[bizi]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yesterday evening I really wanted to hurt myself.

I had gone through so many emotions in the space of a few hours- laughing, calm, crying, anxious, everything you could think of.. and it all just got on top of me and I wanted to hurt myself so bad.

I actually just sat their with the only thing in my mind.. cut, cut, cut, cut

fortunately, I didn't, I found a distraction- but it was a tough night, made worse by the crippling imsomnia which isn't letting up.

I don't know how I feel at the moment.. laughing and joking 1 minit, crying and anxious the next

What does your doctor say about your rapid cycling?
(((((hugs)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yesterday evening I really wanted to hurt myself.

I had gone through so many emotions in the space of a few hours- laughing, calm, crying, anxious, everything you could think of.. and it all just got on top of me and I wanted to hurt myself so bad.

I actually just sat their with the only thing in my mind.. cut, cut, cut, cut

fortunately, I didn't, I found a distraction- but it was a tough night, made worse by the crippling imsomnia which isn't letting up.

I don't know how I feel at the moment.. laughing and joking 1 minit, crying and anxious the next

It sounds like it has been very trying.
Great job using distractions!
I hope today is easier and brings you some Peace.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by WildcatVet

Me too. Totally out of control mixed emotions. Slept well and woke up feeling fairly positive about the day, but now I feel like I'm not going to make it. Why am I feeling so angry too??

I hope you can get clarity on your anger in order to resolve it.
Are you free to call your therapist if you need help?
Please stay safe.

WC

[WildcatVet]

My new PCP in NY just referred me to a therapist and psych, but the first available appt isn't until the end of October. Living in limbo for now! Gotta have faith that tomorrow will be a better day.

[liveforsummer]

Other than crap sleep, yesterday and today have been better

I don't know why my thoughts are so jumpy today. Ritalin isn't helping. :/

I'm still awaiting news for my promotion. I'm hoping I get a pay raise with it. Maybe I'll have to wait another week or so to get the information. Not sure... but promotions happen October 1st, I believe! But my new boss said the promotion is going to happen for sure. I'm just anxious!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Other than crap sleep, yesterday and today have been better

Great news!

I've had a lot of interrupted sleep myself. It gets old quickly.

Thinking of you!


WC

[Guiness187055]

Crap day my wife lost her job and I can't work.

A 20-year-ago polyamorous ex is arriving in Honolulu Sunday and wants to visit with her husband and wife. I can't refuse her because she once took me in for months after a nervous breakdown. They refer to themselves as "The Pod". The Pod is sexually volatile. My wife could give a f_ck. Sexually volatile polyamorous visitors are a powerful manic trigger, and I'm ramping up. My subs are surfacing. My ICBMs are fueling. I'm gurgling on a carrier off Pyonyang. I've eaten nothing since yesterday morning. I've been smoking big ol' doinks in the Amish and Googling DIY ordnance to repel The Pod. I gotta burn a doink with a benzo chaser before I see my T today. Last time I saw him I took too many preemptive benzos and suffered a poverty of words. I'll make up for that today.



Fengxian Temple in the Longmen grottoes, 672-675 AD, Luoyang, China.
The Longmen complex is often considered the pinnacle of Chinese Buddhist art.

[hopeless2015]

Depression is bad again. I've basically been in bed since Sunday. Called p docs office, still no appointments or cancellations so i can't get in until Oct 25th appt. Nurse is supposed to call me back. Not sure what she can do for me though. I feel like I need an anti depressant added to my cocktail, I'm in 2 mood stabilizer so I would think I could tolerate one. Just feeling hopeless and dead inside

[bizi]

Tried to take just 100mg of seroquel to sleep instead of 200mg.
I have been so groggy in the mornings and hard to get out of bed. Well that was a bad idea, did not sleep.
sigh
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Depression is bad again. I've basically been in bed since Sunday. Called p docs office, still no appointments or cancellations so i can't get in until Oct 25th appt. Nurse is supposed to call me back. Not sure what she can do for me though. I feel like I need an anti depressant added to my cocktail, I'm in 2 mood stabilizer so I would think I could tolerate one. Just feeling hopeless and dead inside

I hope the doctor's office gets back to you and is helpful!
Thanks for checking-in!
Please keep us up-to-date.

Please stay safe, too.


WC

Lefty the Salesman is Doped Up. THC from a big ol' doink multiplied the recent 300 mg lithium hike and I don't know what I'm doing or how I got there. Off to see the T.

[scatterbrained04]

Well I took 200mg of the 400mg I'm adding of gabapentin at dinner yesterday and it made me a bit drowsy. Just took 200 a little while ago and starting to feel drowsy. Hope I can tolerate it. If not maybe I'll try taking all 1200mg at bedtime. Glad I started with just half of the increase. Really been struggling with focus and concentration here lately. Hoping that goes away soon. I don't know why I feel so put through the wringer right now. Mostly stable.

[jacky8807]

what med do they use when you have constant SI but are suddenly obsessed with sex . Also want to throw rocks at people's heads at workplace. Too tired to shower but too wound up to be safe around others. Because people are driving me MAD.
AHhh no wonder I used to love alcohol.

Originally Posted by jacky8807

what med do they use when you have constant SI but are suddenly obsessed with sex . Also want to throw rocks at people's heads at workplace. Too tired to shower but too wound up to be safe around others. Because people are driving me MAD.
AHhh no wonder I used to love alcohol.

Probably Seroquel

I'm not on it anymore, but it did work wonders for both mania and depression. It's one of those love-hate drugs though. Does great things for mood, but can cause health problems and make you oversleep. But I think that's pretty much expected from a horse tranquilizer.

Another option is Zyprexa, but it has worse risks for health problems than Seroquel IMO. More risk for weight gain in particular. But of course not everyone gets health problems from Seroquel or Zyprexa.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Probably Seroquel

I'm not on it anymore, but it did work wonders for both mania and depression. It's one of those love-hate drugs though. Does great things for mood, but can cause health problems and make you oversleep. But I think that's pretty much expected from a horse tranquilizer.

Another option is Zyprexa, but it has worse risks for health problems than Seroquel IMO. More risk for weight gain in particular. But of course not everyone gets health problems from Seroquel or Zyprexa.

huh funny you should say that because Seroquel is what takes me out of most any type of episode (I wouldn't touch Zyprexa with a ten and a half foot pole) but I'm trying to claw out of this med free. If I don't get fired or arrested I will call it a success.

How are you bb

yesterday I totally flew at someone on the phone, and I had no reason too at al- he was actually really helpful (and what made it worse, is that this guy was a professional who worked for a company)

I just said to him... either you do what I've rang you to do, or I am going to ****ing swing for you, and all your little buddies at the company aren't going to protect you.

it came from no where, and I feel really bad (this guy has no idea i'm even bipolar)

I am going to ring up today and apologize. I have too for my own sanity.

mood is all over the place though

I want to laugh.... cry.. scream, smile- be myself, hide...

sleep again was none existent last night. most of the night I was shaking. I am such a ****ing idiot for what I said, I didn't need to do that- I didn't need to

mood is bad today. really bad, though I am listening to my tranquillity cd which is helping a little

[wonderluster]

We always do the best we can. All of us.
Someone may be doing better or worse than we are...
but that does not mean we should be dong better or they should be doing better.

We could do better, but right now this is the best we can do.

We make mistakes.
We say and do things that cause harm to ourselves and others.
We do not say and do not do things that can cause good for ourselves and others.

It is good to realize our mistakes and beat ourselves up for them.
But moderation is important.

Just beat yourself up for 5 minutes.
After 5 minutes figure out how to not make that mistake again.

If you cannot figure that out yourself, ask for help.

If you make the same mistake again, just repeat the above instructions.

Remember:
5 minutes is the time limit for beating ourselves up.
After that we just continue to do our best...

Because after all:
We are always doing the best we can

Originally Posted by jacky8807

huh funny you should say that because Seroquel is what takes me out of most any type of episode (I wouldn't touch Zyprexa with a ten and a half foot pole) but I'm trying to claw out of this med free. If I don't get fired or arrested I will call it a success.

How are you bb

I'm good

So, what about Seroquel then? Sounds like it might be helpful before you get fired or arrested! All it took was 2 weeks for me to get pulled out of a depression; then I stopped it and all was well.

[WildcatVet]

Woke up feeling pretty good...bathed and shampoo'd and dressed...put out the recycling.
Fighting the voice in my head that says this won't last...
Hey, I quit smoking three days ago! Kinda bad timing but am not having any bad cravings ~ just a little more irritable than I usually am.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

what med do they use when you have constant SI but are suddenly obsessed with sex . Also want to throw rocks at people's heads at workplace. Too tired to shower but too wound up to be safe around others. Because people are driving me MAD.
AHhh no wonder I used to love alcohol.

Blue guessed Seroquel. I am guessing the same.
Please see your pdoc.

Stay safe, Jacky.

WC

[liveforsummer]

Third day in a row starting out good! (able to ignore subtle neg thoughts and evening restlessness )
Already been for an hour walk (gorgeous and sunny out) and I've got 2 loaves of bread baking, yay!
Hugs all, happy Friday

[RainyDay107]

Have a nasty cold but I'm mentally feeling well.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I feel happy but my thoughts are a little messy and try to ruin it. Hair went up in a high side ponytail last night and it's still there today its what I do when i no longer give a sh**.(since starting meds, I never would have done that or danced in the streets previously) Not caring even a tiny bit what others think is a change and in the past it hasn't led to good places. I spent a few hours dancing in the streets last night since no one is alive in this town after midnight apparently. Usually I just do 1hr this was much longer. Anyways just hoping to stay out of mixed or depressed states as long as I can.