[bioChE]

Originally Posted by Gs550

Day 2 of double the depakote. I think thus far I've just gotten sort of chills and also decreased appetite. Hope it stays like that, I don't want the nausea again.

Be glad for the decreased appetite. I think about 50% of the population on Depakote has weight gain problems.

[p00dlez]

Hate to post to this twice in one day but I just had to get this out. I find this thread sort of therapeutic and it kind of helps to get stuff out so I apologize. Just ignore it if its driving you crazy lol.

After thinking about this for the last few weeks and talking it over with my husband I have finally made a decision. On Tuesday is my Drs GP appointment (well I shouldn't say Dr because she's really a nurse) but anyway she has refused to listen to me and its cost me dearly.

First there was the whole trulicity incident where I spent 2 months sick as a dog so nauseated that I thought I would hurl at any time. Everyday was like this until I just could not take it anymore and told her flat out I wasn't taking it anymore.

Then there was the glimepiride that she gave me that literally put me in the hospital in agony and not being able to eat for first two days then later two more days just to get through it. I cant wait to see what the hospital bills from that whole thing is going to cost me. I know it aint going to be cheep.

Then there is this, sorry if this is TMI, but the 3 years of diarrhea that I have had to endure over the stinking metformin. Going through all of this has had a negative impact on my health and mental health as well.

Well Tuesday is D Day and she's either going to listen or I am going to refuse anymore of her pills and likely fire her butt on the spot. I am simply not going to fall into line and take a bunch more pills that could land me back into the hospital or do something worse to me. Its not worth the risk to my health to keep taking these darn pills.

So with my husband by my side (he's with me on this) she's going to listen to either him or me but she IS going to listen. Either I come out of there with a prescription for something safer like insulin or I am going to refuse to take one more pill of diabetes medications until I get my new Dr in November.

I weighed my options and I would rather have high blood sugar for a few months than wind up with another case of pancreatitis and in the hospital again. So I am taking a klonopin and I am going in there and this time I am not going to bow out and let her make all the decisions. I mean it is my health why the **** don't I have a say in it?

[Gs550]

Originally Posted by bioChE

Be glad for the decreased appetite. I think about 50% of the population on Depakote has weight gain problems.

Oh I am. I fully expected to put on weight when I started taking it and was glad to get the loss of appetite and nausea instead.

[Unrigged64072835]

Fairly quiet today. Kind of told the kids what the side dishes are for dinner tonight (since they only planned what meat we're having). Did a load of laundry. Painted in Photoshop for a little bit.Still waiting to see if mac OS Sierra is going to mess up anything. The companies for the programs that I use haven't said anything yet.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Went out to the store and to eat with my Grandma, was nice. Planning on going bowling with my sister tomorrow night and possible dinner as well. My therapist wants me to socialize and actually leave to house, well at least I'm doing something with someone even if it's family. My sister and I don't spend much time together so it'll be nice to spend some.time with her. I think I'm starting to come out of my depression just a little bit, still in it, but it isn't as bad as it was, I think the meds are.finally kicking in. Lets hope.atnleast.

[Gs550]

I'm having a really hard time right now. My best friend, who's been kind of distant and I thought was mad at me finally responded to me. He's just tired of me, tired of the mood swings and the problems and the whining. He said that it's not that he doesn't like me, or that I'm a bad person, it's just when his phone lights up with my name he thinks, "ugh, what is it this time?"

So I just lost a really good friend on top of losing my job and I'd been coming out of the depression but now I feel horrible again.

The intensity of the pain and irrational anxiety remains amazing. I'm having ECT fantasies. I'll be filing a formal complaint with the Minister of Mental Illness, because this is ridiculous. The Ministry of Mental Illness doesn't have an email address and they don't answer the phone, so the process of filing a complaint is complicated by the challenge of finding someone who still owns a working fax.

Sorry for all the whining, but it's a psychiatric forum, so judge me.

[mtnannie]

Blue.... Rainy, cloudy, arthritis pain. Had plans outside I was looking forward to, blah, blah, blah.

[scatterbrained04]

Today I feel better. Probably because I worked from home. Needed a break from people! I work with too many *****y women.

[gina_re]

I love my job. But I'm suffering from burnout, I believe. This has exasperated my depression and anxiety. I couldn't work today and I don't know what to do about tomorrow. Currently, I feel incapacitated.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I love my job. But I'm suffering from burnout, I believe. This has exasperated my depression and anxiety. I couldn't work today and I don't know what to do about tomorrow. Currently, I feel incapacitated.

could you take a couple of days off?
bizi

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by bizi

could you take a couple of days off?
bizi

I did talk to my boss about this and she was encouraging of taking today off and recommended working four days a week for a couple of weeks (meaning take the fifth day off, not work extra the four daysy). She told me to take the day off and do something fun for myself. She suggested to go see my nephew when he gets out of school. When I called my sister, she was busy and in the middle of things and said I can come up there, but they did have plans for the evening. I saw no point in getting up and dressed for a couple hours to be stuck in traffic coming home a couple of hours later. So the crying continues. I sucked it up and called another person to possibly have lunch with and did not get an answer. I can't think of anything else to do but continue to cry and knock myself out to sleep away some of the pain and loneliness I feel. I'm most likely going to take off tomorrow, but because I have such a Type A personality, I'm putting pressure on myself and consider this wasting my PTO. But pressure bursts pipes, and that is exactly what has happened.
But she's right, taking off to only sleep the day away is not helpful. But I have nothing else to do. And not really in the mood to do anything at all. Nothing is interesting to me. I've gone through an entire box of Family Size cereal today as I'm in and out of sleep.

[bizi]

maybe you did need to sleep today.
don't be hard on yourself regina!
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wander]

Saw my pdoc yesterday. I have still been very depressed even though I have tried Lamictal, Latuda, Prozac and now 60mg Cymbalta. The Cymbalta has at least helped increase my cognitive abilities and enabled me to remain at university, although on a very p/t level. Tried a higher dose of the Cymbalta (90mg) and it made my heart race so increasing is not an option.

We discussed switching to Effexor but as that would involve lots of side effects and a period of instability, plus not knowing if I will end up in a worse place, we decided to leave things as they are. If I worsen and become suicidal or unable to work/study my doctor wants me IP to do the med switch.

Right now I am just barely managing to study and work. I do nothing else, barely shower, my Mum makes me frozen meals or I wouldn't eat and she does my washing. At 40 years old this is a little embarrassing but at least I can survive. I am so, so thankful for my amazing mother. This depression is really wearing me down. I feel no joy, no motivation, am so exhausted all the time and have lost interest in things I used to love.

I was badly mixed in June then had a month where i was ok and then fell into this depression. Guess it has only been two months but it feels like years. Maybe I just need to wait it out. hopefully the coming summer (Australian) will bring me out of it.

[xRavenx]

Since I am going to my new pdoc Monday, I will write things down and bring it to her since I have the tendency to either:
a. Babble when explaining my history OR b. I'm not detailed enough and forget to tell doctors things.

I will write down parts of my history that stand out. I'm going to try to write down how I was feeling when I experienced my first manic episode, symptoms that cause the most distress, and how I have been feeling lately (depressed).

I am hoping this will give her some clarity since some doctors are quick to make assumptions and do not ask enough questions to really have enough background on my past and current state of mind.

[dangerousanimals]

I was supposed to check in with the meds doctors today, but I was aware of my speech being all disjointed so I didn't want to try to leave a message or talk in sentences. I'll leave a well-planned message tomorrow morning.

[p00dlez]

Found out yet another person does not like me very much. Well normally I would recoil, run away, fall all over myself apologizing for basically existing and be up all night loosing sleep. Well not this time. Not anymore.

Maybe I have finally reached my limit, and maybe its about time that I stop caring so much what other people think of me. My whole life has been about trying to please everyone around me and I have decided that its impossible, so why try and why care?

It seems no matter how hard I try and no matter what I do somebody is going to hate me. I don't even know why, but I do know I am tired of caring about it.

I have also decided that I am not going to do small talk chit chat crap when I am out and about about and somebody starts trying to talk to me. Why be stressed out on what to say, or did I say the right thing, or whatever.

Honestly if they knew I had bipolar disorder they wouldn't give me the time of day anyway so the whole conversation only benefits them, not me. So why do it?

Sorry if this post is offensive, I am not trying to be. I have just had way over my limit of crap from people lately and I am pretty much done dealing with it. Its not about anyone here.

Maybe my husband is right and I should just stop dealing with people at all. My life was so much simpler before I started bringing people into it. I was lonely but I didn't have days and days of crying and stress. Maybe lonely is better. I did feel a lot more stable without all this.

[hopeless2015]

Doing pretty good today...much better than earlier this week. Just got to get through the afternoon at work then it's the weekend.

[Gs550]

Originally Posted by p00dlez

Maybe my husband is right and I should just stop dealing with people at all. My life was so much simpler before I started bringing people into it. I was lonely but I didn't have days and days of crying and stress. Maybe lonely is better. I did feel a lot more stable without all this.

While I agree that you shouldn't care about what people think of you and should stop trying to please everyone, I think giving up on people altogether is a bad idea. Maybe you won't have a huge group of friends but it's nice to have a few to go out to dinner with or see a movie. And it's especially nice if you can find an additional source of support.

Keep trying to meet people. Be yourself. Maybe just be more discerning when choosing your friends.

----

Third day on the higher dose of depakote. I'm cold, I'm not hungry, and I'm really tired. I'm also really bored but don't have the energy to entertain myself.

I hope this goes away soon.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by Gs550

Third day on the higher dose of depakote. I'm cold, I'm not hungry, and I'm really tired. I'm also really bored but don't have the energy to entertain myself.

I hope this goes away soon.

My experience with Depakote was that the side effects were the worst for the first 4-5 days, then things settled down a bit. Best of luck to you.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Supposed to be.going bowling with my sister tonight, very nervous, I'm not use to going out with anyone, that I iniate (sp?) Idk I mean I want to go, I'm just nervous that something will.go wrong or something bad will happen. Laying down lurking around here for now.until I text her to see.what time we're going, and until I get dressed.

[gina_re]

Took another day off and used FMLA. I was able to go to my sister's place. It's nice playing with the baby. And the older one gets outta school in like an hour. So hopefully this four day weekend does some good.

[Fuzzybear]

grateful for everyone in this forum

[bioChE]

It's Friday!!

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by bioChE

It's Friday!!

Thank God