[ComfortablyNumb5]

I've posted about this a lot in the addictions section, but I wanted to get some takes from someone with BP.

I had a suboxone addiction (started recreationally, became physical addiction) for four years. It lasted so long because I was always scared to go through withdrawal. Well after an IP stay in which a drunken night put me there, I said "enough of this, I'm alone now and it's my fault, it's time". I even tried sneaking a sub into IP. Then I was honest with my pdoc there and he gave me a small amount of sub a day so I wouldn't get sick. Then he tells me to stay on it! I said no. And I haven't drank since the night I went into the hospital (August 13th) and I got over suboxone withdrawal with help of meds and an herbal tea that I can't name here. So maybe I cheated. Either way I'm over my addiction and I'm clean. Sorry but you go through sub WD and tell me how great it is. I was honestly only bad for about two days. The daily dose is 24mg!! I was only taking 2mg a day.

It's been a few weeks now and I'm finding sobriety to be painful. I've even tried to find stuff. Anything to get a different feeling. I'm sorry but being sober ****ing sucks. I'm stressed and having problems with property taxes and bills. I can't work and going for social security. All I want to do is drink to forget or find something to alter my thoughts. How do you cope with a new sobriety when you have no support? It's hard because the people I'm still close to, are users. They're family and all I have. But they've offered me stuff. I declined but it was hard. I even had an emotional breakdown in front of my bf and said "I can't do this!"

Also, a friend of mine was msging me on fb saying he was high on suboxone. Wtf?! How are you going to rub that in my face after what I'm going through?! I blocked him.

This was mostly a vent but the question is, how do YOU cope with a fresh sobriety? I also JUST started seeing a T. Should I be honest with her about this? I also have BPD and am impulsive which makes this even harder.

[raspberrytorte]

I abuse gabapentin and propranolol. I know it's sad. I abuse benzos too, but I'm not on one anymore. I wish I knew someone who was on them though so I could buy some from them because I can't stand this! My life sucks right now. I want a ****ing clonazepam!!!! I'd pay fifty dollars for just one. Seriously.

Right now my mom is holding my meds so I can't abuse them. It really sucks.

I'm not really doing anything at all about it though. To be honest. Except squirming because I want to take six gabapentin's right now. And every once in awhile, when my anxiety gets really bad, I start squirming because I want a clonazepam.

I think I'm going to buy some more zzzquil. Sleeping a lot seems to help.

Anyway, hugs rx. I can relate.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I get that. I took two naps today to avoid the boredom of sobriety.

[bizi]

Let me say this:
I have an addictive personality.
coffee, Food, internet and alcohol.
Have been on a diet the past week and trying to control my drinking.
I was unsuccessful yesterday. Over drank at a festival...blacked out and got sick. Not a pretty site at the age of 53.
I have done periods of abstaining almost 6 months a couple of years ago.
I have done a month here and there. My weight can fluctuate 20-30 pounds.
Therapy can really help.
There are many sites that can help.
One that I really like is called SMART recovery. It is not AA!!
They also have a chat room which I spent many hours chatting with others who wanted to stay sober/clean. They also have many tools to work with.
It is a great site!
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

bizi

[gina_re]

I'm not going to pretend like I know everything about addiction because I don't. But I can understand a tiny bit because I was on the verge of alcoholism...drinking daily to get through life until something clicked and I went to see a doctor because I figured I should. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I would be honest with your T about this. He/She should be able to help you through this difficult time or maybe provide you with resources for assistance. I hope you are able to get through it. I know you've really been struggling with the addiction, job loss, and money. Take care of yourself. We're here for you!

[jpb4815]

I am a long time recovering heroin addict. I used IV for 4 years. Circumstances beyond my control forced me to quit. Quitting was hel I will tell you that. But what was worse was the 2-3 years after the fact when I was getting used to being sober. I filled my time with going back to school and seeing lots of live music. I also went to NA, that program does not do it for me. But I used it when I needed, I did get something out of hearing others stories. I also got ideas for sober activity.

You can make it through this RX I believe in you. We are all here rooting for you.

P.S. I know I have told you this before but please reach out to me, I have walked in your shoes. I would like nothing more than to help you through this.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've been sober a little over a year. My last drink ended up badly and I've been sober since. I understand the feeling of just wanting to numb and not deal. I have those feelings at times. I will say over time that it does get easier. I go to AA and find it helps for me but I know for some people it doesn't. There are several different programs out there. SMART, Women for Sobriety, Life Ring, etc. I did have to change my friends, it was hard, but it was too hard to try to stay sober while they are drinking. Hang in there! Hugs!

[violetgreen]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

This was mostly a vent but the question is, how do YOU cope with a fresh sobriety? I also JUST started seeing a T. Should I be honest with her about this? I also have BPD and am impulsive which makes this even harder.

I've been sober for 8 years now. But, fresh sober was a raw time for me. I went to AA and for the first 90 days I practically went to a meeting a day. I received support from the fellowship, made the decision not to drink, that it was poison for me, and over time the physical cravings went away. I also stopped relying on alcohol to rescue me from being bored, numb me when I felt too much, turn my off button on at the end of the day, to consume my life, while I was consuming it. Also, be honest with your T, else what's the point of seeing her? Hope thing get sorted.

[cowboy87]

I struggle with addiction myself alcohol, nicotine, sex, and p-meds, and food. It wasn't until I studied Buddhism (and no the is not a conversion effort) that I realize addiction is OK, as long as you find peace with in your inner self. Let me explain in a simpler way. Night and Day are two different forces just as good and evil. there is always blend zone such as twilight and dusk for day and night. Now you have addiction and sobriety. In modern western culture, we are taught sobriety must swing to the utmost stringent end of the sobriety spectrum. However, we are humans, and we are complicated creatures. One can not simply stop addiction cold in their tracks and live on the opposite side of the spectrum for the rest of your life and here is why. Human nature expects us to go back and explore the other side, the dark side, the indulging side of addiction. Why? Because simply put it is in our nature to do things we are told not to do. So how does this relate to my situation. I indulge safely, and don't ever let any therapist tell you that there is no such thing as indulging addiction safely. I went from drinking a 12 pack a beer a day for 2 years to drinking 2 beers a month. I went from smoking two packs of Newport 100S a day to smoking a cigar a day. Its all about balance. Also, when i get aggravated and get tempted to binge on an addiction, I usually threaten to slap the hell out of someone for getting me worked up in the first place.

I have a very addictive personality. I can basically become addicted to anything. About 9 years ago I used cocaine everyday up to three times a day. It nearly ended my life. I went to rehab for a month after I told my parents and asked for help. When I came out of rehab I felt an intense emptiness. Like nothing or no one could fill.

So I started drinking, among other things, first only casual, but then more regularly. It also got out of hand. I started seeing a new pdoc who was absolutely against drinking and about three years ago I quit drinking.

Sadly I still smoke I am in the process of quitting as we speak...

All I actually wanted to say is sobriety is hard. And although it does get easier it somehow always stays at the back of my mind. I lost a lot of friends because I can absolutely not spend time with them because of their habits. It may be harsh - but it is that or falling back into old patterns.

You can make it. Be honest with your T...

[benzenering]

Wish I could help, but I am struggling with the same issues. I just want you to know you are not alone. I am using SMART and it is helping with some of the more intense urges.

[manicminer]

1.) You have to want to quit
2.) Get rid of the temptation (The substance, the paraphenalia, the people that you did it with, the places you did it)
2.) Find something else to do (replace that activity with a completely non related one)
3.) Find a good T or drug counselor

[zijax]

I've got 9 months clean off opiates, crack and alcohol. Here's what I did. I oded. Went to detox, then went to a 30 day rehab, followed up by intensive outpatient for 3 months, followed up by aftercare for 2 months. Also going to NA and AA. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days, I got a sponsor, I erased my dealer's number out of my phone. Believe me, it wasn't easy. I stopped hanging around with the people I used with, I stopped going to the places I used at, I stopped even driving on the same street as the liquor store. I identified my triggers...what caused me to want to use and I avoided them. I worked on relapse prevention and dealing with those tumultuous feelings of early sobriety in therapy. I mostly hang out with other recovering addicts, I call them when I want to use, before I use. I go to the local detox and take the AA meeting in there on Monday nights. I chair meetings. My life has gotten 100% better. No way am I ever going back to the prison of using. That hopeless dark place where I hate myself. No, I'm out of that deathtrap, just for today. Life is good, not perfect, but easier, way more open, cooler, better. Like the world starts to open up. Don't give up before the miracle happens. I too have BPD, Bipolar and am a recovering addict and alcoholic. NA and AA have saved my life. They aren't perfect but they have the highest success rate out there. Keep an open mind, be willing and most of all, stay honest. That's how to kick this disease in its ***.

[houlio]

I wish you the best in your journey. Been there