[Naynay99]

Woke up late, missed the garbage. I think I slept okay, idk.
Kind of feeling like shiit. Not depressed. Just regular human emotions of feeling like crap. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. Got an excited group text from my mom about this activity my mom and aunt and cousin are doing that I'm not that she inadvertently sent to me. Kind of made me feel like shiit. I'm supposed to get together w a coworker friend tomorrow up by me and I almost want to cancel just bc I don't want to have to actually clean up my messy house. How pathetic is that?

I'm just sort of tired of always working so hard to stay afloat and alive, and here are these people around me for whom gravity doesn't seem to be an issue. That effortlessly seem to zip by me floating up and away waving while I am slowly sinking back down. My last dr appt didn't go well and while my doctor tried to sound optimistic i just have a bad feeling that perhaps my good luck has come to an end.

I realized something yesterday. I am an amazing actor. From uncomplainingly walking all around the boardwalk on a bad foot to forcing myself up steep water slide hills as my body tried to rebel to smiling and diligently working while sui depressed, I have discovered my one talent in life: I am really good at hiding my pain. How fuucked up is that? My claim to fame... That kind of sucks. Ah well.
Anyway, hope u all have a good week.

[5150DirtDiva]

I have this friend that I lived with for about 1.5 months. Recently on a mutual friend's FB post she had a difference in opinion. She flew off the handle and started making assumptions (she interpreted what I was saying as questioning her intelligence and skills as a medical professional).

She then proceeded to tell me I was out of control and she knows what my diagnosis is (she does not, she does not treat me and I was not diagnosed until 7 years after I lived with her.) What kind of medical professional thinks that this is ok???

Talk about some neurotypical BS.

This happened a month ago and although I did not confront her about this privately, I woke up this morning with the whole indecent on my mind.

WHY???? I feel like I do not care, but here I am ruminating about it.

Do not suggest to contact her, I would certainly make things worse because I am not ready to be the adult here and forgive her for what she said, I am just venting. A month later I still maintain that she owes me an apology.

[porcelainboy]

What does a good night's sleep feel like?
I don't recall ever sleeping well. My whole life I've woken up exhausted, whether it be from nightmares or just unrest. I wish I knew what good sleep felt like, but I suppose it's good that I don't so I won't have the chance to miss it.

[xRavenx]

I've been treating myself to food lately, but of course I don't want to overdo it. I'm trying to stay "in the moment," since I am not particularly looking forward to work. Hopefully everything will go okay. I still feel extreme fatigue lately, and I don't know why. Maybe it's just the depression, but something tells me there is more to it than that.

[Unrigged64072835]

Finished my final essay today. Will work on orientation class homework tomorrow. Hopefully my sinuses will also calm down by then.

Saw my T today. Generally talked about anxiety. It's been so bad that I was considering not taking classes next term. I do seem to be handling it better than I thought I would. I also needed some structure and classes seem to help that. I don't know, still considering.

Been a quiet day otherwise. Kids and husband will be in class tomorrow. I hope I can keep going. Mood has been okay, but down because my face is breaking out in a rash again. That means yet another new shampoo and conditioner. It really sucks.

[gina_re]

Woke up earlier than usual because of a phone call. Went to tdoc office which is explained on another thread. This afternoon I went along with my sister, her friend, and my nephews to Richmond. Came back home, it was very uneventful. I tried to be out and about today to keep depression away, but I still would rather sleep into oblivion for the next few weeks.

[bizi]

The lunch went well.
We both cried.
I think we are ok now.
bizi

[Naynay99]

Hey. So the day didn't really improve. Bleh. Laid on the couch half awake listening to some three days grace and spendIng a lot of mental energy cleaning my house and doing chores in my head, while not actually accomplishing anything in the actual world. Oh well. Not every day is gonna be one to be especially proud of. One can't always be a fuucking hero.

But I think the fact that I can still experience crappy days and bad moods and it does not always have to be indicative of symptoms, but rather evidence that I am human and that I can actually feel is kind of reassuring. Feeling crappy without having the irrational urge to off myself playing in the background of my mind is sort of a novel experience. And now I am rambling and tAlking in circles up my asss.

Also, I am lying in bed looking up at the ceiling and I keep thinking I see a moth flying around inside of the screwed in bulb cover but when I look again the shape is in the same spot and I think I am seeing shiit. Like when u stare at a spot on the wall too long and start to think it's a bug and it appears to move but it is just your eyes? Or maybe that sucker is alive inside my light and is fuucking with me. Idk why I care. Or why I am sharing it here. Sorry. Have a good night. I suppose I could still salvage the enveing and get a second wind and clean up my messy place. Or not. Have a good night.

Omg- the moth inside the light just moved again while I was watching it. I'm not imagining it. But the weird thing is it moves and then keeps returning to the EXAct same spot- totally freaking me out! I need to get up from lying here- I am starting to lose it. Lol.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

Hey. So the day didn't really improve. Bleh. Laid on the couch half awake listening to some three days grace and spendIng a lot of mental energy cleaning my house and doing chores in my head, while not actually accomplishing anything in the actual world. Oh well. Not every day is gonna be one to be especially proud of. One can't always be a fuucking hero.

But I think the fact that I can still experience crappy days and bad moods and it does not always have to be indicative of symptoms, but rather evidence that I am human and that I can actually feel is kind of reassuring. Feeling crappy without having the irrational urge to off myself playing in the background of my mind is sort of a novel experience. And now I am rambling and tAlking in circles up my asss.

Also, I am lying in bed looking up at the ceiling and I keep thinking I see a moth flying around inside of the screwed in bulb cover but when I look again the shape is in the same spot and I think I am seeing shiit. Like when u stare at a spot on the wall too long and start to think it's a bug and it appears to move but it is just your eyes? Or maybe that sucker is alive inside my light and is fuucking with me. Idk why I care. Or why I am sharing it here. Sorry. Have a good night. I suppose I could still salvage the enveing and get a second wind and clean up my messy place. Or not. Have a good night.

Omg- the moth inside the light just moved again while I was watching it. I'm not imagining it. But the weird thing is it moves and then keeps returning to the EXAct same spot- totally freaking me out! I need to get up from lying here- I am starting to lose it. Lol.

I hate moths. They freak me out. I'm sorry there's one in your light!

[xRavenx]

I feel sad, angry, and pathetic. Earlier, I was "coping," but the depression is caving in. When will these feelings go away? These feelings are really intense right now. This Bipolar illness....it makes it so hard to even make changes. When I feel depressed, it's hard to get motivated or feel confident about anything. I'd like things to change, but I lack energy, don't know where to start, and everything seems to trigger me.

[Naynay99]

So i texted my friend who I have plans to hang out with tomm, suggesting we meet up somewhere between us, mostly so I don't have to worry about cleaning this place up. Is that so wrong?

If it were somebody else would say fuuck it it's a mess, but his house is always ridiculously spotless and I don't want too much crazy to show through. It's better than canceling or staying up all night cleaning, I think. I dunno. I know having a messy house is a stupid first world problem that i should not be complaining about, especially when it is my own fault. But yet here I am fretting anyway. Ah well.

Shutting up now for real. I think. Sorry for posting inane update posts about imaginary moths and such- guess I am bored or lonely or something. I should really make more use of the preview and edit buttons before I submit these ramblings...

Anyway what I really wanted to say was that I just discovered that today is BOTH National Avocado Day AND National Orgasm Day! Two of my favorite things! But alas since I have no one to eat guacamole with I will probably end up not celebraTing either one today. Sigh.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

So i texted my friend who I have plans to hang out with tomm, suggesting we meet up somewhere between us, mostly so I don't have to worry about cleaning this place up. Is that so wrong?

If it were somebody else would say fuuck it it's a mess, but his house is always ridiculously spotless and I don't want too much crazy to show through. It's better than canceling or staying up all night cleaning, I think. I dunno. I know having a messy house is a stupid first world problem that i should not be complaining about, especially when it is my own fault. But yet here I am fretting anyway. Ah well.

Shutting up now for real. I think. Sorry for posting inane update posts about imaginary moths and such- guess I am bored or lonely or something. I should really make more use of the preview and edit buttons before I submit these ramblings...

Anyway what I really wanted to say was that I just discovered that today is BOTH National Avocado Day AND National Orgasm Day! Two of my favorite things! But alas since I have no one to eat guacamole with I will probably end up not celebraTing either one today. Sigh.

I love avocados. I actually like just eating them plain. I don't know if that's a gross way to eat them or not.

TMI, but I haven't had an O in four months. Thanks sertraline.

Did the moth go away?

[raspberrytorte]

I plan on staying up all night. Everyone wish me luck!

[Cimarron]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

So i texted my friend who I have plans to hang out with tomm, suggesting we meet up somewhere between us, mostly so I don't have to worry about cleaning this place up. Is that so wrong?

If it were somebody else would say fuuck it it's a mess, but his house is always ridiculously spotless and I don't want too much crazy to show through. It's better than canceling or staying up all night cleaning, I think. I dunno. I know having a messy house is a stupid first world problem that i should not be complaining about, especially when it is my own fault. But yet here I am fretting anyway. Ah well.

Shutting up now for real. I think. Sorry for posting inane update posts about imaginary moths and such- guess I am bored or lonely or something. I should really make more use of the preview and edit buttons before I submit these ramblings...

Anyway what I really wanted to say was that I just discovered that today is BOTH National Avocado Day AND National Orgasm Day! Two of my favorite things! But alas since I have no one to eat guacamole with I will probably end up not celebraTing either one today. Sigh.

You don't have to apologize for the ramblings. I'm in a crappy mood and You made me laugh with the Orgasm/Avocado joke.

[Cimarron]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I plan on staying up all night. Everyone wish me luck!

raspberry, I'm not sure if it's a good idea you staying up all night or not but I do wish you good luck .

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Cimarron

raspberry, I'm not sure if it's a good idea you staying up all night or not but I do wish you good luck .

Thanks! I'm doing it because I can sleep ALL DAY tomorrow if I want because my husband and daughter are away on a trip.

[Lifeischallenging]

Its been a while since I posted on here. Had a good night at work. Very busy. Lately, I have been going to bed with it completely dark. For me that is tough. I know what you all must be thinking, a 29 year old afraid of the dark. But its still challenging. Since being diagnosed, I had a kind of fear of what people would think of me. I haven't gone and told anyone, but its the idea. I'm even hesitant on telling me Dentist that I am on medication. I'm still trying to get my college plans together. I have a car lined up for here in case I stay here. Other than all this, I have been feeling fine. My throat is hurting a little and my upper lip is chapped feeling. Almost like you are coming down with a cold. I'm sure its nothing. At least I hope.

[Wander]

Lita has been happening but I haven't been up to posting. Still IP. Been 9 days now. Coming off Prozac and onto Lamictal. Still mostly depressed but have had some bouts of hypomania. At the moment I'm on close observations due to my erratic mood and severe SI. I just want to be discharged and get on with my life. Missed my first class at uni today (for the semester) due to mood and safety. Very disappointing. Have class tomorrow but not sure if I will be up to going. I don't want to drop out so I hope I'm better by next week.

[hopeless2015]

At home today, cough is back along with wheezing, had to use inhaler last night. I'm still smoking so I know that's what the problem is. Not even going to bother going to convenient care. This is my own fault. I can't seem to get over my nicotine addiction no matter how sick it makes me. It's just stupid. My spriva inhaler is out and pharmacy is out of stock so can't pick it up till tomorrow. I'm supposed to use it once a day. I'm starting to feel better mentally right now so physically I'm feeling like ****. I can't win. Hugs to everyone!

[bioChE]

Brain dead at work today. Went hiking with the family yesterday, went to a waterfall and the kids had a great time jumping on the rocks, building a dam, collecting rocks, and finding a snake. My sister in law shrieked and ran, so the rest of us rushed over to see it.

Made it home late, so I took my meds late. Couldn't fall asleep so I had to take a small dose of Seroquel. I didn't want to, but sometimes it's the only way. All that made me have serious brain fog until early this afternoon. I could really use a nap, but that's generally frowned upon here at work. Trying to make it through the rest of the day, which isn't too much longer. Had to readjust my expectations for what I was going to get done today, but sometimes that's OK. I think.

Looking forward to the evening with family and guests. Should be a good one.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by TheHPEnthusiast1987

Its been a while since I posted on here. Had a good night at work. Very busy. Lately, I have been going to bed with it completely dark. For me that is tough. I know what you all must be thinking, a 29 year old afraid of the dark. But its still challenging. Since being diagnosed, I had a kind of fear of what people would think of me. I haven't gone and told anyone, but its the idea. I'm even hesitant on telling me Dentist that I am on medication. I'm still trying to get my college plans together. I have a car lined up for here in case I stay here. Other than all this, I have been feeling fine. My throat is hurting a little and my upper lip is chapped feeling. Almost like you are coming down with a cold. I'm sure its nothing. At least I hope.

I don't know what meds you take but it could be a side effect from one of them.
You could be getting dehydrated so increase your fluids. If you start to feel woosey drink more fluids and take it easy. Be careful getting up and make sure you are steady before leaving your chair or bed.
If you don't improve then you may need to be seen by a doctor.
good luck and keep us posted.
Hope you figure out school in the future. I think it is awesome that you want to go!
bizi

[bizi]

My hypomania is getting better. I think the full dose of abilify is helping.
Have not picked today like I have been for at least 2 weeks. My rosacea is clearing up nicely, thank goodness! And my thumb and forth finger on my right hand are healing quickly.
Am still having to be very careful when driving as I am still easily distracted .
Have to constantly reread my posting here because my fingers type the wrong words, so I am slowing down and being more careful. I still make
mistakes that I don't normally make in typing.
Also, I have been driving with a lead foot.
My gas mileage has been horrible.
I am making a conscious effort to only go a few miles over the speed limit, am doing this mostly.
I was very hypomanic over the weekend as I previously shared with you.
I will be glad when Jeff gets home.
bizi

[Sunflower123]

Still doing good on this new combination. Missing my daughter today. Since I've started feeling like my old, old self I've noticed two things happening with my problems. There are problems that automatically cleared up when my depression did so in the future I will be able to tie them to that. There are my other problems which I still have, I just feel better about them. I'm writing myself a letter for the next time I go into severe depression...not everything is a result or the fault of depression.

Hugs to all.

[Guiness187055]

Saw Pdoc today. I have a month to get my blood sugar under control or I am going to have to start weening off of the zyprexa. It sucks because I am really stable on my cocktail. He offered up Invega or abilify as a replacement. I really don't want to go on abilify. He mentioned possibly latuda too. He said it would be a slow taper off of the zyprexa 5mg a month until I am off of it. Hopefully I can snack less and get my blood sugar under control as I am a type 1 diabetic.

[Unrigged64072835]

(((((Everyone)))))

Finished my final project for my orientation class. Will review both that and my final essay for poetry class tomorrow, then turn them both in. I don't know what I'll be doing for the next two weeks before next term.

Husband's neurologist called. His MRI showed no new flares, but his urine had ketones in it. Don't know if that means diabetes or not. He has to see his regular doc first. Though he's been feeling better I'm still worried. Will have to have him check his blood sugar for a while. He has his own monitor.

Daughter finished her first ASL class with 100% on her final. That's great.

Will be making dinner soon, then plan for food the rest of the week.