over revenge towards my ex boss and the girl that fired me. And no, don't worry, im in no way a danger to anyone or wish to physically harm them!

Not going to lie I've done this in the past. And I've done stupid things because of it or mania. Well I worked next to a cardio doc as his assistant all day everyday. In my experience many docs are very demanding people and want what they want, when they want, how they want. And if you can't make it happen, then tough ****... Make it happen and now! This is how this dr was and every day was so stressful and just agony. Well on the job I witnessed him commit insurance fraud a lot. He would lie and put things in a patients chart to get a procedure covered so he could make more money. He would say that the person has this or that illness, lie on forms, ect. Also if a patients med was not covered, he would write the script in there wife's, friends, name if they had better insurance. We would keep meds in the office too and he would call the pharmacy and put them in one of the workers names. Often a controlled substance and this made the coworker uncomfortable and rightly so!

Another thing, when I got fired the girl that did it asked me why my behavior was so erratic and I flat out told her I'm BP and they can't fire me for a MI. I left anyway after telling half the office off (yea not proud of that).

Now the obsession: I day dream about reporting my boss for fraud and calling them pretending to be a law firm and say they are being sued for firing me over a mental illness. No I'm not proud of it and no I'm not going to act on it. But one can dream right? Anyone else get thoughts like these?

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Before I was diagnosed as BP, I had severe obsessive thoughts of revenge. I actually wanted to physically harm people because I was so angry, and sometimes I would think of how I would harm them... which is probably worse than your thoughts. I'm glad I didn't act on them because that's not my normal behavior. (I'm normally a quiet, introverted person with no desires to hurt anybody. It scared me that I had such angry thoughts.) I must've been hypo or manic at the time... because I didn't always get those thoughts.

I don't blame you for feeling angry, though. Your ex boss sounds like a jack@ss.

[tipper1492]

Resolve the thought you can not do anything, and even more important to do anything could lead you into problems that may be hard to erase. See your psychiatrist or someone able to help, and guide you. You must place it all in the past, and carry one. No one truly understands any mental illness, nor cares to, and many have stigma feelings as well. Hang in there for better days.

[Keegan2015]

Yeah I totally, 100% have obsessive thoughts about revenge. They're more like fantasies because I would never act on them but after getting fired during a manic episode last year I still think about getting revenge on my ex-boss and a certain ex-coworker.

I guess you've just got to live and let live. I REALLY have a bad problem with dwelling on the past and it interferes with my ability to live in the present / not "live in my head".

[violetgreen]

I had a horrible bully boss some years ago, when I went to the gym, ran around the track, I imagined her face emerging from the surface and stomped baby stomped! Felt great!

[Wanderlust90]

I have much more malevolent fantasies of extracting my revenge on people, often who haven't even wronged me but I perceive them to have at the time. When I say nasty I mean homicidal ideation, I feel like they have passive aggressively attacked me & are laughing at me, then I get a little grandiose & go on about all the ways I could hurt them, truely getting a rush from the idea of them being frightened of me.

These thoughts scare the living hell out of me when I've returned to my right mind. I've never really believed I could act on them, even at the time it's happening I know I couldn't really act on them but it doesn't stop me from telling others what I'm thinking.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Unfortunately while you can't be fired simply for having mental illness you can be fired for having symptoms of mental illness that interfere with your work, unless you have written and signed for accommodations that are within ADA boundaries. And I'm pretty sure you can be charged with a crime for pretending to be an attorney and "making threats" (and they would interpret it). So please avoid that urge!

You are in a place though that you need to consider if ethically you need to report what you experienced to the medical licensing board. You would have to do this very carefully so that you wouldn't appear to be seeking revenge. I was in this position a while back and it was really hard. At that time my assistants were documenting things that they were not doing. I was complaining to my supervisor and was being more or less ignored. I was about to start searching for another job and then resign and make the complaint (because all of their lying on records was my legal and ethical responsibility) when I was fired. They wouldn't give me a reason for firing me and didn't even fight worker's comp, but there had been some issues in the past and I accepted those reasons instead of fighting. I later learned that this company had a long history of firing experienced therapists and replacing them with new grads who cost $15/hour less. I just was making a bigger target of myself by insisting my assistants do their jobs. Regardless I should have reported it and was too crushed to do so at the time. A few years later I was working in the same area and had a patient who had been at that nursing home ask me why the assistants (still the same ones) didn't do the things I did BEFORE sending her home to struggle. I really was sorry I didn't speak up then.

It's something you have to choose for yourself. It sounds like there is a lot of medicare fraud along with unethical/illegal behavior there. If you are wanting to report b/c you want revenge that's not a good idea but if you want to report because it seems right then maybe you should consider it.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Yeah. I throw threats around like candy.

And I have obsessive violent thoughts, but I have good self control. Even when hypomanic. Though my idea of "safe" or "in control" may not seem so to others.

Even when I tone it down consciously, every day, I still come off as aggressive or unapproachable. They don't realize I'm doing them a ****ing favor.

Firstly, regarding his unethical behaviors: (!!!!)
And I'm in agreement with BeyondtheRainbow's advice.

In terms of potential action(s), I think reporting him might not be a bad idea. On the things not related to you (Because it doesn't seem like it would fall within ADA parameters. And it would require a lot more personal involvement that might not even be worth it.)

If you do decide to report the unethical things, personally I'd wait awhile. Why? Because it gives you more time to reflect on it and the reasoning behind any action. Also, it separates you from it. To immediately act, it'd be pretty obvious it was you, and might well come off as knee-jerk retaliation. Which, even if it was all about revenge, you don't need it to look like that.

Does that seem a little devious? Well, yes, a bit. But also no. If the recipient saw this simply as revenge, they might not take it as much to heart as it should be. That time separation makes the wrong-doing a starkly stand alone issue.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Innerzone makes very good points. Take some time to think about it, and write down whatever you remember. Including any patient information, the staff member whose insurance is being used, any details plus what you told us. The more you can go to the medical board with if you choose to do this the more they will find. I will say don't wait too long. There may be a deadline on filing complaints (I think there is here) and if too much time passes it could be taken less seriously. Take time to decide etc. but make a deadline in your head for when you'll act or not.

YOu can find the requirements to file a complaint on the state medical board's website.

Don't be shocked if less happens than you expect. I reported a dr once and he got a slap on the wrist (all I really expected but it took a year to deal that). There was a therapist who sometimes subbed for me who was caught saying she evaluated 2 people who were out of the building and one who had died that day. Her plea bargain with the board with a week of license suspension. They don't always go rough.

If nothing else this might help you process everything.

[jacky8807]

Unless there is blatant abuse that harms a person reporting ppl is not my thing. I especially won't mess with others jobs, it's just so harmful and I try to keep my karma good. I'd the only thing that is really sketchy is the opiate thing
I'm not a revenge type of gal HOWEVER in a bad episode my vision is skewed and I think I need to get them before thy get me so I know where u r coming from

You know your thoughts on this matter.
Are you feeling vengeful VS are the breaking big laws?

[DechanDawa]

Warning: I may be kind of tough loving you in this post. But you have always impressed me as being able to take on a challenge.

I am not too experienced in BP but does logic help? Did you think of quitting this job because the environment was unethical? Did you consider quitting the job and reporting to the proper authorities? If not, then it's pretty much a closed topic. In other words, talking publicly about the unethical practices after the fact...I don't know. It is kind of...cheesy.

How you were treated is another matter. But once again, did you deal with it as each thing came up? For instance, being talked to disrespectfully by any employer is simply not acceptable.

I recently read something that has been helping me. The quote is: Life gives you a sword and a shield. Know when and how to use them.

In other words, it sounds like you need to find a job with some protection against untold stress from insane things as you described. I can't say how to do this as in my last job I encountered stuff very similar to what you talk about and I did not handle it well.

If you are going to report someone, report them. If not, withdrawal your sword. You aren't prepared to do battle, so why rehearse it in your head?

It is so painful to act responsibly when everyone around you is acting insanely. But I am suggesting that is exactly what needs to be done. In the future I intend to not be so passive in work situations because I am also tired of being the fall guy. But as well, I need to not keep quiet if the work environment is not being run well. I can also choose to look for another job while I still have that job. Remember that, above all. All stuff I am telling myself.

I definitely get revenge fantasies but now I don't feed them. I just observe them and let them run out. In truth, they are hurtful and it might be more productive to gain the mental strength to shift the attention. Also, maybe problem solve to find ways to avoid trashy situations like the one you describe, in the future. You are better than this job.

Also, be gentle with yourself. You have been having a rough go of it lately. Take care, okay?

[~Christina]

Im sure I would be angry and consider revenge but in the long run how is that going to benefit you? You could be black listing yourself in finding a new job.

Im not being mean and I hope you dont take it that way . But the reality is you started a job and confided in someone very soon about your MI. So that started lots of problems for you, You also do have bpd so your reactions and whatnot might have been magnified more so.

As for them letting you go? Well you kinda of shot yourself in the foot on this .. You shared a medical condition that was better left out of the office in general , Yes your dealing with loads of anxiety and panic attacks , probably too soon to go back to work. But the reality is your employer had every right to let you go if you were not able to do your job and not have conflict with other employees . Legally your being let go was legal for them . You were under the probation period and an employer can hire and fire whom every they want and no one can go claim ADA .. That is not how life is.

The ADA is all bark and no bite, especially in a situation like yours. It's not high profile for one and again you were under a likely 90 day probation period

Certainly its okay to be angry and even think about revenge .. But how is that going to help you when your struggling on so many levels and you are considering filing for SSDI ..

You were not there very long , Why not let it go , You have more pressing matters that need your attention.

I hope your able to focus on what is going to help you move forward and taking care of things that really do need your full attention.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Okay did everyone miss the part where I stated that I'm NOT going to act on this???

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[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Okay did everyone miss the part where I stated that I'm NOT going to act on this???

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I wasn't thinking you were going to act on it. This is all going on in your head, isn't it? It's like a big passion play - a big morality play - and you know what, it is all really serious stuff. Your happiness in the world of work matters.

When I said withdrawal your sword I meant mentally.

Geez, what everyone is suggesting is so very hard. It sucks. I really don't think people assume you are going to do anything. But this is very hard on your mind. It kind of sets the mind on fire.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi RXQueen. I saw an episode of 21/2 Men where the Pdoc had a patunga. A foam type bat.
She had Charlie sit in a chair and pretend to be Judith. Then the Alan character beat the crap out of Charlie( Judith saying all the things that were bothering upsetting him.
Would one of your friends participate. You cold yell and scream and really get it out of your system.

[Roaming_bird]

I agree with what's been said here about taking some time. I have done so many things I regret when I'm in a manic state -- letters, phone calls. And all it's done is make me feel like an idiot (NOT that's you at all. I do idiotic things).

I'm glad you posted here. Whatever you decide to do, you'll have support.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Yea ocean swimmer that would be great. Or a room full of glass objects and a baseball bat.

Roaming- I had a few hrs of clarity yesterday and I got really tired. Felt like I was crashing. And I thought about all I've said to people in the past wk or so. Even stuff in here. Boy did I feel dumb!

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