Meltdown

I just need to get this out, because I don't know what would happen if I don't...
I got into a bad fight with my mother, and before that, I was feeling like a wreck physically and emotionally.

I'm already feeling kind of in pain from surgery. Everything was going normally until last night. I won't go into it all over again, but I mentioned that I had a scary experience with pain medication in combo with Seroquel....
I have nobody, so my mom had to help me deal with that and stay with me since I was scared. On top of that, I have a toothache where I had a filling yesterday, but it's hurting, and now I don't know if it will lead to a root canal. I worry so much when it comes to all of my doctors trying to get them to coordinate where it gets hard to determine where to begin. I am feeling pain, but also emotionally, I am a mess.

I understand my mother is under stress, but I had a meltdown in front of her out of worry. She says I don't respect when she needs time alone, but I could not help bursting out in tears. She came at me aggressively (exploding), and she gets very scary when angry. She looked like she was going to attack me. Then she made sarcastic comments towards me. She doesn't even know how bad I am hurting emotionally and physically. At one point, she said she doesn't even care. I apologized for my part, but she doesn't believe me. I wish she owned up to her own mistakes.

Sorry, just needed to vent. I am in tears. I honestly do not know what to do to feel better.

That sounds scary and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Parental relationships are always complicated and I don't feel comfortable getting to deep into it because I don't know what others have really been through. However, your feelings are valid and it's unfortunate that you received this reaction from your mother. I don't have any great advice, but I know you have a lot on your plate right now. You have my love and support and I hope you feel well soon. ((((Raven))))

Thanks so much. I'm struggling with the fact that everything came crashing down, just when I thought I could handle stuff. Just hearing me out is helpful though, and I appreciate it.

I care for and support you too as you go through this tough time. It's not helping you mentally that you've gone through surgery and had that pain pill scare. Your emotions are probably all over the place right now. Please keep posting if it helps you and we can keep supporting you. Please be very gentle and compassionate with yourself. I don't know your story but I'm very angry at your mother right now. She is not being supportive. I am a mother with a daughter and that's not acceptable behavior. I'm sorry you are going through this. We're here.

Thank you. Her behavior did trigger me, making me feel back when I was a child....her face and demeanor completely changes, and it's scary. When I tried to point that out to her, she said she didn't care and there was no reasoning with her. She has that "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" so-called 'tough' mentality.

It has hurt me a lot growing up, especially when I had my first mixed manic episode where I was very scared. Today, she got upset with me when I was talking about something that was making me anxious. I really wish she got help for her anger.

I am so sorry for what you are going through and how you were treated. It's so difficult and I relate to you when you say you wish people owned up to their behavior. I'm dealing with something similar, not with my mother but another family member who uses my illness as a reason to be verbally abusive towards me. It's so difficult because I feel so grateful to this person for sticking by me but I also feel they contribute to making my symptoms worse and then they don't own up to their behavior so I feel gaslighted. Perhaps you can relate to some of that. I'm so deeply sorry.....like other posters I don't have advise on how to solve this problem as I'm dealing with it myself, but you have my sympathies and support. I recently started telling my therapist about all that goes on with interpersonal relationships because I really think I'm being verbally abused at times and when we are so fragile already, we just don't need it. I hope you have a professional you can confide in who can offer guidance or at minimum, help you feel safe and heard. (((Hugs)))

xRavenx,
I'm sorry you've had to deal with this on top of everything else.
It seems we should be able to count on understanding and compassion from ur mothers when in need.

I can relate, as I've had an experience recently where my mother regressed and became abusive. I'd suddenly felt like the sad, bullied, abused little girl I once was. Yet, instead of remaining passive, like I did as a little girl, a tiger rose up inside of me and I stood up for myself.

Like your mother, mine often will not take responsibilities for her words and behaviors.

I am very sorry your mom could not be present with kindness and compassion for you. It hurts, I know.

(((((( xRavenx ))))))

May you feel Love and Support surround you.


WC

Thank you, Elsa. I am so sorry that you are dealing with something similar. I'm glad you have your therapist to talk to. It's always good to have someone to confide in about these issues that hurt deeply. I am thinking about going back to therapy.

Thank you so much, WC. I'm very sorry about what you've been through too. It's hard dealing with a mother who often does not have the sensitivity that we need. I will try to rise above this. Today is a new day, although I am struggling. Sending you hugs too.

I'm sorry that you're going through all this pain and your mother isn't being supportive.

Thank you. I'm wiped out from yesterday, but just trying to maintain my distance from her.

Things were difficult when I lived with my mother. I needed to put distance between us so I'd leave and come back later. Eventually, I moved out.

I had been living apart from her for a long time, but eventually, I had nowhere to go but back with her. I no longer have anybody else. My mother and I always had a complicated relationship. She has a very hard time handling my emotions, but she's been there for me in other ways. I wish I was more independent, and I don't want BP to stop me. I feel as soon as I make progress, I fall all over again and have a hard time picking myself up.