Hugs back innerzone

[xRavenx]

It has been very hard to sleep. I can't turn my mind off....the racing thoughts are starting all over again, even before I got very bad news that my friend passed away today. Before I found out the news, I was feeling very hyper in the morning. After I received the news, I started shaking and sobbing. My anxiety was so high (it still is), and now I'm drained. I had to take Klonopin three times today. No one knows the cause of death yet, and he was not old. I had to leave work early. Concentrating was impossible. I'm going to try to go to work tomorrow, but it's going to be hard.

[VerMOZZica]

Today I kept busy.I helped take care of my mom(she just had surgery) And I cooked and cleaned all day.As it gets dark I start feeling worse.I feel so sad and lonely right now.

[Coconutzo]

I went to therapy. Therapy was good. I'm spoiled getting to spew all of my feelings to a trained professional so we can pick them apart in the name of my emotional health. We should all be so lucky. We should all take advantages of the resources we have. There are so many resources. I'm spinning in my discomfort in my home. I'm fuming at the reluctance/avoidance of these in need humans to seek help that would benefit all of us. I'm alone in this fight. I'm lucky I'm strong enough to fight. I would just like to say a HUGE "F$$< You!!" to my sweet and amazing, broken, falling apart, depressed, grumpy, angry as hell, deluded but sometimes charming family.

Got like 0 sleep last night.

My grandma (who has dementia) kept wandering around last night. She'd open my door or my parents' door looking for the bathroom and the kitchen. Currently, she thinks the bathroom is the living room, and that my room is the kitchen. (Before then, she used to think my room was the bathroom, and she almost threw up all over my stuff because she thought my stuff was the toilet or something.)

She woke up 11 times between 12:00am and 6am. Even worse, she has no recall of what she was doing, or that she woke up 11 times. I got sick of it, so I filled up my hamper with clean clothes and I put books on top for added weight; then I put the hamper in front of my door so she'd stop coming in.

[hopeless2015]

Well it's Saturday and groceries are done and put away...we went and met a friend for lunch and have plans with another couple for dinner so busy day...it's going fast, I have no problem with that. Tomorrow husband is supposed to help me clean, will see if that actually happens..I could use the help

My 19 year old took a job a few hours away for a few months. Today he's home visiting for the night and I'm so happy there are no words to express how much. I really think I needed this more than anything else in the world right now. I've been having dreams of spending time with him when he was 3.....it was so real and so wonderful to spend time with him as a little one again. He's growing so fast....he became a legal adult in the blink of an eye. I love him so, so much. My heart is singing right now as he naps and snores in his bed.

[Unrigged64072835]

Another quiet day. Did dishes and started a load of laundry. Was busy during the time I would normally be nervous so that helped. We're going out for pizza tonight. Still working on Web page stuff. It's good that I can remember it.

HONOLULU (Bipolar News Network): Severe post-mania anxiety has catastrophically compromised local negotiator Lefty the Salesman; this morning he stepped down hard, ceding responsibility for all family business and household finances to his spouse, who shall remain nameless in the interest of operational security.

Lefty will continue working for the family in his capacities as bookkeeper, broker and risk analyst and will prepare weekly reports for his spouse, but she will ultimately fulfill executive and planning responsibilities that were, up until this morning, Lefty's.

The Salesman discussed the transition briefly at a sparsely-attended secret news conference in a private residence in Lower Bertram Ward, stating, "I regret that I have but one mind to lose for my family." He mentioned the possibility of a return to Mother Lithium and a trial of low-dose Haldol. To his clients, colleagues, strategic partners and competitors from whom Lefty had hidden his bipolar diagnosis, the Salesman said only, "Secret's out, mo*********rs."

[OctobersBlackRose]

Feeling really depressed and tired... Also going on 4.5 hours straight of listening to music, have done this everyday this week...

[MobiusPsyche]

Had severe sui ideation Thursday after session and all day Friday. It's better today thank goodness. I think I was triggered during therapy on Thursday, I had told her about sui ideation from the previous weekend and she asked me to fill out an assessment. For some reason that made me feel even worse, like she didn't trust me to take care of myself even though I have ideation all the time and I'm fine. Or at least I'm still here.

[Faltering]

I'm starting to realize I have been having manic symptoms for awhile, but I ignored all the signs... spending lots of money, being extra productive, feeling very nostalgic and connected to things going on, feeling paranoid, being easily angered, etc. I didn't notice until disturbing mixed symptoms recently appeared. I feel like I'm normally a logical and insightful person. There's just something about this illness that makes me lack awareness.

Credit card hacked

This sucks

I found out when I was signing up for advanced snowboarding lessons. Credit card was in limbo, so I had to call up.

Someone bought digital stuff at 10:38pm Mountain time on October 22nd (yesterday). Fortunately, they only spent $50... but I think they spent a small amount to see if the transaction would be detected. If it wasn't detected, I bet they'd spend thousands of dollars. Glad it was caught early.

[JustJace2u]

Just checking in quickly since I haven't been around much recently. Things are ok, not great, but not horrible either. On a new med regimen with my new pdoc and hoping this will help keep me in check with my mood swings.

[scatterbrained04]

Well what's new....Kind of pissed off today. Son won't clean up his mess. Looks like I'll be cleaning up after him all day instead of shopping for groceries for the week. Means I'll have to go tomorrow after working all day. Speaking of work, I am growing to hate my job more every day. So this week one of our doctors was making s*** up and telling employees I wanted other employees dead. Lovely. So tired of being dumped on by everyone, having more and more work to do, and I can barely afford to eat. I swear to goodness, when I get my next job, I am never going into management again.

[bizi]

are you currently looking?

[xRavenx]

I'm starting to feel the onset of hypomania. There were little signs over the past week where my mind was (and still is) overactive, though not euphoric and still anxious. The past few nights, I'm sleeping less and less. I feel antsy. The more the insomnia continues, the worse it gets in my experience....so I'm hoping I'll be able to get more rest tonight, but my mind won't shut off. I notice this state of mind started when my Lamictal was increased, but I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by bizi

are you currently looking?

No, I'm trying to stick it out. I keep telling myself this is just a another rough patch, and that it'll get better. I hope. I mostly like my job. It's just a few people are making my life miserable and being very successful at doing so.

[Gabyunbound]

I must have slept in a weird position last night because my back is killing me and I can barely walk.

I've been falling asleep -like really nodding off- at the wheel while driving to work. This has been going on for some time now, but has been getting worse. It's a combination of having to get up so early (4:30 to 5am) to make it to work on time and my sedating meds --Seroquel, methadone -for Central Pain Syndrome-, klonopin, and a high dose of Lamictal (my pdoc says that at this dose it can be sedating, it was increased a few months ago). It's very dangerous, of course, and I think all I can do is to get to bed earlier, as in 8pm at the latest, on work days. But it's hard bc I get home from work usually at around 7:30-7:45 and have to have dinner and have other things to do and need some down time before going to bed.

I call my mother for my trip home, and she accompanies me most of the way, in part to keep me awake.

I feel like I should be a zombie with all of these sedating drugs, and I am without an enormous amount of caffeine. Do I really need to be so sedated in order to stave off episodes??? Really?? It works, and yet...

[hopeless2015]

Been a good day, husband and I went to lunch then he helped me do some cleaning....much appreciated. Our apartment is being inspected November 1st...that's giving me some much needed motivation to clean...whatever it takes.

[wares1ge]

Psychiatry appointment was canceled this week at the last minute and had a bit of a meltdown. Have been having horrible symptoms of abilify and slowly got off of it no thanks to my doctor. I see her this coming wednesday, hopefully she doesnt cancel again. Just taking it one day at a time at this point.

[Unrigged64072835]

Quiet day today. Took a walk, did two loads of laundry and making BBQ pot roast for dinner. I have T tomorrow so will see how that goes. Body still not used to the change in temps so I've been hot and cold all day.

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Quiet day today. Took a walk, did two loads of laundry and making BBQ pot roast for dinner. I have T tomorrow so will see how that goes. Body still not used to the change in temps so I've been hot and cold all day.

BBQ pot roast sounds delicious! Enjoy

[bizi]

Had 4 glasses of wine at a memorial service now getting ready to go to a halloween attraction out of town.
bizi

[PatternsInTheIvy]

Just had my dx changed from BPII to "BP NOS" on paper due to a full-blown manic episode, but really to BPI w/o psychotic features, and my Lamictal switched out to Depakote. ...I don't feel too many side effects other than some speech f--kery. ...Just kind of twitchy about the dx. The BPI makes me nervous being in the US, and on top of five/six other disorders. .__.