Our electric bill spiked in perfect synchronization with my mania. We're working on theories. I'm donating a 650-year-old celadon vessel from the Longquan kilns to the local art museum for a tax deduction rather than dump it in a down market. I can't tell if this is a prudent or hypomanic strategy at the moment, but it's worked well for me for eight years. Museum donations are a political process approved by committee, so although the celadon has the approval of the head curator of Asian art, the donation offer could still get dinged in committee. It's always a relief to relinquish possession of something so rare and delicate. Our homeowner's policy wouldn't even cover the celadon with a current insurance replacement value appraisal. Asian art traffic requires constant risk analysis, our insurance coverage blows, and my judgement may be off.

Just when i am at my wits end and collected a urine sample from my dog to rush into the vet -- she concentrated her pee! She went nine hours last night without peeing -- from 10:00pm to 7:00am! Now if she can just keep it up thru the day...

I'm a little worried about my early rising. I only slept for 6.5 hours. I usually sleep for 10+ hours and get up mid to late morning. Worried about hm. What can i do? I'm awake and want to be up and getting up early is a healthy thing! It'll be better for the work that is being done in the building for the new fire alarm installation. Workmen like to start early and they're noisy.

Slept well, doing well. Having coffee and lemon donuts...bad girl lol

Originally Posted by apfei

Just when i am at my wits end and collected a urine sample from my dog to rush into the vet -- she concentrated her pee! She went nine hours last night without peeing -- from 10:00pm to 7:00am! Now if she can just keep it up thru the day...

I'm a little worried about my early rising. I only slept for 6.5 hours. I usually sleep for 10+ hours and get up mid to late morning. Worried about hm. What can i do? I'm awake and want to be up and getting up early is a healthy thing! It'll be better for the work that is being done in the building for the new fire alarm installation. Workmen like to start early and they're noisy.

I would not take a nap during the day. I would try to go to bed earlier tonight, if you can.

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Our electric bill spiked in perfect synchronization with my mania. We're working on theories. I'm donating a 650-year-old celadon vessel from the Longquan kilns to the local art museum for a tax deduction rather than dump it in a down market. I can't tell if this is a prudent or hypomanic strategy at the moment, but it's worked well for me for eight years. Museum donations are a political process approved by committee, so although the celadon has the approval of the head curator of Asian art, the donation offer could still get dinged in committee. It's always a relief to relinquish possession of something so rare and delicate. Our homeowner's policy wouldn't even cover the celadon with a current insurance replacement value appraisal. Asian art traffic requires constant risk analysis, our insurance coverage blows, and my judgement may be off.

Will they keep your donations "on site" so you can visit them? You sound like you have neat stuff.

In my area, you can have the power company "average out" your bills based on your patterns of usage. That way, you'll pay roughly the same amount year round. I just go the regular route and my bill is very high right now. It's so hot.

You sound clear-minded in your writing. You were a little fussy yesterday so I kept giving hugs lol

Have a great day xo

Originally Posted by Coconutzo

I realized in therapy today that emotionally I've given up on myself. I've been angry because I'm in fight or flight. I don't feel like there is any reason to live.

Look mom, I learned something!

Did your therapist help you?:sadhug

Originally Posted by vertigo

Yes, I have had. I don't know exactly why I'm so worked up about it, but it's been this way for the last few treatments.

Thinking of you. I've been told by a good pdoc it can be very helpful and I know someone IRL that greatly benefits from ECT. I think being nervous is normal and I think it will go well. Keep us posted..

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Going into work late but I'm going, I had 3 really good days in a row but woke up in depression this morning get, going to push myself through it, I need to stay out of the bed

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How are you today?

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Did your therapist help you?:sadhug

Thanks rainy. My therapist wasn't helpful because I was a coward and said nothing. I filled the space with other garbage and acted like a brat. I could tell he was getting annoyed. I realized that I gave up when I was going through our session in my head after I left. He had told me that he was mad about me dropping acid a few weeks ago, understandably. I realized I only did that because my life stopped being important to me, and I stopped caring or believing that I could get better. I also realized that my anger comes from knowing that I never give up and now I am. I want to give a ****, but I can't muster the courage.

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[hopeless2015]

Hi rainy doing much better today, had some situational stuff going on that triggered me. I'm Glad it's Friday. I've made it to work every day this week even if I was late one day, I've been here. That's doing good for me. And once again thank goodness for fmla!!

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[Daonnachd]

Running a little late this morning as I finish my coffee, but I am feeling less tense about Monday's ECT. (Thanks to Rainy and Gaby).

Glad it's Friday.

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Will they keep your donations "on site" so you can visit them? You sound like you have neat stuff.

In my area, you can have the power company "average out" your bills based on your patterns of usage. That way, you'll pay roughly the same amount year round. I just go the regular route and my bill is very high right now. It's so hot.

You sound clear-minded in your writing. You were a little fussy yesterday so I kept giving hugs lol

Have a great day xo

Thank you. The museum constantly re-organizes and rotates their exhibits, as many museums do, so of the 20 or so donations I've made (I liquidated my mercantile inventory for tax breaks starting in 2008; the tax deductions defray taxes that would otherwise have to be paid on other income, and the important art goes into the public domain where it belongs, preserved and protected by professional curators within sight of the HPD's HQ. Only one of the items, a limestone sculpture from 9th century Thailand, is culturally significant enough to warrant constant display in the permanent collection; the other items are in a storeroom somewhere, or the museum may have already quietly sold some or all of them to balance their poorly-managed operating budget. I don't want to know.

The spike in the electrical bill had no correlation with my mental state (recent independent research has concluded that the world does not revolve around me) and is probably due to the unusually high number of cloudy days and rain that occurred in the past month; we rely heavily on a rooftop PV (photovoltaic) rig because electricity here is so expensive, costing more than three times as much as in mainland states like AR, MO, OK, ND and LA (Louisiana, not Los Angeles).

Fussy? I finally have the sense that this up-cycle may be waning, which, although it means depression is next and my mood and energy levels are going to crash, is still something of a relief. 'Fussy' doesn't begin to cover it. Ask those who have had to live with me.

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Slept well, doing well. Having coffee and lemon donuts...bad girl lol

That's alright. I just had an ice cream sandwich.

Woken up too early. By something that makes me somewhat suspicious. That set my mind to ruminating. Ugh.

Saw a new PMHNP Tues. for an intake. (It's not that I want to switch or anything. It's complicated.) Went well as far as I could tell.

Doing... alright. Not great, not terrible. Still fighting off depressive spells. Having a hard time giving a damn. Getting things done has been very erratic, but mostly they haven't been. Forgot a.m. meds yesterday. Been good about taking them, but was crying and stuff getting ready for work, so that's probably why they got missed. Was 45 minutes late 2 of the days, and 1 1/2 hours the other. I am ALWAYS late, but usually not quite that bad.

OctobersBlackRose, my hair is a purple too. Tactile hallucinations suck (had some yesterday and was glad they didn't escalate). How are you doing today?

[Daonnachd]

Lefty, you've touched a nerve. The period I worked in a museum, while working on my Anthropology degree, was the best time of my life. Thank you for bringing that back to mind.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Talked to my Dad for a few minutes, haven't talked to him in almost a.month, cause he's been so busy with work, he's a chef and works really long hours. It was nice, told him what was new with me and stuff. Also slept through the night last night, which was nice for a.change.

[scatterbrained04]

Two out of five of us called off work today. The only word for what I am feeling today is "exhausted".

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Depressed.

Went biking today to help lessen the depression, but some asshole on a road bike cut me off to avoid hitting someone else, and his back tire flung a tiny rock in my eye. My eye stung, so I had to turn around early. Only did 8 miles round trip instead of my usual 15-20. That made me feel worse.

Possible trigger:

Then when I drove back home, I kept thinking "what if I just drove my car right into a tree or a ditch". At that point, I realized, "Well, no one would actually care, but... I'll probably create a mess that someone else has to clean up. Or someone else might feel guilty if they ended up hitting me."

I'm feeling "meh" still, but I guess not as bad as when I drove back home. I'm probably not going to go bike riding tomorrow just because I don't trust myself not to do anything rash.

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Depressed.


Went biking today to help lessen the depression, but some asshole on a road bike cut me off to avoid hitting someone else, and his back tire flung a tiny rock in my eye. My eye stung, so I had to turn around early. Only did 8 miles round trip instead of my usual 15-20. That made me feel worse.

Possible trigger:

Then when I drove back home, I kept thinking "what if I just drove my car right into a tree or a ditch". At that point, I realized, "Well, no one would actually care, but... I'll probably create a mess that someone else has to clean up. Or someone else might feel guilty if they ended up hitting me."

I'm feeling "meh" still, but I guess not as bad as when I drove back home. I'm probably not going to go bike riding tomorrow just because I don't trust myself not to do anything rash.

(((((Hugs)))))
You are loved. ❤️

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[VerMOZZica]

I`m ok ish today.I was kept really busy by cooking and doing a little cleaning today.I also spent time with my nieces and nephew and my little sis.

[Victoria'smom]

Today I stayed in bed. To scared to drive my son anywhere. So my husband went without me. He stayed with my son until he got out and drove him home. Im not happy I have to teach a cooking class. My nerves are up to high and I like my bed.

[Row Jimmy]

Great day - played it loose, hit the gym, read part of my book......trying to figure out how to lose weight when working out. All this noise about calories, carbs, and proteins is confusing but I think I'm getting it. I just started hiking mountains a month ago and it is a nasty, rewarding workout. But when it's over, I feel like eating 62 chili dogs from Burger King. "Can I help you, sir"? "Uh yeah, gimme another one please".

So I have to work on that a bit.

[Nammu]

Starving....it's the nerves. Had a salad and two slices of old pizza but still hungry. Planning on some icecream, gotta eat it all or throw it out. Tomorrow they come and take everything that's left and I'll be without the internet till I get to a hotel Sunday night. I'll be down to a couple of suitcases and boxes. Night 3 of the inflatable bed, can't wait for the hotel and a real bed.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Starving....it's the nerves. Had a salad and two slices of old pizza but still hungry. Planning on some icecream, gotta eat it all or throw it out. Tomorrow they come and take everything that's left and I'll be without the internet till I get to a hotel Sunday night. I'll be down to a couple of suitcases and boxes. Night 3 of the inflatable bed, can't wait for the hotel and a real bed.

thinking of you my dear.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I don't feel well. I can't sleep, I only ate one yogurt today. My appetite has vanished. I feel ... not depressed...I feel like I'm in a large void. Maybe depressed. I'm lucid but I'm conflicted. Confused. I think I feel lost. Yes. I feel lost. Zeroed.

despite having a really bad day so far, i did do something positive.

walked to my door and opened it a little bit so i could hear the church hbells

bit of a positive thing to do knowing my agoraphobia. i didn't go out, but i did open it enough to listen to the bells