[Faltering]

I talked myself out of getting help. I hope I don't regret it.

Originally Posted by Faltering

I talked myself out of getting help. I hope I don't regret it.

I hope so too.

[bizi]

Take care of yourself today.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi who is hung over today.

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

Had severe sui ideation Thursday after session and all day Friday. It's better today thank goodness. I think I was triggered during therapy on Thursday, I had told her about sui ideation from the previous weekend and she asked me to fill out an assessment. For some reason that made me feel even worse, like she didn't trust me to take care of myself even though I have ideation all the time and I'm fine. Or at least I'm still here.

I've had a similar reaction to those assessments. I had an np once give me one to fill out. It was clearly designed to be filled out "by the practitioner ". I was really upset about it. It felt super demoralizing that she wouldn't even do her end of the job to help me through.
I hope you are feeling better today

[hopeless2015]

Haven't left the house since Saturday...was doing ok yesterday but couldn't get myself going today. I did just get a pot of chili going and feel ok right now, but the depression was bad this morning. I should have got right up when the alarm went off but I didn't so I stayed in bed feeling sorry for myself until 4:00. I hate theses days. I'll make myself get up tomorrow

[OctobersBlackRose]

Feeling anxious and depressed still, wrote my therapist a 4pg letter about how I feel like I'm not doing well and why I feel like that, everyone thinks I'm doing well, but I don't feel that way. Still haven't written the one for my case manager.yet though, I want to wait until I get my neuro-psych records before I do, I know I was supposed to do.a rough draft this week before Wednesday (my therapy day), but I just can't think of what to write it how to write the letter yet. Sigh hopefully my therapist isn't too mad that instead of writing my case manager the letter, I wrote.her one instead.

Trying to be positive. Stay active. I have been really dipping low. Mourning my Mom.

[Wander]

Nine days till my exam. Preparations going well despite a bad PTSD relapse. When I am not studying my mind ruminates on very dark stuff. The anxiety, panic and sense of powerlessness and rage are immense. Clonazepam and Olanzapine (Zyprexa) help but I need high doses to put a dent in it. Evenings are worst. I try to do more study, surf the net and watch TV, talk to friends but the emotions, obsessions and anxiety overwhelm me.

Talked to my T over the phone yesterday. The PTSD hit me out of the blue on Saturday, and at full speed. My T gave me some helpful suggestions to get me through and will be checking up with me later today(Tuesday here). I see him tomorrow. He was very concerned and even mentioned IP but right now I can keep myself safe, I just have crazy moments where I'm on the edge. With an exam next week it would be bad timing if I got so bad I had to go IP. Well at least my bipolar is stable right now.

[Coconutzo]

I feel good today!
Thank the lord! It's been a real struggle lately. The tides are shifting in my home life. [i hope it's not just me]
I don't know if y'all experience this, but I have to be careful. When I have a turn in mood, I have to take stock to see if the shift is mental or environmental . Then if I feel like it's mental,I have to further evaluate to ensure safety and sound decision making.

[gayleggg]

I'm feeling depressed after all it is the season. I'm always a bit more depressed in the fall and winter months. I love the cooler weather so I don't know why it gets to me but maybe it's because of less light during these months. I will probably have to raise my Saphris to help out.

I'm having one of those days again where I'm supposed to be doing work, but feel unmotivated, bored, and unproductive. I just can't concentrate on anything and I feel mentally exhausted.

I've been working since 2am though. It's now almost 2pm. I don't know why I was productive before, but now I'm not. Maybe I'm burnt out for the day? Or maybe this depression is taking its toll on me.

I want to do everything, and yet... I have no motivation to do anything. It's an annoying inner conflict.

On the upside, I was able to bring my grandma to the neurologist for an assessment and formal diagnosis of dementia. We'll see what the next steps are. I'm sitting outside waiting.

[MobiusPsyche]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm having one of those days again where I'm supposed to be doing work, but feel unmotivated, bored, and unproductive. I just can't concentrate on anything and I feel mentally exhausted.

I've been working since 2am though. It's now almost 2pm. I don't know why I was productive before, but now I'm not. Maybe I'm burnt out for the day? Or maybe this depression is taking its toll on me.

I want to do everything, and yet... I have no motivation to do anything. It's an annoying inner conflict.

On the upside, I was able to bring my grandma to the neurologist for an assessment and formal diagnosis of dementia. We'll see what the next steps are. I'm sitting outside waiting.

I hope maybe they give her some meds to help with the sundowning. It has got to be exhausting for everyone, her included! Glad you were able to get a formal diagnosis.

[OctobersBlackRose]

There is nothing better than my Grandmas homemade apple pie.

In other news, still depressed and anxious, been nauseous all day, and been laying in bed all day. Been up since 6:35am though
Tomorrow gotta drop.off prescriptions to be refilled, have my DBT group (if.it isn't cancelled again) and individual therapy as well. I better.get some.sleep tonight...

[Unrigged64072835]

Strange day today. Went to pdoc. She seems to think the daily anxiety I've been having may be akathisia, so she's putting me on Artane (since Cogentin didn't work). Will have to wait and see.

Finished the book on Web page making. I may start another one that is more in-depth.

Otherwise another quiet day.

[Gabyunbound]

When I got to work this morning I started feeling a strange and intense anxiety of a stripe I don't usually feel. Then my hand started to shake when I had a piece of paper in my hand. Then I went to see a patient (I work in healthcare) and my legs started to shake. That's when I realized that I had forgotten to take propranolol this morning. It's for the physical effects of anxiety (increased heart rate, shaking, etc.) and I had even begun to doubt its effectiveness I guess because I've been taking it for so long and had forgotten how bad the shaking could get. It was awful. I was taking deep breathes all the time and telling myself there was nothing to be afraid of, and it just wasn't helping at all.

I've just got to keep this anxiety in check and make sure it doesn't turn into something even nastier. And find the right balance between meds and non-med means of keeping it at bay.

I've been doing good. Had a couple days of depression Friday and Saturday but luckily it went away. I'm making my sons favorite dinner tonight. Ribeye steaks, sauteed mushrooms and roasted potatoes. Then I'm gonna make his favorite cookies. He doesn't get home until 12am tho so a very late night dinner. Then we're going to watch the ring. I've never seen it.

Back was killing me yesterday after I went grocery shopping. Hope I manage with all the cooking. I've barely had an appetite lately, idk what's up with that. But overall I'm doing pretty good.

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Strange day today. Went to pdoc. She seems to think the daily anxiety I've been having may be akathisia, so she's putting me on Artane (since Cogentin didn't work). Will have to wait and see.

Finished the book on Web page making. I may start another one that is more in-depth.

Otherwise another quiet day.

Yeah latuda gave me really bad akathasia. Then even with the meds to stop it I was very anxious. Hopefully this new med stops your anxiety.

[Nammu]

Just droning on

Went to the dentist for the first time in 3 years....I've neglected my teeth badly and was so worried....I have 4 cavaties which he said are 100% caused by dry mouth as I have no tarter or plaque...I expected at least 3 times that many cavaties so this is really good news. I'm doing pretty well....my depression is lingering but it's relatively mild all things considered....and it seems to be getting better by the day. Anxiety is improving as well. Some odd thinking here and there but nothing major. I plan to call tomorrow and get some advise on where to start with PTSD treatment. I need to move forward and it feels like I'm finally in a place to make some serious progress. My son got a better job close to home so he'll be back by the end of the week....I'm so excited. My youngest son did well in all his classes so that is a relief. Things are looking up and I hope it stays like this for awhile.

[vintagexsoul]

I'm in love. And its ridiculous.

I've finally fixed my internet radio

so, I can now listen to radio atlantis again (i've missed listening!)

yesterday I had a helusination... well, I am not sure if it was a helusination- or if the actual person was talking to me. going to try figure it out today..

(how often do you guys doubt your helusinations?)

[hopeless2015]

I'm sitting in the parking lot at work...I don't want to go in!! I've stayed home the last two days, I've got to do this. I want to cry right now

[scatterbrained04]

Gah I'm such an idiot. My kid's whining put me over the edge. Threw my cell phone at the wall. Phone is ok, but it took a chunk out of the wall. Why do I do **** like this?

[Unrigged64072835]

Got my nails and hair done, and my h went to the dentist. Busy day. Didn't have the usual anxiety because I stayed busy. Going to have to find something else to work on tomorrow.

Exposed! Forced off the couch and out into the open: barefoot on the driveway in broad daylight. Someone called out of nowhere and insisted on dropping a job off immediately, before my wife came back from lunch with a neighbor. My MIL was home, but someone had to translate. Thank God I showered this morning, but I'm still quite unshaven, long due for a haircut, and sporting a neckbeard and inch-long bushy eyebrows. I told him that I was cultivating a Unabomber costume for Halloween. He laughed, but I don't think that he believed me. That's what you get for answering the phone. It's decent work, so I should be grateful, but my appearance has disgraced the firm. Shouldn't a crazy person be allowed to look like a crazy person? I'll buzz my head tonight; our new clientele don't expect to have to deal with a a white person; once they get past that, they're as comfortable with a skinhead as they are with Ted Kaczynski.