I took a sharp turn in the wrong direction last night. I just couldn't sleep (should have taken my 50gm of seroquel but I didn't think of it until today. Woke up 5.5 hours later (I usually NEED 10-12 when stable 12-18 when depressed and anything below 6 is almost certain hypo) feeling like I have rocket fuel in my veins,I jumped out of bed and instantly started talking very fast and kind of shaky.....and my heart feels like it will burst, like I've been working out and am at peak heart rate. My eyes are wide open. I did wake from a very BAD dream. My delusions of reference have been acting up but I'm able to tell myself "that is a delusion of reference". They are getting progressively stronger but they are harmless. I think I'd technically be considered manic right now. Or maybe my fight or flight has been activated and I'm in this seriously hyper aware state. Either way I'm going to stop the Wellbutrin for awhile and try again later. I will take the seroquel to fix the sleep. Pretty sure I'm manic, there are a few other symptoms but they are a bit personal. I think I just need to stay on the AP alone for awhile and give it some time to work in my system, then I can try Wellbutrin again. Wellbutrin has many good benefits and it would break my heart to learn I couldn't take it.

Isn't it amazing how easily things can slip sideways? I hope you can quickly regain your equilibrium.

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Exposed! Forced off the couch and out into the open: barefoot on the driveway in broad daylight. Someone called out of nowhere and insisted on dropping something a job off immediately, before my wife came back from lunch with a neighbor. My MIL was home, but someone had to translate. Thank God I showered this morning, but I'm still quite unshaven, long due for a haircut, and sporting a neckbeard and inch-long bushy eyebrows. I told him that I was cultivating a Unabomber costume for Halloween. He laughed, but I don't think that he believed me. That's what you get for answering the phone. It's decent work, so I should be grateful, but my appearance has disgraced the firm. Shouldn't a crazy person be allowed to look like a crazy person? I'll buzz my head tonight; our new clientele don't expect to have to deal with a a white person; once they get past that, they're as comfortable with a skinhead as they are with Ted Kaczynski.

You just crack me up. I was LMAO! Hope you're feeling ok.

That cracked me up to....I was laughing by the first word. I just knew, right from that moment it would be hillarious .

I'm having a good day. Slept a long time. Dinner was good. The potatoes were awesome! Cookies were good. Nothing much going on today. Waiting for survivor to come on. A guy from my area is on this season. Boring day...

I just realized that the 'Unabomber Halloween costume' excuse is only going to work until the 31st...

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

I just realized that the 'Unabomber Halloween costume' excuse is only going to work until the 31st...

Lol......

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

I just realized that the 'Unabomber Halloween costume' excuse is only going to work until the 31st...

When the Unibomber first started my dad grew a long grey beard, and so many people told him he looked like the unibomber and to shave it off. He didn't though, and soon it was a ZZ Top's beard. My mom finally forced him to shave it.....she really hates facial hair.

[Moose72]

Just a long day of listening to music to block out the bad thoughts

I really find the Unabomber interesting. I like true crime stuff....

Only a few weeks ago I was discussing with a friend my ability, during a prolonged lapse in grooming, to go from zero to Kaczynski in approximately two weeks. He told me that I was vastly underestimating my potential, and that the actual speed of such a transition was more like three days. That stung a little bit, but he's an appraiser, trained in objective analysis. His assessments are never sugar-coated.

I really need to get my hair done. Dyed, highlighted and trimmed. It's like $120 tho. But I do need to get it done before the holidays...I understand lefty.

I won all three of my games at Scrabble club tonight so that makes eight wins out of the last nine games. My only loss was to a ten year old! My win-rate is 89%. The trophy is based on win-rate. Yay! It's also the last day of this pay-period and i have succeeded in saving a grand to make another balloon payment to my mortgage! Yay! I'm sad to have failed at dieting for the nth time but i've been reading that dieting's futile so i am comforted by that. Intuitive eating is recommended instead by my meds screw up my hunger and satiety signals so that won't work for me. Sigh! I guess it's life as a fat chick for me.

[Coconutzo]

I have an easy day today and a fun date planned for tonight. Yesterday was awful. I'm so emotionally overwhelmed. I have any halfway decent day and I swear up and down that I'm fixed, back to normal! Hooray! But it's still really hard.
I need to fall apart and really just cry it out I think, but I can't. I can't even cry in therapy. I've NEVER cried in therapy. Anyone else?

[hopeless2015]

I'm doing good better today, bankruptcy court this morning and on to work. Anxiety and depression seem to understand control today anyway.

[Coffeee]

I'm in a mild depression today. Haven't done anything but eat breakfast and its past noon. Have to teach a class tonight. Not good.

Oh! 200 hugs given... say what you will about Lefty the Salesman, but he is one huggy bastard. I hope everyone on here can take a hugging; the Japanese with whom I live and do business definitely do not dig it.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Giving my therapist my rant yesterday went well she talked with me about what progress really is, and how she thinks I'm making some even though she knows I'm not feeling well mentally and that that was okay.

Physically not feeling to well today, really dizzy, cell once and hit my head on a wall, so I tried eating something to see if it my blood.sugar or not. Idk but hoping I'll be able to take a shower tonight.

My Dads Gf called on my neuro-psych records today after they gave her the psychologists cell phone number, and the copy from what he said was already pulled and they will mail a copy to her and my Dads house, then I'll get the copy (after I make a couple of copies for myself), so hopefully I get it soon, but atleast we know what is going on now, so progress on that front.

Laying down right now, trying to feel better, waiting for my Grandma to get home with my meds (she had to go out so she offered to pick them up for me) so I can take my night med.

[Unrigged64072835]

Slow day today. Didn't sleep well last night, so was a combination of wired and tired all day. Found another book to work on but it's rather boring. So we'll see.

Funny fact: I randomly and obsessively write posts and responses in my head all day. I wonder the amount of diarrhea I could have spewed on this board if I let my fingers do all the talking. We are talking, college dissertations level garbage for sure. I'm definately not constipated with my thoughts but it could be a lot worse (sorry for all the intestinal language)

In other news, I got a 12 hour sleep last night and do feel noticeably better today. Got my teeth cleaned and enjoyed it very much. The people in my dentist office are such incredibly WARM and kind people. It seems like it's the best place on earth to work. It would be a dream to get a job there! I enjoyed being out today and feel very excited about that....I feel like I could cry tears of joy.

[bizi]

This forum is so big, I am finding it very hard to keep up....
taking a break.
bizi

[Nammu]

Feeling cold, remote and unfeeling......hm can I really feel unfeeling? Disconnected maybe? Discombobulated? when people tell me things I just can't relate right now.

[Pikku Myy]

Blahhhhh, blah, blahhhhh very sad

[VerMOZZica]

I`m feeling tired and blank right now.I feel so lonely in this illness.

[Wild Coyote]

I haven't been signed in, nor writing here. I have been reading when I can, trying to keep up.

I have been in a new PT program which requires painful treatment twice a week and daily walking certain distances. Have recently gotten myself out of a wheelchair and off crutches. Walking with no walking aids. Have nerve/muscle disorders which have attacked feet/ankles. Am trying to maintain the ability to walk.

Thus, have been extra busy and more tired while adjusting to a new/different daily schedule and activity level. Have needed to amp up self-care in order to keep up with tolerating the PT, etc.

Much love to All!



WC