Alleged hypomania regrets

I'm in my 40's and was probably in the top five percent of the population in terms of feeling great about life. Last summer I ended up kissing a guy a few times (luckily nothing beyond that) and professing my great love for him. I am the mother of two wonderful kids and a good yet imperfect husband. My great emotional connection to this guy I kissed lasted around two months. It all makes no sense now. I was diagnosed by a prominent psychiatrist with having had a hypomania incident. He doesn't think I have bipolar though. I keep second-guessing his diagnosis and wondering if it was just plan immoral behavior on my part. The guy I kissed probably wouldn't be my normal type. I am a very straight arrow person. I was a virgin when I got married. I say this to show the kind of self-control I've displayed in life. Anybody ever done this kind of thing? I am well aware of what I did and didn't do. I didn't have a pyychotic episode. My husband when I told him freaked out and his whole family knows. My husband forgives me and wants me to move on. I'm trying so hard to let it go but it's so difficult to accept my bizarre behavior. I keep thinking that my future daughter in laws and grandchildren will judge me by my behavior. Anybody ever experienced this? How do you get over the feeling of thinking that if somebody knew the worst thing you perceived that you did that they wouldn't like you? I'm such a transparent/honest person.

Hello motherofgreatkids: Well... I will tell you that what you did wouldn't constitute a drop in my bucket! And, yes, I sincerely believe anyone who really knew me would not want to have anything to do with me. Hell... I don't even want to have anything to do with me! But I don't have any choice. My response has simply been to become as completely reclusive as it is possible for me to be. I consider it to be my gift to the world.

In your case it may just be something that would benefit from spending some time talking it all through with a therapist. I know you wrote you had received a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. I also have a psychiatrist. Plus I've also been seen by other psychiatrists & I've seen a few different therapists over the years. My experience has been that every mental health professional I've seen seems to have a little different take on what going on with me. As a result, I personally don't put too much stock in diagnoses because I know that they can-&-do change over time & from one mental health provider to another.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Welcome motherofgreatkids!!! It is hard to let go of things you did when in an episode. I really don't get having a hypomanic incident and not being bipolar. Do you have depression? I don't know, but it sounds like you weren't entirely in control of the situation. I'm glad your husband is forgiving. The hardest part is learning to forgive ourselves and then releasing it to the universe. One thing I have learned is no-one is perfect and we all have something we are ashamed of but that is part of being human. Maybe talking to a therapist can help you get past this especially if it has a big impact on your life.

Whether you were hypomanic or not... people make mistakes. It's part of the human condition. You're not a bad person. Learn from it and forgive yourself. (Self-compassion is the hardest part.) Hugs.

Show some compassion for yourself. It happened and you've moved on from that point. There's no use in beating yourself up over the past.

This is in your past. I agree, don't beat yourself up. People can do a lot worse while hypo/manic. Common things we do are to become very sociable and seek excitement in new or existing relationships.

Oh I've been there, done that! When I'm hypo it's like I have no self control and my BPD takes hold. I've cheated, flirted etc and when I finally come down Im in damage control. I'll look through my messages or posts in shame but we're human. BP or not, we aren't perfect. I would talk about this with a T to help you understand why you did what you did and move on. Maybe bring hubby with you too. This is obviously bothering you.

The incident no matter how traumatizing it was at the time is in the past. You meet the situation head on and took responsibility for it, great work. You are lucky enough to have a partner who understands. That is a benefit. He has forgiven you, but it sounds like you have not forgiven yourself. Maybe you should cut yourself some slack, as to whether or not you are BP I don't really think that that matters yet. You Pdoc will help to try to regulate you with medications if it comes to that. in the meantime don't fixate on a diagnosis. Try to use some life skills to cope. I hope that you can forgive yourself and move on.
And yes like many of the others that posted that would be a drop in my bucket of regrets of things I have done while hypo. I unfortunately have a different situation with my SO and it probably would not go so well. But those are my struggles not yours.

One of the things that I have found hard about this disease is to not take others moods/experiences on. I can be going along great and something that I will read here or something that happens in real life will trigger a bout with hypo/manic or a depressive episode.

Be strong and stick by yourself, it sounds like that is what your husband is doing. I wish you the best.

This is my story. Except i did way worse.
You are not an awful person, you made a mistake during a period of time you were very sick.

I went a full year of sleeping with 3 different guys.

I got my wake up call when my husband said to me if i wanted to be with him and stay living in our home, with our kids, it ends today and we go to therapy, and i stay on my meds. It was my intervention, of sorts.

I stopped. I saw drs. He comes to every appointment. He comes to therapy. He knows everything. He trusts me again. He learned it was my illness, not that i didnt love him. Weve moved on, after apx 2 years, we are strong again. And i am sober and med compliant.