[porcelainboy]

Pdoc appointment went as expected, uneventful. He wants me to go back on perphenazine to see if it'll help with my tics at all, and wants me to get my blood drawn so he'll have the results by the next time I see him in 2 weeks to see if we could try anything new for my depression. He didn't seem overly concerned about anything, not even my SI. He actually said my thinking in that regard was reasonable due to how my life is going. That kind of sucked to hear, but I guess it's good to know that he doesn't think I'm wrong for feeling like this?

I've cried a lot today and I'm running on 4 hours of sleep.
Pdoc also said he wants me to cut back on my T dosage, which I am completely against. I'm already on the bare minimum that's acceptable for FTM HRT, I'm not cutting back and I want my dose to be increased by the end of the month as promised. I'm not setting back my transition any further. Just thinking about that being a possibility at all makes me want to scream.
Ugh.

[gina_re]

Talked to my sister this morning, so that put me in a decent mood. But I felt like I don't deserve it so I forced myself to sleep. I feel like I don't deserve anything good, so I force those feelings away. My mind is so all over the place right now. I skipped going to support group tonight too.

I'm plugging along with what needs to be done for my family to heal and achieve wellness. Yesterday was very difficult...VERY difficult. My anxiety peaks and crashes then peaks and crashes all day....yesterday it was so terrible I was in tears most of the day and feeling like I would break. I did lots of self care and got through it. Today has been better but busier with lots of scary but hope inducing stuff going on. Tomorrow is a very important day for several things that are transpiring and will hopefully result in positive changes for several important people in my life. I've been really, really struggling but managing and I'm so grateful I'm well enough to do the very important work that needs doing for my loved ones. Sending much love and hugs to everyone!

[xRavenx]

This day seemed so long. At least tonight I am not as tired as I have been the past few nights. I still felt depressed, anxious, angry, and irritable throughout the day. I tried practicing some ways of coping and took some deep breaths. At least I am trying, but I'm feeling very empty.

[Daonnachd]

Low and lonely.

[raspberrytorte]

Ugh. I wish I wasn't in between doctor's again! I'm having trouble sleeping and don't have any refills on my ambien. I stopped taking it for awhile because I'm on so many meds as is I'm surprised I can even think straight! And I wasn't needing it anyway.

None of my meds make me tired! Even haldol doesn't make me tired. I just feel wired.

[gina_re]

My coping skills seem to be a bottle or extra pills. I'm so over all of this. I feel stuck.

[liveforsummer]

On holiday. Been feeling anxious, unsettled. Wanted to go home sat sun and today. (Mon was ok). Stomach upset. Not usually this bad when away but been a tough year and this change is harder to cope with than anticipated. Hoping I'll adjust in a few days and can enjoy it as I'll be back to work soon enough.
Hugs all

[Rzqrtzhrt]

Still new around here and learning to navigate the site..
Went to see my psych doc and he started me on meds again. Lamectal and Seroquil. I've been on both, had an okay experience with lamectal but wasn't a fan of the seroquil. Hopefully the mixture will help.. I have a check in appt on the 14th, so I can prove to my docs that I'm really dedicated this time to my treatment. I have been taking my meds almost regularly and showing up to my appointments and working on my coping skills at home. So here's where I am. This is really hard for me, but just A couple baby steps each week.

[Lifeischallenging]

Originally Posted by bizi

I don't know what meds you take but it could be a side effect from one of them.
You could be getting dehydrated so increase your fluids. If you start to feel woosey drink more fluids and take it easy. Be careful getting up and make sure you are steady before leaving your chair or bed.
If you don't improve then you may need to be seen by a doctor.
good luck and keep us posted.
Hope you figure out school in the future. I think it is awesome that you want to go!
bizi

I definitely will. I guess its so challenging for me to keep up a regular lifestyle when I have no clue on what I want to do. First off, I need a car and its tough to decide to buy one now as I don't know if I am going to stay here. Then there is the idea of going to college over in the UK. I like some of the colleges I've seen.

----------------
Bipolar Disorder 1
Lithium 1050 mg
Gabapentin 300 mg
Ambien 5 mg

[bizi]

Originally Posted by TheHPEnthusiast1987

I definitely will. I guess its so challenging for me to keep up a regular lifestyle when I have no clue on what I want to do. First off, I need a car and its tough to decide to buy one now as I don't know if I am going to stay here. Then there is the idea of going to college over in the UK. I like some of the colleges I've seen.

----------------
Bipolar Disorder 1
Lithium 1050 mg
Gabapentin 300 mg
Ambien 5 mg

The lithium could be drying you out.
try to drink more water like 10 glasses a day or more.
Just curious, it sounds really expensive to go over seas for school.
bizi

[Naynay99]

Hey. Had a good day today. My crappy mood is gone- yah! I hung out with a coworker friend. We went to the beach at Coney Island, got lunch, sat in the sun/shade, Went swimming, walked around, and grabbed dinner. It was a good day. Easy. Stress free. I think I am going to plan a trip down to see my parents in August to visit them and see the solar eclipse. Not sure yet.

I put off cleaning my house bc I met my friend at his house, but my goal for tomm and Thursday is to clean up, do dishes, laundry, vacuum, etc. I also am gonna take a break and go paddling on the lake. My t is away this week so no therapy appt but 50 min of floating on the lake in the sun probably does more good to my mental well being than a counseling session anyway...

Also, tomorrow 8/2 is national ice cream sandwich day! Have a great night. Take care all. Hope everyone is doing okay. Take care

Originally Posted by Naynay99

Hey. Had a good day today. My crappy mood is gone- yah! I hung out with a coworker friend. We went to the beach at Coney Island, got lunch, sat in the sun/shade, Went swimming, walked around, and grabbed dinner. It was a good day. Easy. Stress free. I think I am going to plan a trip down to see my parents in August to visit them and see the solar eclipse. Not sure yet.

I put off cleaning my house bc I met my friend at his house, but my goal for tomm and Thursday is to clean up, do dishes, laundry, vacuum, etc. I also am gonna take a break and go paddling on the lake. My t is away this week so no therapy appt but 50 min of floating on the lake in the sun probably does more good to my mental well being than a counseling session anyway...

Also, tomorrow 8/2 is national ice cream sandwich day! Have a great night. Take care all. Hope everyone is doing okay. Take care

do I want to know what an icecreamn sandwich is?

i'd say 2 bits of bread with icecream in the middle, but well, that just sounds like it would just go everywhere as soon as you picked it up

I am in a good (random) mood.

still does not change the fact that yesterday I had the night from hell (just the usual not sleeping,), and today I don't really have much (anything), planned.

but feeling good all the same

I was going to talk to a therapist today on the phone about seeing me, but yesterday she let me know their are currently no spaces.

so that's that

[Wander]

Hello beautiful people. I am hypo-hypomanic today. Such a wonderful break from the awful depression I was in. Only two days ago I was actively suicidal and about to be sent to a locked ward. Only problem now is that my concentration is bad so studying is a chore. Feeling positive about recovery from this episode. My pdoc said if I can stay stable and not get too high I can be discharged early next week. If I get worse he is going to try TMS.

[Sunflower123]

That's great news Wander! Hope you come down slightly and level out. I'm cheering you on!! Best wishes.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

do I want to know what an icecreamn sandwich is?

i'd say 2 bits of bread with icecream in the middle, but well, that just sounds like it would just go everywhere as soon as you picked it up

You've got to try it. Good stuff. It's not bread. It's rectangular in size and is vanilla or chocolate ice cream covered by two pieces of dark brown bread like wafers that taste like chocolate. It's delicious. Someone help me out with a better description.

[bizi]

almost always rectangular in shape. 2 chocolate soft cookies/wafers. With mostly white ice cream in the middle. kind of like an oreo cookie but with ice cream and much bigger!
yum!

Slept like crap last night!
Can't wait for the new bed this week!!!!
making myself get into the shower then some paper work before I start seeing clients.
bizi

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Low and lonely.

I hope you feel better soon. Sending big hugs.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

On holiday. Been feeling anxious, unsettled. Wanted to go home sat sun and today. (Mon was ok). Stomach upset. Not usually this bad when away but been a tough year and this change is harder to cope with than anticipated. Hoping I'll adjust in a few days and can enjoy it as I'll be back to work soon enough.
Hugs all

I hope you start feeling better and really enjoy your vacation. Thinking of you.

[Standup2me]

We want to move back to our hometown, have been travelling back & forth looking at houses.
Two houses we've bid on
Both outbid on
I'm never going to get home
I hate it here, I just want to get a new start on life
But why bother???
Help me

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

We want to move back to our hometown, have been travelling back & forth looking at houses.
Two houses we've bid on
Both outbid on
I'm never going to get home
I hate it here, I just want to get a new start on life
But why bother???
Help me

Have hope that you will get a housse!
(((((HUGS))))
My parents have been trying to sell their home for a year....no one wants a big barn!
Good luck!!!
bizi

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys, I am feeling down over the last 2 weeks if not longer but have been masking it all up with a smile and a "I'm fine". I have been thinking of self harming which is stupid as its been months since I last did anything. I am so exhausted and have no motivation to do anything anymore. Even getting out of bed is a struggle. I saw my worker today and I couldn't even tell her I just put my fake smile on and spoke about everything and anything that wasn't related to me. I now feel awful for not saying anything to her. I mean what kind of person am I. I feel guilty over the smallest details in life at the moment I am in a rut and I can't seem to get out of it

[Sunflower123]

I made a mistake. I slowed down from my planned activities when I was already a little bit down that my daughter won't be home until the first week of September and it's her dad's turn to move her to her final dorm. We had an argument on the phone about something else earlier and I basically told her to go jump in a lake. I sat down and have been ruminating and the pain is hitting hard with SI. I don't think it's a weakness of the medication but a situational thing. I feel so low right now. At least I made it a week and a half.

Any advice, encouragement or support would be greatly appreciated.